


Gods' Blood

by pouty_hoseok



Series: Royals [6]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: ABO, Aged-Up Character(s), Alpha Choi Soobin, Alpha Jeon Jungkook, Alpha Kang Taehyun, Alpha Kim Namjoon | RM, Alpha Park Jimin (BTS), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Magic, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Arguing, Asexual Huening Kai, Asexual Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Asexual Relationship, Babies, Beta Huening Kai, Beta/Omega, Boats and Ships, Boys In Love, Boys in Skirts, Cute, Domestic Fluff, Dragons, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Established Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Established Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Established Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin, Established Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin, Established Relationship, Family Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, How Do I Tag, I'm Sorry, Kim Seokjin | Jin is a Good Hyung, Magic, Maybe - Freeform, Miscommunication, Multi, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Choi Beomgyu, Omega Choi Yeonjun, Omega Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Omega Kim Seokjin | Jin, Omega Kim Taehyung | V, Omega Min Yoongi | Suga, Omega Verse, Rebellion, Sad Kim Namjoon | RM, Sad Kim Seokjin | Jin, Shy Choi Soobin, Sorry Not Sorry, Tags Are Hard, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Trauma, Unresolved Tension, Violence, kind of???, maybe idk, sorry - Freeform, taegyu are parents, talk to each other please, um
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 90,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25056202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pouty_hoseok/pseuds/pouty_hoseok
Summary: The blood of the gods runs through Seokjin's veins and has allowed him to be the most powerful person alive. He's prepared to pay for it with his soul.However, that's not the only thing he loses as he and the rest of his pack plan to attack the empire. But don't all rebellions require sacrifice?
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Huening Kai/Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin, Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin
Series: Royals [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1732594
Comments: 97
Kudos: 68





	1. Negotiation

**Author's Note:**

> love you and i'm sorry

Honestly, Seokjin never really thought that April 18th would be so eventful. He goes to sleep without a care in the world, only to be woken a few hours later by a screaming Taehyun. 

“Wha? What’s going on?” he says, rubbing his eyes. Taehyun’s standing above him. 

“The babies are here! The babies are coming!” Taehyun screams. To Seokjin, who has yet to become fully conscious, it sounds like the imperial soldiers broke through his defenses and are now storming the islands. And maybe that’s why he sits up so fast that his forehead collides with Taehyun’s. Namjoon’s looking around, shifting about in bed. He’s still shirtless and Seokjin stumbles out of bed, waving his hand and firing in Namjoon’s direction to at least give him some light to find his glasses. The gods know he’s as blind as a bat. 

“Why didn’t you get a doctor?” Seokjin says as he pulls his shoes and robe on, dashing out the door beside Taehyun. He can hear and sense Hoseok and Hueningkai following them. 

“I panicked!” Taehyun says, his voice high-pitched and squeaky. His eyes are comically wide and Seokjin would laugh if there wasn’t someone in labor right at this moment and Taehyun should’ve gotten a doctor. 

“I can see that,” Seokjin says as he knocks on Dr. Yoon’s door. 

“The babies!” Taehyun cries to alert her. Things aren’t that bad, actually, and it seems as if Taehyun’s calmed down, but a howl that Seokjin can only guess belongs to Beomgyu breaks through the otherwise silent night. Seokjin tries not to pull his hair out when Taehyun runs off. Dr. Yoon appears, her hair disheveled and her eyes still drooping. 

“What? Is it time?” she says to Seokjin. 

“For the babies? Yeah.” Thank the gods for thinking ahead because Dr. Yoon’s already holding a bag full of what Seokjin hopes are medical supplies. They all run to Beomgyu and Taehyun’s house, heading in through the already-open door. The lights are on as they head into the room, the door slamming against the wall. Hanna and Dae-Jung are both standing far from Taehyun and Beomgyu. The Alpha stands above his mate, his lips twisted into an ugly snarl. His chestnut hair is longer and shaggier, his brown eyes turned gold. His nails are piercing the blankets and he refuses to move. Beomgyu, on the other hand, is sobbing as he clutches his stomach and withers. There’s a wet space between his legs but he’s still wearing his pants, something Seokjin knows isn’t supposed to be happening. Taehyun’s eyes flash red when he sees the group of people in the doorway getting dangerously close to his very vulnerable mate. 

“Taehyun-ah,” Yeonjun says as he steps forward. Dr. Yoon attempts to use him as a distraction to get to Beomgyu. “Taehyun-ah, it’s Hyung. I’m your brother. C’mere.” Yeonjun’s cooing softly to calm the raging Alpha down but Taehyun only growls, coiled like a spring. Seokjin decides it’s for the best of everyone as he raises his hand and murmurs a spell to calm Taehyun down, soft gold flying through the air and landing on him. Taehyun collapses on his side and pants, Yeonjun walking over to calm him down. Dr. Yoon begins talking to Beomgyu and Seokjin walks over, resting a hand on his arm. He shuts his eyes and tries to soothe the pain of labor, humming softly. Beomgyu’s sobs turn into heavy pants that match his mate’s, though his scent is still distressed. 

“What’d you do to Taehyunnie?” he says, his words slightly slurred together. 

“Nothing, he’s fine,” Seokjin says softly. “It’s me, Jin-Hyung. No need to worry, Beomgyu. We’re here to help.” Beomgyu stares at him with wide eyes and Seokjin keeps stroking his arm as his pants are thrown aside. 

“Can you try and push?” Dr. Yoon says calmly. Beomgyu nods, his brow furrowing. Seconds turn into minutes and minutes turn into hours and Seokjin is reminded of how long it can take to give birth. Not that he has any experience, but he’s seen it happen quite a few times. 

When the first baby appears, its round head coming out from between Beomgyu’s legs, Taehyun stiffens beneath Yeonjun and then begins thrashing again. Beomgyu releases a surprised squeak, something Seokjin would say is a rather minute reaction for giving birth. Seokjin is too busy trying to will the baby out to notice what’s going on with Taehyun, but Soobin’s low growl snaps him out of his trance. Taehyun’s lips are pulled into a snarl and he’s still thrashing, but he’s quiet. Soobin nor Yeonjun give any explanation. Taehyun continues to wither in place as Beomgyu pants, trying to get the babies out. Dr. Yoon hands Seokjin the first one before he knows what to do and he frantically begins to wipe the fluids off of the baby, using magic to cut the umbilical cord. He tries not to seem threatening because Taehyun is watching him like a hawk, golden eyes flashing red. There’s drool coming from the side of his mouth and his tongue lolls out, chest heaving. He decides that the safest course of action is to hand the baby to Beomgyu, then he realizes that there’s still a baby inside of him, so maybe it isn’t what he thought it was. Hueningkai seems to be panicking because a second or two after Beomgyu evicts his daughter, they’re all swaddled in blankets except for Dr. Yoon and Beomgyu, but then Seokjin snaps his fingers and it’s only the babies. He nods in thanks at his student, rocking the baby back and forth. She’s crying and Taehyun begins to wiggle out from under Yeonjun. Seokjin hands him his daughter without a second thought, putting his hands up in surrender. Taehyun seems to relax by a tenfold, sighing heavily. 

The second baby comes, and Beomgyu seems to deflate. It’s weird seeing him, well, not pregnant. Seokjin’s never seen him any other way. But he seems quite pleased with himself as he begins to feed his pups, then looks at Taehyun. 

“You know . . . you know . . . names?” he says. 

“Sarang and Byeol,” Taehyun says without a moment of hesitation. Seokjin hums.  _ Love and star, _ he thinks. Beomgyu nods and then he passes out. The older baby pulls away and Taehyun takes her into his arms, cooing softly. His eyes are wet with tears as he sits up, glasses perched on his nose. 

“I’m a dad now,” he breathes, sounding absolutely mystified. Seokjin can see he’s crying and a tear must fall on his daughter’s face and Seokjin wonders which one she is. He’s guessing the names were said in the order the babies were born, so he supposes that Taehyun’s holding Sarang. She whines and begins to search for Beomgyu, hungry again. 

“Sshh, sshh,” Taehyun says, rocking his daughter. He’s humming under his breath and then he looks up. “You guys, I’m a dad,” he says as if he still hasn’t gotten over it. “We’re an Appa and Eomma.” Yeonjun smiles at his little brother. 

“Congratulations,” he says, reaching out to wipe away one of Taehyun’s tears. Seokjin watches as Taehyun looks from his sleeping mate to his oldest daughter, then finally releases a shaky sob. 

“I’m a  _ dad _ ,” he says. His hands are shaking and Seokjin gets a little worried, though Taehyun only brings Sarang closer. “Gods, I love them so much. They’re my babies and I’m a  _ dad _ .” 

Beomgyu wakes up for a moment. 

“You are, aren’t you?” he rasps, prying his eyes open. Sarang whines and Beomgyu takes her back, beginning to feed her. Hueningkai must’ve swaddled Byeol while he worried about Taehyun. Thank the gods for that. 

“Angel, I’m so proud of you,” Taehyun says as tears pour down his cheeks. He sighs, lying beside Beomgyu, who hums and leans back, his eyes falling shut. Seokjin smiles and he decides that it’s probably their cue to leave, so they all begin to file out of the room. 

They get back to their house and Hueningkai and Hoseok go to their rooms. Seokjin sits down at the kitchen table and waves his hand, making himself a cup of tea. Now that the initial fuss of Beomgyu giving birth is over, he’s got time to think of his nightmare. 

“Hey,” Namjoon says as he comes in. Seokjin smiles weakly and rubs his eyes. 

“Hey, Joon,” he says. He reaches across the table and intertwines their hands. “Why aren’t you sleeping?” 

“Ah, Jinnie, you know me,” Namjoon says, laughing. Seokjin smiles as the teapot floats over and Monnie follows. 

“That means I know you need the sleep more than any of us. Or, well, maybe Taehyun and Beomgyu need it more, but you’re a close second. Or third because I’m assuming that Beomgyu’s gotten the least sleep.” Namjoon laughs softly as the tea pours itself into their cups. The steam rises up in two slithering streams, the damp light of the lanterns making it more visible. 

“I’m worried about them,” Namjoon says as he looks out the window, taking a sip from his tea. Seokjin hums, blinking tiredly. 

“Are you planning on bringing them over?” he says. Namjoon shrugs. 

“The moment we leave, the place will be vulnerable to other forces,” he says. “Sung-Ho worries me and I don’t want him taking advantage of my absence. I’d be taking everyone I’d want to watch the place while I was gone, and I don’t know anyone who could watch. It’d be cruel to ask either of them to govern the entire swarm of islands- I could send- no, it wouldn’t be fair. I might bring them just to keep them safe.” 

“Why would it be safer there?” Seokjin says. Namjoon shrugs. 

“Well, if everything goes according to what little plan we have, then we’ll probably be staying there except to move a few things. Also, I think Soobin wants to have more people rallying behind him.”

Seokjin hums, nodding. He pushes a hand through his hair and sighs. “He’s a good kid, but . . . I mean, he doesn’t- I just wish he was more assertive.” 

“I’ve seen him do it, I know he can,” Namjoon says. “It’s just a matter of undoing what he’s been taught his entire life. He doesn’t have any magic, so he’s never seen himself as much. He holds himself back too much.” Seokjin laughs. 

“Gods, don’t begin talking about Yeonjun’s complaints about that,” he says. “He’s quite the oversharer and I’d rather not hear about how he wishes Soobin would let himself go more often.” 

“I guess doing so during sex is a start?” Namjoon says. “I’d rather not ask Yeonjun, though. I love him to bits, but it’s just too much.” 

“They’re good kids at least,” Seokjin says. “I don’t think I could stand them if they acted arrogant and annoying and mean.” Namjoon laughs. 

“I suppose being totally and utterly shameless when it comes to your sex life is far better than any of the traits you listed.” Seokjin shrugs. 

“So what are you planning to do? Are we taking them or leaving them? And when are we leaving?” Namjoon sighs, running a hand through his hair. He pushes his glasses up his nose and then takes a sip of his tea. Seokjin rubs his hand with his thumb, chewing on his bottom lip. 

“I don’t know,” he says. “We should at least give them a couple of months to get used to taking care of the pups because it’d be stupid to just leave. We have the boats to bring the soldiers over, don’t we? I mean, sooner or later, we’ll be fighting an actual war. We can’t stick to these tactics of sneaking around any longer.” 

“You have his most powerful piece at least,” Seokjin says. “Jeongguk-ah was his best general. And he trained the soldiers himself, so that’s an obvious advantage. And we also have Hoseok.” 

“What about him?” Namjoon says, tilting his head. Seokjin remembers that he can’t sense the magic of other people. 

“He’s hosting Adonis,” Seokjin says softly, looking around to make sure there aren’t any eavesdroppers. “Do you remember the story?” 

“I’ve heard of how they went missing, but that’s it. Do you know it?” 

“Yoongi does. He was their first host in millennia. The amulets you found-”

“-were for hosting a god who’s been missing for generations?” Seokjin nods. He holds his hand out and watches as the magic jumps out, thin threads weaving together to create the rune. 

“It makes me wonder if there’s any sort of prophecy,” he says, closing his hand. “I’m no prophet, but I feel like there should be one. Something about restoring Adonis to their true status or something like that. It just feels like we’re missing something.” 

“Let’s hope it isn’t anything important,” Namjoon says as he goes and puts his cup in the sink. Seokjin follows and then turns the lights out, climbing up the stairs. When he passes Hoseok’s room, he swears he hears people talking, but he dismisses it as his brain playing tricks on him. He climbs into bed and Monnie joins them, wiggling between him and Namjoon. 

A few hours later, Seokjin is woken up by someone shaking him. He opens his eyes, humming in question. There’s a wide-eyed face with a head full of dark curls staring at him and Seokjin tilts his head. 

“Ning-ah?” he says tiredly. Hueningkai is holding his stuffed dolphin, looking sheepish. 

“Can I sleep here, Hyung?” he says. Seokjin resists the urge to coo as he moves over and pats the space between him and Namjoon. Hueningkai climbs in and Seokjin takes his glasses from him, placing them on his bedside table. All 180 centimeters of seventeen-year-old boy curl up beside Seokjin and the Omega sighs, running his fingers through the soft curls. Hueningkai has his legs tucked into his chest and he’s clinging onto Seokjin, head buried in the crook of his neck. It’s cute how he’s trying to make himself smaller to fit. 

“You have a nightmare, Ning-ah?” Seokjin says. Hueningkai mumbles something that’s muffled by his pajamas. 

“Hm?” 

“Couldn’t sleep,” Hueningkai says. Seokjin hums. 

“I’m glad you came here, then. Love you, okay?” 

“Love you too, Hyungie.” Seokjin sighs and closes his eyes, falling asleep despite the weight on his chest. 

He wakes up before everyone else and is a bit surprised to see Hueningkai asleep in between him and Namjoon. And then he remembers the previous night’s events. Smiling softly, Seokjin ruffles Hueningkai’s already messy bedhead. He gets up and stretches, smiling at his boyfriend and dongsaeng. Oh, and Monnie, but the dog’s gotten out of the bed and is now padding around the room as Seokjin heads to the bathroom to shower, comb his hair, brush his teeth, and maybe put on a little bit of makeup. He grabs his clothes, pulling on a sweater and some pants and socks, then heads downstairs. He’s planning to heat leftovers up when he sees Hoseok sitting on the couch, reading a book. 

“Seok-ah?” Seokjin says, disturbing his brother. Hoseok, however, doesn’t scream nor does he even flinch as he turns to look at Seokjin. His eyes are like twin pools of ink and Seokjin narrows his eyes. 

“Seok-ah, stop that,” he says. Adonis snorts. 

“ **Kim Seokjin,** ” the god says carefully as if they’re tasting his name, “ **good morning.** ”

“Adonis, it’s time for his breakfast. I’m not having this conversation,” he snaps. 

“ **So, you got my presents? You saw what we could become?** ”

“Duh. I don’t want it. I’ve already told you this. It’s too risky.” 

“ **But what about your brother?** ” Seokjin’s hands turn into fists. 

“You don’t get to say a thing about my brother,” he hisses. “He is your host and he is worthy of the position; if there’s anyone I could choose, it would be him. Now, give him back control. I don’t fight gods inside of my house.” 

Adonis laughs before shivering and the black drains out of Hoseok’s eyes. He looks around, clearly surprised by his surroundings. And then he slaps himself in the face and groans. 

“Oh, gods, it happened again, didn’t it?” he says. Seokjin hums as he begins to heat up breakfast, putting a kettle full of water on the stove. 

“Do you want to come to train with me and Kai? It might help. He needs help controlling his powers, so maybe they’re connected?” Seokjin says over his shoulder. Hoseok doesn’t say anything but he’s hugging Seokjin from behind. He sighs, sounding dejected. 

“Maybe,” he says. “I dunno, I wouldn’t want to intrude.” Seokjin snorts. 

“Psh, if you’re the one coming, it definitely  _ isn’t _ intruding.” 

“What do you mean?” Hoseok says, adorably oblivious. Seokjin snorts again as he waves his hand. A fire appears beneath the stove, beginning to the leftovers and water. 

“Gods, you’re so oblivious,” he says, trying not to laugh. The sun is streaming through the large windows around the house, making the many crystals placed around sparkle and shine. 

“What am I oblivious about, Hyung?” Hoseok says, frowning cutely. Seokjin laughs again as he feeds Monnie, then decides to go and check on Beomgyu and Taehyun. 

“Well-”

And then, Hueningkai comes down and Seokjin shuts his mouth. The boy hmphs as he wanders into the living room, curling up on the couch with a blanket. Hoseok coos and skips over, sitting beside him. He’s never had much of a problem with skinship, that’s for sure. Hueningkai doesn’t tend to be affectionate with people he doesn't know very well, but, apparently, knowing Hoseok for around five months is enough. Seokjin scoffs to himself as he begins putting things into a basket. Hueningkai barely even talked to him after five months. 

“Hyung, where are you going?” Hueningkai says when he sees Seokjin pulling his shoes on. 

“Hm? Oh, I’m going to go check on Beomgyu and Taehyun. I’m still a little worried about them. Have they assembled the second cradle? They have, haven’t they? Oh, gods, I can’t remember. Anyway, do you want-”

“Me!” Hueningkai says, jumping off of the couch and bolting up the stairs to grab his cloak at record speed. Hoseok follows him, laughing and looking fond. Seokjin rolls his eyes as he taps his toe. Namjoon comes down then, already dressed. He looks tired. 

“Good morning, Jinnie,” he says sweetly. Seokjin laughs and leans on him when he walks over, humming. 

“Morning, Joonie,” he says. Namjoon smiles at him and Seokjin smiles back, helping him up when he finishes with his shoes. Hueningkai and Hoseok tumble down the stairs, Monnie nipping at their heels. Seokjin opens the door and out they go, Hueningkai locking it. 

When they get to Beomgyu and Taehyun’s house, Hanna opens the door. Seokjin can hear a baby wailing and he winces in sympathy. Hanna nods. 

“We’re trying,” she says. “Come in, though.” She steps aside and everyone files into the house, Seokjin placing the basket on the table. He points upstairs in question and Hanna shrugs. The crying is getting louder. 

“Sshh, sshh, sshh,” Beomgyu can be heard saying, though it sounds like he’s about to burst into tears as well. Taehyun is running around if the rapid footsteps from above are any sort of hint as to what on earth could possibly be happening, but there’s no further context. 

“Hyun-ah? Beomgyu-yah?” Seokjin calls. Taehyun appears, holding one baby. 

“Do you know anything about babies?” he says frantically. Seokjin nods because, well, yeah, kind of. “Good. Here.” Seokjin yelps as the baby (is it Sarang or Byeol?) is shoved into his arms. Taehyun stumbles down the hall and Seokjin follows him into the nursery. 

Oh, well, he was right. There’s one cradle and Beomgyu is sitting in a chair, desperately trying to calm his daughter down. His shirt is unbuttoned but the baby isn’t hungry, though Seokjin can’t smell anything. 

“Hyung!” he cries when he sees Seokjin. “Help! Please!” Seokjin rushes over and trades babies, trying to figure out what’s wrong with the girl. She keeps crying and refuses to go to sleep even after Seokjin realizes the problem. 

“You hold her, okay?” he says, trying to stay calm. Beomgyu’s eyes are wide and full of tears as he takes his other daughter and begins to rock her again, trying to hush her. 

“Your scents are scaring her,” Seokjin says. “She doesn’t understand why everyone’s so stressed out.”

“It’s your fault,” Beomgyu says, though he doesn’t sound very angry. He sighs. “Gods, I’m sorry. I hope they didn’t wake anyone.” 

“We should move the cradles into our room,” Taehyun says tiredly as he sits on the floor. Beomgyu hums as he hands him one of the babies. 

“I can’t believe I thought it would get easier,” he grumbles. “Now, my stomach’s all stretched out, and then I have these two.”

“Aw, you love us,” Taehyun says cheekily. Beomgyu laughs and nudges him with his foot. 

“I do, actually, and for that, you should be eternally grateful.” Hanna turns to smile at Seokjin. 

“Well, thanks for bringing food over because I don’t think any of us were planning on eating.”

“Do you have juice? Apple juice? Juice of the appleys?” Beomgyu says from his spot in the armchair. 

“Excuse me?” Seokjin says, raising an eyebrow.

“Apple juice,” Taehyun says with a sigh. “He’s been asking for it ever since he woke up.” From the way Hanna and Dae-Jung look when Taehyun says this, Seokjin guesses that it’s gotten pretty bad.

“Joon, do you have any apples in your greenhouse?” he says. 

“I have an apple tree?” Namjoon says. Seokjin smiles at him and then tugs him close to kiss his cheek. 

“Great. So, Beomgyu, we’re going to have to pick the apples and then make them into juice, but I guess your apple juice will be here soon enough? I mean, hopefully, I can get it done later today. But, um, you’re going to have to wait.” Beomgyu sighs. 

“Alright,” he says. “I’ll wait.” 

Other than that, though, breakfast at Beomgyu and Taehyun’s house is a pleasant affair. Yeonjun and Soobin appear, Yoongi and Jimin coming after, then Taehyung and Jeongguk coming last. No one, much to Seokjin’s relief, brings up the impending war. They eat in the living room, Beomgyu, Taehyun, Sarang, and Byeol in the nest. Sarang is a little smaller than her sister and Byeol’s hair is a little lighter. They both have huge eyes. Beomgyu’s eyes are big but Taehyun’s are giant, so those two factors combined made for some wide-eyed babies. They both have chocolatey brown eyes that are as dark as their parents’. They look like fossilized wood when it’s shiny and used for jewelry. Seokjin would know. He has a few rings and earrings with the stuff. 

As time passes, everyone slowly gets used to the babies. Beomgyu and Taehyun both say that they’re just as sleep-deprived and Seokjin can’t say he’s surprised. He’s taken care of the girls whenever they both go out to get food or to have some alone time, and Seokjin can’t say he wishes he was in their position. Sarang and Byeol are both wonderful little girls but, though Seokjin thinks they’re absolutely adorable, they’re quite a lot of work. Taehyun and Beomgyu, whenever they need a quick time for re-charging, only go out during the day for about an hour. And then they’re back and Seokjin is struggling with the babies. Namjoon helps him, thank the gods, and he’s the biggest softy for them. Seokjin is surprised he can leave them at all. 

Slowly, as the weeks pass, Namjoon and Seokjin begin making plans. Well, actually, they both agree to simply make a few layouts. They bring Soobin in, then, and show him. 

“All we really know,” Seokjin says as the Alpha stares at the maps and statistics, “is that we can’t leave anyone in the pack here. And that we should get there sometime in the summer. Even though the heat is going to be a killer, starvation is less likely.”

“What about water deprivation?” Soobin says. Seokjin can see Namjoon puffing his chest at how the boy has already found a problem in their plan. A problem neither of them saw. Soobin ignores them. “It’s a plan I’d be willing to follow, but only if there’s enough water to go around. We’d have to travel near the rivers, but I’m betting the emperor’s going to find some way to restrict it if we do. Then again, we’d be closer to the water supplies, wouldn’t we?” 

“The mountains in the north, though,” Namjoon says, pointing at the map. “The snowmelt-”

“But would it be able to affect us if he could somehow cut it off? And, if we stay in the right position for long enough, he’ll be sending soldiers to us.”

“Good point,” Namjoon says. Soobin’s mouthing something, tracing the paths of the rivers with his finger. He spaces out, drawing Namjoon and Seokjin’s attention. His eyes are glassy but there’s something strange about it. Seokjin tense up because of one reason, and one reason only. 

Soobin is emanating magic. It’s not a lot, but Seokjin can sense it. However, just as quickly as it came, it’s gone. And Soobin’s back to mouthing random things to himself, then he nods and begins drawing with his finger. 

“I think it could work,” he says. “I want to consult an expert first, but- oh, gods, sorry, I’m being really bossy, aren’t I? Yeah, um, what do you guys think?” 

And, there it goes. 

“It’s okay to take charge,” Seokjin says. He smiles softly at Soobin. “You’re good at this, understand? We want you to take charge. It isn’t bossy, it’s doing your job.” Soobin still looks embarrassed and Seokjin decides he’s done enough. And, really, he has. Seokjin means it. “Thank you. You pointed out a bunch of things we didn’t notice. You’re good at this, okay?” 

Soobin nods, but he looks uncomfortable. “Um, uh, you’re welcome?” 

“You can go if you’d like,” Seokjin says, smiling weakly. Soobin nods and he looks like he was just told he wasn’t going to be executed as he runs out. Well, he doesn’t run, but he gets awfully close to it. Seokjin sits down and sighs once he hears the door close. 

“What happened?” he says softly. “What could- what would happen- who- what would it take to break an Alpha down like that?” he says. 

“Part of it is simply his personality,” Namjoon says. “But he was- well, it’s not my place to tell you. But, I’ll tell you this; he’s not who you think he is.” Seokjin raises an eyebrow. 

“That’s awfully ominous,” he says. He looks over his shoulder as if he’s expecting Soobin to suddenly appear. He looks back at Namjoon. “He won’t . . . he isn’t a monster, is he? I don’t sense any- well, no, that’s not true as of today.” 

“What isn’t true?” Seokjin looks out the window. 

“There’s something . . . earlier, do you remember how he was spacing out?”

“You were too.” Seokjin’s eyes widen before his frown deepens. He stands up and goes to try and catch a glimpse of Soobin, but it seems as if he’s already gone. 

“I was?” he says, mostly to himself. 

“There was some sort of magical something happening, wasn’t there?” Namjoon says. Seokjin looks over and he can see the gears turning as Namjoon arranges the puzzle pieces over and over again in hopes of finding an answer. 

“Definitely,” Seokjin says. He sighs, finding himself at a dead end. “For once, though, I don’t know what it was.” 

“I doubt Soobin would answer us if we confronted him,” Namjoon says. “He won’t admit it, but the only one he truly trusts here is Yeonjun. He probably doesn’t even know it himself.” 

“And there’s probably no way we could tell Yeonjun without getting more people involved.” 

“Did it feel malicious?” Namjoon says. Seokjin turns to look at him and shakes his head. 

“It . . . I’ve never sensed anything like it before, but it was more like what Adonis gives off. Except it was even more impartial. Really, I wouldn’t even say that. The best way I can describe it is that it didn’t seem to be aware that good and evil exist.” 

Namjoon is silent as he chews on his lower lip. Seokjin runs a hand through his hair and sighs, sitting back and staring blankly at the space on the table. He’s worried about Soobin. Part of it is because he doesn’t want him to suddenly explode and kill everyone, but there’s also the component of losing one’s soul to the ability. 

Ah, yes. That tiny but important and kind of scary detail. Seokjin’s found, after extensive research, that the Kim bloodline is the only group of people affected by such a tragedy, and he was pretty happy to see that Hueningkai wouldn’t have to deal with it. A lot of the training they do is to make sure Hueningkai can control his powers and use them more often to do more. It’s clear that Hueningkai feels . . . well, useless. As a Beta, few schools would offer to train him in things like sword fighting and hunting, instead encouraging him to go to school. While he’s a very smart kid (kudos to Namjoon), Hueningkai has made it clear that he wants to do more than simply solve problems. Besides, there’s already Namjoon. And Seokjin knows there’s going to come a time when the magic that always flows so seamlessly from his fingertips is going to falter and he’s going to fall, his hands shaking as he sobs, all of his power lost. Neither of them have acknowledged it aloud, but it’s a simple fact. And they all need to be prepared. 

“Do you think he could be hosting someone?” Namjoon offers, though it’s clear he’s skeptical. Seokjin shakes his head. 

“I would be able to sense it,” he says, though he isn’t quite sure. He looks at his hands and wills them to burst into flames. Namjoon doesn’t even flinch as Seokjin closes his hands, sighing. “Right?” 

“Of course,” Namjoon says as if the question is the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. He runs a hand through his dark hair, then shakes his head. His glasses sparkle in the sunlight. 

“Joon-ah, what are we going to do if-”

“-It’s something bad? Nothing Soobin has any semblance of control over could ever be even close to that.” Seokjin laughs. 

“But what if something controls him?” Seokjin says. Namjoon frowns and bites his lip as he begins to drum his nails on the table. He takes his glasses off and cleans them. 

“I feel like it isn’t something we should be terribly worried about,” he says. “If you can’t sense it 24/7, then I don’t think it’s too big of a problem. I’m all for getting rid of things before they have a chance to do too much damage, but we have bigger problems right now. If Soobin nor anyone else is affected . . . I think we’ll have to make a gamble and hope it stays that way.” Seokjin nods in agreement because he truly can’t see any other way. He wants to help Soobin but Namjoon’s right when he says that there are bigger problems they have to tackle right now. 

“Speaking of which,” Seokjin says, “when are you holding the next council? Soobin was right, you know. We should try and go out during the summer because the forest will be calmer. That, and the lack of snow and more animals for hunting.” 

“We can stay near the rivers, but you know we’ll need a lot of people. Bringing over that many troops is one of my biggest concerns . . . I don’t know if we have enough boats.” 

“We do, don’t we?” Seokjin says. “Even if we don’t, we can build them within . . . how long?”

“I’d say at least two or three months.” Seokjin nods. He looks out the window. 

“I think we should call a council meeting now,” he says. “I don’t mean, like, right this second, but it would be in our best interest to do so sometime soon.” 

“Agreed.” Namjoon sighs, turning to look out at the people milling through the streets. 

“What are we going to do if this doesn’t work out, Namjoonie?” Seokjin says softly. Namjoon looks over at him and then reaches out for his hand. His smile is strangely bittersweet. 

“It will,” he says. “I swear to all that is good that it will.” 

“And if it doesn’t?” Namjoon’s eyes sparkle as he shakes his head. He seems to have aged decades within a few seconds. 

“It will,” he says. “There’s no way it can’t. Every dynasty must come to an end, love, and it’s time for your father’s rule to finish. The hands of time are aching for something new, and, let me promise you, they will do all that is needed to receive such. Perhaps, long ago, the way your family has ruled worked, but the people need something different. It’s outdated and it hurts more than it helps. So it must work, for the empire is doomed if it doesn’t.”

Seokjin sighs, chewing on his lower lip. Namjoon has a point. Of course, his father has proven himself to be a selfish person who cares little about what comes to his subjects and the opinions of others. Why would time be exempt from that?

“You should call the meeting,” he says. He sighs again and stands up, looking at the little clock. “I have to go and help Huening. I have a feeling these boats are going to need more magic than we think.” Namjoon stands up as well and, just as Seokjin’s going out the door, he’s spun around. 

“Can I have a goodbye kiss?” Seokjin laughs and pecks his lips, grabbing his cloak as he leaves. 

“I love you, see you at dinner!” he says. Namjoon waves, smiling. 

“I love you, baby!” 

“I love you too!” Seokjin laughs as he heads out, shivering in the still-chilly air of mid-April. The sun is clouded over but it has yet to rain. Seokjin hopes it doesn’t. He doesn’t want to have to deal with a flood before they start building the boats; it’s crucial that their materials are dry. 

When he gets to the training building, he can sense Hueningkai already inside. Seokjin opens the door and shuts it behind him, smiling when he sees his young student working hard. Or, well, kind of. It’s more like Hueningkai was doing what he was supposed to do, but he’s gotten bored and is now creating whatever comes to mind. Wispy purple animals move around the room, flowers sprouting on the ground. 

“Huening, what are you doing?” Seokjin teases as he takes his cloak off. Hueningkai jumps to attention and then dispels one of his animals. 

“I was waiting for you?” Seokjin laughs as a young buck with wings makes its way over to him. He holds his hand out and the animal nuzzles him, then begins sniffing for food. 

“Good job with these, by the way,” he says as he waves his hand, dispelling them. “Did you create them all in one go?” Hueningkai nods, puffing his chest. 

“Yeah! I actually came here early to practice but I was a little tired so I just did this! I don’t know about the flowers, though. It might be because I’m not wearing any shoes.” Hueningkai grins as he lifts one foot into the air and wiggles his toes. Seokjin crouches down to inspect one of the flowers, reaching out and brushing his fingers over the pale purple petals. They’re anemones. 

“Pretty,” he says, cupping the blossom. “Do you know what these are?” 

“Nah. They’re just really pretty, you know?” Seokjin huffs a laugh as he stands up, looking around. Other than the flowers, the place looks the same. 

“So,” he says, “today I was thinking about working on summoning, you know? We haven’t been working on it as much as I’d like, and, with the twins and upcoming war, it’s going to be needed. I’m also hoping to do something with enchantments.” 

“Aw, Hyung, that’s  _ hard _ ,” Hueningkai says. Seokjin laughs. 

“Ning-ah, nothing’s hard. You just need more practice,” he says. Hueningkai hmphs and then sits down. Seokjin refuses to let him stand after he watched his young student crumble on one of their first days. 

“What should I try to summon?” he says, tilting his head. Seokjin holds his hand out and a baby bottle appears. He hands it to Hueningkai. 

“Replicate it as best as you can,” he says. “That’s what I’m planning on doing for today.” Hueningkai holds his hand out and stares at the small bottle, his brow furrowed in a way that could be mistaken for anger. 

“Just imagine it in your palm, okay? It’s fine if you need to start with an illusion.” 

Hueningkai doesn’t answer but purple threads begin to weave into a replica of the bottle in his hand. He sits back and stares at his work, then hands it to Seokjin. The man looks them over, humming in approval. They’re the same, except for the small flower Hueningkai always adds whenever he makes anything. Seokjin’s never seen it as a problem, so he doesn’t point it out. It’s like a signature in his opinion.

“Good job,” he says, smiling. Hueningkai looks dissatisfied, however. 

“Hyung,” he says, “are we going to do anything more complicated? While I’m all for helping Beomgyu-Hyung, shouldn’t we work on something that could assist in the rebellion? Like weapons? Or armor?” Seokjin hums. 

“I know,” he says, “but I don’t want you to overexert yourself. I- you can do it, but I don’t want you getting hurt.” 

“Can I just try? Please?” the boy pleads. Seokjin raises an eyebrow. He holds his own hand out and a crystal  [ dagger ](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/858217272722438029/) appears in his palm. Hueningkai’s eyes widen as Seokjin spins it a few times, testing out the feeling. He hands it off to his student. 

“Try it,” he says. Hueningkai’s eyes wide as he grins and nods, brow furrowing as he stares at his empty palm. 

Seokjin stops him when he begins to sweat. 

“It’s okay if you can’t,” he says. He spins the dagger in his right hand. “Sorcery isn’t-”

Suddenly, several  [ daggers ](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/448108231676659698/) are flying by Seokjin, barely missing his face. Hueningkai’s eyes are wide, this time with horror, as they embed themselves into the wall behind him. Seokjin turns and looks over his shoulder before walking over. 

They’re quite beautiful, really. Thin, golden hilts and blades made of some sort of purple jewel or crystal. Seokjin wraps his hand around the hilt of the one closest, only for it to disappear upon contact. He looks over at Hueningkai and finds the boy to be holding it in shaking hands. 

“Holy shit,” he breathes. 

“Those are  _ sick _ ,” someone says. They both turn to see Yeonjun standing in the doorway, dressed formally. 

“Thanks, Hyung,” Hueningkai says, scratching the back of his neck. 

“What is it?” Seokjin says to the other Omega. 

“Oh, yeah. Namjoon-Hyung sent me to retrieve you two for a council meeting. We’re discussing the war.” Seokjin nods, snapping his fingers and changing his clothes. He does the same to Hueningkai. The Beta’s holding his daggers but they disappear after a little bit of focusing on his part. 

“Let’s go,” Seokjin says, nodding at Yeonjun. 

When Seokjin enters the room, he can  _ feel _ everyone’s disdain. Or, well, not everyone’s, but mostly everyone’s. His boyfriend and friends don’t seem to swim with the current of hate for him, so that’s relieving. However, the rest of the meeting’s attendants all hold a similar dislike for him. Seokjin’s good at pretending he doesn’t care. 

Namjoon smiles at him when he takes his seat. Seokjin smiles back, then turns to the map lying on the table. Namjoon stands up, exuding an air of authority. He’s wearing his cloak, the one with the dragon skull, though the skull itself rests on his back. 

“Good evening,” he says and Seokjin does a double-take because it’s already that late? “We’re here to discuss the much-awaited topic of our war plans.” He gestures at the map before them. “Seokjin, Soobin, and I have already decided that we must make our entry in the summer, as food will be plentiful and death from the cold will be, well, impossible. The forest will also keep our troops cooler, due to its avoidance of following normal temperatures.” Everyone laughs a bit, but the mood of the room is still tense. Namjoon clears his throat and shakes his head. 

“Sir,” someone says, “we would need to build more boats. The imperial army is roughly-”

“There were roughly 1,000,000 soldiers when I left,” Jeongguk says from his seat. The woman -an Alpha with Kim as her last name- not-so-subtly shoots him a glare. 

“How big are our own forces?” Namjoon says to Jeongguk. 

“Our numbers are close, though I can’t say what the exact difference is.” 

“We have several hundred fewer,” Soobin says. “The empire has the required military service, though many of their soldiers are weak due to lack of food and proper care.” 

“They have no more than a thousand more, do they?” Namjoon says, turning to his successor-to-be. Soobin shakes his head. 

“Not that I can recall. However, Seungjae is currently MIA.”

“Seungjae?” Yoongi says, perking up. “My nurse?” Seokjin nods. His brother prepares to say something before deciding against it. Seokjin is thankful for that; although the townspeople hate him, they seem to tolerate Yoongi, though he doesn’t want to see his fragile reputation ruined by his care for his nurse. Many would dismiss it and deem him unable to fight in the rebellion if he can’t make sacrifices as simple as that. 

The little hiccup is ignored by (most of) the table. The female Alpha who was speaking before starts up again. 

“They have one of the greatest fighting forces in the entire world,” she says. “There are also the allies which we lack.” Namjoon hums and looks at Seokjin. He is, after all, their diplomat. 

“I-”

“We could easily take the southern kingdom!” someone says. Seokjin stiffens and digs his nails into his palms. “We have their princes-”

“My father would rather die than work with the rebellion,” Yeonjun says from his place. “The moment he notices our forces encroaching on the empire’s territory, he’ll be calling for reinforcements.” 

“Besides, the southern kingdom isn’t very important in the big scheme of things,” Seokjin says before anyone else can. He looks over at Yeonjun and Taehyun. “No offense.” 

“None taken,” Taehyun says, snorting. Byeol is asleep on his chest. “In fact, I think we both agree with you. Then again, it’s a well-known fact.” 

“Father’s just a bit of a suck-up,” Yeonjun says, laughing behind his hand. Soobin smiles, though his posture remains stiff. Namjoon is quiet.

“Well,” someone says and it’s the same man who interrupted Seokjin, “we still need a few alliances.” 

“We are unable to travel-”

“Why don’t we have any?” a new person asks. 

“Yeah! Who’s the diplomat?”

“Shouldn’t we already have them?” 

All eyes are on Seokjin. He clenches his jaw and tries to restrain himself from turning everyone into a frog. 

“Apologies,” he says through gritted teeth, “but we are unable to travel because the empire controls  _ all of the surrounding waters _ . The defenses I have placed around the islands can only do so much; there are patrols around the place and, should we send anyone out, our ship would be destroyed. Using magic to ask for help would give a trackable signal as well. There’s also the rather overwhelming component of the emperor having scared anyone within range into obeying his rule.”

Soobin stands up, uncharacteristically bold. “This is our own battle to fight,” he says. “How can we claim to be a force powerful enough to control the empire if we can’t even overthrow a simple tyrant? Besides, the iron vice which Dong-Hyeok uses to rule his own territories is also what keeps surrounding countries from attacking us. If we don’t prove ourselves a greater military force, what’s to guarantee that we won’t be attacked?” 

“Are you planning on being a tyrant as the emperor?” the man says. Soobin looks sheepish suddenly as he slouches. Yeonjun, however, flies to his feet, very obviously furious. 

“How dare you!” he cries, jabbing a finger in the man’s direction. “Do not act as if he could ever become such! He is your superior in this situation, so I’d watch my mouth if I was you. Is that how you speak to those above you?” 

“What would you know about ruling an empire, prince? What would either of you know when you’ve never bothered to prepare for it?” 

“Be quiet, you insolent swine,” Namjoon snarls. He’s still sitting down, his fingers laced together and his eyes narrowed. “What, do you think you could do it? The time in which you’ve spent in your position is half as long as Soobin has spent preparing to take his throne! And you dare accuse him of being unworthy?” 

“Apologies, sir-”

“Get out of my sight,” Namjoon says, waving his hand. He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I don’t want to listen to this any longer. Dismissed.”


	2. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seokjin finds some things out, but they only leave him with more questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all, i listened to wait for it like 100 times at least pls help (sorry for (maybe) slow flow)

Seokjin and Namjoon are the last ones in the room. However, Seokjin stops both Yeonjun and Soobin. 

“Wait, just a moment,” he says. The couple looks over then at each other. The fear is evident in Soobin’s eyes and it’s obvious that his mind is running through every scenario and that he’s going over everything he said and did, trying to find what he did incorrectly. 

“It’s okay to defend yourself, Soobin-ah,” Seokjin says. Soobin shrugs. Seokjin sighs then. “Soobin, you _should_ defend yourself.” 

“If you’re going to become emperor,” Namjoon says, “you’ll have to fight not only for your people but for yourself.”

Soobin’s eyes narrow for a second. “I don’t- if I aspire to be a good emperor, I must hear my subjects’ complaints.” 

“Those aren’t complaints,” Yeonjun snaps. Soobin stares at him. “Soobin-ah, you’re letting them trample all over you! It isn’t fair!” 

“He’s right,” Seokjin says. “While you’re correct about being open to criticism, you must pick and choose what to listen to. There are people in this world only looking to bring you down, and your heart is an easy way to do so. Be careful, as your heart will be easy to use against you.” 

Soobin clenches his fists. Seokjin watches him, keeping his expression decisively blank. He looks over at Namjoon, staring at the Alpha. He’s stoic and it’s difficult if not impossible to guess how he’s feeling. 

“Well, then what do you expect me to do?” Soobin says, his tone bordering on aggressive. 

“Put yourself out there more,” Seokjin says. It’s a suggestion, but he’s not quite sure where else to start. It’s the greatest suggestion he can come up with, though. 

Soobin is clearly displeased with it as he nods in respect and then stands, exiting the room. Namjoon, once Yeonjun and Soobin have left, pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs, slouching in his chair. Seokjin stands up. 

“What are you doing?” he says when he pulls out a piece of parchment. A thin quill appears in his hand and Namjoon begins scribbling onto it. Seokjin catches a few words about the meeting. Namjoon’s hands are shaking and Seokjin rests a hand on his shoulder, somehow managing to startle the man.

“Are you alright?” he says. Namjoon stares at him then blinks a couple of times, his brown eyes dazed. He looks as if he just appeared in the room and doesn’t know how or why. 

“I’m fine, sorry,” Namjoon says. He puts the quill away and then stands up, grabbing the piece of parchment. Seokjin trails after him as they head to their house, down the cobbled streets, and up the path. Namjoon goes into the study and Seokjin frowns, staring at him as he sits at the desk and begins to write. It’s something he’s begun to do since . . . well, it seems as if he’s always been doing it quite frequently. Seokjin’s never seen what he’s writing about, though, with Namjoon, it could really be anything. It frustrates him to no end, but Namjoon will tell him when he’s finished, right?

(Seokjin would be lying if he said he was certain of that. Unbeknownst to the rest of their little pack of sorts, Seokjin and Namjoon have been growing apart.)

“Don’t overwork yourself, alright?” Seokjin says. Namjoon doesn’t answer. Seokjin didn’t expect him to, though he still feels disappointed as he turns around and heads out. He’s going to find Soobin; they need those boats and Soobin has to make these decisions whether he wants to or not. 

When he arrives at Soobin and Yeonjun’s small cottage, the place is empty. Seokjin can sense the lack of magic from Yeonjun, but there’s something that’s making him curious. His fingers brush over the lock and the door swings open. Seokjin pulls his boots off and begins searching for the source, following the bits of magic he can feel. He closes his eyes and snaps his fingers. When he opens his eyes, the world around him is black except for the brightly-colored bit of magic on the ground. Yeonjun’s footsteps are in a blue the same color as his hair, but there aren’t any for Soobin. 

However, as he continues to explore, he finds faint silver traces on the wooden boards. Seokjin follows them until he reaches a room that’s bolted shut. He stares at it before snapping his fingers. The metal groans as the magic moves it back and Seokjin then steps inside. 

He doesn’t expect to find countless spell books even Seokjin himself has never seen. There are drawings and droplets of ink covering the creaking wooden floor and small walls. Seokjin closes his eyes for a moment, then opens and looks around. There’s a low sort of energy that seems to pulse in the room. Seokjin looks around and then notices something even stranger. 

While he knows flowers can assist with magic, this many violets can’t be as helpful as whoever created the room may think. Unless, of course, it’s for a certain project. Some of the violets are dried while others are in vials of what looks to be water. There are a few pots of them too, though there’s something wrong with them. A black _thing_ is consuming them, crawling up the petals. Seokjin hears something fall and then looks at the vial now rolling toward his foot. He bends down and picks it up, staring at the purple substance inside. It’s thick and makes Seokjin think of ink. His frown deepens as some sort of essence makes it burn against his skin. 

“What is this place?” he says softly, voicing his thoughts at last. Seokjin looks at the violets that are being blackened by the disease or infection of sorts, then reaches out to touch it. 

His fingers burn. Seokjin yanks his hand away and holds his wrist, staring at his smoking fingertips. He tugs his sleeve down and stares at the small brand on his wrist. It’s a rune. Seokjin’s sort of extensive knowledge on the old language helpfully informs him that it simply says ‘death’. 

“Lovely,” he grumbles. He waves his hand and the brand disappears. Something tells Seokjin, though, that it’s more than skin-deep. 

Sighing, he looks around and decides that this isn’t the best course of action if he wants to get Soobin to trust him more. Even if it _isn’t_ Soobin who created the room, Seokjin can imagine that he’d still be pretty displeased if he discovered that Seokjin had snooped around his house while he was away. 

He heads out and locks all of the doors, making sure everything is as it was when he arrived. He heads down the street, looking around. Soobin’s always been easy to find because of how he towers above the crowd. 

However, he doesn’t seem to be outside at the moment, much to Seokjin’s displeasure. The man sighs as he looks around, running through a mental checklist of where-

 _The babies?_ Seokjin thinks before nodding to himself. He turns around and walks toward Beomgyu and Taehyun’s house. He knocks on the door and Beomgyu opens it. He’s balancing little Sarang on his hip, his shirt tucked into his pants but several of the buttons are undone. 

“Oh, hi, Hyung!” he says, stepping aside. Seokjin smiles at him as he walks inside, taking his cloak off. He leaves his boots by the door and turns to see Taehyun sitting on the couch island inside of the nest. Byeol is asleep in his arms, drinking from a baby bottle. Soobin and Yeonjun are both cooing over their niece while Taehyun rocks his daughter. 

“Hi, Hyung,” he whispers when he sees Seokjin. The man waves. Beomgyu walks around him and sits in the nest, handing Sarang to his mate. Seokjin looks over his shoulder and notices that the pot on the stove is steaming. Beomgyu is getting up to go and do it. 

“Hyu-Hyung will do it,” Seokjin says, holding his arm in front of him. Beomgyu laughs softly. 

“No, it’s fine, please-”

“I can do it, Beomgyu, you go and sit. Hyung will do it.” Beomgyu opens his mouth to protest but Seokjin’s already headed into the kitchen, weaving around Hanna and Dae-Jung. He pours the tea into cups and attempts to look at Soobin through the corner of his eye. The Alpha is laughing and talking with his friends and boyfriend, unaware of his Hyung’s discoveries. Seokjin, however, knows better than to confront him about it in front of the others. 

He smiles, walking over with the tray. Seokjin waits patiently at the edge of Beomgyu’s nest, silently asking for an invitation. While he is a fellow Omega, Seokjin knows better than to trespass, especially when Taehyun is right there with the pups. 

“Come on in,” Beomgyu says, patting a space inside. Seokjin climbs into the nest and places the tray in the middle. Byeol pulls away from her father and begins crawling toward him, curious. Seokjin’s palm flies open as he creates a small force field around the tray and everything on top of it. Byeol squeals when she comes in contact with it and Seokjin sighs. 

“Sorry,” Beomgyu says as he grabs his daughter and tugs her back. He looks like he hasn’t slept for weeks on end. Seokjin shakes his head. Byeol whines and begins to squirm as Beomgyu clicks his tongue.

“You don’t mind if I breastfeed, do you?” he says sheepishly as he begins to tug his shirt down. Seokjin shakes his head. 

“Not at all,” he says. Beomgyu looks relieved as his daughter attaches herself to his chest, quieting down. Seokjin can smell the apple juice on him. Sarang is sitting in Taehyun’s lap and the boy is holding her arms, making her wave her pudgy fists around. However, a burst of white spurts from her lips and Taehyun frowns. He grabs a little handkerchief from his pocket and begins to wipe away the spit-up, having spun his daughter around so she’s facing him. Sarang struggles and weakly pushes him away, shaking her head. 

“C’mon, baby,” Taehyun mumbles. “Please, Sarang, darling. Let Appa help you.” 

Sarang ignores him and begins to whine. Taehyun’s big eyes begin to fill with tears as he sniffles and attempts to clean his daughter’s face. 

“Sarangie, do it for Appa,” he says, his voice shaking. 

“Taehyunnie, Taehyunnie, give her to me,” Beomgyu says softly. He hands his mate his younger daughter before taking Sarang and placing her where Byeol was. Sarang shoves him away and shakes her head weakly. Taehyun has tears dripping down his cheeks. Byeol is making distressed noises with her sister. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Taehyun says weakly as he attempts to get himself together. 

“Here, I’ll take her,” Dae-Jung says, coming over and holding his hands out. Taehyun hands Byeol over and Dae-Jung slowly heads up the stairs. He looks over his shoulder and says, “I’ll put her to bed. Try changing Sarang’s diaper, perhaps?” Beomgyu nods as he picks Sarang up and stands, climbing out of the nest. Taehyun also gets to his feet but Beomgyu shakes his head, leaning down to kiss his cheek. 

“It’s okay,” he says softly. “Take a break; I’ll be fine.” Taehyun sits back and watches as Beomgyu follows his father up the stairs, patting little Sarang on the back. 

“It’s okay if you’re tired,” Yeonjun says, resting a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You don’t- you can’t do everything, alright? I know you’re trying to make up for Beomgyu’s pregnancy, but that’s not- that’s biology. It isn’t something you have to pay for; it isn’t your fault being pregnant is hard.” Taehyun rests his head in his hands and his shoulders shake. 

“I- but it’s my fault,” Taehyun says weakly, looking up at his brother. “I shouldn’t- I should’ve been more careful, then this wouldn’t have happened. And I’ve already set the war back-”

“Oh my gods, you’re _kids_ ,” Yeonjun says. “You’re kids and it’s impossible to get mad at you for loving each other and for your bodies doing what they were made to. Do you think we’re going to blame that? You don’t have any reason to, nor do we. You’re a great dad, okay? You’re trying your best to be the father you- the father that _neither_ of- that _none_ of us have ever had. I don’t blame- you’re going to make mistakes, alright? And you have us to help you, okay? We’re going to help you and, even if this might’ve slowed us down, you’ve still helped, hasn’t he?” 

“Yeah,” Soobin says, smiling softly. “We probably would’ve attacked in the winter if we hadn’t had to wait, and that would’ve made it far harder for us to win. And the water is defrosted so there isn’t any ice we have to worry about. You’ve helped us, okay? Don’t ever think otherwise; besides, you’re probably going to be the most worn out by the end of this!” 

Taehyun laughs weakly. “I already am,” he says. Soobin laughs, throwing himself onto Yeonjun. Taehyun watches them, then runs his fingers through his thoroughly tangled hair. The chestnut locks stick up at odd angles and Seokjin resists the urge to smooth them down. Taehyun sighs, looking up at the stairs. 

“You should go up if you want to,” Seokjin says, shrugging. Taehyun turns to look at him. 

“I might,” he says. “I don’t know; I don’t want Beomgyu to send me away to go to bed or anything.” 

“You should go and get some sleep,” Seokjin says. Taehyun shrugs, turning to look up the stare. His expression is longing like he’s some lost puppy who thinks it’s found its home. Seokjin thinks it’s cute how devoted he is, though he should definitely rest. 

“I think I’m gonna take a nap,” Taehyun says, much to Seokjin’s relief. He stands and then pads upstairs, too-long pants dragging along the floor. Seokjin gathers his and Beomgyu’s teacup up and then heads to the kitchen, placing them in the sink to wash. He walks around and begins putting the dishes away, then opens the fridge. There’s a hunk of pork and he sees a pot of kimchi, though not much else besides a lot of baby bottles full of milk and a few miscellaneous fruits and vegetables. Seokjin sighs and grabs the kimchi and the pork, then places the kimchi on the stove. He puts a few sticks into the small compartment below and shoots a small burst of fire at them, shutting the small door with his hip. He grabs a pair of cooking chopsticks and places them nearby, then grabs a knife and begins to cut the pork. Of course, this is after making sure his hands are clean. He doesn’t want to get anyone sick. 

By the time he’s finished making a late dinner, the kitchen is full. Seokjin’s got rice in a pot nearby and he had Yeonjun and Soobin set the table. The steps are creaking and Seokjin cranes his neck to see a sleepy Taehyun coming down, rubbing his eyes. Sarang is resting on his chest, fast asleep. 

“Oh, thanks, Hyung,” he says. Seokjin smiles at him as he begins to dish everything out, humming in response. Beomgyu comes down, then, holding Byeol. Dae-Jung is walking behind him, looking worried as his son slowly walks down the stairs. 

“Come eat dinner, alright?” Seokjin says, standing up. Beomgyu looks relieved as he sits down, adjusting his small daughter. 

“Can you hold her, Hyung? I’m going to get drinks,” Taehyun says, handing Sarang to Yeonjun. Sarang wakes up, blinking slowly. Taehyun grabs a couple of cups and then a pitcher of water, though he fills one with apple juice from the fridge. Seokjin walks over to help him, then sets the glasses on the table. 

“Thank you for making dinner,” Beomgyu says. “Neither of us know how to cook-”

“Would you like to learn?” Seokjin says. “I’m not saying this is going to happen, knock on wood, but I think you guys should all know in case something happens to me.” 

“Does Namjoon-Hyung know how to cook?” Yeonjun says as he eats. Seokjin laughs. 

“No, of course not,” he says. “Namjoon isn’t allowed in the kitchen because he’s absolutely terrible at cooking. Has he ever cooked in front of you, Soobin?” 

“No,” Soobin mumbles as he eats. Seokjin looks over at the others. 

“Namjoon-ah may be one of the smartest people I know, but, for all of the intelligence used for things like planning a rebellion, he’s been given a clumsiness like no other and total incompetence in the kitchen. It’s safer for everyone if he stays out.” 

“I can’t quite imagine him being- oh, wait, no, yes, yes, I can. Oh, yeah, now I see it,” Taehyun says, putting his chopsticks down. “Oh, gods, he’s awfully clumsy now that I think about it. Oh, dear, yeah, it’s in everyone’s best interest if he’s kept out of the kitchen.” 

“It’s strange, though,” Yeonjun says, bringing a piece of pork to his lips, “because Hyung is so good with swords and stuff. Like, we’ve all seen him in action, haven’t we? You’ve all gone in and seen him sparring or something, right?” 

“I’ve sparred with him,” Soobin says. He seems to shudder. “It’s not the most- I mean- uh.” He looks at Seokjin and the man waves his hand. 

“It’s all right,” he says. “Namjoon can be . . . his criticism is helpful, but it can be harsh. I’m sorry on his behalf if he ever hurt you more than intended.” Soobin shrugs. 

“It’s not that, it’s just . . . he scares me, I suppose. But it’s more in the way that he’s some sort of ‘larger-than-life’ figure. Like the guards around the palace when we were little. Remember?” Soobin says, looking at Taehyun and Yeonjun. The two brothers nod. Soobin sighs, looking down at his food. “I don’t know. I just don’t understand how I’m supposed to fill his shoes as emperor really.” 

Yeonjun cups his face and turns his face so they’re looking at each other. “Soobinnie,” he says softly though firmly, “you aren’t filling his shoes. You’re wearing your own for others to try later. You’ll be a great emperor, understand? Namjoon-Hyung isn’t emperor and, though you can still learn from him, he chose you for a reason. You’re worthy of the position, all right?” 

“Thanks,” Soobin says, though he sounds joking. He holds Yeonjun’s hand and kisses the palm. “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Yeonjun says. 

“And I love food. Can we eat?” Beomgyu says. Seokjin cackles and then covers his mouth to keep from waking the babies. Yeonjun looks down at Sarang and then Taehyun notices he’s without one of his daughters. Wordlessly, he holds his hands out and takes her back. They continue eating and then Soobin and Seokjin volunteer to do the dishes. While the others are talking in the living room, Seokjin decides to ask a quiet question. 

“Do you- I mean, what do you know about magic?” he says ever-so-softly. Soobin hums and looks over at him, unable to mask his surprise. 

“What?” he says. 

“I- Apologies, it’s just- I mean, well, earlier, I sensed some sort of- I sensed something from you. But it was only for a moment and-”

“Can you sense it now?” Soobin says. Seokjin shakes his head. Soobin sighs and looks away. “I don’t know.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I don’t know what it is, Hyung,” Soobin says, putting the last dish away. “And I’d advise you to stay out of my things if you want answers. Trust me, they won’t be pretty.” 

And, with that bit of cryptic information, Soobin turns around and heads into the living room. Seokjin stares after him before drying his hands and then getting ready to leave. 

When he arrives at the house, the light in the study is still on. Ghostly shadows are cast on the walls and Seokjin steps in, finding Namjoon asleep on his desk. There’s ink smudged on his cheek but the ink on the parchment he’s lying on is dry. His glasses are sliding down his nose and he snores loudly, the light from the candle the only thing allowing Seokjin to see. Gently, the man reaches out and shakes his boyfriend, whispering softly for him to get up. 

“Namjoonie,” Seokjin says, “wake up. You’re going to hurt yourself.” Namjoon doesn’t answer and continues to snore loudly. 

“Namjoonie,” Seokjin says, shaking him harder. “Namjoonie!” 

“Huh? Huh? What is it?” Namjoon says, sitting up. Seokjin laughs quietly as he crouches and grabs his handkerchief, cupping Namjoon’s face in his hands. 

“You got ink on your cheeks,” he says. 

“Oh. I must’ve fallen asleep. Sorry, you had to wake me.” Seokjin laughs and shakes his head, finding a still-full glass of water to dip his handkerchief into. He brings out the wet cloth and begins to scrub Namjoon’s face, holding him by his jaw. Namjoon grabs his wrist and gently moves it away, staring up at Seokjin. The candle’s flame is reflected in his eyes and the lenses of his glasses. Seokjin smiles at him. 

“Can I kiss you?” Namjoon says softly. Seokjin laughs and leans forward. Their lips press together and Seokjin sighs happily into the kiss, pulling away with a soft smile. Namjoon mirrors his expression and Seokjin pokes his dimples before continuing to clean the ink off of his face. 

“What were you doing, if you don’t mind my asking?” Seokjin says idly. Namjoon hums. 

“Just writing a few things down. I’m trying to calculate if the wood supply we have is enough to build the boats we need. They’ll be carrying around a million people in total, so we need to make sure we have the right amount of supplies.” 

“We’ll have to use magic, won’t we?” Seokjin says. Namjoon sighs before nodding. 

“Yes,” he says softly. “I’m sorry.” Seokjin shakes his head, turning Namjoon’s face to get a spot further left on his cheek. 

“Don’t be,” he says. “You can’t control things like that. I’ll be fine.” 

“Are you sure, though? What about the curse?” Seokjin shrugs, continuing to wipe the ink away. His handkerchief has been quite sullied by it. 

“Didn’t I tell you that I’d never let anything or anyone, magic or not, monopolize my life?” he says. Namjoon hums, though he still looks rather worried. “Well,” Seokjin says, “that applies to the curse as well. It isn’t exempt because it’s gotten to my ancestors; if I die or lose my soul, then so be it. I don’t want to have used my magic for reasons no would remember or benefit from, though. So, if I die because I used too much magic, then at least it’ll have been for a good cause.” 

Namjoon sighs. It’s clear Seokjin’s words haven’t soothed his worries. “I’m still worried,” he says. “I’m sure you know that’s how I’ll always be.” 

Seokjin laughs softly and smiles. “Of course, I do,” he says. “But when did I ever say I’d be able to keep you from your nature? You’re a worrier, and it’s made you a great leader. However,” he leans forward and pecks his cheek, “you have to understand that there are things in life that are out of your control.” Namjoon sighs, biting his lip as he looks up at Seokjin. 

“You’re telling this to someone who always has everything under control,” he says. Seokjin smiles sadly. 

“This is war,” he says. He looks out the window behind Namjoon. “We might not still see it now, but this is war. Every day, more lives are lost to the emperor’s hand. If you expect- if you want us to win, then you have to understand that you won’t be able to move all of the pieces all of the time. That’s life.” 

Namjoon puts his head in his hands. “There are so many people who are relying on me to do this correctly,” he says. “One wrong move and my hands will be forever stained by their blood. What if I lose control at the moment it matters most?” 

“Then give it to Soobin,” Seokjin says. Namjoon opens his mouth to say something, but Seokjin cuts him off. “Namjoon,” he says, “you- he- I know you don’t realize it, but he needs to escape from your shadow. You’re so influential and your name is carved into stone. There’s no way to possibly erase you from what will become history. Soobin- he hasn’t had any chances to write his own name. All- he’s only your apprentice, your successor and no more. The title of an ex-prince means nothing to the hands of time. You have to give him opportunities. You have to carve out those places for him to make his mark. If you don’t, there’s no way he could possibly succeed as emperor.” 

“What if he fails?” Namjoon says. “What if I fail? What if I didn’t teach him well enough? What if he isn’t ready?” 

“What if he is, though?” Seokjin says. “What if you’ve already been the best teacher he could have? What if you succeed? What if he succeeds? What if he becomes the greatest emperor this entire country has ever seen? 

“The thing is, though,” Seokjin says, “is that you have to give him a chance to prove himself. And, perhaps you haven’t realized it, but you haven’t done it. You have to push him into the spotlight. The gods didn’t make it so- you’re choosing to step down for a reason, aren’t you? But you can’t truly step down unless Soobin is ready. Or else our fight will be in vain. There will be lives lost, Namjoon. Gods, we both know that, don’t we? And maybe it’ll be one of us, and that’s another reason. What if I die? What if you die? And Soobin hasn’t any idea how to control- how to rule and command these people? If you never let him try, he’ll never be able to do it.” 

“Jinnie,” Namjoon says, cupping his face, “promise me you won’t die.” Seokjin leans their foreheads together and holds Namjoon’s wrists with a delicate grip. 

“Only if you promise too,” he says. “I can’t lose you. I can’t lose any of you.” 

Namjoon laughs and Seokjin sees that there are tears welling up in his eyes. 

“I promise,” he says. “I promise I’ll stay alive, but only if you do.” 

“I promise,” Seokjin says, leaning forward and kissing his cheek. “I promise I’ll stay.” 

“And you can’t force yourself to move any farther than you have to.” Namjoon moves to hold his hands and, though Seokjin knows he can’t, he acts as if he can feel the magic rushing through the older man’s veins. He kisses Seokjin’s knuckles. “If you haven’t a soul, then you’re as good as dead. Do you promise to never push yourself any further than needed?” 

“I promise,” Seokjin says. “But I refuse to swear.” 

Namjoon stares at him, his brown eyes holding a storm of emotions. He’s sad and frustrated and scared. Seokjin cups his jaw and leans forward, waiting for Namjoon to give him the all-clear. Lips press softly against his own and Seokjin pulls Namjoon to his feet. When he pulls away, he grabs the candle and laces their fingers together, tugging Namjoon out the door. They slowly walk up the stairs and pass by Hoseok and Hueningkai’s doors, but the young boy’s is open. 

They both stop when they hear the voices. Seokjin blows the candle out and looks inside, staring at the two males inside of the room. There’s a small, glowing flower sprouting from Hueningkai’s sheets. Hoseok is staring at the boy as spurts of magic appear from his unblemished and unmarked palms, glowing softly in the darkness of the room. They aren’t talking, simply sitting by one another. Seokjin’s noticed how they’ve grown closer as the months have passed. He wonders where their relationship will go. 

“They’d be cute together, don’t you think?” Namjoon says softly. Seokjin hums and nods. He stares at them, watching how they interact with each other and the absence of any words. Two of the most talkative people Seokjin knows have rendered one another silent. 

“What do you think will happen?” Seokjin says softly as a dolphin made of magic leaps through the air. Namjoon hums. 

“If they have children, they’ll be the most powerful people to walk the earth,” he says mindlessly. Seokjin nods in agreement. The blood of the gods combined with a powerful sorcerer could- no, it _would_ lead to the most formidable people in the world. 

They both step away and head to their own bedroom. The two get ready for bed and Seokjin isn’t surprised when Monnie jumps onto the bed, curling up in the middle. He lies down and stares up at the ceiling, thinking back to the day’s events. He can hear Soobin’s words echoing in his head, banging against the walls of his skull. He can also hear his conversation with Namjoon. And then, of course, there are vivid images of the room he found in Soobin and Yeonjun’s house. The strange drawings strung over the walls, the vial full of ink, the strange violets all around, and the spell books are all as bright as when he first saw them. Seokjin rolls onto his side, staring at the wall. The bed dips when Namjoon joins him. 

“Good night,” he says softly. 

“Good night.” 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Namjoon shifts around and reaches over Monnie, attempting to tangle his fingers with Seokjin’s. He catches his hand and squeezes, though Seokjin continues staring at the wall. He doesn’t have to wait long for Namjoon to fill the air with his snores, his hand slipping out of Seokjin’s. There’s the soft, muffled, indistinct sound of people talking from the other room, but the walls do well when it comes to blocking out any voices. Seokjin remembers when Hueningkai first met him, how he’d skirted around him like a scared animal. 

Sighing, Seokjin closes his eyes. Much to his surprise, he falls asleep quite quickly. 

He’s used to dreaming about being betrayed by those he loves. Seokjin knows his ability to sleep peacefully is yet another thing his father stole from him at a young age. He has nightmares about the first time his father cornered him in his bedroom, but it’s instead Namjoon where his father stood. He has dreams where he’s left by everyone he loves. There are some that don’t even make sense, like the ones where he’s running from some sort of creature in the darkness, his heart pounding as it mercilessly consumes him, his screams silenced. Honestly, Seokjin prefers not to dream. 

He’s pleasantly surprised, however, when he finds himself on the balcony of the imperial palace. He’s staring out at the sunset, holding onto the rails of the balcony. Seokjin looks over and notices a young man sometime in his early twenties. A golden [ crown ](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/634233560014284306/) rests atop his head, rubies and metal sparkling in the light of the setting sun. Soobin’s lost some of the fat on his cheeks and his jawline seems a little sharper, though his eyes are still the same. He’s taller, too. A long cape falls from his shoulders and he’s dressed beautifully in red and gold materials. His fingers are empty except for a golden band around his left ring finger, the ruby catching the sunlight. A sword rests on his hip, and something tells Seokjin it isn’t just for show. 

The sound of footsteps has him turning around to look over his shoulder. Seokjin copies him and sees Yeonjun walking toward Soobin. His blue hair stands out against the red of his [ dress ](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/42221315242629102/) and his golden [ tiara ](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/630363279079321714/) glitters. The diamonds and rubies look expensive, as does the gold. On his left hand, a ring sits in the same place as Soobin’s. He steps forward, taking his hand. A shadow appears and Seokjin can make out two dragons flying through the air. Yeonjun clutches Soobin’s arm as they both look up while the airborne reptiles soar above, the wind rushing through their hair and clothes. Seokjin looks around and stares out at the countryside. Rolling green hills covered by farms surround the Dragon City. The grandeur of the manors for the elite has significantly decreased, though he can’t see the slums. Seokjin, now sure that the couple can’t see him, swings his legs over the balcony and hopes he can manipulate his dream into giving him the ability to fly. 

However, instead of bringing him to the worst part of the capital, Seokjin finds himself on the shore of a beach. The water laps at his bare feet and the wet sand gets between his toes, rough against his skin. The place is empty and wildly out of context. Seokjin looks around and then stares at the waves. There’s a large cliff behind him, a rocky boundary between Seokjin and the rest of the world. 

A sirens’ song begins to draw him toward the water. Seokjin can’t describe what he hears, but it’s intoxicating and he finds himself stepping forward. The water greedily begins to soak through his pants, climbing higher as Seokjin goes deeper. It’s cold and the current is powerful, dragging Seokjin farther and farther from the shore. It isn’t long before he finds himself almost completely submerged. And then, a giant wave washes over his head and Seokjin is plunged into darkness. 

The next part of his dream, Seokjin is standing on the shore. He remembers this. It’s his entrance to Inura. The townspeople stare at the shy prince as he hides behind Namjoon, though even his lover can’t protect him from the burning hatred they emanate. Seokjin is an unwanted and dangerous gamble. 

In the dream, Seokjin begins to shiver. People are glaring at him and he’s making himself smaller. Namjoon wraps him in his cloak and, though it’s meant to help, it only succeeds in making the crowd angrier. Seokjin doesn’t expect them to go after Namjoon, though. Before anyone knows what’s happening, the prince’s hands are glowing and his lips are pulled into a dangerous snarl as he pushes Namjoon behind him. The light in his hands dies out then and the prince backs away. The people are silent and Namjoon takes his chance, herding Seokjin away from the prying eyes of the townspeople. 

The moment they arrive in the house, Seokjin's dream shifts. 

He finds himself standing on a battlefield he’s dreamt about so much that it feels like one of his memories. Seokjin’s hands are glowing and he’s summoning earthen soldiers to fight alongside the rebel forces. The skies are clouded over and the rain beats down on his mud soldiers, but the magic keeps them together. Many of them have the bones of those who died in the field, and Seokjin notes a few human skulls. Or, well, _humanoid_ skulls. 

He looks forward and sees his father. Dong-Hyeok sits atop a giant steed made of bones, cutting through anyone and everyone who gets close enough for his cavalry sword to reach. Seokjin waves his hands and summons another wave, directing them toward his father. There’s something very wrong with the rebel troops, though. They’ve lost their spark and it seems as if they’ve been fighting for years. Seokjin, already familiar with the story, isn’t surprised as he works in vain to continue creating soldiers. 

And then, there’s a sudden yell. Seokjin turns around but, just as he sees what’s happening, his vision goes black. 

Seokjin wakes up soaked in sweat. The dream of the rainy battlefield always has that effect, much to his frustration and disgust. Seokjin gets up and looks over his shoulder at Namjoon. The bed is empty, though. Seokjin is surprised but it’s expected. He sighs, shaking his head and then padding out of the room. He pokes his head into Hueningkai’s room and finds that the boy is thrashing about in bed. Worried, Seokjin pushes the door open even more and sits by his bed, shaking him gently. 

“Ningning,” he whispers, “wake up. Huening-ah, wake up.” Hueningkai groans and then his eyes fly open. Seokjin notices then that his hands are beginning to dim, though it looks like he’s charred his bedsheets. 

“Hyung,” he says breathily. Seokjin opens his arms and the boy hurls himself at him, heaving a shaky sigh of relief. Seokjin cards his fingers through dark curls and kisses his head, pulling away to look at him. He wipes away the stray tear that’s running over Hueningkai’s cheekbone, clicking his tongue. Big, brown eyes sparkle even in the darkness, and, if there was any light, Seokjin knows there would be shining specks of gold and, if the sun was hitting them correctly, red. 

“Are you all right?” he says, his voice hushed to keep from waking Hoseok up. 

“Just a nightmare,” Hueningkai says. Seokjin hums and begins rubbing his back. Hueningkai’s tears begin to soak through the thin material of his pajama shirt, small droplets leaving tiny spots on it. Hueningkai stresses Seokjin out a lot. He’s a Beta so he doesn’t have any scent that can be used to guess his emotions or track him. He’s young and powerful too. Seokjin’s gotten good at reading his expressions and attitude, though he still finds himself struggling at times. He’s worried about missing something and then watching as his young student hurts himself or others with his magic. And while Seokjin doubts this will happen, he knows it’s something he has to watch for. No matter what he does, one’s emotions are still one of if not the most powerful force. 

When Hueningkai has fallen asleep again, Seokjin gets up and heads down to the kitchen. The light is out but he can see the shadows reflected on the walls of the study. He grabs a glass of water and walks into the place, finding a still-shirtless Namjoon sitting at the table. He’s writing as if it’s his last day alive and the parchment on his desk holds his will. 

“Joon-ah,” Seokjin says, not bothering to be quiet. Namjoon looks up, his glasses sliding down the smooth slope of his nose. He pushes them up with an ink-stained hand and smiles sheepishly. His chestnut hair is still messy from sleep and the spots beneath his eyes are dark and even more prominent in the candlelight. It’s got a rather haunting effect in Seokjin’s opinion.

“Sorry,” he says. “Did I wake you?” Seokjin sighs, placing his glass on the table and walking over. 

“Why aren’t you asleep right now?” he says. Namjoon hums. 

“We have to get this finished,” he says. “You know how close storm season is; there will be too many people on those boats and I refuse to risk that many lives.” Seokjin sighs and pushes his hair back. 

“Joonie,” he says softly, “your work will be worthless if you aren’t sleeping. Come back to bed.” 

“I work best at night,” Namjoon says as if Seokjin doesn’t already know that. 

“You work best when you have eight hours of sleep,” Seokjin argues. And, well, they’re both right in this instance. But Seokjin doesn’t need Namjoon to know that. 

“Jinnie,” Namjoon says, looking at him with pleading, puppy-dog eyes. Seokjin shakes his head. 

“C’mon, Joonie,” he says, “we need to get to bed before Huening comes to sleep with us. You don’t want him waking up Hoseok, do you?” Namjoon sighs and shakes his head. Seokjin smiles and brings him to the kitchen to wash his hands, holding the candle. He finishes his glass of water and then they head upstairs. 

As expected, the moment they’re in bed, Hueningkai comes in. He’s holding his stuffed animal and his pajama pants drag over the wooden floor as he pads inside. 

“Come on, Ning-ah,” Seokjin says, patting the space in the middle of the bed. Hueningkai scrambles up between them and Monnie jumps onto the bed, curling up near their feet. Seokjin blows the candle out and lies down, sighing. The boy between them is shivering and, before Seokjin can do anything about it, Namjoon is cuddling with the Beta. Hueningkai seems to relax and Seokjin snuggles closer to the two males, closing his eyes and sighing. It isn’t long before they’ve all fallen asleep. 

He wakes up and rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. It’s still dark out, a sure sign that Seokjin should go back to sleep. Hueningkai and Namjoon are still fast asleep, knocked out cold beside him. Seokjin sighs, resting his hands on his chest. The room is cold though no one seems to care. 

Against his better judgment, Seokjin gets out of bed and quietly pads toward his brother’s room. Hoseok is curled up in bed, snoozing softly. Seokjin smiles at him as he sits down on the mattress, watching how it dips under his weight. He begins carding his fingers through Hoseok’s hair, smiling at how he further relaxes in response. Seokjin pulls away after a few minutes and heads downstairs and into the living room. He finds his embroidery after lighting a candle and then curls up on one of the couches and begins sewing, basking in the quiet of the room. 

Around an hour or so after he came down, Seokjin gets up to make a cup of tea. He looks out the window and thinks he can see the shy, pale rays of the sun over the horizon. When his tea is finished, Seokjin grabs a cloak and heads to the back porch. He sits in one of the rocking chairs and drinks his tea, staring at the forest behind the house. It rained last night. Seokjin grabs a pair of sandals and walks through the grass, following the little stone path to the large greenhouse. He unlocks the door and then heads inside, the heat surrounding him. The place is quiet except for the sound of the frogs, crickets, and varied magical creatures that live inside of the place. Vibrantly-colored flowers are placed around the area, broken through by trees and bushes. Seokjin finds a small bench and sits down, drinking his tea. The greenhouse has been here since before even Namjoon lived in the house. It was a gift from some sorcerer long ago to court an Omega. That’s all anyone knows about it. The place was enchanted so any plant could grow inside, no matter what the conditions were. It’s proven itself quite helpful, especially now with Beomgyu’s sudden apple juice craving. 

Sighing to himself, Seokjin sits back and closes his eyes. The smell of the flowers and fruits fills his nose and calms him. Namjoon’s growing a patch of lavender somewhere nearby. Seokjin loves it. He also likes the butterfly bushes and the honeysuckle and the lemongrass and the jasmine and the cinnamon tree. They have ginger too and a patch of mint. Oh, and, of course, a coffee plant. Seokjin loves the greenhouse. 

Smiling, Seokjin finishes his tea and leaves. He locks the door and walks back into the house, then heads to his bedroom. He climbs into bed beside Hueningkai and closes his eyes, sighing as he hopes for an hour more of sleep. 

The next morning, Seokjin wakes up alone. There’s a cup of coffee on his bedside table and a small note signed by Namjoon and Hueningkai. It makes him think of the story he overheard about a woman whose mate and son wrote her a note and made her breakfast and coffee. Seokjin is happy no one went into the kitchen, though he also doesn’t know if the coffee will be edible. (Or is it drinkable?)

Standing up, he heads into the bathroom to get ready. He changes after and tries the coffee, finding that it’s a bit too sweet. Seokjin shakes his head at Hueningkai’s antics as he goes down the stairs, only to find the dining table full. Yoongi is in the kitchen and Seokjin goes to find him before Hueningkai sees and begs him to drink his coffee. 

“Ah, the kid made you some too,” Yoongi says when he comes in. Seokjin laughs as he gets ready to pour it out. There’s a sudden screech and he stops, turning to look at Hueningkai. 

“Hyung!” he cries, scandalized. Seokjin stares at the mug with wide eyes. 

“In my defense, this is permanent damage to my teeth in a cup,” he says, pointing at it. Hueningkai makes an agonized noise before collapsing dramatically. 

“He’s already done it to the rest of us, though Beomgyu was exempt,” Yoongi says as he scrambles some eggs. “I’d recommend just drinking it to get it over with.”

“He had some, didn’t he,” Seokjin says as he takes a tiny sip. Yoongi hums and Hueningkai stands up, beginning to inch out of the room. Seokjin sighs as he continues drinking the coffee then puts the cup in the sink and grabs a glass for water. Yoongi laughs at him as he chugs, then slams the cup down. 

“Where are the others?” he says. 

“The living room. I had Jimin keep everyone out since I thought you wouldn’t be very happy to wake up and find the house in flames.” 

Seokjin laughs. “Thanks,” he says, ruffling his little brother’s hair. Yoongi shrugs as Seokjin walks out. He heads into the living room and finds everyone sitting on the couches or the floor or the chairs. Monnie is asleep near the fireplace and Hueningkai is lying on top of the dog, listening to Jeongguk. Taehyun and Beomgyu are curled up together, Taehyun holding the babies in his arms. Yeonjun is feeding Soobin and cooing at his expressions, squeezing his cheeks. Hoseok is sitting near Hueningkai, his arms wrapped around his knees. Taehyung is resting his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder and the Alpha has an arm around his waist, using his free hand to gesture as he speaks. Dae-Jung is asleep, his head resting on Hanna’s shoulder. Jimin is staring into the kitchen with a lovesick grin on his face and Namjoon is reading a book, though he puts it down when he notices Seokjin. 

“What’re they talking about?” he says, taking a seat beside him. Namjoon hums and gestures toward Jeongguk. He’s talking about some battle or something, though Seokjin isn’t paying much attention. He sighs, reaching up to run his fingers through Namjoon’s hair. The room is warm, the flames in the fireplace dancing about. 

Jimin leaves the room to help Yoongi bring more food in and they all chat while eating. 

“Hyung,” Jimin says around a mouthful of food, “could we go to the marketplace today?” Namjoon shrugs. 

“I don’t see why not,” he says. He looks around. “Do any of you have plans?” When he receives a chorus of no’s, Namjoon shrugs and says, “Sure, why not?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> luv u and see u next chapter. Also, updates might slow down bc of something I’ll be doing, but idk for sure


	3. Lost Souls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seokjin's brothers learn a little more about Inura and how things work.

Seokjin has a feeling that the trip isn’t going to go very well as he pulls his cloak on. He bites his lip and keeps his mouth shut, though, trying to keep from ruining the mood. Taehyun and Beomgyu are showing their daughters off and everyone is cooing over them as they get ready. They both have little knitted hats on their small, almost-bald heads. Their outfits are matching and Taehyun’s carrying a large bag full of diapers and baby bottles, along with a few toys and other things. 

They head out and walk through the streets until they get to the heart of the marketplace. Seokjin watches as the others explore, their hoods off. He keeps his head bow and rests his hand on the bag of money, biting his lower lip. 

“Are you all right?” Dae-Jung says softly. Seokjin yelps when he appears, turning to look at him. 

“Oh! I mean, well, yes, of course,” he says, laughing awkwardly. “Why do you ask?” 

“The townspeople don’t like you, do they?” he says, looking around and ignoring Seokjin’s question. “Why not?” 

Seokjin shifts uncomfortably and tugs on his cloak. He shrugs and looks over at Namjoon and his brothers to make sure none of them are listening to the conversation. 

“You don’t know the stories, do you?” he says quietly. “I’m the ‘whore-prince’, don’t you know? You’ve heard the rumors, haven’t you?” 

“Well, who hasn’t?” Dae-Jung says. He frowns and stares at Seokjin. “But that doesn’t mean-”

“They’re true,” Seokjin rushes out. “People- Namjoon is like their  _ god _ , and then he’s fallen in love with me, the ‘whore-prince’ and, to make it worse, I’m capable of things no other person has ever been able to do. Many people think I tricked him into saving me so I can help my father.” 

Dae-Jung raises an eyebrow, making a skeptical and surprised expression. “Do they truly believe that?” he says. “Can they- do they know-”

“No,” Seokjin says, shaking his head. He sighs. “It’s not like they’d care, anyway. I- I enjoy having sex, but-”

“-Rape isn’t sex,” Dae-Jung finishes. He sighs and nods. “I can understand. Well, I suppose ‘relate’ is a better word. But, correct me if I’m wrong, some people with . . . histories such as your own choose to have sex and enjoy it more because they feel as if they’re in control. That’s what Beomgyu told me. Taehyun makes him feel as if every choice made is consensual and it is, and that’s why they- well, that’s why he found it so enjoyable. The first time, he had trouble, but, once Taehyun made it clear he wouldn’t do it if Beomgyu didn’t want to-”

“-It became the greatest experience he’d ever had,” Seokjin says. He sighs and nods. “It’s frustrating, really, because a part of my rebellion was to gain something resembling control over my life. It was- or, well, it felt like it was written in stone. And going against my father’s every order and going out and drinking and having fun- it was the easiest way to stay alive.” His voice goes quiet at the end and Seokjin looks away, trying to see if anyone other than Dae-Jung heard him speaking. No one’s looking nor trying to listen in, though, so he assumes it’s fine. 

“Oh,” the man says softly. He looks at Namjoon. “Does he know?” 

Seokjin stares at the ground and kicks a pebble in his way. “In a way. We’ve . . . we’ve discussed it, per se.” 

“It’s at least a start, isn’t it?” Dae-Jung says, bumping him with his shoulder. Seokjin shrugs. 

“I suppose,” he says. He looks over his shoulder at the others. They’re all chatting and unaware of the conversation in front of them, though Seokjin prefers it that way. There’s a part of him that wants to scream his story at the top of his lungs so that the entire square hears, though he doubts it would do anything. Seokjin can bet that most people would dismiss it as a call for attention. 

“Appa!” Beomgyu calls and the two look over their shoulders to see the rest of their group at a small stall. Seokjin helps Dae-Jung through the crowd and they end up beside everyone else. Beomgyu is holding a pair of little baby shoes and he’s cooing, holding them out for everyone to fawn over. Neither of his daughters are interested in them. 

“Those are cute, though they won’t be wearing shoes any time soon,” Dae-Jung says, laughing a bit. Beomgyu pouts and Taehyun kisses his cheek. 

“We can come back some other time, angel,” he says sweetly. Seokjin looks at the other couples then, watching how they’re all standing closely and touching in some way. Even Hueningkai and Hoseok’s knuckles are brushing as they wait for one or the other to make a move. Seokjin wiggles around and goes to Namjoon, lacing their fingers together. Namjoon looks down at him and smiles, his eyes crinkling in the corners. Seokjin leans his head on his shoulder and watches as Taehyun convinces Beomgyu to move along and leave the baby shoes behind. 

“I must confess,” Namjoon whispers, “that I bought something from there for us.” Seokjin raises an eyebrow. 

“I’m not pregnant, though,” he says. Namjoon shrugs and holds out a small box, then opens it to reveal a pair of tiny baby shoes. Seokjin giggles. 

“Why would you buy them?” he says softly. 

“They were too cute; I couldn’t help it.” Seokjin laughs softly and shakes his head, squeezing Namjoon’s hand. They continue to walk through the marketplace and then Seokjin remembers that he needs to get something to make dinner, though leftovers are still an option. 

Everything’s going fine until the locals begin to gossip. Seokjin, someone who’s used to it, ignores the whispers as they walk, closing his eyes and focusing on Namjoon’s scent. His brothers, however, are not. 

“What did you say about him?” Yoongi growls suddenly, drawing everyone’s attention to him. 

“Yoongi,” Seokjin says, walking toward him. “Yoongi, it’s-”

“What did you say about my brother?!” Yoongi demands, shaking the woman by her shirt. She narrows her eyes. 

“What, you don’t know about how he slept his way into getting here? That he spread his-”

“Shut up!” Yoongi yells. “Don’t you say another word!” 

“Yoongi!” Seokjin says, grabbing his brother by the wrist. He bows his head at the woman. “I’m sorry, please excuse his behavior.” He tugs Yoongi away and stares at the ground. Everyone’s looking at them, eyes crawling over Seokjin like spiders. Seokjin prefers spiders. 

“Hyung!” Yoongi hisses. “You can’t let them speak about you like that!” 

“I already do!” Seokjin says. He looks around. “If you want to get around in this town, then you’ll understand that the people here hate me!”

“But why, Hyung?” Yoongi says. He stares at his brother. “What happened? You never-”

“I’ve always let people talk about me like that, and don’t you deny it,” Seokjin says. “It doesn’t matter, all right? As long as they leave me alone, I’m fine.” 

“But Hyung, they were saying that Namjoon-”

“Be quiet, Taehyung-ah,” Seokjin says. “For my sake and my sanity’s, be quiet.” Seokjin sighs, shaking his head. 

“I’m going home,” he says to everyone. “I- I’m not feeling very well.” He doesn’t wait for any answers as he begins to move through the crowd, his head down and his hood pulled over his hair to hide his identity. He can feel people staring at him and he can hear the whispers he tries to ignore, but they’re loud and they want his attention. Seokjin attempts to block out the rumors, but-

“He deserves it, don’t you think?” someone says as Seokjin passes by. “What, the whore-prince? He could care less if someone’s cheating on him!” 

_ What? _ Seokjin thinks, stealing a quick glance over his shoulder. But whoever said it has disappeared into the crowd, leaving Seokjin alone. 

He’s paying so little attention that he doesn’t notice the young man until they crash into one another. 

“Oh, gods, sorry!” Seokjin says, scrambling to help him with his things. When he looks up, the man looks shy, embarrassed, and . . . ashamed?

“Sorry,” he says softly as he takes his things back from Seokjin. “I, um, I wasn’t-”

“No, it’s fine!” Seokjin says, waving his hands. He bites his lip and looks away. “I wasn’t looking where I was going, sorry. I’ll, um, I’ll be off.” He doesn’t bother saying anything else as he dashes away, heart pounding in his chest. He heads into the cottage and locks the door behind him, sighing as he slides down to the ground. Monnie comes over and Seokjin pats the dog’s head, fingers running through his thick, white fur. He sighs, leaning his head against the door. His eyes fall shut and Seokjin heaves a shaky sigh, trying to keep himself from crying. He knows Namjoon isn’t cheating, though. Namjoon is far too busy with his work to attempt such a thing, and it just isn’t who he is, right? He wouldn’t do it to Seokjin. He knows how fragile Seokjin’s state of mind is, doesn’t he?

_ But couldn’t that be a motivator? _ Seokjin thinks.  _ I’m so boring; what if he wanted more excitement? _

_ No! _ another part of Seokjin’s mind protests.  _ I’m not boring! Namjoon wouldn’t date me if I was, right? _

_ But you have magic, _ the more depressing part says.  _ Don’t you think that’s a great motivator? Why- _

_ No! Don’t think like that! Namjoon loves you, all right? Now shut up! _

Seokjin sighs, closing his eyes again. He tugs his boots off and puts his cloak on the hanger, then heads into the kitchen to get something to eat. There are still leftovers from breakfast, so that’s nice. Seokjin looks out the window and notices someone walking toward the house. He sighs and pushes a hand through his hair, watching the door open. 

“Are you okay?” Namjoon says, standing in the doorway. Seokjin hums and nods. 

“Of course,” he says. He sighs again. “My brothers just don’t know that-”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Namjoon says softly. Seokjin stiffens and stands up. 

“It’s nothing,” he says, waving his hand. “I didn’t leave because of the rumors, I left so we could avoid conflict with any of the locals. Really, Joon, it’s fine.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Namjoon says again. “Do you not trust me or something?” 

“What?” Seokjin says, surprised and laughing a bit. Really? Namjoon’s asking a question like this when there are rumors that he’s having an affair right under Seokjin’s nose? Is he real?

“Do you not trust me?” Namjoon says. Seokjin shakes his head. 

“Of course, I do,” he lies. Wow, someone’s bad at this communication part, huh?

“Are you lying to me?” Namjoon says, his voice still soft as if Seokjin is some sort of injured animal he’s attempting to comfort. 

Seokjin stiffens. He looks at his boyfriend and tries to keep his expression neutral. 

“No,” he says, looking away and keeping his eyes trained on the ground. “Why would I lie to you about that? Of course, I trust you, we’ve been dating for too for me not to.” Namjoon remains silent and Seokjin looks up at him. He, too, is staring at the wooden floor they stand on, his eyes averted from Seokjin. A part of his mind whispers that it’s because he feels guilty of cheating, but Seokjin shoves it down. 

Namjoon sighs. “Did I do something? Is that it?” he says. Seokjin shakes his head. 

“It’s nothing, Namjoon. Don’t worry about it.” 

“If you’re talking about it like that and you’re this torn up, then I’m going to guess that it’s far from nothing.” He looks up at Seokjin. “What aren’t you telling me?” 

Seokjin’s temper flares. 

“Nothing!” he cries, whipping around to glare at Namjoon. “Why do you care so much about it? I’ve already told you it’s nothing, so why can’t you drop it?!” Namjoon is still sitting down, but his scent begins to permeate the air. 

“Because it’s bothering you, okay?!” Namjoon says, his voice growing louder. “Why do you think I care? I care about you!” 

“I know! But there’s no way you can help by coming in and bothering me about something as insignificant as this!” 

“Then what do you want me to do?” Namjoon says as he stands up. Seokjin keeps a good distance between them. “What do you want from me? How can I help you?” 

“Leave it!” Seokjin says. “Just leave it, okay? Leave me alone!” 

“Fine!” 

“Fine!” Namjoon sighs and grabs his cloak. 

“I’ll see you at dinner,” he says as he walks out, looking over his shoulder. Seokjin nods, watching as Namjoon closes the door. He watches as his boyfriend walks down the street and back to the marketplace, then, once he can’t see him anymore, he collapses. 

It’s a bit frustrating, actually. Seokjin and Namjoon, like all couples, have fought upon multiple occasions. Usually, they make up within a few days. Their fights are infrequent and, quite often, they aren’t very explosive or emotionally-charged. But Seokjin is also aware that he isn’t the best when it comes to other people and their emotions. It’s frustrating, especially because he’s in a relationship with someone as emotionally complex and aware as Namjoon. 

Seokjin reaches up and touches the tears running down his cheeks. They make his skin wet, but that’s how tears work, isn’t it? He licks his lips and tastes the salt on them, then stares out the window. Namjoon’s gone and Seokjin stands up, walking into the study. He doesn’t know why, but he’s curious. What could Namjoon be writing?

Much to his frustration, Seokjin finds nothing. He searches for the papers he’s seen Namjoon writing so diligently on, yet there isn’t anything. Sighing, Seokjin looks around. 

And then, he notices his name. It’s written in Namjoon’s handwriting, a few sharp angles and smooth curves. Seokjin reaches out and plucks the piece of parchment from the pile it was hidden under and stares at it. It’s old, from around when they met. It’s a little poem.

_ ‘seokjin’ _ is the title. No capitalization or anything, but that’s poetry, isn’t it? Seokjin runs his fingers over the small letters, humming. 

_seokjin_ _  
__I have seen_ _  
__Much of the world_ _  
__And its vast riches_ _  
__However_ _  
__None could ever_ _  
__Compete_ _  
__With_ _  
___You

Seokjin smiles a bittersweet smile. He wipes his tears away to keep from leaving any signs of his snooping. The clenching of his chest makes Seokjin want to cry even more, so he shoves the poem back under the pile and dashes out, but not before a thought occurs. He stops in his tracks and looks back, then walks over to the pile of parchment and the inkwells and quills. With shaking hands, Seokjin picks out a quill and a piece of parchment. He stares at Namjoon’s chair and is hit with a strange sense of dysphoria as he looks at it. 

_ Is this how Soobin feels around him? _ he thinks. Namjoon’s chair, his space seems to tower over Seokjin. He feels terribly small in comparison to it. It doesn’t make sense because Seokjin is loud and rambunctious and he takes up space. But Namjoon has some sort of aura about him that has people bending over backward to assist him, carving out spaces where he can sit comfortably. Meanwhile, Seokjin feels like he’s always fighting to get people to listen to him and see him, hence his loudness and obnoxious attitude. People expect him to sit still and look pretty, beautiful, but not enough to keep himself from fading into the background. 

Sighing, Seokjin stares at the words written on the parchment. It’s really just a few paragraphs of almost-nonse about his feelings. His plate is rather full, and this is some sort of way to maybe lessen the burden. Something tells him, though, that he’ll have to confront Namjoon sooner or later. 

Quietly, Seokjin heads up to his room. He lies down and can smell Namjoon and himself on the sheets, along with Monnie and the faint scent of Hueningkai and the soap he uses. Seokjin grabs Namjoon’s pillow and smothers his face with it, inhaling the scent of lavender and rainstorms. It mixes well with the peaches and cream Seokjin’s been told he smells like. He catches hints of the fruit and sugary treat. It’s nice, Seokjin supposes, though he still thinks he prefers Namjoon’s scent. 

_ What’s going to happen if we break up? _ he thinks, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling over Namjoon’s pillow.  _ What if we break up before the war is over? _

_ We won’t, though,  _ Seokjin thinks back,  _ because we wouldn’t break up in the first place. This is just a little argument, isn’t it? We used to argue all of the time, didn’t we? _

_ But what if it means something? _

_ It probably- _

“Hyung? Hyung, are you home?” Seokjin sits up and then heads out of the bedroom, closing the door softly behind him. He heads down the stairs and finds his three brothers plus Yeonjun and Beomgyu standing there, all waiting for him to come down. 

“What are you doing here?” Seokjin says, trying to act as if he was just napping. 

“We are having a relaxation night,” Taehyung announces, clapping his hands together. He looks over at Beomgyu. “Is your dad coming? What about Hanna-Noona?” 

Beomgyu shakes his head. “They volunteered to help Taehyun with the girls. I’m still a little worried, though.” 

“No more of that!” Hoseok says. “We are relaxing and acting our age. For the rest of the day until tomorrow morning, the war isn’t happening and everything’s fine.”

“Do I still have kids?” Beomgyu says. 

“You still have kids, but Taehyun and your father and Noona and everyone else is able to take care of them. C’mon, we’re taking a break!” Beomgyu looks like he wasn’t exactly consulted on this because he’s now grabbing a piece of parchment Seokjin used as a shopping list and he’s writing down a bunch of directions. Or, at least, that’s what Seokjin thinks. 

“What are you doing?” Yeonjun says, looking over his shoulder. 

“Writing down directions,” Beomgyu says, not bothering to look up. Yeonjun frowns. 

“Don’t you think Taehyun would know?”

“Yes, but what about everyone else taking care of them?” 

“Your dad? Hanna-Noona?” 

“And if they all fall asleep?” 

“They’ll be fine, Beomgyu,” Hoseok says. He receives a skeptical look from the man before Beomgyu sighs, running a hand through his hair. 

“You’d better hope they are,” he says, “‘cause I’m going to need a lot of help hiding bodies if they aren’t.” 

“You’re so cute and fluffy that I wouldn’t take that threat to heart from a glance, but, because I’ve heard what can happen, I’m pretty scared,” Taehyun says. Beomgyu shrugs. 

“They’re my babies. You’ll help me, won’t you, Yeonjun-Hyung?” 

“Soobin has to be spared.” 

Beomgyu hums. “I’ll think about it. But, if something happens, everyone’s at least going to get bitten.” Yeonjun looks scared and he slowly inches away from Beomgyu. Seokjin snorts, crossing his arms. 

“Why are you crashing here?” he says. 

“‘Cause we didn’t know how else to tell you,” Yoongi says, shrugging. He heads into the living room and Seokjin watches. “Would you rather we sleep on the couch or in the bedrooms?” 

“I don’t care. Just don’t go in Huening’s room, I don’t know what’s in there,” he says. 

“Oh, it’s nothing that bad,” Hoseok says mindlessly as he follows Yoongi. Everyone else except for Seokjin stops and they all look at him. Hoseok takes a little while to realize what he said before turning bright red in embarrassment. 

“It’s- we haven’t- it’s not like that!” he says, his voice comically high-pitched and squeaky. “He’s eighteen! I’m twenty-six! I don’t- I can’t- that’s gross! Even if he  _ was _ older, I wouldn’t do it! I don’t want- I mean, well, that’s just not for me. I’m not very interested,” he says. Hoseok groans when no one responds, covering his scarlet face with his hands. 

“It’s fine,” Seokjin finally says, clearing his throat to get everyone’s attention. “I can vouch for him, anyway. They’re not . . . there’s nothing particularly suspicious about what they do. It’s pretty innocent, I guess.” 

“You guess?!” Hoseok cries, pulling his hands from his face and staring at Seokjin. “You  _ guess _ ?!” 

“Okay, okay! They probably haven’t even kissed yet!”

“Have you?” Yeonjun says. 

Hoseok squeaks and hides behind his hands again. “No! Why? There’s no reason for us to! He’s a kid! I’m not kissing a kid!”

“So you’re not going to start dating him for a couple of years?” Yoongi says, pulling his legs up onto the couch. Hoseok shakes his head. 

“I don’t want to take advantage of him, you know?” he says. “He- I mean, well, really, none of us have had any chances to be, like, actual adults. He’s not even an adult. So it- I mean, I can set my own feelings aside to make sure he knows what he’s getting into by starting to date a twenty-six-year-old Omega who’s already pretty screwed up.” 

“You aren’t screwed up,” Taehyung says fiercely. Hoseok raises an eyebrow as he sits back on the couch. 

“I am, though,” he says, looking up at the ceiling. He looks at everyone else. “I- my heats-”

“He doesn’t get horny,” Taehyung says easily. He looks at them and his eyes sparkle with a challenge. “That doesn’t mean he’s not- I mean, it doesn’t mean he’s sick or screwed up, does it?”

Yeonjun nods. “Hyung,” he says, “you’re, like- I mean, who cares if people like sex? Who cares if they don’t? All anyone should care about is whether you’re an asshole or not. And, as far as we’re all concerned,” he waves at the rest of their little group, “you’re far from that.” 

“You put that really well,” Yoongi says. Yeonjun shrugs, sitting back and running his hands through his hair. 

“Soobin needs to hear stuff like that a lot. He’s always worried about being an asshole whenever he tries to be more assertive. I like to think that I’ve gotten pretty good at motivational speaking when it comes to talking about accepting yourself and whatever.” He shrugs again. “But don’t tell Soobin I told you that. It’ll make him worse.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Beomgyu says as he lays his feet in Yoongi’s lap. The older Omega begins to massage his feet, much to Seokjin’s surprise. The two seem a lot closer than either of them have ever bothered to let on. 

“Thanks,” Hoseok says quietly, not looking at anyone as he twiddles his thumbs. Seokjin hums and heads into the kitchen to bring out something to drink. 

“How do you feel about alcohol?” he calls over his shoulder, looking at their wine cabinet. 

“Bring it here!” Yoongi says, sounding as if Seokjin just promised him all of the riches in the world. Seokjin snorts as he grabs a nice bottle and a few glasses, heading into the living room. 

“Have you two ever- I mean, do you two drink?” Taehyung says as Seokjin pours everyone a glass of wine. Beomgyu shakes his head and Yeonjun shrugs. 

“Probably at some sort of feast or whatever,” he says. He takes the glass and thanks Seokjin. Beomgyu stares at the liquid and looks around. Seokjin brings his cup to his lips and gulps it down, relishing in the burn that travels down his throat. 

“Did you get something sweet?” Taehyung says as he investigates the wine in his glass. Seokjin checks the bottle and frowns. 

“I think so?” he says. He shrugs and sits back after pouring himself another glass. “I don’t know; I’ve never paid much attention to stuff like that.” Taehyung shrugs and then brings the glass to his lips, taking a sip. Seokjin gets up and heads to the kitchen, placing his glass on the counter as he begins to make dinner. It’s easy, but the chatter of the others fades into the background and the dam that was holding Seokjin’s thoughts back breaks. He can’t get himself to focus on the food as he makes rice and heats up leftovers, brow furrowing in frustration. He stares at his empty cup and sighs, running a hand through his hair. At this rate, he’ll be bald before fifty. 

Seokjin looks over his shoulder and into the living room. Yoongi, Hoseok, Taehyung, Yeonjun, and Beomgyu are all chatting happily, laughing and trading stories. He feels frustratingly disconnected from them. It’s as if he’s in his own little bubble of seclusion that keeps him from communicating his thoughts and feelings to everyone outside of it. Especially the ones he needs to express. Seokjin sighs and continues to cook, staring at the sizzling food in the pan. The rice in the pot is still the same. Seokjin walks over to the kitchen table and sits down, staring out the window. A part of him wants Namjoon to walk by and into the house so they can reconcile, but Seokjin knows that won’t be happening. He sighs again and turns back to the stove, continuing to cook. 

When he’s finished, he turns and stares into the living room. Everyone looks happy and they’re all talking loudly. He feels like there’s a glass wall between them and Seokjin can only watch helplessly as they enjoy each others’ company. He feels the shadows in the back of his mind creeping closer and Seokjin swallows hard. 

“Hyung!” Taehyung says loudly, scaring them away. Seokjin breaks into a smile that’s a bit forced, but he feels a little better as he walks over and puts the food on the coffee table. He finds that the others all easily work to accommodate him and the pounding of his heart slows down, steadying as he settles down. 

The night goes on, and they all get a little drunker with every hour that passes. Their faces are smeared in mud masks, hair tied back by fancy ribbons and pins. Seokjin’s revealed the pretty polish he bought for himself and they’re all going crazy with it, glasses clinking as they chat. It’s storming outside, though the crackling of the fire blocks it out. 

“The only way to find- the only way to know if your bae is  _ the _ bae,” Beomgyu says loudly as he swishes around the wine in his glass, “is if he’s gonna do  _ anything _ . No matter what- no matter what bullshit you come up with.” 

“Yeah?” Taehyung says, his cheeks flushed. “What does Taehyun do for you?” 

Beomgyu drinks more wine, then locks eyes with everyone, dead serious as he says, “ _ Everything _ .” 

“Like what?” 

“Tell us, tell us!” 

“Stories or it didn’t happen!” 

Beomgyu laughs and tries to drink from an empty glass. Seokjin feeds Yoongi with an empty spoon. 

“Well,” Beomgyu says, still put off because of the absence of alcohol in his glass, “he  _ hates _ aegyo.” 

“He does,” Yeonjun says sadly. He lies back and sighs dramatically, staring up at the ceiling. “My poor, baby brother, refuses to-”

“That’s a  _ lie _ , though,” Beomgyu says. Seokjin can see Yoongi laughing at their drunkenness. “He does it for  _ me _ .” 

“What?”

“No fair!” Seokjin snorts as Taehyung, Yeonjun, and Hoseok all react rather dramatically to Beomgyu’s confession. He finds that Yoongi’s doing the same thing. 

“Uh-huh. Also, I carried his freakin’ kids for two freakin’ months. But, if bae doesn’t do that, then he- then he isn’t  _ the _ bae, understand? Y’all hear what I’m saying? You know what I’m saying?” 

Everyone answers a yes in one way or another, but Seokjin frowns and stares at the wine in his cup. It suddenly doesn’t taste as good and he places it on the table, brow furrowed. 

_ Does Namjoon do that? _ he thinks, biting his lower lip. He looks around and then his eyes land on his half-full glass of wine. Deciding the hangover isn’t worth it, Seokjin stands up and takes his glass. While he’s at it, he grabs his brothers’ and then Yeonjun and Beomgyu’s. He brings a couple of glasses of water in and then sits back down, nudging one of the glasses close to Beomgyu. The boy takes it and sighs, then turns to look out at the storm that rages outside. 

“Shit!” he says suddenly as he gets to his feet. There’s a prominent stumble as he attempts to pull his cloak and shoes on. 

“Beomgyu, Beomgyu,” Seokjin says, standing up and grabbing his wrist, “where are you going?” 

“The babies,” Beomgyu says. “They don’t like storms, I need-”

“Do you want me to walk you back?” Seokjin says. “You’re too drunk to go alone.” 

“All right.” Beomgyu turns and smiles drunkenly at the others. “Thanks, guys, and I’m sorry.” 

“Go- go be the- the greatest Eomma in the world!” Yeonjun cries before face-planting on the couch. Seokjin snorts as he guides Beomgyu out of the house, though only after they both have cloaks to protect themselves from the violent rains that attack the sidewalk. 

“Thanks, Hyung,” Beomgyu says as they walk. Seokjin hums in response, squinting as he looks around. They continue to walk through the rain until he notices a large brown wolf running toward them, soaking wet. Beomgyu breaks away from Seokjin to run toward Taehyun and he pulls him into his embrace. Seokjin watches as they meet each other, acting as if they haven’t seen one another in ages. He notices several shadows behind Taehyun and smiles at Namjoon through the rain. Namjoon smiles back as they all head to the house. 

When they arrive, Yeonjun has passed out. So have Hoseok and Taehyung, leaving Yoongi the only one awake. He greets them at the door and leaves with Jimin, thanking Seokjin. Soobin comes in and easily picks Yeonjun up, wrapping him in his cloak as he leaves. Jeongguk wakes Taehyung up and they leave, the Omega smiling sweetly at his older brother as he kisses his cheek. Hoseok is still on the couch but Seokjin goes and picks him up, bringing him to his room. Hueningkai trails after him like a lost puppy, though Seokjin refrains from pointing it out. 

“Good night, Huening,” he says after tucking Hoseok in. Hueningkai waves and hugs Seokjin in return. Then, he’s curling up beside Hoseok, snuggling close. Seokjin laughs softly as he stumbles into his room, finding Namjoon already there and getting ready for bed. He kisses his cheek, standing on his tiptoes to reach, then brushes his teeth and washes his face. He’ll shower tomorrow. 

Sighing, Seokjin falls into bed. Namjoon has a few qualms, though. 

“Jinnie,” he says softly, “you need to change.” 

“Mm, don’t wanna.” Namjoon snorts and shakes him again. Seokjin rolls away, giggling. The alcohol seems to be kicking in right now. 

“Baby, please?” Namjoon says softly. Seokjin hums and slowly cracks one eye open to look at him. 

“Please  _ what _ ?” he says before closing his eyes again and trying to roll away from Namjoon. The man laughs as he clambers over Seokjin and picks him up. 

“Please get up and change?” he says. Seokjin hums. 

“I’ll think about it. Give me . . . um, fifteen minutes. Yeah, I’ll-” Seokjin cuts himself off with a yawn as he smiles lazily at Namjoon. 

“You’re going to be asleep by then,” he says. Seokjin shrugs as if to say, “Well?”

Sighing, Namjoon begins to help Seokjin out of his clothes. It’s nothing he hasn’t seen before and Seokjin has even less shame when he’s inebriated, so neither of them are very embarrassed. Seokjin feels like he isn’t doing something that he always does, but he can’t-

“Are you still mad at me?” Namjoon says, his voice almost quiet. Seokjin has to strain to hear. 

“Me? Mad?” Seokjin says drunkenly. Namjoon hums as he brings over some pajamas for him to wear. “I’m not mad.” 

“Are you okay? Is there anything- anything you want to tell me?” 

Seokjin snorts as he pulls his clothes on. “Anything  _ you _ want to tell  _ me _ ?” 

Namjoon is silent. He wrings his hands and Seokjin hums, accepting his bittersweet victory. 

“Good night, Joonie,” he says as he lies down and turns away from him. “I love you.” 

He wakes up and there’s a glass of water on his bedside table. Seokjin is alone in bed. Not even Monnie is curled up beside him. Sighing, he sits up and rubs his head. He drinks the water and then heads into the bathroom, slowly stripping himself of his smelly pajamas before drawing himself a bath. The steam that comes from the water fogs the windows and the mirror, though Seokjin doesn’t really want to see how bad he looks. Hangovers are brutal and he’d rather not have any reminders. 

He sinks into the water and a sense of relaxation washes over Seokjin. His head falls back before he ducks under, holding his breath and shutting his eyes. He surfaces and gasps, pushing his hair away from his face. Some sort of scented oil is filling the air and, to Seokjin, it smells like lavender. He’s not quite sure if it was on purpose or not, but it makes his stomach churn uncomfortably. Seokjin is reminded of yesterday night’s conversation with Namjoon and he suddenly feels terribly sick. 

Grabbing the sides of the bathtub, Seokjin hoists himself from the water. He turns to the toilet and hunches over it as he throws up, much to his disgust. Seokjin’s throat burns and aches as whatever’s left of his dinner ends up in the toilet. It smells like wine and meat and vegetables and garlic. Seokjin pulls away and wipes his lips with his arm, then gurgles water and spits it into the sink. He continues his bath but it isn’t nearly as pleasant and enjoyable as before. He finishes and gets dressed, climbing into bed again. His head is still throbbing but Seokjin can ignore it. He’s used to waking up hungover, believe it or not. The rumors about him sneaking out and slumming it up in the bars and pubs are more or less true. Seokjin’s had worse. 

He sighs and rolls onto his side, away from the large window. The sun is too bright and Seokjin is too tired. The pillows smell weird and he makes a vague mental note to further investigate some other time, just not now. Seokjin finished his glass of water and the bedroom is cold. The blankets provide some sort of comfort that’s nowhere near to what Namjoon would. 

_ I wonder what he’s up to, _ Seokjin thinks. He sighs again and sits up, looking around. Namjoon’s slippers and glasses are gone, so he must be downstairs. 

Slowly, Seokjin gets up and walks out of his bedroom. He closes the door and peeks into Hoseok’s room, finding his brother curled up beside Hueningkai. They’re both sleeping peacefully, unaware of the storm brewing in Seokjin’s mind. He shakes his head and closes the door after noticing two glasses of water on the bedside tables. At least Namjoon did that, right?

The stairs creak and complain loudly as he walks down. Seokjin hopes he can remember to try and do something about it, but he’s a bit preoccupied with finding Namjoon. The kitchen and living room are both empty, so that leaves the study, the library, and then the garden and/or greenhouse. 

Seokjin pads softly into the study and finds Namjoon slumped over his desk, fast asleep. His glasses are askew and there’s ink smudged on his skin. Seokjin shakes his head and sighs, walking over and shaking him gently. 

“Namjoon-ah,” he says, “wake up.” 

Namjoon groans and attempts to move away. However, he’s sitting at a desk in a chair, so it’s a bit difficult to. He ends up jamming his side into one of the arms of his chair and waking himself up. 

“Oh, hey,” he says when he sees Seokjin. He stretches and yawns, re-adjusting his glasses. “How’d you sleep?” Seokjin hums. 

“Fine,” he says. He frowns and pushes a particularly long lock of hair behind Namjoon’s ear. “How long have you been down here?” Namjoon shrugs. 

“I dunno. I made sure everyone was asleep and I’d brought in cups of water, so a few hours I guess. I’ll be fine.” He smiles up at Seokjin and doesn’t bother to hide the spots under his eyes. “I got a lot of work done, so that’s good.” 

Seokjin hums again and looks at the calculations scribbled onto the parchment. They’re messy but legible and (thankfully) weren’t smudged by Namjoon’s face when he fell asleep. Seokjin furrows his brow as he follows along, checking them and whispering the numbers to himself. 

“You’re going to need a lot of magic,” he says. “The boats will have to be huge and our fleet can’t possibly carry enough people. But it could work. I’d have to do a mass enchantment, though.” 

“There has to be another way,” Namjoon says. He’s probably been expecting this conversation. “I don’t- I know the curse. I can’t have that happening to you.” 

“Namjoon-ah,” Seokjin says, shaking his head, “we don’t have a choice.” 

“We have to!” Namjoon says, standing up. Seokjin crosses his arms. “I- it isn’t fair if you do!” 

“Be quiet!” Seokjin hisses. “Huening and Hoseok are still asleep!” 

Namjoon shuts the door and turns around. Seokjin stares at him. “It isn’t fair to you,” he says, trying to stay calm. “If this doesn’t work-”

“It will,” Seokjin says. “It has to work. I wouldn’t be doing this much if I didn’t think it could.” He walks forward and almost reaches out to cup Namjoon’s face, but he stops himself within the last second. “I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t think it- if I didn’t think we could work.”

Namjoon looks away and the answer doesn’t do much to help Seokjin’s growing anxieties. His arms are crossed over his chest and he stays silent, his eyes darting around and avoiding Seokjin at all costs. 

“Don’t you think we can work?” Seokjin says softly, fear creeping into his voice. Namjoon bites his lip. 

“Of course, I do,” Namjoon says, though he doesn’t make himself any more believable when he refuses to meet Seokjin’s eyes. “Why else would I still be here? Why else would I have sought you out that day?” 

“But that was a long time ago,” Seokjin says before he can stop himself. Namjoon looks at him. “People change.” 

Namjoon walks forward and gently takes Seokjin’s hands into his own. He kisses the knuckles of each hand before looking at Seokjin. 

“That they do,” he says softly, “but I promise that there’s no possible way for me to ever stop loving you.” 

Seokjin stares at him, suddenly feeling as if he’s about to burst into tears. 

“Promise me?” he says, his voice hoarse as he fights his tears. “Do you swear on my mother’s life that you’ll love me forever?” 

Namjoon kisses his hands again. His eyes are big and sad, like an old hunting dog’s before it’s killed. “I swear on your mother’s life that I’ll love you forever.”

Seokjin kisses him, throwing his arms around his neck and tugging him close. Namjoon’s lips are soft but a bit chapped. They’re rough from biting and Seokjin vaguely registers the tiniest taste of tears. He’s not sure if he’s the one crying or if it’s Namjoon. Either way, someone’s crying and Seokjin really doesn’t think that’s a good thing. But he’s missed Namjoon’s kisses far too much to think about it now. 

When Namjoon pulls away, his eyes are still as sad as before. It’s just hidden better, but Seokjin’s loved him for too long to ignore it. However, Seokjin hasn’t any idea of what to do. He holds Namjoon’s face in hands and Namjoon holds his wrists gently, leaning into Seokjin’s touch. 

“Will you call a meeting today?” Seokjin says softly. Namjoon looks at him through his eyelashes. 

“Most likely,” he says, his voice just as soft as Seokjin’s. 

_ Why are you so sad? _ Seokjin tries to ask with his eyes. Namjoon simply smiles, still as sad, and kisses his palm. 

“When?” Seokjin says. 

“In the afternoon. That sounds all right, yes?” 

Seokjin nods at him, licking his lips and stepping back. His hands fall to his sides, as do Namjoon’s, and they stand there, staring at each other. He shifts his weight from foot to foot, feeling uncomfortable. It’s strange, really, because less than a month ago they would be investigating whatever issue was presented, working diligently to find a solution that would benefit as many people as possible. 

Seokjin guesses he was right; people  _ do _ change. And, as he looks at Namjoon, he can’t help wondering if it was for the better. 

“I should- um, I’m going to go wake Hoseok and Huening,” he says awkwardly. Namjoon nods, opening the door for him. Seokjin begins walking out but stops when he’s halfway through the door, turning around and tugging Namjoon close. He presses his lips to his cheek. 

“I love you,” he says. Namjoon smiles. 

“I love you too, Jin,” he says. Seokjin smiles weakly as he turns around and keeps walking, climbing up the stairs. He walks down the hall, staring at the small portraits and other assorted decorations until he reaches Hoseok’s bedroom door. It’s still cracked open, but the curtains are closed and the lights are out. He can see two human-shaped lumps on the bed. 

Treading quietly to keep from waking them up because of the floor creaking, Seokjin heads to Hoseok’s side. His brother is tangled up with Hueningkai, still fast asleep. Seokjin smiles and snaps his fingers, the lanterns lighting up. Hoseok and Hueningkai both begin to mumble complaints about it, scrunching their faces. 

“Seok-ah,” Seokjin says, thinking idly of when they were little and Hoseok refused to answer Seokjin unless he referred to him as ‘Little Seok’, “wake up.” 

“Mm, later,” Hoseok grumbles as he rolls away from Seokjin. “S’too early.” 

“It’s past sunrise. At least two hours since.” 

“Hm.” Seokjin raises an eyebrow and then grabs the blankets, yanking them off of the bed. He huffs a laugh when both Hoseok and Hueningkai begin to blindly search for the blankets, refusing to open their eyes. 

“Yah, wake up!” Seokjin says, clapping his hands several times. “I’m not making breakfast if you keep this up!” That gets them and, before Seokjin can get out of the way, both Hoseok and Hueningkai are scrambling out of bed. Seokjin is almost trampled, but he manages to somehow escape. He laughs as he stumbles out of the way, watching as they race to get ready. Seokjin leaves, smiling over his shoulder, then heads into his bedroom to get ready for the meeting. 

He sighs as he enters the room, biting his lip. Seokjin doesn’t really want to go, but he should, right? It’s to maintain an appearance, right? Skipping will only give everyone more ammunition, won’t it?

Slowly, Seokjin gets dressed. He doesn’t feel like dolling himself up or whatever they call it. He grabs a loose shirt with long sleeves and a pair of pants. His cloak is downstairs and it’s still a bit cold. He sighs (gods, what is it with him?) and then heads out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i luv u and thx for reading also, it's a bit early, but i'm thinking abt doing a sister series for after the war? idk if that qualifies as spoilers, but let me know what you think either now or after the last editions to this are publish k luv u


	4. Swords Crossed, Hearts Locked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While things may look better for the rebellion all in all, Seokjin's relationships with Namjoon and the rest of his pack aren't as lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOOO THIS IS A DAY EARLY YEET

Seokjin isn’t surprised when he’s one of the first people to arrive. Of course, he cooked breakfast on his way out and ate as much as he could, making sure to leave Hueningkai, Hoseok, and Namjoon their own portions. He’s surprised he beat them with how much he ate, but Seokjin doesn’t know what everyone else is doing. He’s looking over the maps, tracing the carefully inked lines with idle hands. Every so often, though, Seokjin’s eyes will dart up to look at the doorway. 

Slowly, after a few minutes (maybe three?) of waiting, the room begins to fill up. A steady trickle of people begins and Seokjin watches as it begins with Namjoon, Hoseok and Hueningkai following him. Soobin and Yeonjun, holding hands as they walk, come in next. A few officials or politicians Seokjin could probably name if he’d ever paid attention to his lessons about such things, but, unfortunately for some, he didn’t, so they’re a bunch of random people who don’t like him. It’s a pretty big group. 

Surprisingly, Taehyun and Beomgyu also come. They both hold a baby, and Seokjin admires their ability to continue to attend these meetings even though it’s been about a month since Beomgyu gave birth. They’re all lucky that whatever postpartum complications there were have pretty much all been resolved, at least, to Seokjin’s knowledge. He hopes that's how it is since Beomgyu and Taehyun refuse to leave their children alone for any longer than a couple of hours, and that’s only if one of them is staying to watch. He can’t say he blames them. 

It takes around ten minutes or so before the place is full. Namjoon stands up and the soft chatter that had spread throughout the room dies down quickly. Seokjin has always been jealous of every Alpha’s ability to do that. If he stands up, the greatest reaction he usually gets is people looking up at him in question. No one falls silent for him, not unless he’s standing with Namjoon. And, even then, Seokjin knows it isn’t for him. 

“Shall we commence?” he says. He’s using his ‘Figure of Authority’ voice. The one that’s somehow lower than his normal tone, full of dragged out letters that keep even the most fickle people hooked. And, really, Namjoon simply speaks in a way that makes it impossible to look away or to block out. When he’s angry or passionate or trying to prove something, his words come fast and quick, like a ruthless storm of hail, demolishing whatever subject they’re given. For explaining things, Namjoon speaks smoothly, his words interlocking to form easy-to-follow directions. While telling stories, Namjoon’s voice is smooth like a river, though it’s more like he’s weaving his words together to form tapestries in which any listener can look upon. His voice, when he’s happy, grows louder and lighter as he frantically tries to cram his every thought and bit of praise into whatever streams from between his lips. Seokjin’s favorite, though, is when he’s just woken up and his voice is raspy and deeper as the oceans surrounding the island on which they reside. 

He just really likes Namjoon’s voice, okay? 

“I have the plans and calculations for the boats,” Namjoon says, revealing a bag full of parchment. He picks a few out and unrolls them, showing off his work. Seokjin’s eyes widen. He’s done all of this? That fast? How is that possible?

“Do you know if your equations are correct?” a young woman says. Namjoon looks at Seokjin. 

“I checked them,” he says, raising his voice to make sure everyone around the table listens. “However, we’ll need lots of magic to do it before winter.” 

“And you’re willing to risk an age-old curse to do so?” a new voice says. Seokjin digs his nails into the delicate skin of his palms. 

“I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t believe in this cause,” he says, straightening his posture, though it does nothing. He’s already wound tighter than his corsets were when he angered his nurse. Seokjin’s back is ramrod straight. “If there’s anything I can say for sure, it is that I believe we will succeed.” 

“What about troops? And providing them with basic supplies such as food and weaponry?” 

“We have a powerful team of blacksmiths and we have a good amount of food stored,” Namjoon says, taking over. “And, by the time we should hopefully get there, food will still be plentiful. It’ll take us several months to finish the boats-”

“Excuse me, sir, but did you say months? Would it not take years?” Namjoon smirks victoriously. 

“It would if it was anyone else planning this,” he says. He reaches through the folds of his cloak and produces a journal. The small, leather-bound booklet is tossed onto the table, where it slides over the parchment sheets and into the center of the table. 

“Take a look,” he says. “We have coves around the island where the boats originally used to take our ancestors here can be found. I did a bit of poking around and found them. Something told me I should keep a tab on them, so all we really need to do is repair them.” 

“Then why did you do the calculations for an entire warship?” Yoongi says, staring at the calculations. Namjoon shrugs. 

“I wanted to see if I could visualize it and make an example so I could gauge a reasonable amount of wood for the boats,” he says. “Actually, I went looking through the archives to find the old blueprints; a lot of these are my writing them down and solving them to make sure they’re the right ones.” 

“When did you do this?” Seokjin says softly. Namjoon nor anyone else hears him. 

Well, Soobin does. The boy (or is he a man now?) looks over at Seokjin and frowns. A large though tentative hand reaches out and rests on Seokjin’s. He looks up and his eyes meet Soobin’s. A reassuring squeeze is administered to his hand and Soobin smiles, attempting to make Seokjin feel better. It does a little, he supposes. 

“Where do you plan on getting the wood, Hyung?” Jeongguk says, raising what Seokjin might call the million-scale question. 

Namjoon answers immediately, though. “While there are plenty of trees all over the island, there’s still the problem of old and decaying wood,” he says. “Because this was a problem people had even when they were just coming to Inura, I did some research to find a few solutions. You see, inside of the boat, beneath the deck, the planks were always nailed then sealed with tar. It made it harder for the water to get in, but the water has damaged said tar. I propose that we reapply it, then check the wood of the boat. Because building a new one would take too long and by then the emperor would surely have conquered more territory or retrained his current military so our knowledge from Jeongguk would be useless, we’d have to hope that the repairs needed wouldn’t run so far as to the wood. And, lucky for us, our ancestors seem to have believed we would travel far more than we do, as they’re built of a wood from a tree that has been rendered extinct for obvious reasons. Anyway, the tree - apologies, since I can’t recall what it was called - has - well,  _ had _ the unique ability to repel excess amounts of water because of the constant rains of the area in which it could be found. So, I’m betting that it still has such an ability-”

“And if it doesn’t?” someone says. Namjoon leans forward, placing his elbows on the table as he looks around. 

“Then we pray that the gods have mercy upon us as we build our boats.” 

“It would take centuries, though,” Taehyun says. “The boats needed to carry thousands of people take decades to build- even if we were to build them at the same time, the number of supplies needed would require us to allow acres of forest to regrow. So, really, we don’t have a choice. We’ll all be dead before we can even finish one of them.” 

“Great motivating, Hyun-ah, but that was a bit depressing,” Beomgyu says. Taehyun shrugs. 

“He’s right, though,” Soobin says quietly. Even though his voice is as quiet as Seokjin’s was when he tried to speak with Namjoon, the entire table still turns to look at him. “While it may seem as if the odds are far from our favor, we have to look at this realistically; we need to get those ships out of the coves as soon as possible. Hopefully, this can prevent any further deterioration.” 

“You heard him!” Yeonjun says. “Let’s get these boats!” 

Later, as the huge ships are pulled from their hiding places, Soobin comes and finds Seokjin. They’ve camped out on a small cliff and, even from their far vantage point, the ships are huge. They look like castles on the water, with countless oars on each side. The figureheads are snarling dragons with chipped and faded paint, though Seokjin can bet that they were once some of the most beautiful carvings around. The sails will need plenty of mending, but he isn’t very worried about that. Much to everyone’s surprise, the boats seem to be in pretty good condition. There’s hope for a quick repair, Seokjin supposes. 

“Hey, Hyung,” Soobin says. Seokjin hums, turning around. The wind is harsh up on the clifftop, and both males are squinting as it tousles their hair. 

“Hello, Soobin,” he says. “What are you up to?” 

Soobin holds out a sword Seokjin didn’t notice. “Would you like to spar?” 

Seokjin smiles weakly and holds his hand out, allowing a  [ sword ](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/312015080433328198/) of his own to materialize in his grasp. The hilt is made of carved bone from some sort of creature and there are crystals embedded in it. The blade itself is made of crystal as well, but with bits of dragon bone infused with it. It’s long and thin, made to be wielded delicately by someone who calculates their movements. 

Unlike Seokjin, Soobin’s sword is simple and it looks like something that’s been made countless times. Which, for someone who’s to become the ruler of the biggest empire of their time, doesn’t make much sense. Even Seokjin’s father has his own sword that was designed for him specifically. All swords designed by their wielders have hilts that match their grips and weights that make sense for them and their fighting style. Soobin doesn’t seem to know how to answer either of those. 

“Why not?” Seokjin says, flicking his wrist and cutting through the air. Soobin smiles and then gets in a starting position. Seokjin raises an eyebrow. Most people he knows would have already attacked. 

“Oh,” Soobin says, “would you like me to start?”

Seokjin shakes his head. “No, I, um, I just didn’t expect you not to.” Soobin is mid-nod when Seokjin lunges, blade flashing in the sunlight. Their blades clash and Soobin pushes Seokjin away, spinning out of range. He fakes Seokjin out but the older jumps out of the way when he attempts to jab at his side. 

“You’re good, Soobin-ah!” Seokjin says. Soobin laughs. 

“Thanks, Hyung!” Seokjin attacks and Soobin barely manages to block it. “So are you!” 

They don’t keep it up for long. In all honesty, Seokjin can tell that neither of them wants or needs to do it. So, he lies on the ground, sweaty and panting, and then his sword disappears. He has a little moment where his mind disappears and everything goes blank, but it’s over in a few seconds. 

“Hyung,” Soobin says as he lies beside him, spread-eagle and red-faced, “do you have any tips when it comes to Namjoon-Hyung?” 

Seokjin licks his lips. The elevation and the exertion have made them dry. “You have to challenge his way of thinking,” he finally says after a few moments of silence. “He’s- I mean, he’s always been the smartest in the room, hasn’t he? You know that, don’t you? That he’s used to being the smartest in the room?” 

“It’s not even that he’s used to it,” Soobin says, ending with an airy laugh. “He  _ is _ the smartest in the room.” 

“You have to be able to challenge that,” Seokjin says as he stares up at the sun. “He’s the smartest, but not all of the solutions or answers he comes up with are the best ones. You have- you have to make him think. The gears turn so fast in his head, it’s literally impossible to keep up. But you can still point out the flaws in his answers. Namjoon knows- he knows he doesn’t have all of them, but he comes up with them fastest. They’re not the best and, sometimes, they aren’t even correct, but they work. But, remember this,” Seokjin licks his lips again, “life isn’t straightforward. It isn’t like mathematics. Namjoon gets that-”

“Well, I certainly don't.” Seokjin snorts. 

“That’s- well, in life, it’s fine. Really, all you need to know how to do is how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide. And then, in my opinion, the rest of the shit they teach is to make- is to give us problem-solving skills.”

“Namjoon-Hyung is good at those.”

“Well,” Seokjin says, “yes. But he does things like there’s one answer when, in truth, life isn’t like that. It’s complicated, full of countless problems with even more solutions. Namjoon voices the first thing he comes up with and it’s almost always correct. And, because he and everyone else in the room know he’s the smartest out of them all, his answers are accepted. But the thing is,” Seokjin sighs and closes his eyes, “Namjoon’s solutions, though they often work, aren’t always the best ones. They don’t- there are better alternatives.” 

“So you’re telling me - someone who can’t even come up with a solution in the first place - to challenge the one laid out on the table for me? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Well, when you say it like that,” Seokjin says, “you make it seem impossible. Actually, no. You make it seem like you’re stupid. And, trust me, Soobin-ah, you are far from that.” 

“I never said I was stupid,” Soobin says as he stares up at the clouds. “I just said that I couldn’t keep up with Hyung.” 

“You implied that you were stupid because you can’t do something that, in my opinion, might as well be impossible. Namjoon is so damn  _ smart _ \- trying to keep up is a fool’s quest. However, you can still slow him down. His mind runs faster than anyone's. There’s no use trying to keep up. It’s like pitting a tortoise against a cheetah.” 

Soobin laughs. “I was called a sloth when I was younger.”

“I can’t say I would hold it as fondly as you seem to,” Seokjin says, looking over at Soobin. The man (is he still a boy? Seokjin doesn’t know if he’ll ever be sure of such a thing.) shrugs. 

“It never bothered me because I’ve always thought it to be a bit true. But that’s beside the point. You’re telling me to slow him down or whatever?” 

Seokjin shrugs in response. “It’s the best way I can describe it,” he says. “It isn’t- I mean, when you look at it, it’s not that Namjoon’s smarter, he just connects things faster. When it comes to these things, his mind is already whirring away as it creates elaborate solutions and plans to follow through with.” He sits up. Soobin stares at him. “Everyone has a strong suit. Maybe yours is just waiting to make itself known.” 

Soobin snorts and moves so he’s sitting down. 

“Let’s hope it’s something like ruling or being an emperor,” he says. Seokjin huffs a laugh and rocks about. 

“Let’s say, hypothetically, that you aren’t good at being an emperor.” Soobin’s eyes grow huge and the color drains out of his face as he opens his mouth, horrified. Seokjin waves his hands frantically. “ _ Hypothetically, _ ” he says, “that you’re a bad emperor in the beginning. Let’s say that’s a thing, which, let me tell you, it isn’t. But, let’s just say that you don’t know what you’re doing.” 

Soobin snorts again. “I can promise you, Hyung, that I won’t.” Seokjin sighs. 

“You’ll have some idea of what to do, but that’s not the point. Anyway, you haven’t a single idea of what to do. Don’t you know you’ll have help?” He gestures at Yeonjun. He’s talking with the others, laughing. Seokjin can see how Soobin’s eyes sparkle fondly and how he smiles softly. His own heart aches and his eyes dart to Namjoon. “For one, you’ll have Yeonjun. He’ll help you no matter what, understand? And you’ll have the rest of us, too. Just because we’re retired or whatever you want to call it, doesn’t mean that you can’t request assistance.” 

“I’ll be emperor, Hyung,” Soobin says. “If I’m weak in- well, if I’m weak after we win the war, then how can my people trust me?” 

“They’ll trust you, Soobin, I swear,” Seokjin says. “But you have to prove that you deserve it. And that starts when you learn to trust  _ yourself _ .” He jabs a finger at his chest and Soobin looks a bit offended. “If you don’t trust yourself to do what’s right, then how can anyone else?” 

Soobin looks back over his shoulder at Yeonjun. 

“But what if I hurt h- what if I hurt someone?” he says. 

“People make mistakes, Soobin,” Seokjin says, “and they hurt others while they’re trying to do good things. It’s part of life, okay? You can’t let that stop you.”

Soobin smiles wrily. “I hope you’re not telling me to hurt people,” he says. 

“You punk. I’m trying to give you good advice.” Soobin laughs softly. 

“I know,” he says. He turns to look back at Yeonjun yet again. “But- gods, if I hurt him - if I hurt any of you-” 

“We’ll be okay,” Seokjin says. “People get hurt, okay? It’s a part of life. And we learn to forgive. Just- just try to be careful with how much you hurt people, okay?” 

Soobin stares at him, his gaze calculating. “Did Namjoon-Hyung do something?” he says softly. 

Seokjin bites his lower lip. He looks back at Namjoon and finds he’s distracted by the boats. 

“It’s just a little argument,” he says, though it sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself than Soobin. “We- I’m fine.” 

“You can tell me, Hyung,” Soobin says. “I know you’re not talking about it. But hey, maybe talking with me will make it easier to tell Hyung.” 

Seokjin twiddles his thumbs and stares at the ground. He doesn’t know what to do. Should he tell Soobin? He’s got a good point, or so it seems. And Soobin isn’t the kind of person to tell Namjoon. Not unless Seokjin asked him to. He wouldn’t, of course, because he wouldn’t want Soobin getting that involved. But telling him couldn’t do that much harm, could it?

“I don’t know,” Seokjin says, refusing to look at Soobin. “We- I- he just feels more different, you know? Like, a little while ago - maybe a month, I don’t know - we were fine, but it feels like he’s putting some sort of distance between us?”

“He’s been acting kind of weird lately,” Soobin says. “Is-”

“He keeps sleeping in his study,” Seokjin says. “Huening likes to sleep in our room, but he’s been going to Hoseok more often now, but Namjoon’s never had a problem with him sleeping with us or not. But, suddenly, it’s like- I dunno, it’s like he has some sort of important, top-secret project he can’t tell me about. And it’s frustrating, you know? We’re- we tell each other everything I thought, but maybe . . . but maybe I was wrong.”

Soobin is silent. He seems to be pondering his response, or he just totally zoned out but is still trying to make Seokjin feel better. 

“I think,” he says, “that you should talk to him.” 

Seokjin groans and falls back. 

“I knew you’d say that.” Soobin laughs at him. 

“Why would you ask me for advice if you already know what I’m going to say?” he says. “I dunno, it just seems as if you want- as if his actions are confusing you and . . . you don’t know how to explain them to yourself? Which, with how you’ve been describing his mind, seems to be rather close to impossible. Jin-Hyung, you can’t explain other people. They’re not books and they don’t have any answer keys or anything to look at. You have to ask them if you want to know things.” 

“Hm.” 

Soobin laughs again. “Hyung,” he says, “I’m serious.” 

“If you were serious then you wouldn’t be laughing.” 

Soobin snorts and then his laughter dies down. Seokjin looks up and finds him to be staring at him with a completely stoic face. It’s pretty good and Seokjin thinks it could rival Namjoon’s. 

“Hyung,” Soobin says, his tone dead-serious, “talk to him.” 

Seokjin grunts and sits back. 

“No.” 

“Why not?”

_ Why not? _ Seokjin thinks as he stares up at the almost-clear sky. Why isn’t he telling Namjoon? It’s something adults do, isn’t it? Adults talk to each other when there are problems. And Seokjin, whether he likes it or not, is an adult. Maybe he isn’t the most mature one, but he’s an adult. So why isn’t he doing what adults do?

_ I’m scared _ .

“Are you guys ready to go?” Seokjin and Soobin look up at Jeongguk. Seokjin stands and brushes himself off, holding a hand out to Soobin. They walk over to the rest of the group and help pack up. Seokjin wanders away from Soobin but he doesn’t really need to with how Soobin and Yeonjun attach themselves to each other. 

Instead of going back down to the villages, Namjoon leads the way to docks where the ships now rest. They cast huge shadows over everyone and everything resting there, but Seokjin can see that they’re in surprisingly good condition. 

“How will we mend the sail?” he says. 

“I’ve had people offer to climb up and sew it. We’d need to be careful, though.” Namjoon looks around. Seokjin notices how there are already people bringing crates over to load onto the boats. Which might not be the best course of action because they still have to do repairs. 

“How long do you think it’ll take?” Jimin says. 

“A few months, give or take,” Yoongi says. 

“When will we be leaving?” 

“I’m hoping we can finish our repairs by September,” Namjoon says. He looks over at Soobin. “I thought about what you said about the heat and lack of water and decided that it would be better to leave around then.” Soobin points at himself, looks around, before nodding. Yeonjun elbows him and looks proud of his boyfriend. Seokjin turns back to the boats. They’re imposing and they look to be as big as the castles used for the kings and/or queens who rule over the small sections of the empire. 

“We should start working, I suppose?” Seokjin says as he stares up at the boat.

“I can help mend the sails,” Yoongi says. He looks over at Taehyung and Hoseok. “Do you both remember how to sew?”

“Duh,” Taehyung says, laughing. He looks up at the sails and makes a face. “However, I’d like to learn a bit more about our needles, thread, and other supplies. It could- I mean, from here, ‘cause maybe it’ll look better on deck, it looks like it would take a couple of weeks.”

“And then there’s the rain,” Hoseok says. “I think we might need more magic than we thought.” 

“It’s fine,” Seokjin says. “I can do it.” 

“Me too!” Hueningkai says. Seokjin looks over at him and then up at the sails and the rest of the boat. 

“Are you sure?” he says. “I don’t want you getting sick or hurt-”

“Hyung, I’ll be fine,” he says. He gestures up at the ship. “I can do it! I want to help!” 

Seokjin nibbles on his lower lip, digging his teeth into the skin. His fangs draw blood. He opens his mouth to maybe deny the request, but Namjoon’s placing a hand on his arm. 

“Let him try,” he says softly. “We’ll never know if he doesn’t. Besides, the curse-”

“-Hasn’t done anything.”

“Yet,” Yoongi says. He crosses his arms as he looks at his older brother. “Hyung,” he says, “the role you have to play in this war is bigger than being a sorcerer. We need you  _ alive _ , okay? And that means we need your soul intact. Huening - though I hate saying this - would need to work endlessly for days before he died. He isn’t sending pieces of his  _ soul _ away. There’s no way we can prevent that from happening. Hyung, let him help you.” 

Seokjin stares at his younger brother and, suddenly, he’s hit with how much he’s changed. The Yoongi from last year was quiet and shy. He was quiescent and never voiced his opinion except to reprimand Seokjin or any of their other siblings. The most docile of princes, lamb sent from the gods to make up for Seokjin’s rebellion. But now, Yoongi, though still soft-spoken, is quick to cut down those who attack him and the people he cares about. He’s bursting with an intelligence Seokjin’s never seen in him. He’s more powerful than he’s ever let on, carrying a burden Seokjin wishes he could understand. 

“Okay,” he says. He turns to look at Hueningkai. “We should- I mean, do you want to explore the ship?” 

“Is it safe?” Hoseok says. He’s clinging onto Hueningkai’s arm, the way Taehyun does with Beomgyu while holding one of his daughters in the other hand. 

“Hey!” Jimin yells, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Jihyun, is it safe to come up?” 

“It’s safe!” a male voice says. When everyone turns to look at Jimin in question, he shrugs. 

“Jihyun is my brother,” he says. “But, that aside, it’s safe!” 

“Unfortunately,” Seokjin says under his breath. There’s a plank coming from the ship. Seokjin stares at it. “That can’t be safe,” he says, pointing to it. 

“I don’t see-”

Seokjin waves his hand. And then, before whoever thought talking back to him was a good idea can finish speaking, there’s a large, sturdy plank with little divots for stairs. There are railings strung together with rope. 

“There,” Seokjin says. He steps aside. “After you?” 

Once they get onto the boat, Seokjin decides that he hates boats and never wants to ride one. Ever. Of course, that’s not exactly an option. The place is crawling with bacteria but he can feel that the wood used to build the thing is still surprisingly sturdy. There’s a large room with stained-glass windows and a beautiful door. 

“Is that the captain’s quarters?” he says, pointing at it. Jihyun, Jimin’s younger brother who holds an uncanny resemblance to him, nods. 

“Yup! I’m assuming you and Namjoon Leader-nim will be staying there?” 

Seokjin looks over at Namjoon, shrugging. “Probably,” he says. “Could we look inside?” 

“I don’t see why not. Oh! You’ll need a key, though.” Jihyun procures an iron key from his pocket, handing it to Seokjin. It’s heavy and cold, weighing his hand down, or so he thinks. 

“Thank you,” Seokjin says, smiling at him. Jihyun does a little salute before walking off. Jimin shoves him and Jihyun shoves back, laughing as he walks away. Seokjin walks over to the captain’s quarters and slides the key into the lock. He turns it and the door opens a crack. Seokjin grabs the handle and opens it, holding his hand out to procure a flame so they can see. Hueningkai’s already doing it, though, a small fire growing on his pointer finger. It crawls down and sits in the middle of his palm, then, a small, glowing orb. 

“Oh, wow,” Seokjin says, looking around. “There’s literally nothing here.” And, well, no one can disagree with that. The place is empty except for the dust and other things. Seokjin scrunches his nose as he looks into the room. Well, rooms. He assumes a study of sorts would be placed first, so the captain could communicate with the rest of the crew. Seokjin’s also using his little knowledge of the way boats are organized, but he can’t be too certain about anything. 

“I’m guessing this is a bathroom,” Hueningkai says from a room. Seokjin looks around and finds him in a different room. 

“I vote that we use magic to have working toilets,” he says. 

“Agreed.” 

“Can I second that even though I can’t do magic?” Jeongguk says from behind them. Seokjin turns around and laughs at him. 

“Sure, why not?” he says. They walk out and continue exploring, but there isn’t much to look at. They’re going to need to bring in furniture after cleaning it, that’s for sure. But, first, they have to clean it. 

“Do you think we can do it, Hyung?” Hueningkai says when they’re alone. Seokjin purses his lips. 

“I think so,” he says, keeping his voice just as quiet. He doesn’t want to risk the others hearing. Or, even worse, one of the sort-of crew members accidentally listening in. Everyone’s already stressed out; if they find out that the two people who give them their greatest advantage can’t offer their help, then the panic that’ll spread through is sure to tear them all apart. 

“How long do  _ you _ think it’ll take?” 

Seokjin shrugs. “We have to build the weapons and start storing the food, but that’s probably the easiest part. Jeongguk told me he can train the soldiers, but that could take years. To get them to the level which the imperial army is at . . . it’s a feat that I wouldn’t entrust to- well, even Jeongguk is a stretch. He’s powerful, yes, but power doesn’t mean anything if your troops can’t hear you, does it?”

“Do you have- do you think this whole thing will work out?” 

Seokjin shrugs. “I mean, I wouldn’t be using my soul for it if I didn’t, don’t you think?” he teases. Hueningkai laughs a bit, but it’s weak and not how he usually sounds. 

“Are you okay?” 

The question, if anything, catches Seokjin off-guard. He pauses, staring at the ground. Is he okay? Well, yes and no. Should he tell Hueningkai the truth? Probably because it could help him feel better, but is he going to? No. 

“I’m fine,” Seokjin says. He shifts uncomfortably. “Sorry, you caught me off-guard there.” 

Big, brown eyes bore into his own. Hueningkai tilts his head, and his chestnut curls bounce a bit. Seokjin wonders if they’d have the same reaction if he pulled one and let go. 

“Are you really?” 

Seokjin stares back at him, then nods slowly. It feels more like he’s trying to convince himself rather than the boy before him as he says, “Yes.”

“Okay,” Hueningkai says, turning around to keep looking through the ship. Seokjin frowns. 

“You’re not going to prod any further?” he says. 

“Well, no,” Hueningkai says, shaking his head. “You’re not going to tell me; what’s the point? If you wanted to tell me or if you felt ready to, then you would. But if you’re not going to, then it’s none of my business. All I can do is wait for you, right? Prodding only makes people mad or hurts them. It’s dumb.” 

Seokjin nods. That does make a lot of sense. “Huh.” 

“I spout all of this genius advice and all you say is ‘Huh’?! That’s it?!” Hueningkai cries, looking and sounding like an indignant sort of squawking bird. 

“What else do you want me to say?” Seokjin says. Hueningkai crosses his arms, pouting, and hmphs. Seokjin laughs as he follows him up to the deck, shielding his eyes from the bright sun. At least it’s warmer up here. 

“How was it?” Yoongi says, walking over. Seokjin shrugs. 

“Nothing too bad,” he says. “I’m worried about moving things in, though, and this is only one boat. It could take us from a week or two to a couple of months. Let’s hope it’s the latter, though.” 

“For one boat?” 

“Yeah.” Seokjin looks out at the sparkling ocean, frowning. “I’m worried about Huening. I don’t want him getting sick or anything; the gods- I mean, I think we all know that he’s going to work until he literally passes out.”

“And you’ll be working until you lose your soul. We can keep him from dying. Hyung, get your priorities straight, okay? I know you’re trying to be an adult or whatever, but you’re actually not being the bigger person by insisting that you do it all on your own.”

“He’s so young, though,” Seokjin says. He sighs, chewing on his lower lip. It’s chapped and the skin is peeling. Seokjin uses his teeth to tug a piece off. The taste of blood is sharp and metallic in his mouth, and he ends up sucking on his lower lip to soothe the injury. 

“He doesn’t have nearly as much to lose, though.” 

“If he dies, it’s my fault.” 

“Oh my gods, Hyung. Can you stop thinking with only the extremes for a second?” 

“Well, can you? You’re the one who keeps pointing out that I’m going to ‘lose my soul’!” 

“Because that’s something we actually have to worry about!” Yoongi says. He gestures at the rest of the people milling around on deck, but they’ve begun to stop and listen to the conversation between the two brothers. “What if you die, Hyung?! What are we supposed to do without you?!” 

“You’ll be fine,” Seokjin says, crossing his arms and scoffing. 

“No, we won’t,” Yoongi says. “You’re not expendable, Seokjin!” 

“It’s ‘Hyung’ to you!” 

“If you’re going to act like a child, then I’ll treat you like one!” 

Seokjin balls his fists at his sides and glares at his brother. Yoongi, however, isn’t nearly as angry as he thought. Instead of flames, his eyes are full of unshed tears. His face is flushed from the wind and the cold, his lips dry like Seokjin’s. 

“Rebellions require sacrifice,” Seokjin says, trying to stay calm. He hasn’t seen Yoongi cry for years and, quite frankly, he wants to keep it that way. He looks away. “You have to accept that.”

“How do you know you’re the one we’ll be sacrificing?” Yoongi says. “Why do you assume that your death is written in stone?” 

“Because it is!” Seokjin cries. “If we want- let’s face it, Yoongi. If we want to survive this war, then we’re going to need all of the damn magic we can get. What is my life in the face of countless others?” 

“You’re still important!” Yoongi says, looking even more agitated as his lower lip begins to wobble. He looks away from Seokjin and wipes his eyes with his arm. “Hyung, we’re a  _ team _ . A  _ team _ ! Do you hear me? We’re- a team needs all of its parts, don’t you understand? If one of us falls, we all do!” 

“That’s not true!” Seokjin says. “We’re a team, yes, but some of us are replaceable! You can mix and fucking match, Yoongi!” 

“No, you can’t! That isn’t how it works!” 

“Haven’t you gotten the fucking nightmares?” Seokjin screams. “Haven’t you seen the- haven’t you been the person who dies? Someone is going to die, and I swear to all that is good in this world, it won’t be any of you!” 

“You can’t control shit like that!” Yoongi yells back. He’s crying now. “Life doesn’t work like that, okay, Hyung?! If someone dies, fine! We’ll deal with it when we get there! But there’s no fucking point if you try and kill yourself beforehand!” 

Seokjin glares at his brother before deflating. 

“I’m going home,” he says. He turns around and storms off of the ship, ignoring the calls for him to come back. 

Not that there’s anything to ignore, but hey, it’s Seokjin. What did he expect?

When he gets back home, Seokjin heads upstairs and into his room, slamming the door behind him. He leaps onto the bed and buries his face in the pillow, screaming. 

And then, suddenly, the scent from the other night is even stronger. It’s coconuts and something Seokjin doesn’t know, but he decides right then and there that he hates it. He’s always hated coconuts, but that’s not the point. There was someone in his bed. 

Someone whom Seokjin doesn’t know. He jumps away from the pillow and begins searching the room. For what, he isn’t sure, but he knows he wants evidence. He doubts confronting Namjoon about his maybe-cheating with only some smelly pillows as evidence couldn’t possibly end well. 

Much to his dissatisfaction and relief, Seokjin doesn’t find anything. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that he can smell another Omega on the sheets. Seokjin groans as frustrated tears well in his eyes, quickly blurring his vision. He wipes them away and paces around the room, running his hands through his hair. Seokjin can’t say he enjoys arguing with his brothers. He and Yoongi have always had a rather strained relationship, per se. Seokjin knows he isn’t talking to him about it because he knows how much pressure he’s under, but it’s taking a clear toll on both of him. 

Wistfully, Seokjin thinks back to when they were children. Of course, he hates his father and everything he did to him, but there were good times. Seokjin would’ve left long ago, one way or another. He has good memories of his childhood, but it definitely wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns. He just wishes it was, doesn’t he?

_ Could I have fallen in love with Namjoon, though? _ he thinks.  _ Would I have caught his eye and would he have become a gardener, albeit a terrible one, to speak with me every day?  _

_ That doesn’t make what Dong-Hyeok did any better. That man is a bastard and he can rot in hell for all I care. He’s done nothing but hurt me. _

_ But still _ . Seokjin sighs again, looking out the window. It took him a rather long time to get back to town and the sun has begun to set. No one has knocked on the door nor walked by the house. Whatever. Seokjin’s fine, isn’t he? He doesn’t care. 

Seokjin shakes his head at his ridiculousness. They’re probably worried about him, but they’re busy with the boats. That’s got to be the case, hasn’t it? He and Yoongi might’ve been arguing, but that doesn’t mean that everyone else forgets about him, right? 

Seokjin groans and hits his forehead with his hands. He really doesn’t want to think about this, especially right now. It’s  _ really  _ not good for his mental stability. But does Seokjin’s brain care? Nope, not at all. Seokjin rubs his temples as he paces around the room until the aching of his feet grows intolerable. It doesn’t take that long, but Seokjin also spent all of that time walking around and exploring the ship earlier. 

He releases a frustrated sigh and sits on the bed, dropping his head to his hands. 

_ I wonder if anyone misses me, _ he thinks, staring up at the ceiling. Seokjin sighs yet again and shuts his eyes, breathing harshly through his nose. 

_ What am I saying? Of course- _

“Hyung?” Seokjin sits up, frowning. He walks down the stairs and opens the door, staring at Jimin with wide eyes. 

“What are you doing here?” he says, unable to hide the shock in his voice. Jimin scratches the back of his neck and scuffs the ground with his foot. 

“I, um, do you mind if I come in?” he says. 

Seokjin raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms, leaning against the doorframe. “Are you here to tell me to reconcile with Yoongi?”

Jimin shrugs, jamming his hands into his pockets. “Sort of. Not really.” Seokjin sighs. 

“Why are you here, Jimin?” 

“Look, Gi- I mean, Yoongi-Hyung is really upset. I just- I dunno, I wanted to get your side of the story and give you a bit of his. If you’ll let me, but it’s up to you.” 

“Does Yoongi know you’re here?”

“I wouldn’t be here if he didn’t,” Jimin says, wringing his hands. Seokjin hums and steps aside. Jimin pulls his boots off and hangs his cloak up, standing awkwardly. Seokjin sighs and gestures at the living room. 

“Go sit down,” he says. “I’ll make us some tea.” Jimin nods and Seokjin can hear him walking out. He pads into the kitchen and grabs a kettle and fills it with water. He places it on the stove and snaps his fingers, watching as a fire ignites. He feeds it a bit and then sits down in one of the chairs at the kitchen table. 

“Hyung?” Jimin says from the living room. 

“What is it?” 

“Are you okay?” 

Seokjin bites down hard on his lower lip to keep the dam from breaking. 

“Yeah,” he says, “I’m fine. How’s my brother?” 

“He- I mean-”

“Don’t lie to me, Jimin.” 

He can hear a scoff. “He’s been better,” Jimin says. There’s a long, lengthy pause that makes Seokjin’s stomach churn. “He’s sorry about arguing with you.” 

Seokjin laughs drily and looks out the window at the sun as it sets over the horizon. 

“He’s not sorry that he told me those things, though.”

“You’re right.” Seokjin exhales through his nose. He looks over at the kettle. 

“Gods, I can’t imagine what it’s like to date him or court him or whatever you want to call it,” he says. Jimin hums from the living room. 

“I love it,” he says softly and Seokjin has to strain his ears to hear him. “He’s the most passionate person I know. It can be a little annoying, but I still love it. It’s so refreshing to be around him - not that the rest of our pack or whatever isn’t passionate, but Gi - gods, I just can’t get enough of him. He’s so perfect. But, like, I’m gonna sound cliché when I say this, but he really is that kind of ‘perfectly imperfect’.”

Seokjin laughs. “What was the first instance of that- I mean, who was the first person to write or say that phrase? It’s a bit overused, but, if you took that away, it’d be rather poetic.” 

“I don’t know,” Jimin says. He sighs, sounding terribly lovesick. “I just think it describes him really well.” 

“Hm.” 

“I’m getting sidetracked, aren’t I?” 

“Maybe a little bit.” 

“Did you do it on purpose?” 

Seokjin snorts. “Yes and no. It might’ve been subconscious.” 

“Well, if you ever want to talk about how great my boyfriend is, then just holler and I’ll be sure to come over. But that’s not why I’m here.” Jimin sighs. 

“So, what’s on your mind?” Seokjin says. Jimin laughs. 

“You know, he cares about you a lot more than you realize.” 

“I know.” 

“Well, that’s a start. Makes my job easier, doesn’t it?” 

Seokjin snorts. “I suppose it does.” 

“I don’t know how to say a lot of this, so, just a disclaimer; you’re probably going to get offended.” 

“Is that even proper use of the word?” 

“I dunno. But, let’s stay on track.” 

“Sure.” 

“Hyung,” Jimin says, and this time his voice is dead-serious. Seokjin shifts in place. 

“What is it, Jiminnie?” 

“You hurt him.” Seokjin sighs, putting his head in his hands. 

“I know,” he says quietly. “I know.” 

Jimin seems to groan. “Then why, Hyung? Why haven’t you talked to him about it? He’s hurting so much more than he lets on, gods, all he wants is to have a healthy relationship with you. Why don’t you- why aren’t you trying?” 

Seokjin looks up from his hands, half-expecting to see Jimin standing above him. 

“Would you?” he says thickly. He rubs his eyes and sniffles. “Before you ask me that question, ask yourself; would you confront your brother about how messed up you are?” 

Jimin doesn’t bother hiding the way his scent changes with his frustration. Seokjin doesn’t care. “Hyung,” he says, “Do you even know what I did for a living? When my family was poor as dirt? Do you know what I did?” Seokjin doesn’t answer. Jimin laughs drily. “You and I aren’t so different,” he says. “When you don’t have money, there are a lot of things you’re willing to do. Especially if your little brother’s life is on the line.” 

Seokjin remains silent, but for a reason different from the one he had before.  _ Oh, _ the only thing he can think as he stares at the ground. A tear slides down his cheek and then he hears the rustling of someone getting up. Jimin walks into the kitchen and stares at Seokjin. 

“Just- please, Hyung. Try and- if not for me or for you, do it for him. Please.” And then, Jimin’s grabbing his cloak and boots and leaving. The door closes softly behind him as he walks out. Seokjin turns to the kettle on the stove then waves his hand, killing the flames. He stands up and sighs, standing on a chair to blow out the lanterns. They use some old sort of sorcery that’s been around for centuries to keep the flames from giving off any smoke or unpleasant smells. Seokjin climbs up the stairs and gets ready for bed, then climbs beneath the blankets. 

He’s still awake when the door opens and Hoseok, Hueningkai, and Namjoon return. He can hear them all saying good night to one another before the door to the bedroom opens. The light from the hallways streams in, though it’s dim. Namjoon shuffles into the room and closes the door behind him. Seokjin rolls onto his back as Monnie hops onto the bed. Namjoon pads tiredly into the bathroom and Seokjin can hear him brushing his teeth. He changes into his pajamas and then joins Seokjin in bed. The mattress dips as he lies down. 

They’re quiet for a few minutes before Namjoon speaks. The question has Seokjin’s blood running cold. 

“Are you happy, Jinnie?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk i just felt like the tension between yoonjin hasn't been addressed enough


	5. Happy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is he happy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i luv u so much and im so glad i got this out in time uwu goodbye

[ _ Reasons to Stay _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yU2m6TEJjP4) and  [ _ Eternally _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPuoyLgBPsc)

_ “Are you happy, Jinnie? _ ” 

Namjoon’s words, much to Seokjin’s displeasure, echo through his head. He bites his lip again. In his confused and slightly panicky mind, the thought of how he’s damaging them surfaces.

“You aren’t, are you?” Namjoon says softly, startling Seokjin out of his trance. 

“Of course, I am!” Seokjin says. He can’t even make himself believe it. 

“You aren’t,” Namjoon says, his voice frustratingly soft as if it’s not a big deal. Seokjin’s temper flares. 

“Are you?” he accuses. 

“Believe it or not, no. If you aren’t, then why should I be?” Namjoon says. Seokjin narrows his eyes and sits up. 

“Are you lying to me?” he says, fear creeping into his voice. “Would you- do you regret it?”

“What?” 

“Do you regret bringing me here, Namjoon?” 

“What? No!” 

Seokjin wipes his eyes and looks away. He hugs himself and shivers, turning away from Namjoon. 

“Are you hiding things from me, Namjoon?” he says, unable to keep his voice from cracking pathetically. He prays he can keep from bursting into tears. It wouldn’t look good if he began to sob and weep uncontrollably. Namjoon would probably just walk out of the room and go to the study to get more work done. 

“What would you do if I was?”

“Are you?” Seokjin says, his voice sharp. He sniffles. “I- aren’t we in a relationship? If there’s something wrong, why won’t you tell me?”

“I could say the same thing for you.” Seokjin stands up and whips around to glare at him. He can feel the anger building up as he jabs an accusing finger at Namjoon. 

“Don’t pull that shit with me!” he hisses. He might be furious right now, but he can still try to keep Hoseok and Hueningkai in the dark. “You’re the one- you keep going behind my back and doing some- I don’t even know! You’re the one who’s doing the shady shit, not me!” 

“Oh, that’s rich,” Namjoon says, standing up from the bed. He crosses his arms. “Don’t act as if you weren’t snooping through my things.” 

“Only ‘cause you’ve been  _ shady as hell _ !” Seokjin says. Namjoon snorts, raising an eyebrow and tilting his head in a way Seokjin would say is condescending. 

“Have I?” Namjoon says. “How, Seokjin? How have  _ I _ been the shady one? Please, enlighten me.” 

“You’re always away, for one! And then you’re working on all of these things and I never- you never tell me anything anymore! Not to mention, you’ve swamped yourself in work! What am I supposed to do besides make assumptions?” 

“Um, not make assumptions?” Namjoon cries. “What’s- why don’t- why didn’t you just  _ talk _ to me?! We could’ve avoided this whole thing!” 

“Ha!” Seokjin says. He crosses his arms and further narrows his eyes. “Would you really listen to me? Do you actually think you would? With all of the stuff that’s going on, would you have taken time to listen to how fucking paranoid I am?!” 

“Yes?!” Namjoon says. “What do you think it means when I say ‘I love you’!” 

“Well, it’s not like you’ve been saying it very often!” Seokjin yells. “You- you never have any time for me! And you’re always with other people!”

“Oh, so I can’t hang out with people who aren’t you?” Namjoon says, narrowing his eyes. Seokjin laughs loudly and sarcastically. 

“Bite me!” he says. He drags his hands over his face and glares at Namjoon. “I’m just saying you’re ignoring me!” 

“Well, Jin, there’s a war I’m trying to prepare for. My priorities have kind of shifted!” Seokjin runs his fingers through his hair and tugs on it. 

“That’s a great excuse,” he says. He collapses in one of the chairs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Just- fine. Forget it. It’s too late and we’re gonna wake the kids.” 

Namjoon, much to Seokjin’s dismay and surprise. Doesn’t protest. He just turns around and opens the door. 

“I’m going to sleep in the guest room,” he says. Seokjin nods, trying to keep himself from crying. The door closes softly and Seokjin puts his head in his hands. He waits a bit until he can hear Namjoon go into the guest room and close the door, then he sobs. It’s a loud, weak, and pathetic sound that fills the empty room and reminds Seokjin of how he’s alone. He looks up at the bed and can see the sheets are still messy, but the bed is empty. Of course, why is he surprised? Namjoon is Monnie’s favorite, why wouldn’t the dog go with him?

“Hyung?” a soft voice says as the door cracks open, a small stream of light entering the room. 

“Go back to sleep, Huening,” Seokjin says, not looking up from his hands. He sighs heavily. “It’s too late.” 

“Hyungie, I had a nightmare,” Hueningkai says. Seokjin looks up, rubbing his eyes. 

“Are you okay?” he says, his voice thick with emotions. Hueningkai doesn’t answer as he climbs into Seokjin’s bed and burrows into the blankets. Seokjin stands up and walks over, sitting beside him. Hueningkai moves so his head is resting in his lap. His eyes are closed but it’s obvious he’s still awake, though Seokjin doesn’t care. He plays with his hair as he stares blankly at the wall. 

“Hyung,” Hueningkai says softly, “are you okay?” 

Seokjin doesn’t answer as he begins to braid some strands of Hueningkai’s hair, his fingers running through silky curls. He nibbles on his lower lip before resorting to digging his teeth into it. The taste of blood distracts him from answering Hueningkai’s question. 

“People argue when they’re in relationships, don’t they?” he says. Seokjin laughs, sounding breathless. “I wouldn’t know - I’ve never been in one besides what I have with Namjoon.” 

“While people should argue for a healthy relationship, it’s not good if it’s done all of the time,” Hueningkai says, his eyes still closed. Seokjin hums. “I would know.” 

Seokjin stops braiding his hair and looks down at him. Even though it’s dark, the faint light from the moon makes Hueningkai’s silhouette visible. His eyes are closed. 

“My parents aren’t together anymore,” Hueningkai says before Seokjin can ask why he would know that tidbit of information. “My father went back to someplace when I was four. My sisters and I were sent away to boarding school, and Namjoon-Hyung found us there. Well, actually, it was when he was eighteen. So I was ten or something along the lines of that.” 

“Is it safe to assume that your parents argued a lot of the time?” 

“Yeah.” 

Seokjin hums again. “I never met my mother. And, for obvious reasons, I wish I’d never met my father.” Hueningkai laughs a little. 

“He’s a bastard, that’s for sure.”

“Yah, don’t say those things.” 

“Taehyun-Hyung curses all the time.” 

“He has extra adult points because he has a kid. Two, actually. And don’t say bastard is a curse word; it sounds as if I didn’t raise you properly.” 

Hueningkai snorts. “All right, Hyung,” he says. He sighs softly and Seokjin smiles, shaking his head. “Do you have anything you want to talk about, then?” 

Seokjin shrugs. He doesn’t know. Talking about Namjoon with someone as young as Hueningkai seems as if it would be unfair to the boy. He doesn’t want to put that kind of pressure on Hueningkai. 

“No,” he says. The word is bitter in his mouth, a heavy weight on his tongue. “Go to sleep, okay, Huening? It’s really late and we have a lot of work ahead of us.” 

Hueningkai hums. Seokjin gently moves him so he’s lying on Namjoon’s side, though he takes up more space than Seokjin’s boyfriend. Seokjin himself remains on his own side of the bed. He lies down and sighs, closing his eyes. He feels sick from the argument as words swirl in an angry sea inside of his head, Namjoon’s voice echoing in his skull. He can still see his face, though it’d be difficult not to when it feels as if Namjoon’s every expression is tattooed to the insides of Seokjin’s eyes. He shifts in bed and tries to listen to see if Hueningkai is asleep yet, but he’s too stressed out to put the puzzle pieces together. Seokjin shakes his head and rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. He’s tired, yes, but his worry for Namjoon and the fate of their relationship feel far more important than his exhaustion. However, he supposes he must overestimate how long the growing anxieties can keep him from sleeping because Seokjin’s eyes close and he falls asleep. 

Unfortunately, his unconscious state doesn’t last long. Seokjin wakes up a little before dawn because he can hear someone moving around downstairs. He can see Hueningkai fast asleep beside him and the sight brings a small, tentative smile to his lips, but Seokjin’s more worried about what’s going on downstairs. He gets up and grabs a long cardigan to protect himself from the cold. Seokjin grabs a candle holder with a used candle and lights the wick as he quietly closes the door, then walks down the hall. Hoseok’s door is still closed, much to Seokjin’s relief, but the guest room is open. Seokjin supposes he shouldn’t be surprised. 

Walking softly so as not to alert Namjoon of his presence or wake any of the house’s other inhabitants, Seokjin goes downstairs. He can see Namjoon’s shadow as he bustles about, speaking softly to himself. Seokjin pokes his head out and watches him. 

To say the least, Namjoon’s quite a mess. His hair is disheveled and the spots beneath his eyes are so dark they look like paint at a glance. Even though he’s watching from a distance, Seokjin can see how red and bloodshot his eyes are. It makes him wonder if he was crying. However, his own eyes are quickly drawn to the ink stains covering Namjoon’s hands and clothes, especially his pants. It’s a bad habit he’s never tried to kill after that one time where Seokjin attempted to help. It didn’t work out, but it was pretty funny at least. 

There’s a loud shatter, and Seokjin’s attention is drawn away from the memories and back to Namjoon. He curses loudly, sounding extremely frustrated, before beginning to pick up the shards. Seokjin watches him but doesn’t expect Namjoon to turn around after throwing away the pieces. 

“Did I wake you?” he says raspily. Seokjin shrugs. 

“More or less,” he says, his voice so quiet Seokjin has to strain to hear himself. “I’ve always been a bit of a light sleeper.” Namjoon nods. He already knows that, but Seokjin just felt the need to say it. He doesn’t know why. 

“You should go back to sleep; Isn’t Kai sleeping in your room?” 

“He’ll be fine.” 

“Okay.” 

It hurts that Namjoon didn’t call it their room, but Seokjin is telling himself that he’s sleep-deprived and it was a little, insignificant slip-up. He seems to tell himself a lot of things to make himself feel better. 

“What are you doing?” Seokjin says. Namjoon shrugs. 

“Nothing much. I’m going over a few war tactics. It’s a lot of going over Jeongguk’s reports and finding the weaknesses.” 

Seokjin nods. The words ‘ _ I’m sorry’ _ sit heavily in his mouth like his tongue’s been replaced with a block of lead. They’re trying to come out but Seokjin’s afraid. He doesn’t want Namjoon to shrug and look away and lie as he claims that it’s fine, that they’re fine. He doesn’t really know what he wants from Namjoon right now. 

(Actually, no. That’s a lie. Seokjin wants Namjoon to tell him everything really is okay and that he still loves him and that he forgives him. But he’ll never admit that.)

“Have you slept at all?” Seokjin says despite already knowing the answer. Namjoon shrugs, further confirming his suspicions. 

“I’m not tired,” Namjoon says. It’s one of the most pathetic lies he’s ever uttered. His eyes are so bloodshot that their whites look to be red and the half-moons stamped beneath his eyes look like dark bruises or even makeup. 

“You should go to sleep.”

Namjoon snorts a bitter laugh. “There are a lot of things I should do that I don’t,” he says. Seokjin walks down the rest of the stairs and makes his way over to Namjoon, stopping with a distance between them. Probably two arms’ length?

“Namjoon,” he says, “don’t say that.” 

“It’s true for the both of us, isn’t it?” Namjoon says. He sighs and reaches up to run a hand through his already tangled hair. “We- neither of us takes care of ourselves, do we?”

“No,” Seokjin admits, staring at his feet, “but we can try.” 

“What are we going to do after this?” Namjoon says suddenly. He sighs heavily. “What’s the point after we succeed?” 

“We retire,” Seokjin says, aching to walk forward and take Namjoon’s hands into his own, “and we live happily ever after. We deserve it.” 

Namjoon looks up at him. His eyes are sad, so very sad. It makes Seokjin’s chest ache. If heartbroken was a picture, it would be the image before him. Namjoon’s eyes are- Seokjin doesn’t know how to describe them. No words could do them justice. The sadness inside of them seems like it’s old and resolute. It’s deeply-rooted in Namjoon’s psyche, or so it seems to Seokjin. He wants to reach out and beg - beg Namjoon to tell him what could ever make him look so broken, beg him to take Seokjin’s help. Something tells him, however, that it’s something Seokjin has absolutely no control over. 

It doesn’t make him any less scared. In fact, the realization only makes it worse. Seokjin takes a few careful steps toward Namjoon and reaches up to cup his face in his hands. 

“Joonie,” he says brokenly, “Joonie, my Joonie, what’s wrong?” 

“I love you,” Namjoon says instead of answering, but his voice is just as broken as Seokjin’s. “I love you so much, more than you could ever imagine. Remember that, please? No matter what happens, you’re my darling, my dear, and my greatest love. Okay, Jinnie?” 

Seokjin sniffles and leans their foreheads together, closing his eyes to try and hide from the sadness engraved in Namjoon’s brown orbs. 

“Of course, Joonie,” he says. “How could I ever forget?” He pushes Namjoon’s hair away from his forehead and kisses the skin that hid beneath his bangs, keeping his eyes closed. Hands come and hover shyly over Seokjin’s waist as if it’s their first kiss all over again. 

“I love you,” Namjoon says again. Seokjin pulls away and smiles sadly. He keeps one arm over Namjoon’s shoulder and uses his free hand to guide Namjoon’s hands to his waist. 

“I love you too,” he says. “I love you too.” 

Seokjin supposes he’s a bit of a fool for thinking things will be fine after that. He leads Namjoon back to bed and cleans his hands, tucking him into bed. Then he goes and checks on Hoseok before joining Namjoon and Hueningkai with a soft sigh. He wakes up because Namjoon’s snoring too loudly and directly into his ear, but it’s pretty late. The sun has risen and its rays glide in through the windows, leaving Seokjin feeling rather warm and fuzzy. He sits up and slowly climbs out of bed, stretching. He looks back at Namjoon and Hueningkai before he heads into the bathroom, talking to himself. A quick shower and then he brushes his teeth and combs his hair so he looks decent. He decides against doing anything more as he’s got a pretty good hunch that they’re going to be doing a lot of work today. Whether it’s just magic or a mix of things, Seokjin doesn’t know. Though, he supposes it isn’t long before he finds out. 

Much to Seokjin’s dismay, Namjoon doesn’t talk to him at breakfast. It might be because neither of them are speaking, though. Hoseok and Hueningkai can sense the tension between them, their words coming out choppy and awkward as they attempt to distract everyone from it. Seokjin appreciates the effort, but there’s really no way to get rid of it. 

They head out and there’s a carriage waiting for them. Or, well, it’s more of a cart. Ilsan, though it’s lovely and rather well-off, seems to be lacking in transportation. Most of the people just walk or use some sort of equine steed. Seokjin knows Namjoon has a few dragons, but they stay in Ifan, the mainland. Seokjin is pretty sure it means something dumb and cliché like ‘Prosperous Land’ or something. Well, he’s not ‘pretty sure’, as he can read and understand the rune language (that’s something he forgets the name of), but that’s the rough translation. Seokjin doesn’t really care. 

Yoongi and Jimin both look like they spent the entire night awake. Both of them, like Namjoon and Seokjin, have dark spots beneath their bloodshot eyes. Jimin needs to shave but it looks like he couldn’t care less. Yoongi’s eyes are drooping and he keeps pinching himself to stay awake. 

Seokjin isn’t surprised to see Taehyung and Jeongguk being disgustingly or adorably domestic. They’re curled around one another and you can’t tell where one starts and the other ends. Seokjin can hear them cooing and squealing as they whisper to each other. At least there were some people who got to sleep.

Speaking of sleep, Soobin could definitely use some of it. He looks like he’s about to pass out. His eyes keep closing before he spaces out when Yeonjun nudges him gently. The Omega looks better, but not by much. Unlike the tangled mess on Soobin’s head, his blue curls have been somewhat tamed. The spots beneath his eyes are pale shadows and nothing more, but Seokjin doubts he’s been sleeping at all. 

However, if there’s anyone who needs sleep, Taehyun and Beomgyu are Seokjin’s chosen candidates. They’re squashed together and Beomgyu has a giant sun hat on, his shirt unbuttoned to keep Sarang and Byeol quiet and fed. Taehyun’s eyes are open but they’ve got a glazed look to them, making Seokjin wonder if he’s sleeping. He’s had a few instances where he walked in and found the Alpha fast asleep with his eyes still open. But, asleep or not, the spots under his eyes are a stark contrast to his tan complexion. He has yet to grow any facial hair, though Seokjin can see it on him. Beomgyu doesn’t look much different. They both share the bloodshot eyes, dark spots, dazed expressions, and messy hair. At least Byeol and Sarang are quiet, though. 

“We’re here,” Namjoon says as the cart pulls to a stop. The statement isn’t exactly needed as the boats are quite difficult to miss, but Seokjin is too tired to care as he stands up and helps Hoseok off. He gets to Yoongi before Jimin and his chest aches when his brother avoids meeting his eyes, looking away as Seokjin helps him down. Which, Seokjin supposes, is fine and it makes perfect sense because Seokjin’s been, well, an asshole, to put it bluntly. He might not say it out loud, but Seokjin knows that Yoongi’s anger and resentment toward him are his own fault. 

They go down the long, winding path to the docks. Already, people are scampering about and beginning to repair what they can, which Seokjin appreciates. He just hopes that no one’s a jerk to him, especially in front of Hueningkai. 

“I guess we’ll take this one?” he says, gesturing to the boat they stand in front of. Hueningkai nods, swallowing hard. Seokjin bites his lip. He’s getting more and more nervous as they get closer to the boat, his heart pounding. 

“All right,” he says when they get to the boat, “what do you want to start with?”

“The mast, maybe?” Hueningkai says, pointing at the largest of the wooden pillars. Seokjin nods, swallowing down his fear as he stares at the rather imposing cracks in it. 

“Would you like to take care of the big one while I do the little ones?” he says weakly. 

Hueningkai nods. Seokjin waves his hand and the smaller, spidering cracks begin to close up. Hueningkai stares at the large splinter on the mast then holds his hand out and shuts his eyes, furrowing his brow. 

Thankfully, careful bits of magic, purple in color, begin to close the crack. Seokjin bites back his sigh of relief. Hueningkai turns to look at him and Seokjin nods, smiling softly. The boy bounces happily as they continue to repair what they can, distracting Seokjin from Namjoon and the other issues he’s facing. He appreciates it, that’s for sure. 

A few hours later, Hueningkai is panting and dripping sweat. Seokjin can smell it on him. 

“We can take a break if you’d like,” he says. Hueningkai waves his hand as he puts his hands on his knees, panting and gasping for breath. 

“It- I’m fine, Hyung,” he says weakly. Seokjin frowns. 

“Ning-ah, it’s okay-”

“It’s fine.” Hueningkai stands upright again, licking his lips and trying for a smile. His skin is flushed. He looks and sounds as if he just ran around the entire island. Seokjin’s frown deepens. He looks up at the sails, then, and decides they should try fixing something easy.

“Just imagine that it’s knitting itself together, then wave your hand,” he says, standing near Hueningkai. He bites his lip as the boy holds his hand out and shuts his eyes, furrowing his brow as he focuses on the sail. 

However, things don’t go as planned when he suddenly crumples to the ground. Seokjin yelps in surprise and trips over himself as he rushes to catch Hueningkai. The flush on his skin is beginning to fade away, but, instead of returning to its normal color, Hueningkai’s complexion is similar to that of a ghost. Seokjin picks Hueningkai up and races around, trying desperately to find someone to care for the boy. Beomgyu and Taehyun are the first to notice and Taehyun runs over to help. 

“Put him on my back,” Seokjin says urgently. Once Taehyun’s done that, Seokjin shifts Hueningkai and then climbs off of the boat and heads to one of the horses. 

“Sorry!” he says, hoping his words are carried to the animal’s owner as he dumps Hueningkai on and climbs up. Seokjin jams his heels into the horse’s sides as hard as he possibly can and snaps the reins. It races off and Seokjin reaches over his shoulder, envisioning a rope in his hand to keep Hueningkai off of the ground. There’s a path from the wheels of the carts and there are people already bringing things to load onto the boats, something Seokjin doesn’t exactly approve of, but it’s not like they’d listen to him if he told them what to do. Besides, he has far more urgent things to get to. 

It takes him far too long to get back to the village. Seokjin jumps off and somehow manages to get Hueningkai on his back. He runs to the hospital, panting and gasping, then knocks on the door. It swings open and, much to Seokjin’s relief, Namjoon’s sister, Geong-Min, is there. She seems to already know what’s going on and leads Seokjin inside. He carries Hueningkai to one of the hospital beds and dumps him as gently as possible onto the mattress. While Geong-Min goes to get a doctor, Seokjin takes Hueningkai’s shoes off, tossing them to the side. 

“Ning-ah,” he scolds, trying not to cry, “you should know better. Why didn’t you stop?” He sniffles and wipes his eyes. Seokjin knows that it really isn’t the boy’s fault, though. Seokjin should’ve forced him to stop, he was already so red. How did he manage to miss it?

“What happened?” the doctor says as he comes in. Seokjin tries not to sob. 

“He - it’s all my fault, but he- he overestimated his abilities and I didn’t stop him so he passed out. We all thought- I didn’t-”

“Mr. Kim, it’s fine,” the doctor says, waving his hand. Seokjin puts his head in his hands and blocks out the conversation Geong-Min and the doctor have, opting to go over every decision that led to this moment. Gods, how did he miss the signs? Hueningkai - it was so damn  _ obvious _ he was going to pass out, is Seokjin really that blind?

_ I can’t believe myself, _ he thinks.  _ I can’t let Huening suffer just because I have some other problems to sort out. Seokjin, you idiot, why aren’t you putting the others first?! _

_ I am! _ a traitorous and indignant part of his mind retorts.  _ I’m pretty busy, in case you haven’t noticed! _

_ But you should’ve watched Huening! You should’ve protected him! _

_ I’m trying, but it’s a bit hard! _

_ Shut up! _

Seokjin groans, clutching his head. 

“Seokjin-ssi? Are you all right?” Geong-Min says. Seokjin nods, though he doesn’t look up nor does he stop clutching his head. 

“Just a headache,” he mumbles. “I haven’t been sleeping well.” 

“Neither has Namjoon,” she says. She laughs. “Gods, you two really are meant for one another.” 

Seokjin chuckles drily, though he hopes Geong-Min can’t tell. “Yeah,” he says, the words bitter as he says them, “we must be.” 

“Is something wrong?” Geong-Min says. 

_ Dammit. You idiot.  _

_ I’m aware.  _

“What? No. We’re- um, it’s just that we’re both really stressed out. It’ll go away by the time this whole thing’s over, though. But really, it’s fine. We’re fine.” 

Geong-Min hums. “Well, if you ever want advice on him, I’m your girl. I know pretty much everything there is to know about Namjoon.” Seokjin almost snorts. 

“‘Pretty much’?” he says, doing air-quotes. “What does that mean?” 

Geong-Min looks over, surprised, before she seems to remember. 

“Oh, yeah, you aren’t from Ilsan,” she says. She laughs to herself. “I always forget because of how naturally you seem to follow the customs. But, anyway, at, like, ten years old- doctor-nim, is it ten years old?” 

“For what?” 

“Fortune-telling.” 

“Hm? Oh, yeah. Ten years old. I’m surprised it isn’t thirteen, as that’s the year everyone either presents or gets their first heat.” Geong-Min hums. 

“Well, as I was saying, at ten years old, everyone goes to get their fortunes read. It’s mostly, like, you’ll be told ‘Oh, your legacy will be lasting’ blah, blah, blah - but, tradition states that no one but the person who took you and you can ever know. So, like, I don’t know Namjoon’s. I’ve heard that they don’t come true if you tell other people.” 

“I think I read somewhere that was just a rumor made up to scare people,” the doctor says as he attaches some sort of tube to Hueningkai’s arm. “It was to keep kids from making one another feel bad.” 

“Did someone tell a bunch of people? And it still happened?” 

“You guessed it.” Geong-Min hums. Seokjin stares at them. 

“Do they come true? Or is it just superstition or religion?” 

“My Eomma always said hers came true when she had us,” Geong-Min says. Her expression darkens. “I never knew about my appa. They died before I could find out from him.” 

“I’m sorry, though I doubt it does any good,” Seokjin says. Geong-Min shrugs. 

“You probably already knew that from Namjoon-Oppa, right? It’s really not a big deal; Ilsan is so small that everyone knows everyone and we’re all pretty informed about each other.” 

Seokjin chuckles. “I can tell with how Taehyun and Beomgyu were treated,” he says. Geong-Min laughs. 

“Well, he already looked pretty pregnant when he got off. I remember wondering if he was having twins or he just looked really good for his, like, third trimester. His stomach was already huge.”

“I know. I’m surprised neither of them realized there were twins until I told them.” 

“You’ve seen a lot of pregnant people?” the doctor says. Seokjin shrugs. 

“Quite a few,” he says. “I do, after all, have three other brothers.” 

“You were very young, weren’t you?” the doctor says. Seokjin can tell he’s treading lightly to try and avoid offending him. 

Seokjin shrugs. “I’m not much older than Yoongi. I think my father had already gotten his mother pregnant while my own mother was since there’s a three month age difference. And then there was Hoseokie’s father two years after I was born. Taehyung was born when I was four, Yoongi three, and Seok-ah was almost two. So, yeah, I’ve seen quite a few pregnancies in my time.” 

“And then there was Beomgyu-ssi,” Geong-Min says. Seokjin nods. 

“First time seeing anyone expecting twins,” he says. The woman hums. 

“We’re done, by the way,” the doctor says, stepping away from Hueningkai. Seokjin stands up and walks over, staring at the boy. He’s still unconscious but he’s regained some of the color on his face, much to Seokjin’s relief. 

“He’ll be okay, right?” 

“Yeah. It’ll be a couple of hours before he wakes up, but you should keep him from doing too much magic for a week or so. You know how it is. Is this the first time he’s ever passed out because of it?” 

Seokjin nods. “I- it’s my fault for thinking he could do more-”

“I’m going to have to disagree with you, Seokjin-ssi,” the doctor says. He gestures at Hueningkai. “You were right in thinking he could do more, but his body was caught off-guard by the sudden increase in energy it was expending. Next time, I’d recommend easing him into it. But really, it’s no one’s fault.”

Seokjin sighs. “Could we move him to my house? I’d feel more comfortable if he was somewhere close.” 

“Of course. I’ll help you.” Seokjin slowly lifts Hueningkai out of the bed and the doctor grabs the little tube attached to his arm. They walk out of the hospital and then to Seokjin’s house, up the hill and inside, then to Hueningkai’s room. Seokjin sets him down as gently as he can before thanking the doctor. The man leaves with a goodbye and a smile that’s supposed to be reassuring, but Seokjin only feels empty. He sits beside Hueningkai and pushes a strand of hair out of his face, biting his lip. 

Namjoon and Hoseok get back before Hueningkai wakes up. Seokjin’s body is stiff and achy as he hasn’t moved except to go to the bathroom and get a glass of water. The door opens and Seokjin looks over to see his brother and boyfriend standing there, looking awkward. 

“How is he?” Hoseok says. Seokjin shrugs and wipes his eyes, though he cried his eyes dry an hour ago. 

“Still unconscious,” he says. His voice is thick and raspy. “You guys should go to sleep; I’m going to stay here with him.” 

“Hyung . . .” Hoseok says. Seokjin shakes his head. 

“I don’t want him to wake up alone,” he says. “He’s going to be so confused, maybe even scared. I don’t want him to have to deal with that. It’s best if I stay.” 

“Have you eaten at all?” Hoseok says. It feels like Namjoon isn’t even there. 

Seokjin shakes his head again. “I’m going to burn the kitchen down if I do. I’m too worried about Huening to try. You can go to Yoongi’s house or something. I’m sure you can go out to some place around town if you really need to.” 

“We’ll get you something,” Hoseok says, his tone telling Seokjin that there’s no getting out of it. Which is fine. Seokjin’s starving, but he doesn’t want to risk leaving Hueningkai alone. 

“Okay,” he says. Hoseok looks surprised he didn’t protest, but Namjoon simply nods and guides him out of the room. Seokjin is thankful for the action, though he doesn’t think he could express it even if he wanted to. 

Seokjin sighs as the door closes, putting his head in his hands. He doubts it’s good for him or his mental health to wallow silently and berate himself for his obliviousness to Hueningkai’s obvious though silent cries for help, but Seokjin can’t help it. 

_ Honestly, though, _ he thinks,  _ that’s a lie. The logical part of my brain is painfully aware that there’s no way I could’ve known. Of course, that part is drowned out by the pretty much non-stop depressive monologue inside of my head, so, I suppose it’s about the same as not knowing.  _

_ Actually, no. Knowing that I couldn’t do anything about it somehow makes it worse because the depressed blob of fat inside of my skull - also known as my brain - somehow manages to blame me and/or itself. It’s ironic and, to be rather frank, quite pathetic. If I could look at it from a different perspective, I might even say it’s funny.  _

Seokjin sighs loudly. There’s a groan from the bed and he stops, turning to Hueningkai. 

“Ning-ah?” he says softly. “Are you awake?” 

“Mm, Hyung,” Hueningkai groans, “I can practically  _ hear _ you blaming yourself.” The boy cracks one eye open and stares at Seokjin, sizing him up. 

“Why wouldn’t I blame myself?” Seokjin says before he can think about his words. “I should’ve watched you.”

“Oh my gods,  _ Hyung _ , listen to me.” Hueningkai grabs Seokjin by his sleeve. “You had pretty much no control whatsoever over the situation; how could it be your fault?” 

“I’m your teacher. Before that, I’m your  _ Hyung _ . I’m an adult - I should know more, I should be more careful and aware.” 

Yet another groan resonates through the room. “Jin-Hyung, it’s no one’s fault. I overestimated myself, so, if it  _ was _ anyone’s fault, it’d be my own. So, please, for the sake of the gods,  _ stop blaming yourself _ . It doesn’t do anyone any good, especially not you or me.”

Seokjin sighs, running a hand through his hair. “There’s always something that could’ve been changed,” he says, half to himself. “I could’ve been more careful or forced you to listen to me or-”

“What’s the point of going over stuff like that? Hyung, I know it’s hard, but you have to stop living in the past. And, before you say anything like denying it, think. You can’t fix the things that have already happened.” 

Seokjin huffs a laugh. 

“When did you become so philosophical?” he says. He looks out the window, noticing Hoseok and Namjoon walking toward the house. “I suppose it’s one of the things that comes with being practically raised by Namjoon, hm?” 

Hueningkai shrugs, still lying down and looking dazed. “Dunno. Maybe.” He sighs and sinks further into the mountain of pillows behind him. Oh, and, of course, his plethora of stuffed animals. His favorite dolphin plush is tucked safely under his arm. 

“We’re back!” Hoseok calls from downstairs. Seokjin stands up and ruffles Hueningkai’s hair before leaving, walking down the stairs to see his younger brothers, friends, and boyfriend all in the doorway. 

“Oh, you’ve brought company,” he says, smiling a bit as he crosses his arms and leans on the staircase. Hoseok grins. 

“We thought it’d be nice to have a group dinner. You know, to celebrate the boats and all? Besides, we haven’t had any in a long time.” 

Seokjin hums as he helps unwrap the food. There’s rice, some sort of stew that smells nothing short of heavenly, banchan, what looks to be an assortment of grilled meats, and some deserts. Seokjin smiles, but it feels a bit forced. 

“I’ll go get Huening, you all can start without us. Go into the dining room. Taehyun, Beomgyu, you know where the high chairs are, right?” He sees Taehyun nod as he walks up the stairs to get Hueningkai. 

Much to his surprise, someone’s already beat him to the punch. Seokjin jumps when he hears two voices coming from Hueningkai’s room and he stops in his tracks, pausing to listen.

“Hyung,” Hueningkai says, his voice hushed, “you shouldn’t be here. I’m fine.” 

“No, you’re not,” Hoseok says. “I can tell. I was so worried.” 

“It’s fine. You should go back before anyone notices you’re missing.” 

Hoseok laughs softly. “No one’s come to get you or me yet, so I think it’s fine.” 

Seokjin covers his mouth to keep from announcing his presence. Something tells him there’s something important about to happen. 

“Hyung,” Hueningkai says, his voice soft and tentative, “can I kiss you?” 

Well, Seokjin supposes he was right. Unable to resist, he peeks into the room. Hoseok is sitting on the bed and Hueningkai is resting on the pillows, staring at him. There’s a small candle flickering on his bedside table, but there’s no other source of light in the room. 

“Huening-ah,” Hoseok says, staring at his hands, “you’re so young.” 

“Please?” Hueningkai’s eyes are wide open and it couldn’t be more obvious that he’s 100% sure of his decision. However, Seokjin doesn’t blame Hoseok for wanting to wait. Hueningkai is eighteen, barely even an adult, while Hoseok is twenty-six. Then again, it isn’t like he’s gotten many chances to be an adult either. 

“This is your one chance. I told you we’d be waiting until-”

“-Until I was twenty-one, yeah, yeah. I know. Who knows, though. Maybe you won’t be able to resist me.” He wiggles his eyebrows and Seokjin has to pull away to smother his laughter. Hoseok is giggling, covering his mouth with his hand in a feeble attempt to stay quiet. 

“Yah, you’ll alert the others,” he scolds, though, with his tone of voice, it sounds more like a joke. Hueningkai smiles cheekily. 

“Well, Hyung?” he says. “I’m open for business; better come and get it.” 

Hoseok snorts, crawling over. He cups Hueningkai’s face and stares into his eyes for a moment before tilting his head and leaning forward. Seokjin shoves a bit of his sweater into his mouth to keep from screaming when they kiss. 

_ Holy shit what the fuck, _ he thinks. He slowly backtracks and then heads down the stairs, shaking his head.  _ Cute _ . 

“Where’s Hoseok?” Yoongi says when he gets down. Seokjin puts a finger to his lips and shakes his head, pointing up at the ceiling with his free hand. Everyone looks up before they all realize what he means. 

“They’re not, um, doing the, um, you know, ‘doing the dirty’?” Taehyung says, putting air-quotes around the last phrase. Seokjin snorts.

“Not in a thousand years. You know Hoseok, don’t you?” 

“Well, yeah. Touché.” 

“Let’s leave some food for them,” Yoongi says quietly. Seokjin nods and takes a seat next to Namjoon, but the distance between them feels terribly awkward and full of tension. Seokjin wishes the rest of the table couldn’t sense it. 

As the meal pulls to a close, people begin to leave. Yoongi, however, stays. 

“Jin-Hyung,” he says, his voice soft and even a little scared, “could we talk?” 

“Would you like to do it alone?” 

Yoongi shrugs, though it’s clear he would. “Sure, why not?” Seokjin nods and leads his brother to his bedroom, closing the door behind him. He sits on the bed while Yoongi takes the chair in the corner of the room. 

“Hyung,” he says, “I- gods, I don’t know how to start this. I’m sorry-”

“No, I’m sorry,” Seokjin says. He sighs, staring at his hands. “Really, I should be taking initiative and reaching out to you, but-” Seokjin looks around, feeling more helpless than ever before “-I’m a coward. But I want- I want to make things right. I want you to tell me everything. And, like, yeah- actually, no, that probably isn’t helpful. Lay it on me, Yoonie.” 

Yoongi smiles weakly, shifting in place. He doesn’t meet Seokjin’s eyes, though he can’t blame him. 

“Hyung, why?” Yoongi says suddenly, his voice full of emotion. “Hyung, why was it me? Why did you leave us? Why- when- how did you become so  _ selfish _ ?” Seokjin catches himself getting ready to make up an excuse or explain that his father was raping him behind their backs, but he stops before he can open his mouth. Yoongi sniffles and wipes his eyes. “Like, one day, you suddenly stopped caring. And then it was up to me to raise our brothers and make sure you didn’t step too far out of line while - gods, I sound so insensitive, don’t I?” 

“It’s okay,” Seokjin says, staring at a space on the floor. “It’s fine, this is about you.” 

“Hyung, gods, there’s a part of me that hates you.” Yoongi wipes his eyes, looking frustrated and angry and sad all at the same time. “There’s a part of me that utterly despises all of the shit you made me go through and how careless you were. I know it was your way of escape and really, I’m not trying to make you feel bad about it, but gods, you withdrew from  _ us _ . Your  _ brothers _ , the people who needed you most. And there was no explanation, no notification, not even a little apology. Do you know how long I waited?!” The question is half-screamed and half-sobbed, Yoongi’s voice breaking as he stares at his brother. Seokjin’s chest aches and he finds himself unable to meet Yoongi’s eyes. 

“Hyung,” Yoongi says, wiping his eyes, now on his feet, “I love you so much, but you  _ hurt _ me. And, look, I know you were dealing with some serious shit that was never your fault, but it  _ hurts _ . It hurts that you never told us and you probably had your own, perfectly fine reasons for doing so, but it hurts that you hurt us in your means of escape. It hurts that you didn’t find another way, that- well, emotionally, it hurts like hell that you didn’t try finding a way you could maintain your relationships with us while still finding some sort of escape, but, when I think about it, it makes sense. And maybe I have no right whatsoever-”

“Don’t say that,” Seokjin says, standing up. He stares at his younger brother and suddenly sees the little boy who cried because of thunderstorms and hid inside of the closet while holding a baby, Seokjin with Hoseok in his arms. He sees the little, clueless boy who takes him into his arms, laughing as Seokjin feels the life begin to drain from his body. “Yoongi-yah, my sweet Yoongi-yah, never say that. I love you so much, Yoongi-yah. Never say that it wasn’t - that you don’t have a reason for feeling a certain way. You’re  _ human _ , and that’s a good enough reason. You’re so perfect, Yoonie, come here, please, I love you.” 

Yoongi sobs and, for a terrifying second, Seokjin thinks he’ll turn the offer down. But then he’s running forward and into Seokjin’s embrace, sobbing loudly into his chest. Seokjin rubs his back and buries his face in his brother’s hair, crying silently. Yoongi’s embrace is warm and it makes Seokjin cry even more when he wonders about the last time he held his little brother like this. 

“It’s been too long,” Yoongi says softly. Seokjin nods and rests his chin on his head, tears pouring down his cheeks as he attempts to keep quiet. He bites his lip and strokes Yoongi’s hair, staring out at the sleeping village through the window. He feels strangely disconnected from the rest of the world as he sits with his brother. It’s like he’s staring at the place from underwater. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” he says, to assure both himself and Yoongi. “It’s going to be okay.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> luv u <3 and hope u liked it  
> also omg hueningseok/kaiseok/whatever their ship name is - the kiss made me so happy idk it was cute


	6. Space Between Now and Then

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is just so different now, isn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all lowkey (like, lowkey) i'm totes in love with Troye Sivan's music but like Bloom is such a good song omg it's gonna be featured in the next short omg i love you all bye  
> also there's a spoiler in the end notes so skip it if you want idc

Seokjin wakes up and he’s still holding his brother. As expected, Namjoon isn’t there, but Jimin is. He seems to have fallen asleep in the chair Yoongi was sitting in. Seokjin gets up and shakes him gently to wake him up.

“Jimin-ah,” he says softly, “wake up, you’re going to have cramps.” 

Jimin grunts, slowly opening his eyes. It’s still dark out. 

“Huh?” 

“Go sleep in the bed, all right? I’m going to check on Huening, Hoseok, and Namjoon. Just go back to sleep, okay?” 

Jimin hums, rubbing his eyes and nodding. He stumbles toward the bed and then climbs in, curling up beside Yoongi. Seokjin smiles to himself, shaking his head as soft snores begin to fill the air, then he heads down the hall. He cracks Hueningkai’s door open and isn’t surprised to see Hoseok with his head resting on the boy’s collarbone, tucked into his embrace. It’s domestic and adorable, with Hueningkai’s arm slung over him the way he holds his stuffed animals. Hoseok’s made himself even smaller, though it isn’t needed when Hueningkai is over 180 centimeters and Hoseok is still in the 170s. Nonetheless, Seokjin thinks the little action is adorable. 

He closes the door and slowly walks down the hall to the guest room. It used to be a nursery, but both Namjoon and Seokjin decided against having kids because of this war thing. One of the advancements of the far islands, though it originated on Eanox, is the invention of suppressants. They keep heats and ruts away for the most part, but there are still little jumps in pheromone and/or hormone levels. Seokjin takes them and he’s shown them to his brothers. Neither Beomgyu nor Taehyun have gone on them yet to make sure their pups know their scents and to make sure Beomgyu’s body is still working as it’s supposed to when he has two kids on his and Taehyun’s hands. They’re made for both Alphas and Omegas, though the dosage given to Alphas tends to be stronger to keep them from becoming too aggressive. Seokjin wasn’t around to see the tests, but he’s heard horror stories about how Alphas given doses too small would go on a rampage as the combination of herbs, science, and other things Seokjin doesn’t know about would arrange hormone levels in a way that proved terribly dangerous for everyone, including the patient themself. They’ve pretty much got it down now. 

“Namjoon?” Seokjin says, gently pushing the door open. The room is empty and the sheets are still made as meticulously as Hoseok probably left them. He tends to clean and organize things whenever he’s feeling stressed out. 

That aside, Namjoon isn’t in his room. Seokjin sighs, running a hand through his hair. A few strands come with it and he releases a frustrated sigh. Gods, all he can really do is sigh and pull his hair out now. Who knew war preparations would be so stressful?

(Actually, Seokjin did. He’s eavesdropped on plenty of war councils back in the imperial palace, so he’s got a good grip on those things. Does anyone at the rebel war councils care? No, of course not, he’s just some stuck-up prince to them.)

Instead of going with his gut instinct, Seokjin goes down the stairs, into the kitchen, and makes himself some tea. He watches the kettle impatiently before snapping his fingers. It finishes boiling and he pours the water into a teapot. Seokjin stares at the steam rising from the spout after he puts the top on, then pours himself a cup. He sits down and stares out the window at the village. It’s still rather dark out and he probably shouldn’t be awake right now. But, as Namjoon said, there are plenty of things he should do that he doesn’t.

When he finishes one cup of tea, Seokjin gets up and pads to the study. Surprisingly, Namjoon isn’t there. However, a melted candle sits on his desk in an iron candle holder. The ink on the parchment is still wet and he can smell the smoke from the candle. 

Seokjin looks back at the window, then he lights the candle and picks it up. He slides his feet into a pair of sandals by the back door then quietly heads out, walking through the yard. The stones on the ground snake around the area until finally reaching the greenhouse, though Seokjin cuts his trip short by taking the shortcut and walking straight to the glass building. 

_ Thank the gods, _ he thinks when he sees the lights inside. He opens the door and slowly walks in, making his way through the various plants to get to Namjoon. 

Seokjin isn’t sure if he’s surprised or not when he sees Namjoon staring at a map. He has a new quill and inkpot, though it looks like he’s about to knock down the little jar of sorts. Seokjin approaches him from the front to keep that from happening.

However, even with his own efforts, Namjoon’s elbow jerks out and sends the inkwell flying when he looks up and sees Seokjin. Strangely enough, neither of them attempt to stop it. It simply flies from the table and crashes into the ground, shattering upon impact. Ink drips out and soaks into the stone floor, yet both men remain indifferent. 

“Sorry,” Seokjin says blankly. Namjoon shrugs. It seems as if Seokjin isn’t sorry and as if Namjoon couldn’t care less whether he was or wasn’t. 

“It’s all right,” he says, sitting back. He places his quill on its side. Seokjin notices it’s his favorite one, the one from a gryphon. The feather, at least from a glance, isn’t anything special. It’s a dark chestnut color that’s smooth and glossy, but there doesn’t seem to be anything more. However, when angled correctly, the golden bits of feather become obvious and a myriad of colors will fly through. Seokjin thinks it’s pretty too. 

“How long have you been awake?” Seokjin says because asking Namjoon why he isn’t asleep is stupid. 

Namjoon shrugs again. “An hour or so.” 

“Three or four? Or is it more?” Namjoon snorts as he pushes an ink-stained hand through his hair. 

“Maybe four and a half to five,” he says as he leans forward. Seokjin hums and pulls a chair out, sitting down across from him. He looks at the map and raises an eyebrow. 

“What’ve you been doing? How much did you get done on whatever new project you’re overtaking?” 

“Writing down where we have advocates or whatever they’re called. Spies? I dunno. I’m trying to map the postal system out and wherever there are soldiers stationed.”

Seokjin hums, looking at Namjoon’s work. It’s surprisingly accurate, but there are a few mistakes that could end rather fatally. 

“There’s a big fort over here,” he says, pointing to an unmarked area a little ways away from the southern end of the Deep Forest. “And then, over here,” he points at an area Namjoon thought would be possible to dock in, “there’s another post that has a direct messenger. They’ve got gryphons if I remember correctly, but it’s best not to risk it. Unless you want to get attacked, you’ll go somewhere there’s a small group of soldiers that won’t take much to defeat. Also, here,” he points at an area near the coastal kingdom’s little drawing, “is a place we could go. You should ask Taehyung, Yoongi, and Soobin to check it, though, since they probably know more than I do. Taehyung is good with geography, Yoongi’s memory is strangely good and very specific, and then Soobin’s from the place. But I’m pretty sure we could go there.”

“Is there some sort of abandoned port?” Namjoon says, writing down the information Seokjin’s giving him. 

“I think so. You should check with Yoongi, Taehyung, and Soobin though, just to make sure. Do we have any allies there?” 

“Some,” Namjoon says. He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Not nearly as many as up here,” he uses his quill to jab at the little village they use as their little entryway into the empire, “but enough that I’m not too worried about what could happen.” 

“How are you planning to send a message? I mean, it’s not like they can respond.” 

“I don’t know,” Namjoon says. “A part of me wants to go and deliver it myself, but that seems like it’s almost a suicide mission. I mean, no one knows who I am, but the building tensions with the westerners entering and demanding things-”

“Wait, what?” Seokjin says. “Westerners?” 

Namjoon nods. “Jeongguk - his most recent report detailed that they’ve been receiving requests for an audience from some place - I can’t remember what it’s called, though I know they’re getting eager. And that they want some of the empire’s territory.”

“Are we going to wait for it to go down? No, right? Because my father is distracted by this and it’ll give us a better opportunity to attack without him noticing until it’s too late?” 

Namjoon grins, though he’s still very clearly exhausted. “Brilliant,” he says, sounding awed. Seokjin shrugs but the compliment does nothing to ease the tension in his chest. A smile plays at the corners of his lips but Seokjin somehow manages to push it away. It’s one of the first times he’s ever kept himself from smiling at Namjoon. 

“You should at least take a nap tomorrow,” Seokjin says. Namjoon shrugs, looking up at him and adjusting his glasses. 

“I’ll be fine.” He smiles weakly. “Besides, I’ll have you with me, won’t I?” 

Seokjin nods, but it feels like he’s lying to Namjoon for reasons he can’t explain. He bites his lip and picks at his nails, staring at the table. 

“Are you okay?” Namjoon says tentatively. Seokjin nods, then he shrugs. Namjoon will understand if he’s worried about Hueningkai, won’t he?

“I- Huening-ah,” he says. Namjoon nods in understanding. 

“You’re worried about him,” he says. Seokjin nods, looking over at the house. The sun’s just barely visible over the horizon. 

“Of course, I am,” he says. He sighs. “He’s like a son to me, to the both of us, really. Probably you more than me, but the kid - I just want the best for him. And I’m worried that maybe, just maybe, sending him down this path of sorcery isn’t that.” 

“Do you truly think that?” Namjoon says softly, looking at Seokjin through his eyelashes. “Are you sure you believe that? Or is it your insecurities talking?”

Seokjin stiffens and his hands turn into fists. Though Namjoon has a good point, he could’ve worded it differently. 

“Say you’re correct,” Seokjin says. “Say that it’s because I’m afraid of being replaced or some other thing like that, and, before you argue with me, I’m not saying it isn’t that, though I’m not saying it is. So, let’s say that I’m insecure and I’m afraid that Hueningkai will replace me and be more useful to the cause. Do  _ you _ truly think that my worries for him wouldn’t also affect that? What if he  _ dies _ , Namjoon?” Seokjin says, his voice getting louder and angrier towards the end. 

“He won’t die,” Namjoon says quietly, averting his eyes and choosing to instead stare at one of his beloved bonsai trees. He looks up at Seokjin and locks eyes with him. “But you, on the other hand, will if you continue to be reckless with your curse.” 

“It’s barely affected me!” Seokjin says, throwing his hands into the air. “I’m fine! Sure, I’m a little spacey sometimes, but I’m fine! Namjoon,  _ I’m okay _ . Why do you doubt that? Why do you think that I’m not?”

“Because I care about you!” Namjoon says, standing up. “Jin, baby, I love you more than anything in this world. For the sake of the gods, will you just  _ listen to me?! _ We- all of us - me, your brothers, the rest of our friends - we all care so much about you. You’re far from expendable and you don’t seem to understand that. You’re not worth how much magic you do. We’re trying to protect you, okay? It’s not that we don’t want you helping or whatever else you can come up with! Why can’t you see that there are people in this world who care about you?” 

Seokjin narrows his eyes. “Oh, come on,” he says. “You of all people should know the answer to that. I’ve told you about my trust issues, about how many times I’ve been used and cast aside - why are you asking that?” 

“It wasn’t the most thought-out question, I- actually, no, I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry.” 

Seokjin sighs. “No, it’s fine,” he says. “I don’t care, I’m just tired.” He stands up, shivering. “I’m gonna go to bed. Make sure you get some sleep.” 

Seokjin, instead of going to sleep or even trying to, sits on the couch with his now-cold tea and stares blankly at the wall. The only light in the room comes from the rapidly dying candle sitting on the coffee table. He thinks he sits there for maybe an hour before Yoongi comes down with Jimin. He smiles tiredly and bids them goodbye, saying he’ll see them later on the way down to the docks. After that, he gets up and blows the candle out and heads upstairs into his room. The bed is cold and the sheets are made, tucked in while the pillows seem to have been fluffed. Seokjin stares at them before sighing and sitting down, staring out of the window with a wistful look on his face. He doesn’t really want to do anything today or for the next week, but Seokjin doesn’t have much of a choice. Hueningkai definitely isn’t going to be doing any sort of work today, that’s for sure, so there has to be someone to do the work requiring magic. Seokjin knows no one’s going to argue with him about it today. 

Seokjin somehow ends up passing out in bed. He wakes up because Hoseok is shaking him, but, instead of angry or anything akin to that, he looks worried. 

“Hyung,” he says, “just how much sleep have you been getting?” 

Seokjin sits up and stretches, waving his hand to dismiss Hoseok’s worries. 

“I’m fine, Seokie,” he says. He tries for a smile and hopes that it doesn’t look like a grimace. From Hoseok’s wince, he guesses that he doesn’t do as well as he’d hoped. “You should go and eat leftovers. You know how to heat them up, don’t you?” 

“Hyung,” Hoseok says, “are you okay?” 

Seokjin nods. “Of course!” he says. He tries to smile again. Still the same effect it seems. “Go and get something to eat, all right? Make sure- can Huening walk?” 

Hoseok nods. “I helped him downstairs, but-”

“Go and make him breakfast, okay? I need to get ready and we already have a tight enough schedule; is that okay?” 

Hoseok stares at him. His eyes are sad and they’re asking silently what’s wrong and how he can help, but Seokjin shakes his head. And then, Hoseok bends down and hugs him. 

“Okay, Hyung,” he says. “Would you like me to leave some out for you?” Seokjin nods, hugging him tighter. 

“I love you, Hoseok,” he says. 

“I love you too. Try and take a nap when you can, all right? Or, at least go to bed early.” 

Seokjin snorts and smiles at him as he gets out of bed and grabs some clothes from the dresser. “Okay, will do,” he says, smiling softly. Hoseok rolls his eyes playfully as he leaves, but he still seems worried. Seokjin heads into the bathroom and draws a bath for himself, brushing his teeth while he waits. He sits in the water until his fingers prune and the water goes cold. When he gets downstairs, Hueningkai is wrapped in a blanket burrito and sitting on the couch, his arms sticking out. Hoseok is curled up nearby and they’re chatting idly. Namjoon has yet to join them. 

“Did he-?” 

“No,” Hoseok says. “I think he’s out in the greenhouse. There was a note pinned to the back door that he wanted to be alone for a bit, so we decided to let him come on his own time. You can go and check on him, though, as he hasn’t come back yet.”

Seokjin nods. He grabs a bowl of lukewarm rice and some chopsticks before heading out. He uses the same sandals from hours earlier when he first found Namjoon in the greenhouse. 

He knows Namjoon’s sleeping the moment he sets foot inside of the building. There’s his loud, signature snore ringing through the place and Seokjin sighs. A few months ago (or maybe even a year?), Seokjin would’ve smiled fondly and shaken his head. Now, however, he simply walks through the greenhouse until he finds Namjoon asleep, his words printed on his face. The map is sitting in a bag near his feet and Seokjin frowns, his curiosity getting the better of him as he notices his name on the tip of the paper. There’s a comma after it and then Namjoon moved onto the next line, hinting at a letter of sorts. Seokjin thinks about tugging it out from under him before deciding against it. 

“Namjoon, wake up,” he says, shaking him. Namjoon slowly opens his eyes and fumbles around for his glasses. Seokjin hands them to him and holds the bowl of rice and chopsticks out with them. 

“Oh, thanks,” Namjoon says tiredly. Seokjin notices how he purposely covers the contents of the piece of parchment below him with his body. He doesn’t point it out, though. 

“You should be more careful,” Seokjin says, his voice sounding hollow and empty. “You’re going to hurt yourself if you continue to fall asleep so carelessly. Not to mention your lack of sleep in general.” 

Namjoon shrugs, humming half-heartedly. “I’ll be fine,” he says, his voice raspy with sleep but still just as hollow and empty as Seokjin’s. “Thanks for the food.” 

“No problem. Come, you should go clean up and get dressed; we’ve got a big day ahead of us.”

“Do you think we should bring Hueningkai? Or would it be better to let him stay here and rest?” 

“I think we should ask him. Taehyun and Beomgyu - or, well, Beomgyu can sit with him since Taehyun was insisting he helped so much yesterday. I’m going to go pack some lunch, all right? Go get dressed and bathe and all that other stuff.” 

“Mm.” Namjoon gets up, swiftly rolling up the parchment and shoving it in the bag, then he grabs his quill and puts it in the sewn-in a compartment for holding the feathered pen. 

“You go and get ready,” Seokjin says when Namjoon crouches down to clean up the shards of the inkwell. “I can do it.” Namjoon nods. 

“Thanks,” he says. Seokjin nods back and then squats and begins to pick up the little pieces of dark, cloudy glass. He waves his hand and the ink flies up as the pieces of the inkwell come back together and repair themselves. The ink itself ends up inside and Seokjin stands up. He walks out of the greenhouse and locks the door behind him, depositing the inkwell in the study before going to finish breakfast. Hueningkai and Hoseok are now spooning, with Hueningkai as the big spoon. Hoseok is facing him and cooing as he squeezes the boy’s cheeks and makes kissy noises. 

“Please,” Seokjin says when he gets inside, “keep the PDA to a minimum.” 

“Sorry, Hyung,” Hoseok says sheepishly. 

“But he’s beautiful!” Hueningkai yells, throwing the blanket off. He gestures wildly at Hoseok. “Do you not see the beauty?!” 

Seokjin snorts as he continues to eat. “For your information,” he says, “I grew up around him, so, of course, I do. Second of all, PDA is still obnoxious and I swear to the gods if you two are like Yeonjun and Soobin-”

“Oh, no, gods, please, don’t bring them up,” Hoseok says with a grimace. “They’re so shameless, I don’t even know how they haven’t - you know what, I’m going to stop there. I wouldn’t like it going any further, thank you very much.” 

Seokjin snorts. 

“Don’t worry, Hyung!” Hueningkai chirps. “We’ll just be disgustingly affectionate!” 

Seokjin almost spits his food out. Hoseok wastes no time as he goes back to squishing and pinching Hueningkai’s cheeks the same way Yeonjun does to Soobin. Seokjin finishes eating and shakes his head, grabbing a picnic basket to fill. He wraps whatever leftovers they have that can be eaten cold without any strange experiences and/or expressions. 

“Don’t forget bread for Soobin-Hyung! And apple juice! And egg tarts for me!” Hueningkai says, looking at Seokjin with his chin tucked over the couch. Seokjin snorts as he grabs a large container of apple juice. 

“We can stop by the bakery for the bread and egg tarts,” he says as he finishes up. “We don’t have any here. Ning-ah, you can walk, can’t you?”

Hueningkai nods, standing up carefully. He’s shaky on his feet and he leans on Hoseok for support, but he’s walking. However, after a few steps, the color drains from his face and he falls. Hoseok catches him and sets him on the couch, frowning. 

“Huening, do you want to stay?” Seokjin says. Hueningkai shakes his head adamantly. 

“No, I wanna go,” he says, pouting. 

“You should stay here,” Hoseok says as he walks over with a wet towel. “I don’t-”

“I’ll be fine,” Hueningkai says, attempting to wave him away. Hoseok grabs his wrist and presses the cloth to his forehead.

“That’s what they all say,” he grumbles. “Jin-Hyung, help me convince him.” 

Seokjin shifts in place. “I think it’s fine if he goes and sits with Beomgyu; didn’t he ask for someone to help him watch the girls?”

Hoseok groans and tugs at his hair. “But what if he gets hurt? What if something bad happens?” 

“Nothing bad will happen to them,” Namjoon says from the stairs. They all turn around to look at the man as he walks down toward them. 

“But-”

“I’ll be fine, Hyung,” Hueningkai says. He holds Hoseok’s hand and squeezes it. “Trust me on this, okay?” 

Hoseok snorts. “I  _ do _ trust you,” he says. “I just don’t want you getting hurt again.” 

“Hyung, I’m not  _ hurt _ . Just exhausted.” 

“Yeah, and you can’t walk. Who’s going to carry you?” 

“I can,” Seokjin says. He crouches down and holds his arms out. Hueningkai slowly scoots over until Seokjin’s holding him bridal style. “Namjoon, could you grab the picnic basket? It has our lunch inside.” Namjoon nods as Seokjin slowly carries Hueningkai out of the house, Hoseok trailing behind them. Seokjin lets out a little sigh of relief when he sees the carts are already there. He places Hueningkai in one and then helps Hoseok up, climbing in and taking the picnic basket from Namjoon. Once they’re all set, they head down to pick up the others. 

“How are you feeling?” Yoongi says to Hueningkai as they travel. The boy shrugs. 

“I’ve been better.” He smiles and his eyes turn into seagulls. “Feels like my limbs are made of jelly, though.” 

“Why would you ever make such a cursed expression while saying that,” Taehyun deadpans. “You’re scaring my children.” 

“Aw, they love me,” Hueningkai says. He wiggles around and holds his arms out, staring at the little babies. “Come here, girls. Sarangie, Byeolie, come to Uncle Huening!” 

“Please don’t talk to them like they’re dogs,” Taehyun says. Beomgyu snorts. He’s once again wearing his giant sun hat and dress. There’s a bag full of baby supplies nearby. 

“Aw, come here, my sweet girls,” Hueningkai coos, rubbing his fingers together to offer the illusion of something in his hands. 

“They can’t even crawl,” Beomgyu says, laughing as he boops Sarang’s nose. “They’re only coming if we both suddenly trust you a lot more.” 

“Oof. That hurt,” Hueningkai says, putting a hand over his heart. Beomgyu snorts a laugh as Sarang manages to somehow grab his finger with a pudgy hand. Beomgyu releases a happy chirp as he nuzzles his daughter. 

“Hyun-ah, Taehyun-ah, look at her! She’s so smart, isn’t she?” he says happily. Taehyun, who’s holding a sleeping Byeol, looks over his mate’s shoulder and smiles proudly. 

“Of course, they’re smart,” he says. “They’re our kids.” 

“Yeah, but Beomgyu-Hyung is kinda doofy,” Hueningkai says. Beomgyu hits his arm. 

“Excuse you, I’m capable of taking care of myself, my mate, and my kids. That’s a lot more than you can say.” 

“I’m offended but I know you’re right.” Seokjin snorts and covers his face as he laughs. Beomgyu cackles loudly and then covers his mouth when he catches sight of a sleeping Byeol. Sarang gurgles happily and everyone in the cart is cooing. 

“Look at my baby!” Beomgyu says happily. “She’s so cute, isn’t she?” 

“She is,” Taehyun agrees, smiling at Beomgyu and Sarang. He kisses Byeol’s forehead. “They both are.” 

Yeonjun sighs, looking over at Soobin. “Will we have a baby?” he says. 

Soobin turns bright red and squeaks, covering his face with his hands. 

“You can’t just say that!” he squeals, still covering his face and muffling his words. Yeonjun laughs and cuddles him, smiling. 

“Are you two ever thinking about getting married?” Yoongi says. Beomgyu shrugs. 

“I dunno,” he says. “We’re kind of swamped right now, but, I don’t know, maybe one day, right?” 

Taehyun smiles cheekily. “Patience is a virtue, angel.” 

“Patience is overrated, that’s what it is,” Taehyung says. He and Jeongguk have popped their little bubble and are now facing the rest of the cart’s passengers. “However,” he says, tapping his lips, “in this situation, I think it makes sense to wait.” 

“Agreed,” Hoseok says, nodding at his brother. He looks at Hueningkai and Hueningkai looks back. The two seem to have an argument with their eyes, but no one bothers to ask. It’s very clearly something they want to keep private. 

“Oh, look! We should come back here for an actual picnic,” Taehyung says, sitting up on his knees and pointing. Everyone looks over to the subject of his attention and Seokjin sees a giant field of flowers. It’s sunny and beautiful. It’s also a place Seokjin wouldn’t mind returning to.

“It’d be great to get married here,” Beomgyu sighs. Taehyun snorts. 

“Someone’s dropping hints,” he says. 

“A date, in general, would be nice, right, Gi?” Jimin says, elbowing Yoongi. Yoongi shrugs but his eyes sparkle fondly. 

“I call first date here!” Yeonjun cries. Seokjin snorts as everyone begins to jabber about who gets to go first, though he and Namjoon are both silent. He finds himself stealing glances at his boyfriend quite often, though Namjoon never seems to be looking forward. He’s more focused and speaking quietly with one of the main architects or shipbuilders about the boats than anything else. 

“Hyung, are you okay?” Taehyung says softly, nudging Seokjin. He looks over and smiles. 

“Of course,” he says. “I just haven’t been getting enough sleep, sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Taehyung says. He looks over at Namjoon then back at Seokjin. His eyes are unsure as he says, “Are you really okay?” 

Seokjin nods, waving his hand. “I’m fine, really, Tae. Don’t worry about it, yeah? Just focus on the boats and whatever. Speaking of which, how have you guys been doing on it?” 

Taehyun raises an eyebrow. He’s not deaf to the way Seokjin’s so blatantly changed the topic. He answers, though. “It’s fine,” he says. “Of course, we’re not doing nearly as much as you. Actually, we’ve started to weave things like blankets and clothes. A lot of the ahjumas and ahjussis back in the village are making kimchi and collecting rice and other things for the trip. I heard them talking about preserving fruits too. Oh, and, of course, they’re trying to fill as many water tubs as possible. There are some already waiting to be loaded on.” 

“Already?” Seokjin says. “Why? Isn’t it a bit early? We’re going to be here for at least another month.” 

“Sorry,” Hueningkai says from behind. 

“It isn’t your fault; that’s just how long it’ll take us, even if you were working,” Seokjin says, waving away the apology. “I don’t even know how long it’ll take everyone else, then, of course, there’s the loading things on. We still have to make sure we’ve trained some thousands of troops as well.” 

“You seem to have planned this a lot more than anyone else,” Yoongi says. He looks over at Namjoon. “Well, other than your boyfriend.” 

Seokjin shrugs. “I don’t like having holes in the plot or plan or whatever you’d like to call it.” 

“How many plans do you have?” Yeonjun says. 

“I don’t know; Namjoon’s the one who writes everything down, really, so you’d have to ask him. He probably has as many plans as possible.” 

“Hey, Hyung,” Jeongguk calls. Namjoon doesn’t look up. “Hyung!” 

“Huh? What is it?” Namjoon says. He looks alarmed. 

“How many plans do you have, Hyung?” Jeongguk says. He gestures at the rest of the cart. “We’re all wondering.” 

The tension in Namjoon’s muscles disappears to some extent as he sighs. 

“I don’t know,” he says. “I have one that’s as solid as a war plan can get, then I have a few pieces I can pick and choose from to replace whatever doesn’t work.” He doesn’t meet Seokjin’s eyes as he picks at a loose thread in his pants. 

“That’s pretty smart,” Yeonjun says, nodding. “Jin-Hyung said that you guys are both micro-managers.” 

Namjoon laughs, but the sound seems to lack a lot of humility. Everyone seems to notice it, but no one points it out. 

He shrugs. “A reasonable thing to say. Both of us like to have everything planned out, I suppose. He’s always been like that. For me, though, I had to coach myself into it because I suddenly found myself as the leader of, well, a rebellion, I suppose.” 

“How did it happen, if you don’t mind my asking?” Yoongi says. Namjoon shrugs again. 

“I was a lawyer and I didn’t like the laws instilled upon the far islands by the emperor. He’s in Ifan, we’re here. I didn’t think it made sense because we didn’t have any representatives. Just soldiers to keep our faces pressed into the dirt, right?” 

“Why didn’t you simply kick them out?” Taehyung says, frowning. “Not that I don’t appreciate your bringing us here and deciding to revolt against the emperor, but, from a logical standpoint, it doesn’t - well, it just seems like a lot of work.” 

Namjoon nods in agreement. “You’re right, but I also didn’t know if the emperor would send in more soldiers to subdue us. So, I started doing the assassinations to make sure he knew we had access to him and his dogs. Also, if it was that bad  _ here _ and we’re just, like, I dunno, the far islands aren’t a very important territory to have, but the rest of Ifan? Gotta be honest, it must suck.”

“It does,” Beomgyu says. His eyes gain a far-off look. “It really does. Did any of you live- well, Jimin-Hyung and Jeongguk-Hyung, are you from here or the mainland?” 

“Jeongguk-ah and I are both Ifanian,” Jimin says. “We’re from the same village, believe it or not. Busan, ever heard of it? It’s pretty tiny, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you haven’t. It’s fine.” He looks around and everyone has similar expressions of cluelessness, except, obviously, for Jeongguk. 

“How did you get to Inura then?” Yeonjun says, tilting his head. Jimin shrugs. 

“Little boys are easier to smuggle than you think. Especially when they’re only bags of bones that hardly ever speak.”

“Did you two go together?” 

Jimin shakes his head. “No. I don’t know when Jeongguk went, but I was probably seventeen or so when I got on that wagon with Jihyun. So, I suppose we weren’t exactly ‘little boys’. Jihyun is the same age as Jeonggukkie, though.” 

“That was the scariest thing I’ve ever done,” Jihyun says. Seokjin looks around and notices that they’re at the docks. The man is walking by, a large crate in his hands. He puts it down and grins, spreading his arms. “But we’re here, aren’t we? We made it.”

Jimin smiles as he jumps down. “We did, didn’t we?” Jihyun laughs as he picks the crate up and keeps walking. 

“Your parents are an Alpha and Omega?” Beomgyu says. 

Jimin nods. “What gave it away? The two Alpha sons?” 

Jihyun’s laughter can be heard from where they are as he turns around and salutes them. He blows a kiss into the air. 

“I love you, Eomma and Appa!” he calls. 

“Be quiet and work!” Jimin yells over his shoulder. Jihyun keeps laughing but the sound begins to fade away as he leaves. “But yeah, that’s how biology works, isn’t it?” 

“Makes me wonder if there’s a way to eradicate any certain sex,” Yeonjun says, seemingly to himself. “If we killed all of the Alphas or Omegas or Betas, would whoever died continue to persist through mess ups?” 

“Why would you ask that kind of question?” Soobin says. “I don’t see - well, if you’re an Omega or Beta whose only experience with Alphas has ever been them oppressing you, then I suppose it isn’t totally unreasonable.”

“Oh, gods, imagine what it’d be like to walk around outside and not have to worry about anyone attacking you,” Beomgyu says. He sighs, sounding wistful. “I don’t mean to offend any of the Alphas here, but I just wish we had more freedom. Gods, it’s even worse in a brothel.” 

“I’ll try and fix it,” Soobin says. He looks a little surprised, but Beomgyu’s eyes widen. 

“Will you?” he says quietly, his voice scared as he waits for his hopes to be shattered. 

Soobin nods. “The laws in place for things like rape and prostitution aren’t right. And, when I become emperor, they’re one of the first things I want to change. It isn’t fair if our legal system is only geared toward helping Alphas, is it?” 

Beomgyu squeals. He grins and Soobin smiles. Yeonjun looks up at him, smiling as well. 

“Thank you,” Beomgyu says, sniffling. He wipes his eyes. “Thank you so much.” 

“Well, I haven’t done it yet,” Soobin says. 

“But you’re going to. The fact that you’re even aware of it is - gods, Soobinnie, that’s amazing,” Yeonjun says. Soobin shrugs. Beomgyu’s crying and he’s leaning on Taehyun. 

“Thank you,” Seokjin says quietly. Soobin smiles at him. 

“Thank you for helping me so much,” he says. He leans down to kiss Yeonjun’s head. “Thank you all.” 

As their day continues, Seokjin notices how stressed out Namjoon is. He walks around the boats and checks their materials, talking with people. Many of the boats have broken oars and Seokjin had offered to fix them, but Namjoon said they could do it. Then, of course, there are the rusting cannons. Seokjin’s really just doing whatever would take too long to fix, like assisting with the oars and repairing the masts. He wishes they could go underwater but he’s instead working on visualizing what it would look like if it had just been built. Around noon or so, they all take a break. Seokjin sits beside Namjoon but they’re not nearly as close as all of the other couples, even Hueningkai and Hoseok. 

“This really is nice,” Yoongi says, sitting back as he nibbles on one of the pastries they stopped to get. Seokjin hums in agreement. He looks up at the sun and then around at the rest of the pack. They’re all covered in a thin sheen of sweat except for Beomgyu and Hueningkai. Seokjin is pretty sure that Jeongguk’s snoozing, his head resting on Taehyung’s shoulder. Both Byeol and Sarang are fast asleep in their parents’ arms. Seokjin wishes he could fall asleep the way babies do. 

When the day finally does end, Namjoon declares that he wants to host another council meeting or whatever in a week to report on progress. After all, they’re working on one of the boats. There are several more that need at least some  _ magical _ attention. Seokjin had simply nodded as they rode back to Ilsan, his arms wrapped around his knees and holding them close to his chest. They get back to their house and eat dinner in silence, even with Hueningkai and Hoseok there. Seokjin doesn’t feel like talking. 

At the end of dinner, Namjoon gets up and heads into his study, mumbling something about papers he has to fill out or something. He’s probably off to put out a notice about the council, though it really isn’t needed this early. Namjoon, of course, doesn’t care. Seokjin doesn’t either and, even if he did, he’s too tired to point it out. It’s far past sunset when he finally collapses alone in bed. His eyes shut but Seokjin can’t stop tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. He doesn’t think he’s asking for much, but, apparently, it seems as if he is. 

Even when he does fall asleep, the dreams he has make him wish he hadn’t. He feels his clothes being torn from his body and he struggles helplessly to escape, though it’s the equivalent of a fish flopping around on land. His cheeks are wet but Seokjin doesn’t care as greedy, groping hands wander over his skin, touching everywhere and everything. Seokjin can’t tell if he’s his young self or if he’s in his twenty-eight-year-old body, but, frankly, he doesn’t care. He just wants to get away from his father or whoever it is. The giant shadow monster doesn’t care, even as he screams silently. Seokjin kicks his legs and frantically waves his hands. He summons magic to them but the golden light flickers weakly before dying out. Seokjin feels a frustrated sob build in his throat as he tries it again and again, pleading for the darkness to go away. It’s sickening, the way it wanders over his body. Something’s crawling into his body through his eyes, nose, and mouth, slithering through Seokjin’s body. He can’t shut it out no matter how hard he tries. His words are shoved deeper into his throat as pure panic overtakes his mind. Seokjin flounders, attempting to stay afloat, but it’s no use. 

He gasps, sitting up. Seokjin’s panting, his voice shrill and high-pitched, but the panic’s beginning to subside as he looks around and recognizes his surroundings. Namjoon’s beside him, shirtless and snoring away. Seokjin reaches out to wake him before withdrawing his hand and shaking his head. There might’ve been a time when Namjoon was already awake, but people change. 

Sighing, Seokjin puts his head in his hands. He’s sweating and it feels like small, icy droplets are sliding over his body. His face feels too hot against his hands and his throat and mouth feel unnaturally and uncomfortably dry. Seokjin licks his lips and looks around. The room feels scarily serene. There’s moonlight coming in from the large window and it casts a soft silvery glow around. Namjoon’s scars seem to shine beneath it, his hair tousled and messy from sleep. 

He stands up and makes sure Namjoon stays asleep as he pads into the bathroom. Seokjin’s heart is still pounding but he’s more level-headed than in his nightmare. Then again, that sets what Seokjin is sure is the lowest bar in the entire world. 

As quietly as possible, Seokjin fills the bathtub with water. He doesn’t bother grabbing anything to put in as he watches the water climb. When it reaches a reasonable level, Seokjin slowly slides his feet into the water. It’s quick to climb up his pajama pants and Seokjin sinks further into the bathtub, sighing and closing his eyes. Changing his clothes and staying quiet is going to be a bitch later, but, right now, Seokjin just wants to sit in the water. There’s some weird sort of calming sensation that he gets from sitting in the bath, fully-clothed and with only a single candle. He closes his eyes and sighs, shuddering as the water soaks his clothes. Seokjin lets his head fall back as he listens to the sound of nothing but his breathing and maybe the soft noises that come whenever he moves in the water. It’s nice, though. Seokjin likes being in the water. Maybe he’s part fish. 

_ That was the stupidest thought I’ve ever had, _ Seokjin thinks to himself as he attempts to keep from laughing and waking Namjoon up.  _ Please, for my sanity, shut up. _

When Seokjin gets out, the cold and panic attack him again. He stumbles and grabs the bathtub to keep from falling, watching the water drain. On shaky legs, Seokjin goes and grabs new clothes, leaving his pajamas in a pile by the closet. He trips over his feet in a feeble attempt to get out of the house, trying to refrain from destroying anything by accident. Seokjin gets to the door and grabs his shoes, tugging them over his feet before unlocking the door. He starts running out of the village, desperate for an escape. 

Seokjin doesn’t often go to Inura’s forest. It’s not somewhere he doesn’t enjoy being, he simply doesn’t have enough time to go. Seokjin stumbles as he stops himself from falling, holding his arms out. There’s a small, barely-there path but Seokjin simply stares at it, then looks up and into the trees. He can still smell the aftermath of the rainstorm from earlier and there are still shining diamond dewdrops on the leaves. The dirt beneath his feet is soft and yielding beneath his feet as he slowly begins to walk forward, moving slowly through the forest. The moonlight guides him down the path, to a location he can’t remember. The sound of the frogs and crickets gets louder as he moves further, as do the calls of the other, lesser-known residents of the forest. As long as they leave Seokjin alone, he’s fine. He bends down to pick an anemone from the ground, twisting and twirling the stem about in between his thumb and forefinger. 

“The stars are pretty tonight,” Seokjin says to himself. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” 

He receives no response, nor does he want one. Seokjin simply allows himself a weak smile as he continues to walk down the path, humming half-heartedly. If it was fall, then there would be leaves crunching beneath his feet, but now he can hear a few twigs snapping and the soft and slightly unpleasant squelch of grass and such. He drops the flower and continues on, wondering distantly if he’ll be back in time for breakfast. He dismisses the thought as he continues walking, perking up when the soft gurgling of a creek reaches his ears. 

He finds his little sanctuary on a large rock near the creek he heard. There are flowers blooming shyly around him and Seokjin is reminded of his first meeting with Namjoon. Or, well, what Seokjin deems their first official meeting. In reality, they first met on the Inurian ports, where Namjoon, already a young lawyer, had caught Seokjin’s eye. The prince had caught everyone’s eyes, what with his ethereal appearance and expensive clothes. But Namjoon, the young Alpha with long hair that had then been tied in a thin ponytail at the nape of his neck. He’d seen Seokjin and Seokjin had seen him, his eyes growing wide. And then, later, while Seokjin had wandered off, Namjoon had ‘just so happened’ to follow him. They’d teased each other but Seokjin had felt his chest ache desperately when he had to leave. Namjoon was his first true escape as he was dragged back into his father’s clutches. He didn’t even know his name. 

The time Namjoon introduced himself was in the imperial gardens. Seokjin had been sitting alone, embroidering one of the flowers, then he’d pricked his finger when someone had softly called for him. Well, not exactly. The interaction had gone like this: 

“Your Imperial Highness?” a soft voice had called out. Seokjin yelped and his needle flew from his fingers, the pointed metal tip embedding itself in the delicate skin of Seokjin’s right forefinger. He’d seen a young man then, his eyes wide and nervous. 

“You!” Seokjin cried. “You’re from-”

“Sshh!” the man cried. “You’re going to get me killed!” 

Seokjin scoffed, sucking on his finger with his lips pulled into a petulant pout. “You made me hurt myself,” he said around it. 

“Sorry,” the man said, scratching the back of his neck. He held his hand out. “I’m Namjoon.” 

Seokjin scoffed again. “Are you sure it’s wise to tell me your name when I could have you killed?”

Namjoon grinned, his dimples out and proud and on display. Seokjin’s heart had fluttered for the first time in far too long. “I guess we’ll find out.”

~

And, well, that was that. They had been quick to become friends, Seokjin remembers. He’d never met anyone such as Namjoon. Shy but outspoken, smart but oh-so-terribly clumsy. He was passionate about everything and nothing at the same time, quiet yet unable to shut up whenever he got himself going. Seokjin didn’t stand a chance but Namjoon had to leave. Seokjin had been crying as Namjoon snuck into his room and then held out a bouquet of flowers. They’d pulled one another close and cried, professing their love for each other only for Namjoon to be taken away. He’d sworn to come back and, while he was gone, that he’d send as many letters as humanly possible. And he had. Seokjin kept them all tucked into a diary of his. He hid the diary inside of a compartment he’d carved into the bottom of his mattress and would take them out to read whenever he felt lonely. And then Namjoon came back. Seokjin remembers kissing him harder than he’d ever kissed anyone, how Namjoon held him in a way Seokjin couldn’t get enough of. 

He wonders now, as he sits near the creek, what on earth happened to them. They were so in love but now they’ve grown so distant. 

Seokjin sighs, turning to look at the rising sun. The path is nearby and the early morning light illuminates the figure walking in his direction. Seokjin stands, staring at the other man as he approaches. He’s a bit tired, but he can deal with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu im sorry i feel so bad because of all of the stuff that everyone has to go through but like (lowkey spoiler idk) jin gets like the super short end of the stick im sorry   
> also about kaiseok they're lowkey the most adorable babies in the world omg im in love thank you littlegreybyrd they're so cute and i love the dynamic


	7. Windows into the Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They say the eyes are windows into the soul. Why are Namjoon's so foggy that Seokjin can't see a thing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all with the amount of time i spent on animal crossing while writing this, there's no way i could say i did this day and night oof

Jeongguk approaches him carefully. Seokjin stares at him, tilting his head. 

“You followed me, didn’t you?” he says. Jeongguk shrugs. 

“I wanted to make sure you didn’t get lost,” he says. Seokjin knows it’s a lie as he crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow. 

“Did you?” he says. Jeongguk hums. He looks like he just got up and messily tugged his clothes on, pulling his hair into a messy bun. 

“Why’d you come here, if you don’t mind my asking?” Jeongguk says, looking around. Seokjin shrugs. 

“I do it when I’m stressed out,” he says. “I don’t - well, I had a nightmare and came here to calm down.” Jeongguk hums and nods. 

“Do you mind if I sit down?” he says softly. 

Seokjin shrugs and gestures at their surroundings. “Do whatever you want. It’s not mine.” Jeongguk nods and then he just sits down on the grass. 

“Oh, gods, not there,” Seokjin says with a groan as he covers his eyes. “You’re gonna have wet pants and grass stains.” Jeongguk snorts. 

“Do I look like someone who cares?” he says. Seokjin looks up, taking in his appearance. Jeongguk is sleep-deprived and his clothes are probably in need of a wash anyway, and then there are the leaves and twigs stuck in his hair. 

“I suppose not,” he says. “However, I don’t think Taehyung would appreciate you coming back with twigs in your hair and wet clothes. And then, of course, you’ll probably smell bad.” Jeongguk shrugs. 

“I’m going to change and take a bath when I get home. In case you didn’t know, I have a basic hygiene routine like any other normal person,” Jeongguk says, snorting. Seokjin gasps and puts his hands over his mouth. 

“Amazing!” he says. “I never would’ve thought!” Jeongguk begins to laugh and Seokjin rolls his eyes, shaking his head. 

“It wasn’t that funny,” he says. Jeongguk nods as he pulls himself together. 

“No, it isn’t,” he agrees. “But I’m also in desperate need of a full night of sleep and a spa day, so the things that aren’t funny are. You can understand, can’t you?” 

Seokjin hums, nodding in agreement. “I could use a spa day,” he says. He sighs, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head. “Gods, have you had the nightmare? I know Hoseok, Yoongi, and Taehyung have.”

“The one where you’re stabbed?”

“Wait, it’s me?” Seokjin says. Jeongguk waves his hands. 

“No, no, no. I don’t know who it is, but I’ve had glimpses of it. Taehyung’s told me about it. The first time - well, he told me the first time he had it was when Hoseok had it because of Adonis. Their dreams were somehow linked or something, or, at least, that’s what we both think. Who knows, maybe we’re wrong about it and he got it too.” 

Seokjin nods. “Who do you think it is?” he says. Jeongguk sighs, crossing his legs and reaching up to run a hand through his hair. He stops when he remembers his bun. 

“I don’t know,” he says. He looks around, chewing nervously on his lower lip. “I wish I did, but I’m also glad I don’t. How do you react to that? We don’t know what battle it is, and I doubt we ever will. But, still, the suspense is scary.” 

“You haven’t asked anyone else about it, right?” Seokjin says quietly. Jeongguk shakes his head. 

“Gods, no. Soobin’s so worried I swear I saw gray hairs growing the other day, and telling Yeonjun wouldn’t be any better. And then, of course, Taehyun and Beomgyu have their pups. Namjoon-Hyung too. He’s so stressed out about this war thing, I couldn’t do that to him. I don’t want to put more on his plate.”

“Yeah.” Jeongguk raises an eyebrow. 

“Is - I mean, I don’t know if it’s my place to ask this, but is everything okay between you two? You’ve been acting distant lately.” 

“We’re fine,” Seokjin says, though the words are bitter in his mouth and he can’t meet Jeongguk’s eyes. “We’re both stressed out about this so we haven’t gotten a lot of time together.”

“Are you fighting?” Jeongguk says. Seokjin wants to hit him and break down at the same time. 

He shrugs. “All couples fight,” he says. “We’re a couple, we’re going to fight.” 

“I hate to break it to you, Hyung, but this isn’t how you usually fight,” Jeongguk says. Seokjin stiffens, still looking away from Jeongguk. 

“This is, like, our first big fight,” he says, mostly to comfort himself. “It’s not usual, and that’s a good thing. We’re fine, everything’s fine.” 

“Hyung,” Jeongguk says, his voice quieter than Seokjin thought possible, “do you want a hug?” 

Seokjin sniffles and nods. Jeongguk slowly walks over and gets down on his knees, wrapping his arms around Seokjin. The older man reciprocates the action and, before he can fully understand what’s happening, he’s crying. 

“It feels like I don’t know him anymore,” Seokjin says softly. “Like, we know - I mean, we know each other and the masks we wear, but there’s something he’s hiding from me. And it’s frustrating because we don’t hide things from each other. Like, I can protect myself, can’t I? Doesn’t he know that? And doesn’t he know that I want to help him? I just want him to be happy.” 

“Sshh, sshh. I know, Hyung. I know,” Jeongguk whispers as he rubs circles onto Seokjin’s back. “Have you tried talking to him about it?”

Seokjin sniffles again. “We keep on arguing whenever it comes up,” he says. He laughs bitterly and plays idly with some of the freed strands of Jeongguk’s hair. “It’s probably my fault though because I don’t know how to not let my emotions get in the way of us communicating in a healthy way.” 

“It’s hard, but you have to try. You’ll never get better at it if you don’t.” Seokjin sniffles and fights a loud sob that begins to build in his throat. 

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Guk-ah,” he says. “Whenever we talk, we always end up fighting. And it’s not like we have time to do that anymore.” 

Jeongguk sighs. “Have you tried a different approach?” he says, trying to be helpful. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything about relationships,” Seokjin says. He wipes his eyes. “I probably shouldn’t have gone into one with him. I don’t have a single clue about what I’m doing.” 

“Well, you’ve made it this far, haven’t you?” Jeongguk asks softly. “Why would you give up now? That’s like going on a quest and deciding to stop because you hit a desert or something. You wouldn’t do that, would you?” 

Seokjin sniffles. “Maybe. Yes. No. I don’t know, I’ve never been in that situation.” 

“Would you really stop, though? Would you turn around and leave? Even if there’s something waiting for you at the end?” 

“But I don’t know what that is,” Seokjin argues weakly as he pulls away. He wipes his eyes. The tears make his skin slick. He blinks rapidly looking away. “What - why should I continue to fight if I don’t know what happens?” 

“Because isn’t that what love is?” Jeongguk says softly. “When you love someone, you fight for them. You keep going when times get tough because you love them, don’t you?” 

“You’re saying this to someone who hardly knows what love is,” Seokjin says. He sighs. “I’m completely blind in this relationship. I haven’t a single idea about what I’m doing, and, in all honesty, I’ve spent a majority of it feeling around in the dark and hoping I do things correctly.” Jeongguk snorts. 

“Well, you’re awfully lucky,” he says. He stares at Seokjin with sad eyes. “Hyung, you have to take the jump, though. You can skirt around the edge as much as you want, but you’ll never get anywhere if you don’t. So, are you going to?” 

Seokjin huffs, looking away. “Haven’t I already jumped? Maybe you don’t understand because you’re not in the same position as me, but I’ve left everything I’ve ever known for him. I’ve risked my life, sold my soul - why is it me? Why am I the one whom the responsibilities always land on? He’s taken me from the castle, all right. What else is there? And he’s keeping stuff from me? And then everyone’s acting like it’s  _ my _ fault?” Seokjin’s voice climbs in pitch and volume as he gets to his feet, growing angrier. It isn’t his fault - how could anyone think that way? Seokjin’s not the one keeping secrets!

“Hyung-”

“No! What is it?! What’s he hiding? He promised me! He promised he’d tell me everything no matter what! What changed? Jeonggukkie, what changed?” he cries. Jeongguk holds his arms out but Seokjin stays away, hugging himself and sniveling pathetically. 

“And then he was spouting some bullshit about people changing or whatever. Is that his way of indirectly telling me he’s falling out of love? I can’t read people! I don’t understand them!” 

“Hyung,” Jeongguk says, standing up, “you should really talk to him. Namjoon-Hyung . . . when he’s scared, he withdraws from people. And I know it’s as shitty as it sounds, but you have to reach out if you want things to change. There’s - I’m sorry, but there’s no other way.” 

“It isn’t fair,” he says, sniffling again. “Why is it me? Aren’t we in this together?” 

“You are, but, Hyung, you have to accommodate him. And Namjoon-Hyung - well, I don’t know how to say this in a way that doesn’t sound like a shitty excuse, but-”

“Do you know what he’s hiding from me?” Seokjin says softly. “Are you in on it too?” 

Jeongguk’s silence betrays him. Even when he says no and denies it, Seokjin knows. He bites back a sob. 

“Is he cheating on me?” Seokjin says, his voice shaking. “I - before you say anything about it being ridiculous, I heard rumors that maybe I shouldn’t believe, but I smelled coconuts in our sheets and he’s dodging around me all of the time and I never - we’re never talking about anything but he’s also so busy I don’t think he’d have the time for an affair even if he wanted one. But still. I’m - I just want to know what I fucked up.” 

“Hyung, it has nothing to do with you,” Jeongguk says. He sighs, chewing on his lower lip. “Namjoon-Hyung is trying, he really is, but he needs help. He hates it and he doesn’t know how to ask for it, though it’s not like he would if he did. It sucks that he’s not - that he doesn’t know how to express it to you, but that’s the truth. Please, Hyung, trust me.” 

“I don’t know,” Seokjin says, sighing heavily. “I think . . . I don’t know, I think - I feel as if I deserve something from him. I’ve lost almost everything and then he - I just - I don’t know.” Seokjin puts his head in his hands and sighs loudly. 

“Think about it, please?” Jeongguk says. 

Seokjin hums. He stands up, then, brushing his pants off and sighing again. 

“I guess,” he says, already beginning to walk away. Jeongguk knows far more about Namjoon than he’s letting on, but Seokjin doubts he’ll tell him. All he can do is hope there isn’t anything bad going on. 

“He’s not cheating on you, just so you know,” Jeongguk says when they reach the edge of the forest. Seokjin turns to look at him, raising an eyebrow. 

“You saying that with so little prompting and so suddenly does more harm than good,” he says. Jeongguk shrugs, looking out at the village. The townspeople are just beginning to awaken and wander around. The stalls and shops around are beginning to open, the world waking up. There’s still dew on the buildings and plants, the cobblestone streets a shade darker from the previous night’s harsh rains. 

“I’ll see you later,” Seokjin says as they reach Jeongguk’s house. He’s still frowning as he nods and waves goodbye. 

“Bye, Hyung,” he says. “I hope - I hope you’re okay.” Seokjin shrugs it off and waves as he heads inside then continues down the street. Once he’s far enough, though, he wipes his eyes. 

He gets back and everyone in the house is still asleep. Slowly, Seokjin climbs up the stairs, scolding Monnie when the dog comes out and scares him. He pads into his and Namjoon’s room and then sighs, shaking his head. Seokjin walks over to the closet and grabs some clothes then heads into the bathroom, shaking his head when Monnie attempts to follow him. He draws a bath for himself and then climbs inside, turning to stare out the window. 

A little after he gets into the bathtub, there are the sounds of Namjoon getting up. There’s also the absence of his snoring as he seemingly gets up and fumbles for his glasses then begins looking around. Seokjin can hear him getting up and shuffling about their room, probably opening the curtains and greeting Monnie. The door opens and Namjoon turns to give Seokjin a nod of acknowledgment. 

“Good morning,” he says raspily. Seokjin hums. 

“Good morning.” 

“How long’ve you been here?” he says. He stretches and squints, looking for his toothbrush. “I heard the water running, like, an hour after midnight.”

“Did I wake you up?” Seokjin says as he pushes his wet hair back from his face. Namjoon shrugs as he starts to brush his teeth, staring at the mirror.

“Nah. Just had a dream about it,” he says around his toothbrush. He spits into the sink and rinses his mouth. He looks over at Seokjin. There’s an achingly familiar worry in his eyes that Seokjin can’t look at. “Are you - why were you taking a bath at such a strange time, if you don’t mind me asking?” 

Seokjin shrugs. “I just felt like it,” he says. 

“You didn’t go back to sleep, did you?” Namjoon says. He doesn’t need an answer, but Seokjin gives one anyway. 

“No,” he says, then he ducks under the water. When he resurfaces, Namjoon is looking at him. 

“You need to sleep, Jin,” he says. Seokjin shrugs as he grabs a towel and climbs out of the water. 

“I’m fine,” he says. “If anyone needs sleep, it’s you. Don’t act like you haven’t been staying up for hours every night.” 

“I still wish you would sleep. If you did, then so would I.” 

[ _ Your Eyes Tell - Piano Cover _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrABEpun2xI)

Seokjin snorts as he towels off his hair and grabs his clothes, tugging them on. He grabs his toothbrush and rinses it, grabbing the little tube of toothpaste. He shoves his toothbrush into his mouth and moves it around a few times while combing his hair. Namjoon stands behind him and wraps his arms around his waist then hooks his chin over Seokjin’s shoulder. 

“What’s up?” Seokjin says after spitting the toothpaste into the sink. He grabs some eyeliner just for the hell of it. 

Namjoon hums, kissing his left shoulder. 

“I love you,” he says softly. Seokjin hopes he doesn’t notice how his body goes rigid in response. 

“I love you too,” Seokjin says. He gently places a hand on Namjoon’s forearm and turns around so they’re facing each other. He frowns at the sadness that seems to have been permanently engraved on Namjoon’s face for the past few days. He reaches up and cups his face, running his thumb over Namjoon’s right cheekbone. He swears he saw a tear there the moment before, but it seems to have disappeared while he was blinking.

“Do you promise you’ll still love me no matter what?” Namjoon says hoarsely. Seokjin, at that moment, nods. 

“Of course, Namjoonie,” he says softly. “Will you?” 

Namjoon laughs softly. 

“Do you even have to ask?” he says. 

_ Yes. _

Seokjin kisses him instead of answering. He can’t bear to look into those big, sad eyes for any longer. He missed Namjoon’s lips, but he’s missed all of his lover ever since they began to grow away from each other. He’s missed Namjoon so much. 

Seokjin thinks he can taste tears in the kiss. Namjoon’s lips are salty and they aren’t usually. When he pulls away to look at him, there are small tears dripping down Namjoon’s cheeks. Seokjin, who’s already cupping his face, uses his thumbs to wipe the droplets away. He tilts his head and then leans up and kisses Namjoon’s forehead, shutting his eyes. He can feel the grip on his waist tighten as if Namjoon’s afraid of Seokjin suddenly disappearing or running from his arms and leaving him to fend for himself. 

Oh, how ironic that is when it’s Seokjin who’s afraid of losing Namjoon while it seems as if the latter could hardly care less. 

“I love you so much,” Namjoon says as he breaks into a sudden sob. Seokjin hugs him and tries not to cry. His lower lip wobbles and he can feel his tears slowly welling up in his eyes, clouding his vision. He shuts his eyes tight and tries to imagine that they’re far from here, far from falling apart and this horrible war that looms over them, making Seokjin feel even more significant, despite how big the part he plays in it is. 

“Namjoon-ah, it’s okay,” Seokjin whispers, even though he knows the words are far from the truth. In his opinion, they couldn’t be farther. He says them again, nonetheless, as tears pour down his cheeks and he tries to paint a picture of a world where they’re okay and happy and everything’s fine. 

He wishes their harsh reality was kinder. But, for now, Seokjin’s going to hold Namjoon and lean against the sink as they both cry, mourning the way their lives are rushing away and out from between their fingers. Seokjin isn’t even thirty, yet he’s already fighting in a war. There are times when Namjoon has the same hollow, empty-eyed look that soldiers back from the battlefield will wear. They’re young in age, but, when their memories and minds are looked upon, one can’t help but wonder how old the two men truly are. 

When they finally do manage to pull away from one another, it’s with red-rimmed eyes and loud, badly-hidden sniffles. Seokjin wipes the streaks left from his tears off of his face with his sleeve and then redoes his eyeliner. Namjoon reaches out to grab something and Seokjin notices a sparkling piece of jewelry on his right ring finger. 

Oh. Seokjin remembers that. It’s a simple silver band with bits of dragon bone embedded in its sides. There’s a round sapphire in the middle and, on the inside, the word ‘moonchild’ is carved. Seokjin remembers describing it to the jewelry maker and begging for it to be made. He’d also begged for there to be no questions asked and that it would be delivered in secret. He remembers the small old woman’s face as she’d agreed after seeing the large sum of money Seokjin was offering. It had been something he’d wanted to give to Namjoon to remember him by, in case something ever happened to him. Because let’s face it, Seokjin’s known that his death was imminent at a young age if he continued to live inside of the palace. 

“Is there something on my hand?” Namjoon says, frowning as he examines it. Seokjin shakes his head. 

“No,” he says. “I’d - I had forgotten about the ring I gave you.” 

Namjoon smiles, but it’s bittersweet and Seokjin feels his chest seize up. 

“What, did you think I wouldn’t have it?” he says, pretending to sound flabbergasted. To Seokjin, it makes his words even sadder. Namjoon laughs a bit, maybe in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Of course, I would.” 

Seokjin swallows down the lump in his throat and nods. 

“I know,” he says softly. Namjoon stares at him. His eyes fill with an immeasurable amount of heartbreak, sadness, and longing. It’s as if he’s trying to tell Seokjin but the information would surely break them both once and for all if it was put out into the open. So he remains silent, thinking he’s saving them both. 

Seokjin wonders if such is true. 

“Do you think I’ll ever have one for this hand?” Namjoon says jokingly, though, to Seokjin, it sounds more like he’s looking for closure. 

Seokjin takes his hand and kisses his knuckles. 

“I do,” he says. Namjoon stares at him. He can’t kill that look in his eyes, can he?

“I hope we both do,” he says, staring at Seokjin. He nods, squeezing Namjoon’s hands in his own. They’re calloused and rough, but, in Seokjin’s hands, they feel weak. Namjoon’s always itching to do something with his hands, from fiddling with some random object to carding them through Seokjin’s hair. He’s seen his fingers twitch in his sleep as he snores loudly even. They’re the most restless now when faced with a war. 

The realization hits Seokjin so hard he’s sure he stumbles. But Namjoon doesn’t give him any worried looks, so he assumes he’s fine. But, well, the thought hurts. 

_ Namjoon doesn’t think he’s doing anything important when he’s with me. _

Seokjin drops Namjoon’s hands and looks away. 

“We should go and get ready,” he says, keeping his eyes away from the man. “We don’t want to be late, do we?” 

He senses a change in the mood and it feels as if the air temperature of the bathroom drops. Namjoon nods. 

“Okay,” he says. Seokjin nods at him as he exits the room. Namjoon has clothes and a towel to take a bath, so Seokjin supposes he’ll make a small breakfast. 

“Oh, hi, Hyung!” Taehyung says when he gets down. Seokjin looks around. Thankfully, Yoongi is the only one in the kitchen. However, there are also two  _ wolves _ sitting on the ground. There’s a pair of stumbling wolf pups nearby, and Seokjin is quick to connect the dots. The larger of the pair tilts his head and flicks his ears before nodding in greeting, then proceeds to nudge the smaller pup away from the fireplace, huffing a warning. Beomgyu turns around and nuzzles him, his tail wagging idly. It speeds up when he sees Seokjin. Yeonjun is sitting on the ground with them and he’s playing with the smaller puppy, a plate of food hidden behind his back. Soobin is staring at some of the parchment pieces with Namjoon’s plans on them, lips forming around the words as he says them to himself. Jimin is sitting near Yoongi in the kitchen, his back to everyone else. Taehyung is curled up beside Jeongguk, fast asleep, so he doesn’t notice when his boyfriend nods at Seokjin and the silent understanding that passes between them. Hoseok has Hueningkai sitting on the ground while he sits on the couch and braids the dark curls, deft fingers working through the mess on the Beta’s head. 

For some reason he can’t explain, the scene feels entirely too domestic for Seokjin to encroach on. He feels as if he’s an outsider or he’s staring at a painting. But the painting’s subjects are living and breathing people who know about Seokjin’s presence and are asking him to join them. 

He wants to, but he fears he’ll taint the perfect image before him. Then again, Seokjin is a selfish, selfish man, one who takes what he wants with greedy hands that were never given enough when he was a child. He’s not someone who wants things, but rather affection from those around him. He’s starved for it, like some sort of insatiable beast always hungry for more. 

Oh, how Seokjin wishes that wasn’t so. How he wishes he could step away and decline it, saying something about feeling sick. However, he knows there’s no way he could possibly get away with it without at least one person coming to his bedroom to confront him about it. So, he steps forward and Jimin sashays out of the kitchen and hands him his breakfast before returning to Yoongi’s side. Seokjin snorts as he falls into an easy conversation with Jeongguk, Taehyung joining in when he wakes up. Hoseok proudly shows off his handiwork and Hueningkai prances around with his little braids. 

“Where did you get the little ribbons?” Seokjin says, pointing with his chopsticks. 

“Beomgyu and Taehyun got plenty for the girls, so I asked to borrow a few,” Hoseok says, gesturing at the wolves lying on the ground. Taehyun shifts back and sits up, grabbing Byeol and pulling her into his lap. He scratches behind her ears and under her chin as he nods. 

“Yeah. I mean, neither of them have a lot of hair anyway,” he says. He leans down and whispers something in Byeol’s ear. Then, the pup is shaking until a drooly baby is in her place. Taehyun cradles her in his arms, one hand reaching up to pet the soft hair on her head. “See?” he says. “No hair.” 

Beomgyu shifts and Sarang follows. “They have plenty of hair when they’re little puppies,” he says as he grabs his older daughter and tugs her into his lap. “I don’t know what you’re saying.” 

“They’re so cute,” Taehyung says. “Puppies, babies . . . you guys have both.” 

Taehyun snorts. “They’re not nearly as cute when it’s way too late to be awake and you hear someone crying because she thought it’d be a good idea to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.” 

“They’re still pretty cute,” Beomgyu says. He smiles as he pets Sarang’s head. “They’re the cutest babies in the entire world.” 

“You weren’t saying that last night when Byeol bit you.” 

Beomgyu makes a face. “I’m going to lose a nipple if she keeps that up!” he says. “I’m sorry if I don’t think one thing is cute. Don’t you remember that I was  _ bleeding _ ?” 

Yeonjun winces and touches his chest in sympathy. “She actually, like,  _ bit _ your nipple? As what?” 

“A human, thankfully.” Beomgyu shivers. “I’m not intent on losing any of my body parts, thank you very much.” 

“I can’t imagine having only one nipple,” Taehyung says. He looks down at his chest and winces. “Nope, doesn’t seem very pleasant at all.” 

“What are you guys even talking about?” Yoongi says as he comes and sits down. Jimin sits beside him and no one’s surprised. 

However, Seokjin can’t say the same for when Namjoon comes down the stairs and then announces that they’re leaving in a few minutes. Seokjin scrambles about and he heads into the kitchen to toss the dishes in the sink, looking for something to put their lunch in. 

“It’s okay, Hyung,” Yoongi says, placing a calming hand on his shoulder. “I already made lunch, don’t worry about it.” 

Seokjin sighs with relief. “Oh, thank the gods,” he says. He leans back against the counter. “Sorry, it must’ve been a lot.” 

Yoongi shrugs. 

“Not really,” he says. He smiles a little. “I know you’re under a lot of stress, so I thought it’d be nice if someone else cooked for once. You’re already doing enough for us.” 

Seokjin sighs again as he puts the dishes away. “Thank you again. Did I say it already? I can’t remember, sorry.” 

Yoongi shrugs. “I don’t mind. I just want you to be okay.” 

“Things will-”

“Are you guys coming? We’re about to leave!” Jimin calls from outside. Yoongi squeezes Seokjin’s hand and then turns around and heads out. Seokjin follows him. There’s something in his chest but he has yet to give it a name or even put into words. He’d say it’s nostalgia but he doesn’t seek the past, yet he feels a longing for the future. Future nostalgia? Is that a thing? It’s a thing, isn’t it?

“What do you mean?” Soobin says when Seokjin asks the group about it. He looks a little shaken and even scared. 

“I don’t know. It was just a fleeting thought, really,” he says, shrugging. He doesn’t quite understand why Soobin seems so uncomfortable. 

“It’s probably a thing,” Yoongi says, shrugging. “You could look in the library, though I haven’t a single idea how or when you’ll get the time to do so. Whenever I get home, all I want to do is eat and then sleep.” 

“He’s like a sleepy kitty,” Jimin sighs, smiling at Yoongi. The older man grunts and elbows him while a bit of laughter passes quietly through the group. 

“I guess I’ll try and look some time we’re packing,” he says. “Have you guys started yet?” 

Taehyung shakes his head as he traces the tattoos on Jeongguk’s hands. “I can’t imagine doing so,” he says. “I like having a big selection of clothes, though I doubt such a thing will matter while we’re fighting a war.”

“You can still be fashionable on the battlefield,” Yeonjun says. “Assert your dominance and blind them with your deadly but stylish jewelry!” 

Soobin frowns. “I don’t think that’s going to work, naekko.”

“It might.” Soobin hums, carding his fingers through Yeonjun’s aquamarine locks. 

“People often have rather decorated swords,” Jimin suggests with a shrug. “And then I’ve got my fox bling and all that, but that’s more of a secret identity thing.” 

“You aren’t very good at that, are you?” Yoongi says. “I figured it out from your scar, and then Taehyung and Hoseok figured it out from your fighting style.” He gestures at his younger brothers. “How did you ever survive without getting caught?” 

“I found your things in your library,” Beomgyu adds. Jimin shrugs helplessly, though it seems as if he doesn’t care very much about the issue. Then again, Seokjin supposes it’s not that big of a problem when compared to the other things on their plates. 

“Who cares any more?” Jimin says, voicing Seokjin’s thoughts in a way. “Sooner or later, the entire world’s going to know our names. Might as well, right?” 

“Touché,” Yoongi says with a nod. He looks over at Jeongguk. “Guk-ah was still better at it than you, though.” 

“Yeah, that’s ‘cause the guy doesn’t say a word while I do all of the talking. I have a clear disadvantage.” 

He’s right about that, Seokjin supposes. Jimin’s voice is also very unique (it’s light and smooth and his words will change pitches depending on what he’s saying. Some of his words make it sound like he should have a lisp with the way he seems to make certain letters into hisses). 

“All right, all right,” Yoongi says as he leans on Jimin, but only for a second. He sits up a little straighter and then looks around, noticing the sparkling ocean and the giant boats. 

“Oh,” Taehyung says. “We’re here.” 

“Seok-ah, Ningning, wake up,” Seokjin says, shaking the two. He barely manages to escape when they both sit up at the same time, blinking tiredly. It’s rather sunny out and the light is blinding, but Seokjin prefers it to rain because that would only hinder their progress. He really wants to get these done, though he’s not quite sure why. 

“Hm?” Hueningkai grunts as he looks around and rubs his eyes. He’s still got a bunch of little ponytails sticking out from his head so he looks like a very large and very strange dandelion or flower. Maybe even a tree. 

“Time to get out,” Hoseok mumbles, his voice raspy as he slowly gets out of the cart. He helps Hueningkai down as Taehyun rolls out a picnic blanket and stabs the ground with a large umbrella. Beomgyu sits down in the shade with his daughters and Hueningkai shuffles over, curling up on the ground. Seokjin begins to trudge toward the boats, but Hoseok grabs his wrist. 

“Hyung,” he says, his voice hushed, “could we talk?”

“You want me to  _ what?! _ ” Seokjin whisper-shouts after Hoseok presents his problem and maybe-solution. Hoseok wrings his hands and looks away, chewing on his lower lip. 

“I - this whole hosting thing is really new and Adonis told me you and Yoongi-Hyung would be the best people to talk to,” he says, still averting his eyes. “They said you could help me - well, that you could help us achieve some sort of balance. For, like, battle and all of that crazy stuff.” 

Seokjin bites his bottom lip. He almost begins to chew his nails but stops himself and instead pushes a hand through his hair. It isn’t until Hoseok’s normal butterfly bush scent sours and he looks up, staring at his younger brother. 

It’s clear how scared and lost Hoseok is. Just his expression is a dead giveaway, his eyes darting around while he chews on his nails. His hair looks like he raked his hands through it and tugged upon several occasions, and Seokjin wouldn’t be surprised if such was true. 

“Hoseok-ah,” he says, reaching out and placing a hand on his forearm, “of course, I’ll help.”

“Really?” Hoseok says, looking up at Seokjin with wide eyes. “You - you will?”

“Duh,” Seokjin says. “You’re my brother, of course I’m going to help you.” 

“Oh, thank you!” Hoseok cries, launching himself at Seokjin and wrapping his arms around him like some sort of overly-affectionate octopus. Seokjin returns the hug and smiles to himself, closing his eyes and inhaling the scent of butterfly bushes. It makes him think about his time spent in the imperial gardens near the large bushes with their small flowers arranged in large, drooping cones. One of the stable boys had snuck him a hand-picked bouquet of them in a foolish attempt to court Seokjin. In response, Seokjin had climbed out of his room in the middle of the night with a candle and he’d burned it right next to the servants’ quarters, the building the stable boys and girls stayed in. The young Alphas had crowded around their windows to stare at the prince before Seokjin had threatened to have their heads on sticks if they told a single soul. With Seokjin, no one ever knew what was the truth. 

“Did . . . did Adonis say anything about it?” Seokjin says softly. “Like, did they recommend anything I should try and get you to do?” 

“They said I should talk to Yoongi-Hyung about the apparent ‘trade-offs’ we’ll be doing.” He sighs. “They described them to be like doing magic, though, once I’m too old to continue, I either give them away or my soul disappears and I never get to venture onto the afterlife.” 

Seokjin winces in sympathy. “Gotta admit, I’d be pretty down to giving them away right now.” 

Hoseok pulls away, his eyes wide and full of horror and experience. “No way,” he says firmly. “It hurts like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. Trust me, Hyung, no one in their right mind would do it if I could keep them.”

“There are probably a few willing candidates, but I think you’re supposed to keep them. At least until the end of the war.” 

“I’m planning on giving them out to someone on my deathbed,” Hoseok says. He sighs. “Who I’d offer, however, is unknown.” 

“Would you have kids and give it to them?” 

Hoseok shakes his head but he stops midway. 

“ **Your father had children and gifted them the blood of the gods,** ” Adonis says. Hoseok’s eyes have rolled into the back of his head and an inky black has filled them. “ **Would you like to bring another such as yourself into the world?** ” 

Seokjin glares. “Leave us alone, Adonis,” he says. Adonis laughs and shrugs. 

“ **I doubt he’d have pups, though,** ” they say, examining Hoseok’s hands. “ **Well, at least not anytime soon. You people and your strange obsession with having children so early.** ” 

“So what if he doesn’t?” Seokjin says. He crosses his arms. “There are plenty of other ways to get children.” 

“ **How do you know they have the magic for hosting me, though?** ” Adonis says, tilting their head. “ **You and your brothers are lucky; I’d either take one of his or one of you or your brothers’.** ”

Seokjin scoffs. “What if he puts you in some sort of priest instead?” 

Adonis laughs, probably aware of how it pushes Seokjin’s buttons. “ **He wouldn’t** ,” they say, “ **because he knows how I’ll need a way to maintain my place in the bloodline.”**

“Why don’t you simply return to the heavens after this?” 

Adonis shrugs. “ **I don’t know. The thought’s never occurred to me.** ”

“Well, that’s what I think you should do. It’s what you should do. Life for humans is better if the gods refrain from meddling.”

“ **You wouldn’t exist the way you do if we hadn’t.** ”

Seokjin shrugs. “Maybe it’d be better if I didn’t,” he says. “If you hadn’t, maybe we wouldn’t be fighting this war right now.” 

Adonis stares at him with those empty ebony eyes. It looks as if someone carved Hoseok’s eyes out and replaced them with smooth spheres of perfectly and meticulously carved obsidian. 

“ **Do you know the story behind my eyes?** ” Adonis says. Seokjin shakes his head and they raise an eyebrow, crossing their legs as they sit down. 

“ **I carved them out when I saw Aristok for what he truly was** ,” they say. They reach up and touch the space around their eyes. “ **Elanorin carved me a pair from their hardened tears.** ” 

Seokjin makes a face. “That’s a little gross, not gonna lie.” Adonis shrugs. 

“ **I can see, can’t I?** ” they say. They laugh and shake their head, then a shudder racks through their body and their eyes roll back into their head. When they open, Hoseok stares at Seokjin, though he seems a bit spacey. 

“Adonis popped in to say hi,” Seokjin says, though he’s pretty sure Hoseok watched the entire exchange between the god sharing his body and his older brother. 

“They did,” he says, further confirming Seokjin’s guess. He looks sickened by it. “They wanted me to have children but they also didn’t.” 

Seokjin smiles wryly. “I think it’s a bit early to be thinking about such a thing now.” They both look over at Hueningkai as he lets Sarang tug weakly on his little ponytails. 

“I’m not even sure if we’ll last that long in a relationship,” he says. 

Seokjin laughs. “That’s what I thought about Namjoon. And look at us now.” 

Hoseok frowns. He opens his mouth to say something, probably to bring up Namjoon’s and Seokjin’s constant fighting nowadays and the building emotional tension between them, but he decides against it and shrugs, offering Seokjin a weak smile. 

“Are you happy here, Hyung?” he says softly. 

Seokjin frowns, staring out at the boat. Is he happy?

“Namjoon asked me that question a little while ago. It couldn’t have been more than a month ago.” 

“Are you?” 

Seokjin shrugs, narrowing his eyes against the wind. 

“I’m . . . this life is . . . adequate, per se.” 

“So you aren’t happy?” 

“I’m somewhat sated, but no. How can you be happy in a time like this?” He sighs. “We’re going to fight a war against our father. If we lose, everyone we’ve ever loved will be given a fate worse than death. We don’t even know if this is going to work. How could I be happy?” he says. 

Hoseok looks over at Beomgyu and Hueningkai and Sarang and Byeol. Taehyun’s walking over, grinning and sweaty. He doesn’t notice Hoseok but Hueningkai does. The boy perks up and smiles lazily, waving at them. Hoseok smiles and waves back. Then he turns to Seokjin. 

“They’re happy,” he says, gesturing at Taehyun, Beomgyu, and their two daughters. He points at himself and then motions toward Hueningkai. “We’re happy. Taehyung and Jeongguk are happy. Yoongi-Hyung and Jimin are happy. Yeonjun and Soobin are happy. Why wouldn’t you be?” 

Seokjin shrugs. When it’s put that way, it seems even more depressing than it already was. 

“Because . . . because we’re growing apart from each other,” he says softly. It hurts even more when he says it aloud. “Namjoon and I . . . I’m afraid.” 

“Do you truly think you’re going to lose him?” 

Seokjin snorts and gestures at Namjoon. He’s on the hill, talking with someone. For a moment, Seokjin sees the young man at the docks, lifting cargo and adjusting his ponytail every-so-often. But the Namjoon before him could never be that young man. He’s seen too much. He knows far too much about the world and how cruel it is to ever be the same as the nineteen-year-old he was that day. He’s a man now, and Seokjin isn’t sure if he can call him ‘young’ with how old his mind has become. 

“Don’t you see him?” he says, desperation and fear dancing in the undercurrents of his words. “Do you not see how he pulls away from my every attempt to reach out? Can’t you see how the ‘us’ we once were has become a ‘Seokjin and sometimes Namjoon’?” 

Hoseok is silent as he thinks about what to say. 

“You probably know what I’m going to tell you to do,” he says. Seokjin huffs. 

“Talk to him?”

“Talk to him. Hyung,” Hoseok grabs his hand, “you’ve heard it countless times because it’s good advice. I know, I know - none of us know shit about relationships but lemme tell you, if there’s one thing I can say for sure, it’s that you talk to each other when there’s something wrong. Because, if you don’t, you’re giving up. And are you giving up?” 

Seokjin looks longingly at Namjoon. His heart aches and he wants to cry. Hoseok stares at him, growing more nervous with every second Seokjin stays quiet. 

“I don’t know,” he finally says, his voice so soft that Hoseok clearly has trouble hearing it. When he does, though, he looks horrified. 

“What?” he says. “You - you don’t know? You don’t know whether or not you’re giving up on your relationship?” 

Seokjin feels like crying and screaming. Preferably at the same time. 

“No?” he says. He wipes his eyes. “Why else do you think I’d say I didn’t know? To fuck around with you?” 

“But - Hyung-”

“What am I supposed to do?” Seokjin says. He sighs. “What do I do? I don’t have anything left. All I’m hoping for is that we make it till the end of the war and we can talk things out then. But if anyone’s doing any reaching it, it’d better be Namjoon. I’ve done enough. It’s time for him to put some effort into our relationship for a change.” 

“Do you really mean that?” Hoseok says. 

Seokjin laughs bitterly. He crosses his arms over his chest. “Of course. Why would I say it if I didn’t? Hoseok, do you know what I’ve sacrificed? Do you know how much of my life I’ve given to people?” He wipes his eyes, furious with the stubborn tears that continue to pour. Gods, he shouldn’t get mad at Hoseok, he shouldn’t get mad-

“Do you know how much I’ve sacrificed? My entire life is me giving to other people!  _ I _ took father’s wrath!  _ I _ was going to die! _ I  _ left home!  _ I’m _ giving up my soul! And you guys keep telling me to stop giving things away but has it ever occurred that it’s  _ all I fucking know how to do _ .” His voice is raw and embarrassingly loud and broken by the time he finishes. Tears stream down his cheeks as he stares at Hoseok, clutching his hand because Seokjin knows he’ll be fully lost under the waves of the emotions rushing through his mind if he lets go. Hoseok stares at him, his eyes wide. He’s scared.

_ Holy shit, I scared Hoseok. _ Seokjin looks around and stares at everyone. They all stare right back. His heart leaps into his throat as he suddenly feels the ground around his feet go up in bright flames before thunder claps and lightning strikes. Rain begins to pour from the sky and Seokjin disappears, shutting his eyes and praying for an escape. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's your fav track on the album? mine is totes 'your eyes tell'. omg, koo wrote it he's so precious   
> (i cried watching the performance lmao)


	8. Rumors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These rumors really are to blame, aren't they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have absolutely nothing to say but i love you and pls don't hate joon. he's just trying his best, i swear things will work themselves out.   
> (also listen to Troye Sivan's 'Easy' it's such a great song and joon's centered fic is going to have it just a note and lowkey spoiler.)  
> q: do any of you write the spoilers down? like, im an idiot a lot of stuff might be super obvious but idk

Seokjin loses control of his powers, and his instincts, set off-course by the raging waves of emotions inside of his head, take him to the place he feels safest. He gasps as he appears on the opposite side of Inura, standing on a cliff overlooking the sea. He’s been here a few times. There’s a small stone near the edge of the cliff and it has Namjoon’s mother’s name written on it. The script is fading from its constant battles with the elements, but that’s okay. There are flowers blooming all around but their colors seem to dull as Seokjin collapses in a heap and sobs loudly.

_ Fuck, _ he thinks. He isn’t sure if he could formulate any other thought as loud sobs are torn from his throat. The loud onslaught of rain and the booming of the thunder keeps the noise from being carried, and there’s the added component of the waves lapping angrily against the shore beneath the cliff. The crazy, stupid, and very suicidal part of Seokjin screams at him to jump, to hurl himself off of the cliff and collide with the harsh waves below him. His bones would shatter and he’d die sooner or later. He’s pretty sure there aren’t any sharp rocks here though the suicidal part of him wishes there was, and poor, poor Seokjin doesn’t have the strength to shut it up. That doesn’t mean he’ll follow through, of course, but he still has to listen to its screams as he lies in a sad pile of person on the ground. He’s breathing rather loudly through his nose and he shuts his eyes, panting as another sob pushes its way through his lips. His chest feels like it’s closing up with his every move and the panic bubbles like boiling water in a pot, ready to push the top off if Seokjin doesn’t address it soon enough. 

Still sobbing, he manages to roll onto his back and stare up at the thickly clouded sky. Seokjin closes his eyes as he’s pelted with rain, his breathing heavy and almost labored. His head is still pounding and he can hear his words from early bouncing off of the walls of his skull, further reminding him of his mistakes. 

_ Fuck _ . He really is an idiot, isn’t he? He’s caused a storm and he’s slowed everyone down. Gods, how obnoxious.

_ That’s me, _ Seokjin thinks.  _ Obnoxious, sensitive, and too emotional. That’s Kim Seokjin summed up in, like, four words. How pathetic.  _

He sighs, throwing his arms out so he’s lying spread-eagle in the meadow of sorts. His hair is plastered to his forehead and his skin is cold from the constant attack of the rains above. His clothes weigh him down and he shuts his eyes, licking his lips. The mud from the space around him is disgusting and it’s probably permanently damaged his clothes, not to mention how he can feel it on his skin. Seokjin can’t bring himself to get up, though. 

He hasn’t a single clue how long he sits out there. But then he hears something moving through the forest behind him and he sits up, squinting. Taehyung stands in the front of the forest, without a cloak. He walks over, the ground squelching beneath his feet, and sits beside Seokjin. 

“Well?” Seokjin says, licking his lips. He’s thankful the rain has somewhat blurred his vision and hopefully Taehyung’s. “What is it?” 

“You’re going to get sick,” Taehyung says. Seokjin hums, sitting back on his hands and staring out at the raging sea. 

“I probably already have,” he says, shrugging. Taehyung looks over at him. Seokjin’s younger brother has clearly matured plenty during the time they were apart. Already, his face was drawn with sharp angles that are deemed extremely attractive, but his eyes were soft and his smile was innocent. Weightless, even. Now, the brown jewels glitter as his eyelashes catch the tears like a net. His eyes carry a sort of knowledge that hides a story Seokjin’s heard during the late nights when Taehyung couldn’t sleep. It was just after they’d returned/gotten to Inura, and his brother had come to him with tears streaming down his cheeks as he’d blubbered about the horrible things he’d seen on his journey. Seokjin had held him and cried with him and it had been as if they were mourning the children they’d never truly gotten to be and the way their lives as young adults had been snatched so quickly from them. 

Now, however, the two brothers stare at one another with unreadable expressions. Both of them are soaked to the bone and Seokjin’s pushed his hair back from his face. Taehyung lets his dark curls hang in front of his eyes, uncaring about his impeded vision. Then again, the rain does a pretty good job of blocking everything and blurring it out. 

“Did you come all this way to tell me I would catch a cold?” Seokjin says. 

Taehyung shrugs. His stoic expression looks more like a scowl from a glance. “You’d probably stop listening if I launched into a heartfelt speech about valuing relationships or something,” he says. 

Seokjin hums. Taehyung looks over him, blinking to keep the rain from getting in his eyes. It’s useless, of course, because the rain isn’t planning on stopping anytime soon. 

“Was I correct?” Taehyung says. Seokjin opens his mouth to answer just as a bolt of lightning illuminates Taehyung’s face, then a bout of thunder follows with a loud boom. He closes his mouth and shrugs, shaking some of the rain out of his hair. 

“Yeah, pretty much,” he says. Taehyung hums and then he lies down and closes his eyes. Seokjin looks over at him and sniffles, raising a judgemental eyebrow. 

“What are you doing?” he says. Taehyung doesn’t say anything but he’s breathing, so Seokjin supposes he’s okay. He’s not very fond of the idea, so he remains upright. 

“We should go back,” Taehyung says after a few minutes. Seokjin hums, rubbing his eyes and hugging himself. He helps Taehyung to his feet and then they’re off, trudging down the small path. The forest is dark and, even to Seokjin, a little scary. The trees seem to watch them while hidden eyes follow them. Seokjin links arms with Taehyung and holds his hand out, allowing a glowing ball to fly up from his palm. 

“Guide us out of here,” he commands. Their source of light begins to bob along the path at a steady and easily followed pace, making accommodations for the heavy rain and unfamiliar terrain. Seokjin switches from linking arms with his brother to holding his hand. He looks over at him and notes the way the light seems to reflect off of Taehyung’s face. His eyes look more sunken in and the contours of his face are highlighted by their guide. It gives him a more ghostly appearance that makes Seokjin shiver. It’s easily excusable in the rain, though Taehyung doesn’t ask. There isn’t really any reason to when he knows that Seokjin’s probably on the verge of peeing himself in fear. 

“We’re almost there,” Taehyung says. Seokjin thinks he’s saying it for the both of them, though it sounds a little bit as if he’s talking to himself. Honestly, Seokjin would be surprised if he could possibly care any less than he already does. He just wants to get out of the forest and into his house to take a warm bath. 

“Bye, Taehyungie,” Seokjin says when they reach his brother’s house. The younger man stares at him, his eyes frustratingly unreadable. But they’re clouded over with what Seokjin thinks are tears and, before he knows what’s happening, he’s tugged into a soaking hug. 

“I love you, Hyung,” Taehyung says shakily. “Please don’t ever think otherwise.” 

Seokjin hugs him back, trying to fold his shoulders in so it’s easier for him to melt into Taehyung’s embrace. His knees feel very shaky very suddenly and Seokjin stumbles a bit as he leans against Taehyung. The dim glow of the lanterns lining the streets hardly reaches them and Seokjin feels as if he’s in a little bubble with his younger brother, holding onto him and praying for everything to be alright. He closes his eyes as the tears begin to pour down his cheeks, blending in with the rain. Taehyung shakes as a sob racks his body and Seokjin hugs him tighter as he tries to keep from sobbing. 

“I love you too, Taehyung-ah,” Seokjin says hoarsely. “I love you so much.” 

“Hyung, will - will you stay with us? Could we have a brothers’ night?” 

“Of course,” Seokjin says as he pulls away and wipes his eyes. He cups Taehyung’s face and smiles at him. “Do you want to stay in your house? We can ask Jeonggukkie to stay somewhere else if you want.” 

“Is it okay if he stays?” Taehyung says quietly. “I just - I think-”

“It’s fine,” Seokjin says softly. He pulls away. “I’m going to go and get Hoseok, all right? Could you get Yoongi?” Taehyung nods and then walks off, Seokjin heading toward his house. He keeps his head down as the rain continues to soak his already sodden clothes, dragging him down more with every step he takes. 

When Seokjin gets to the house, the lights are off. His heart leaps into his throat and he holds his hand over the doorknob, still standing in the rain. He eventually decides that getting sick is worse than facing his brother, dongsaeng, and boyfriend. Seokjin opens the door with shaking hands and steps in, toeing his shoes off. He doesn’t receive any responses nor does anyone acknowledge him as he quietly pads up the stairs, his clothes making loud, wet noises as he walks. 

Surprisingly, no one’s talking in any of the bedrooms. From what he gathers as he walks down the hallway tracing along the bedrooms, Hueningkai and Hoseok are asleep. He’s sure Namjoon’s down in his study, but Seokjin didn’t see any lights when he walked by. 

_ Oh, _ he thinks when he opens his bedroom door. Namjoon is sitting on the bed, a small candle flickering weakly beside him. He’s writing as if his life is on the line, his hand moving so quickly Seokjin is surprised to see that he hasn’t left inky smudges where his words are. 

“Namjoon?” 

The quill falls to the ground and collides with the wooden floor, a small clatter filling the room. It’s the only sound as Namjoon and Seokjin stare at each other with wides, maybe even scared eyes. 

Namjoon swallows a lump in his throat. 

“Seokjin.”

(He hardly ever refers to Seokjin with, well,  _ Seokjin _ . It’s always ‘Jin’ or ‘Jinnie’ or ‘baby’. But never Seokjin, not even when they argued. But Seokjin’s been learning a lot about Namjoon that he never knew before.)

“Hey.” 

“Hi.” 

“What are you doing here?” Seokjin says. 

_ Were you worried about me? Why didn’t you come to look for me? Did you miss me? Are you sorry? Do you love me still? _

A hard swallow. “I was waiting for you,” Namjoon says. 

Seokjin stares at him, trying to read him without words. Namjoon’s expression looks similar to a wall’s. It reflects the blank, glassy eyes of the soldier Seokjin once saw his father controlling, a test to see what else he could do. Namjoon’s eyes are blank, but there’s a whole plethora of emotions behind the walls he’s put up, all of them just waiting to be unearthed and discovered. 

“Were you?” Seokjin says, though his voice sounds hollow, even to him. Namjoon nods. He slowly puts away the parchment and quill, but Seokjin grabs his wrist. 

“What are you doing, Joon-ah?” he says softly. 

Namjoon stares at him. It’s the same guarded look that he’s been giving Seokjin for far too long. He wants to help, he wants to know what’s going on in Namjoon’s head, but there’s no way that’ll ever happen if Namjoon doesn’t let him. 

“I was,” he says carefully. He seems to taste each word, checking for any weaknesses. It makes Seokjin feel a little sick and he almost stumbles, but his hand shoots out to grab onto the bedside table. He digs his nails into the wood and stares at Namjoon. 

“I’m going to be staying with Taehyung tonight,” he says. Namjoon nods. Seokjin nods back. He wishes there was something he could say, but whatever words he thinks of offering to the heavy silence die on his tongue. 

“Okay,” Namjoon says. He isn’t looking at Seokjin. He can’t even look in his direction. “I’ll see you in the morning then.” 

Seokjin nods. “All right,” he says. He points awkwardly at the bathroom. “I’m going - um, I’m going to take a bath. Because of - you know.” 

Namjoon nods, licking his lips and staring at the candle to his right. The bathroom is left. “Yeah. Okay.” 

Seokjin nods, feeling terribly awkward. It’s as if they’re strangers sharing a room, not lovers who have been together for a couple of years. 

(They’ve been dating for exactly three years, two months, and seven days. Seokjin remembers because he would mark it down while he lived in the castle and he’s simply never stopped counting. He’s also hit with a reminder that their anniversary was last week. Neither of them remembered, but that’s okay. Everything’s just okay.)

Seokjin pads into the bathroom and closes the door behind him. His hands are shaking and he slowly pulls his sopping wet shirt from his body. The bathroom is even colder without a shirt. Seokjin chucks it into the corner so it lands near the toilet with a wet  _ schlop! _ His pants and underclothes have similar fates and they all end up in a dripping-wet pile near the toilet. Seokjin sits, naked, on the edge of the bathtub and turns on the water, watching as it heats up. He’s appreciative of the magic they’re using. Whoever built these houses was a genius. 

_ They were probably exhausted all of the time too, _ he thinks as the water climbs to his knees, then higher. Seokjin hugs himself, continuing to stare down at the pool surrounding his legs, even after he turns the water off. He moves his feet around and watches the water move around, pliant and malleable. With a soft sigh, Seokjin slowly sinks in, unable to muster a smile as the water warms his icy skin. He holds his nose and ducks under with a gasp, shutting his eyes. When he surfaces with yet another gasp, he shakes the water from his hair and pushes back the black locks with his hands, combing them through and rubbing his eyes. Seokjin looks around and then sighs again, pulling his knees to his chest and holding them there by wrapping his arms around them. He sits back against the far end of the bathtub and rests his chin on his kneecaps. Seokjin is sure he looks like the definition of forlorn, though he doesn’t quite care. No one’s going to be barging in anytime soon. 

When he finishes, Seokjin towels himself dry and gets dressed. When he walks out, Namjoon is sitting on Seokjin’s side of the bed and staring out the window with his back to Seokjin. Seokjin bites his lip. 

“I love you,” he says softly. Namjoon doesn’t respond and Seokjin wonders if he even heard it. However, as he pulls the door closed, he hears. 

“I’m sorry.” 

The words sit in Seokjin’s head as he walks through the streets of Ilsan, the rain having subsided into a light drizzle. He realizes he left Hoseok when he’s halfway there but he simply shakes his head and sighs. Hoseok’s probably fast asleep, anyway. Seokjin doesn’t want to burden him with his own problems. 

“Hey, Hyung,” Jeongguk says when Seokjin arrives. He steps aside and allows him inside. His house has a small, two-person kitchen table with a basic kitchen. There aren’t many things on the walls but there are clothes and pillows everywhere. Taehyung and Yoongi are sitting by the fireplace, chatting quietly. They’re wearing blankets over their heads and have them wrapped around their bodies. Seokjin stares. He has plenty of memories inside of the palace library where there were scenes strikingly similar to the one before him. Yoongi, Taehyung, and Hoseok would always bundle up in blankets during the fierce blizzards. Seokjin remembers how the cold castle always got and how the library was their little meeting space because of the fireplace and large blankets. 

“Hyung!” Taehyung says as he looks over his shoulder and simultaneously startles Seokjin. He frowns. “Where’s Hobi-Hyung?” 

Seokjin shrugs, trying to seem casual, though he isn’t helping to keep such a narrative alive by refusing to meet his brothers’ eyes. 

“He was asleep when I got back,” he says. It’s a relief to say something that isn’t a lie. 

“Oh, okay,” Taehyung says. He smiles and pats the empty space between himself and Yoongi. “Come sit down, Hyungie.” 

Seokjin smiles weakly and walks over, taking a seat in between his younger brothers. Yoongi moves a little closer and hands him a blanket to put over his head. Seokjin takes it gratefully and copies Yoongi and Taehyung, staring into the flames. 

“What were you planning on doing?” he says to no one in particular. 

Taehyung shrugs. “I dunno. I just wanted to cuddle really. Maybe talk a little bit. Tell some bedtime stories, sing a few lullabies. You know. Like when we were kids, remember?” 

Seokjin hums. “What are we eating then? I know that none of you - meaning Taehyung and Jeongguk - can cook. Did you go out and buy something?” 

“We had leftovers,” Taehyung says, shrugging. He snuggles closer to Seokjin, grinning up at him. “Don’t worry, Hyung; tonight is just for relaxing as best as you can, okay?” 

Seokjin hums. He finds it strange that Taehyung’s implying that maybe Seokjin can’t relax. Which is true, of course, but it’s simply interesting that he’s doing it so subtly. For some reason, though, Seokjin appreciates the acknowledgment. Maybe it’s because it feels as if Taehyung knows he’s struggling and that there’s nothing he can do about it, but he wants to offer what help he can. And if Seokjin can’t relax, it’s okay. Because, for some reason, Taehyung seems to have faith in Seokjin somehow working things out. 

Seokjin wishes he shared that mentality. 

But hey, it’s nice. He likes being with his brothers as they laugh and talk as if there’s nothing wrong. Jeongguk joins them but he seems to decide that, though they haven’t told him, the situation is something only the three brothers could understand. Seokjin appreciates how he goes with a kiss on Taehyung’s cheek, saying he’ll be sleeping upstairs. Taehyung had raced after him and pulled him into a goodnight kiss, then Jeongguk had laughed and off he’d gone. Seokjin watched him and then they’d continued talking. 

“We - we should go to bed soon,” Taehyung says around a large yawn. Seokjin hums and smiles at him. Their only source of light is from the orange flames in the fireplace, and even those are beginning to dim. Seokjin tugs Taehyung and Yoongi closer at the same time, wiggling about. Yoongi whines in a quiet protest as he turns and faces Seokjin, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Taehyung wraps himself around his oldest brother like some strange, too-big octopus, then shoves his face into the crook of Seokjin’s neck, just like Yoongi did. Seokjin smiles lazily, his eyes drooping as he plays with Taehyung’s hair and turns to kiss Yoongi’s head. Taehyung hums, waiting for a kiss for his head. Seokjin smiles a little more and does the same, then he allows his eyes to close and he falls asleep. 

He doesn’t dream much, except for the fact that he’s flying. He feels free and joyous as if all of the weight on his shoulders has transformed into a pair of wings. There’s a happy roar from beside him and Seokjin looks over to see a blue dragon. Its color is somewhat akin to that of a sapphire but it seems far more beautiful than the jewel. The dragon bobs its head at Seokjin and Seokjin returns the action. He grins as best as he can while a dragon and roars happily. His companion tilts its wings and then bumps into Seokjin affectionately, nuzzling his head. They’re flying over a large sea and their claws graze the water, salt spray dancing against the undersides of their wings. The blue dragon suddenly closes its wings and dives underwater, using its powerful legs and tail to jump like a dolphin. Seokjin snorts as he flies beside it, shaking his head affectionately. When the other dragon jumps out, it comes over and attempts to tackle Seokjin as they near land, though Seokjin manages to dodge out of the way. He laughs as his companion catches theirself and flings their wings out. Seokjin jerks his head and he can see a large castle in the distance. 

The other dragon makes it clear that’s where they’re headed when it suddenly zooms forward, propelled by an unexpected and surprising burst of speed. Seokjin is quick to do the same, though, but they begin to slow down as they glide over villages and cities. 

When they finally do fly over the castle, Seokjin catches a glimpse of a young couple on one of the balconies looking up at them. A familiar head of aquamarine curls and a mop of black hair, both with golden headpieces. Seokjin looks over at his blue friend and the dragon seems to wink before disappearing as his dream shifts and Seokjin wakes up.

He sits up with a gasp. Seokjin clutches his chest and he swears he can still feel the weight of his wings on his back. He reaches over his shoulder and runs his fingers as far down his spine as they can go, almost expecting to feel a line of spikes. There aren’t any, as it wouldn’t make sense if he suddenly woke up with the features of a dragon. 

_ Still, _ Seokjin thinks,  _ the dream felt so real, it was as if I was truly there. Or like I was reliving the experience.  _

He lies back down and stares at the ceiling. 

_ Could it have been from my past life? _ Seokjin thinks as he plays with Yoongi’s hair.  _ Was I a dragon? But that wouldn’t make sense. Yeonjun and Soobin - the two on the balcony, the couple, that was definitely them. There’s never been anyone else with blue hair like Yeonjun’s.  _

Seokjin almost rolls onto his side, but then he notices that Yoongi’s asleep on his chest. His arms are both numb from the weight of his brother lying on them. 

_ Does that mean we won the war? _ he thinks. Yoongi’s hair is soft in between his fingers.  _ Does Soobin become emperor and do we restore Adonis to their proper place in the pantheon? Gods, I have so many questions.  _

_ But really, _ he thinks,  _ my greatest wonder is how in the world I ever saw that. Who would’ve shown them to me? And why? It couldn’t have been Adonis since Hoseok’s asleep back home, but I don’t see how any other god could benefit from showing me that. _

He frowns and lifts his hand. A small burst of gold flits from his palm and becomes the dragon from his dreams, turning blue as it flies around the room. Seokjin watches curiously. The dragon comes to circle above his head before flying into his hand, tangling itself around his fingers then disappearing. Seokjin sighs as he brings his hand back down to pet Yoongi’s hair. 

_ This is too tiring, _ the little gremlin in the back of his head complains.  _ I want to sleep. It’s late and Yoongi and Taehyung are warm and comforting. Come on, let’s sleep. _

Seokjin hums, closing his eyes. He smiles a little when Taehyung shifts and moves closer, mumbling something in his sleep. 

_ All right,  _ he thinks, sighing again.  _ I guess I’ll go back to sleep.  _

It’s a pleasant surprise, but it takes Seokjin hardly any time at all to fall asleep. He doesn’t have any more dreams that he can remember, for better or for worse, and he wakes up with his brothers. His back aches and he can’t feel his arms, but it’s nice. They’re missing Hoseok, but Seokjin still enjoys the time in which he’s allowed to play with Yoongi’s and Taehyung’s hair as they continue to sleep. The sun, much to Seokjin’s relief, rose while he was still sleeping. Its rays now stream in through the windows of Taehyung’s and Jeongguk’s house, though the couches keep them from getting in Seokjin’s, Yoongi’s, or Taehyung’s eyes. Thanks, couches. 

Yoongi, unsurprisingly, is the second person to wake up. He slowly blinks himself awake after an accidentally forceful shift by Seokjin, slowly looking around. He opens his mouth to say something but Seokjin hushes him with a finger to his lips, gesturing at the still snoozing Taehyung. 

“Hyung,” Yoongi whispers, still persistent. 

“Taehyung’s sleeping,” Seokjin whispers back, just as stubborn. Yoongi rolls his eyes. 

“He’ll sleep through us talking quietly,” he says. Seokjin shrugs. He stares at the ceiling and wonders if he could get away with pretending to be asleep. The thought is dismissed the moment it appears, but it’s just a bit of wishful thinking. Yoongi stares at him, his eyes calculating. It’s something he’s adopted from his father, really; Yoongi’s eyes have always been cold, like sharpened jewels that glitter no matter what type of lighting they’re under. Seokjin’s hardly ever noticed the little flecks of a brown so dark it’s almost black, but they seem to turn gold when the sun hits them. It’s strange and he wonders what else he’s missed about his brother. 

“You have Father’s eyes,” he says softly. Yoongi scowls. 

“I don’t want anything to do with that man,” he says. He reaches up and touches the scar running down his face. Seokjin winces. He doesn’t know much about it, but he’s aware of the fact that Jimin while suffering from some sort of emotional breakdown had to cut it. Neither Yoongi nor Jimin have ever offered to elaborate anymore. 

“None of us do,” Seokjin says. He sighs. “I’m almost certain, though, that Hoseok’s going to be the one to kill him. While you were hosting them, did Adonis ever say anything about that?” 

Yoongi sits up and shrugs. “Not really. Both of us were more concerned with escaping and getting to live to see the next day.”

_ And finding you _ . 

“I’m sorry,” Seokjin says. “I know you resent me for leaving.” Yoongi shrugs again, but he doesn’t meet Seokjin’s eyes. He stares at a space on the carpet and picks at it with his nails, chewing on his lip. 

“I mean,” he says, “I - I want to forgive you, I really do. But-”

“-It still hurts. I know.” 

Yoongi looks over at him and Seokjin is frustrated with how he can’t figure out what he’s feeling or saying with his eyes. They’re clouded over and the walls he’s built over the years are nearly impenetrable. Seokjin wants to scream. 

“You didn’t have a choice,” he finally says. “I know that you were going to be murdered that night. So I suppose - well, I’m much happier with you alive. We’re together now. You, me, Taehyung, and Hoseok - we’re not going to lose each other again, okay, Hyung?” 

Seokjin smiles weakly. “Okay, Yoonie,” he says. Yoongi reaches out and they hold hands. For some reason, Seokjin feels as if Yoongi’s going to disappear the moment he lets go. It explains why he holds onto his little brother’s hand so tightly. Yoongi looks up at him through his bangs and a silent understanding passes between them as he squeezes Seokjin’s hand. 

“You promise not to try anything reckless?” Yoongi says. It sounds like he’s a few seconds away from bursting into tears. 

Seokjin’s words get caught in his throat. Yoongi already knows what he’s going to say. 

“I promise to try not to,” Seokjin says hoarsely. Yoongi looks away and then, before Seokjin can beg him not to, he’s letting go of Seokjin’s hand and standing up. Seokjin swears he feels his heart break. Something shatters and he feels the strangest need to clutch his chest as Yoongi grabs his cloak and pulls his shoes on. 

“I’ll see you later, Hyung,” he mumbles. “Tell Tae I said good morning and that I had to leave early.” 

Seokjin nods as he watches him walk away. The door closes with a soft click and Seokjin lies back down, staring at the legs of the couch. The space Yoongi was lying on top of is still warm. He can smell the faintest traces of vanilla and mint with tiny hints of coffee from Jimin added in. He swallows down his tears as he rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling, unsure of what else to do. 

When Taehyung wakes up, his lower lip wobbles as his eyes grow glassy with tears when he notices he’s missing not one but two brothers. The excuse Yoongi gave him to use makes his mouth taste bitter as Taehyung sniffles and nods, wiping his nose. 

“But please don’t blame him,” Seokjin says, probably too quickly. “He wanted - it was because he didn’t want Jimin to burn the house down.” Taehyung looks over at him and Seokjin knows he’s picked up that Seokjin and Yoongi were talking while he was still asleep and that something Seokjin said led to Yoongi leaving early. He doesn’t say anything, though, simply nodding as he stands up. Even Taehyung can’t force himself to smile. 

When Seokjin leaves, his heart feels heavy and the knot in his chest has been pulled so taught that he thinks he’s about to snap. He really hopes he doesn’t. 

Unfortunately, Seokjin does snap. However, it’s in his own, quiet way. He lies and claims he’s sick, saying that he can hardly go to repair the boats. Gods, Seokjin’s so selfish, isn’t he? He goes from helping every day to every other day to spontaneous times when his depression isn’t as terrible. 

“Jin-Hyung, are you okay?” Yeonjun says softly after around two weeks of Seokjin’s behavior. He’s touching his arm and the feeling of fingertips brushing over his skin has Seokjin jumping in surprise, his eyes wide. 

“What? Oh, yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry, really, it’s okay,” Seokjin says, slowly moving away from Yeonjun. He isn’t nearly as subtle as he’d hoped as Yeonjun’s eyes flit down to where he was touching Seokjin and the space between them. 

“Are - um, are you sure?” he says. He scratches the back of his neck. “I don’t - I mean, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk to  _ me _ in particular since we aren’t that close, but I just think maybe it’d be good if you - um, oh, gods, sorry. I just think you should talk to someone.” 

Seokjin stares at him. Yeonjun’s right in saying they aren’t that close. Because really, they aren’t. While they get along perfectly well, Seokjin knows they don’t speak often. There isn’t often any reason to. 

_ Gods, _ Seokjin thinks,  _ I can’t believe I’m this messed up. Yeonjun, someone whom I hardly speak to privately, has decided to step in because I’m such a fucking mess. _

“Hyung?” Yeonjun says. Seokjin swallows hard. 

“Yeonjunie,” he says, the nickname foreign on his tongue, “what would you do if you thought Soobin was cheating on you?” 

Yeonjun shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says. “I’d cry. A lot. It’d be the first thing I did, but I - I would ask him. I wouldn’t try and catch him in the act ‘cause that’s petty, but I’d confront him about it. And maybe I’d discover I was just being paranoid, but that would lead to a discussion about trust in our relationship. And if he was . . . well, I wouldn’t break up with him immediately. I’d ask him why. And if it was because of something I or we could help, I’d try and rebuild it. I love him too much to get mad over something like that, so if it was an accident or a way to let out tension, I’d try and help. I want to - our relationship matters too much to me to let us go like that. But if-” Yeonjun swallows hard and reaches up to check for any tears on his cheeks “-if it was because he didn’t love me any longer or he felt as if he couldn’t go on in our relationship, I’d let him go. I love him, but sometimes loving someone can mean letting them go so they’re happy with someone else.” 

Seokjin nods. He doesn’t say anything, though, not when he doesn’t have even a sliver of trust in his voice. It’ll shake like there’s no tomorrow. 

Yeonjun looks up at him and tilts his head. Seokjin’s never paid much attention to it, but his lips are red and seemingly stuck in a permanent pout. He’s very handsome. 

“Do you think Namjoon-Hyung is cheating on you?” he says softly. It’s not like any of the others will hear, but Seokjin appreciates the effort. 

“I - I heard some rumors,” Seokjin admits quietly. “I don’t know if they’re true or not, but it’s just - I don’t know, he’s being so distant and I swear I smelled someone on the sheets the other day. It wasn’t me or Namjoon or Huening - he sleeps in our bed sometimes - but it smelled like coconuts and I don’t know anyone who smells like that. I don’t know, I’m just - I’m probably just super paranoid or whatever.” 

“Do you know what you’re going to do about it?” Yeonjun asks quietly. Seokjin shrugs helplessly. 

“What is there to do but wait until the war ends?” he says. “We’re both super stressed out, don’t you agree? Maybe - he always withdraws when he’s working on something, that could be it. I don’t know - I never know what to do anymore. I’m not - I don’t like being in the dark like this.” 

“Who does?” Yeonjun says. 

“Yeonjun-ah, I feel like I’m going to burst into tears at any given moment,” he confesses. “There’s nothing I can do and I hate it. I hate not having control and things are so - they’re messed up so easily now and it doesn’t make any sense. Nothing makes any sense.” 

“I know, Hyung,” Yeonjun says. “But it’s - maybe - I hear you. I know. Well, no, I don’t ‘know’, but I hear that it hurts. I don’t know if that helps, but you can always talk to me if you want to.” 

“I couldn’t do that to you,” Seokjin says. A part of him screams in protest. “It isn’t fair if I just let out all of my problems; you’ve got a lot on your plate as well and I shouldn’t expect you to make time for me.” 

“But, Hyung, it’s okay,” Yeonjun says. “I really don’t mind. If - we’re a team. We all need to be okay. If one person is struggling, then we’re all going to end up falling.” 

Seokjin snorts. “Really, it’s fine. I’m fine, or, at least, I’m going to be fine. I’ll see you later, Yeonjun-ah.” 

“Hyung-” 

But Seokjin’s already walking away, headed toward the boats. He digs his nails into his palms and hopes he doesn’t teleport himself anywhere. 

He’s actually a bit thankful for emotional magic. Instead of taxing his soul, emotional magic is fueled by, well, emotions. That’s how he managed a storm and a pretty speedy teleport. But it’s a weakness and Seokjin doesn’t trust it since it taps into his emotions and sees what they want rather than what his mind wants. Especially in such high-tension situations like this one, it’s not his greatest asset. 

When the day finishes, Seokjin sprints into the cart. He pretends to be asleep and somehow manages to get away with it, even going so far as to stumble a bit when he gets off. 

“We’re taking tomorrow off, all right?” Namjoon says. He gets a few tiny celebrations in response and smiles a bit. Seokjin trudges into the house and heads upstairs, feeling uncharacteristically not-hungry. It’s strange, really, because his stomach feels totally empty and devoid of food, yet there’s no urge to eat. 

_ My mouth isn’t lonely enough _ , a delirious part of Seokjin thinks. Seokjin would slap it, but he’s not very intent on hitting himself. 

A few hours later, long after he’s fallen asleep, Seokjin is awoken by someone stumbling around the room. There’s the dim light of a candle in his eyes and he slowly blinks himself awake, looking around. Namjoon’s got the candle on his bedside table and he’s looking for something, probably his glasses. 

“They’re on the dresser,” Seokjin mumbles, throwing a lazy hand toward the piece of furniture. Namjoon hums in thanks as he feels his way over, picking up his glasses and putting them on. He looks over at Seokjin and blinks a few times, the glasses making him look even more owlish than usual. 

“Did I wake you up?” he says, his voice raspy. Seokjin shrugs and rubs his eyes. 

“Come to bed, Namjoon,” he says instead of offering any further, more specific answers. Namjoon hums as he shuffles toward him, blowing out the candle and slowly lowering himself onto the mattress. Seokjin hears him take his glasses off and place them near the candle. He’s shirtless as per usual. Seokjin can’t recall a single night Namjoon ever wore a shirt to bed, though he doesn’t mind it. Namjoon’s warm and his skin is soft, though they haven’t been cuddling very much. 

“Hey, Jinnie,” Namjoon whispers. Seokjin hums. He isn’t facing him, though he can feel Namjoon’s breathing on the nape of his neck. 

“Do you believe I can do it? That we can do it?” Namjoon says. His voice is uncharacteristically unsure, but Seokjin’s known Namjoon for too long to call it that. He only ever speaks like this when they’re alone, to the extent of Seokjin’s knowledge. 

“Why would you ask that?” Seokjin says, still looking at the window and facing away from Namjoon. “You already know the answer; of course I do. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” 

“Do you trust me?” Namjoon says. 

Seokjin doesn’t know how to answer, and the silence agitates Namjoon. 

“I mean - I know - I haven’t given you much and I doubt I’ll ever be able to get you to live in the same grandeur you did while an imperial prince, but - I dunno, I know you - I’m not - oh, gods, I’m sorry, I’m rambling, I know. I just - I don’t know how to say it.” 

“It’s fine, Joon-ah,” Seokjin says, using the nickname to hopefully soothe Namjoon. “Just go to sleep and worry in the morning.” 

“It’s okay if you don’t - it’s - do you think we’ll make it?” Namjoon says hoarsely. He’s seconds away from crying if he isn’t already. 

Seokjin rolls over to face Namjoon. They stare at each other, the moonlight blocked by Seokjin’s back. 

“Namjoonie,” he says, reaching up to wipe a tear off of his face, “don’t worry about those things. Go to sleep; I promise to be here in the morning.” 

Namjoon stares at him. He looks like he believes Seokjin to be some sort of hallucination from sleep deprivation, his eyes wide and glassy. He’s scared. He thinks Seokjin’s going to leave. 

_ Oh, Namjoon, _ Seokjin thinks,  _ how could I ever leave you? _

He wakes up alone. Seokjin wants to laugh at the irony of the situation. Last night it was  _ Namjoon _ who was afraid  _ Seokjin _ was going to leave, yet Namjoon is the one who couldn’t stay until Seokjin woke up. It draws a frustrated sigh from the man as he sits up and puts his head in his hands. He doesn’t know what to do about Namjoon anymore. He’s surprised he ever did. 

Standing up, Seokjin drags himself into the bathroom. He splashes his face and yanks a comb through his hair a few times, though he’s far too tired to take a bath. Instead of brushing his teeth, Seokjin gargles some water in his mouth and swishes it around before spitting in the sink. He walks down the stairs and makes himself some tea, just as the door bursts open. 

“Jin-Hyung!” Hoseok says. He looks like he just ran around the entire island. “Come to town quickly, Yeonjun, Yoongi, and Taehyung are fighting.” 

Seokjin curses as he gets to his feet. He grabs a pair of sandals and then follows Hoseok as he runs down the street. As they get farther from the house and closer to the center of the town, the shouts get louder and Seokjin feels his dread build. There’s a large circle of people and he can hear a lot of yelling. Taehyung’s voice is easy to pick out and Yeonjun’s head of blue hair sticks out like a sore thumb. Yoongi is being held back by a very obviously struggling Jimin. Jeongguk is holding onto Taehyung and Soobin looks like he’d rather die as he holds Yeonjun back. 

“Say that to my face!” Yoongi growls, kicking his feet. He bares his fangs at a female Beta. “What, you wanna call my brother a whore again?” 

“What’s wrong with speaking the truth?” she calls back. Seokjin notices that all of her friends are egging her on. Yoongi growls in the back of his throat. He weasels his way out of Jimin’s grasp and grabs the girl’s shirt, tugging her close and lifting his fist up. 

“Yoongi, stop!” Seokjin says, raising his hand. Time bends to his will and suddenly everyone except for Seokjin is frozen. He pinches the bridge of his nose as he shoulders his way through the crowd and tugs a frozen Yoongi away from his victim-to-be. He grabs Yeonjun and Taehyung as well then drags the three of them through the crowd. He kicks the door open as his strength begins to wane, snapping his fingers. 

The first thing Yoongi does is finish punching the air. He looks around after, surprised. 

“You guys can’t do that,” Seokjin says, already in the kitchen as he pours them all some tea. “My reputation already sucks; if you guys get that aggressive, it’s only going to get worse.” 

“Hyung, you shouldn’t let them talk about you like that!” Taehyung argues. Seokjin scoffs as he walks over and places the tray on the living room table. 

“Why not? It doesn’t hurt me, does it? I’m fine. Trust me, guys, you don’t want to do that. You especially, Yeonjun. How can you expect to become emperor or empress, whatever you prefer, if you don’t ignore rumors? Because trust me, there  _ will _ be rumors. Whether you like them or not, people are going to talk. They don’t know you - they’re going to make up for the empty spaces and the absence of knowledge with their own wild stories. Who cares if they’re true? It’s something all people do, so there’s really no point in trying to change it. Just leave it alone and pray that whatever happened today goes ignored.” 

“It’s not okay, though,” Yoongi says. “Hyung, do you even know what they said?” 

“No, but it’s not like I care,” Seokjin says. He crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the wall. “I’d drive myself insane if I ever tried obeying those rules or if I ever tried to make everyone happy; it’s a foolish thing to do, all right? Don’t you ever lose yourself trying to please everyone because it’s simply impossible.” 

“They said Namjoon had another Omega to sleep with,” Taehyung blurts. He looks at Seokjin with sad, almost betrayed, eyes. “Is that what’s going on between you two?” 

Seokjin stiffens, looking away. He shakes his head. 

“No, of course not,” he says, though it’s a complete and utter lie. “Namjoon isn’t the cheating type. He’d never cheat on me.” 

_ Wow, obvious much? I couldn’t have made it more clear that I’m trying to convince myself of that. _

“You know . . . Hyung, it’s - Hyung, you should talk to them,” Yeonjun says quietly. He gets up, looking uncomfortable. “I can go-”

“No, stay,” Seokjin says, gesturing to the couch. “It’s fine.” He sighs, rubbing his face and trying not to cry. 

“Well, I suppose this is where the heartbroken confession about how I’m almost certain Namjoon is cheating on me comes in, isn’t it?” he says sarcastically as he tries his hardest not to cry. 

“Take your time,” Yoongi says softly. Seokjin laughs, but it’s a hollow and almost painful sound. He opens his mouth to speak, but, just then, the door flies open. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all it's almost over im in tears-


	9. Bittersweet Domesticity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Seokjin is tricked into believing the bittersweet domesticity shared between himself and Namjoon is enough to save them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry its pretty sad

Thankfully, it isn’t Namjoon. Hueningkai is standing in the doorway, his eyes wide. In his arms, an unconscious Hoseok lies, his skin a deathly pale. Seokjin hears his cup fall and shatter on the ground between his feet, but he seems to be deaf as he zones in on his younger brother. 

“What happened?” he demands, far harsher than he ever imagined he’d speak to Hueningkai, but he’s too worried about Hoseok as he dashes up the stairs. He can feel the glass shards embedded in his feet as he stumbles, ignoring the pain in favor of Hoseok. He gets to his bedroom and he puts him in bed, cursing. 

“I don’t know!” Hueningkai says. He sounds like he’s on the verge of tears, and Seokjin receives a painful reminder that he’s only a boy. “I - he just - I don’t know!” 

“It’s okay, Huening,” Yeonjun says as Seokjin rushes around. He snaps his fingers and the glass in his feet disappears, the skin closing up as the shards fly into the trash can. Seokjin doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t-

“Magic,” Yoongi says. His voice is soft and almost ashamed, but Seokjin nods his head. However, as he places his hands on Hoseok’s chest, a spurt of purple sparkles fly to the unconscious Omega. He looks over at Hueningkai and the boy is crying, his hand shaking. He’s holding his arm out and his fingers are twitching as he stares at Hoseok. 

Just then, the man sits up with a shocked gasp. He touches his throat and then his face as if he isn’t used to his body. 

“Hoseok,” Seokjin says, relieved as he falls to his knees. However, that relief is short-lived when Yeonjun screams as Hueningkai crumples. Yeonjun manages to catch him and then he moves the boy to Hoseok’s side. Hoseok scrambles about, looking scared. Seokjin curses himself. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m sorry-” 

“Hyung-” 

“Hueningkai, wake up!” Seokjin claps his hands together and then, just as Hoseok did, Hueningkai sits up with a loud gasp. Unlike Hoseok, he doesn’t look shocked to be in his body as he looks around, his eyes wide. 

“You’re okay!” he cries when he sees Hoseok, flinging himself at the other male. Hoseok wraps his arms around him and holds him close, his eyes shut. 

“Huening, my sweet Huening,” he murmurs into Hueningkai’s hair, combing his fingers through the thick brown locks. Seokjin turns around and herds Yeonjun, Yoongi, and Taehyung out of the room. 

“Are we-” 

“No, not right now,” Seokjin says. He fixes them with the most threatening look he can muster. “And not a  _ word _ to Namjoon. If I hear a single peep from him, I swear to the gods, you’d better run as fast as you possibly can. Not. A.  _ Word. _ ” 

They all nod, but Seokjin can tell he hasn’t totally steered them away from bringing it up to Namjoon. 

“Please,” he adds for good measure. “I’ll talk to him, I swear - just give us some time, please. It’s going to happen, just stay quiet until - until I’m ready.” 

“You will tell him, though. Right?” Yeonjun says quietly. 

Seokjin stares at him, biting his lip. 

“I will,” he says, though he knows none of the people before him believe it since he himself certainly doesn’t. “Bye. Thanks, I’ll keep you updated.” 

He receives three simultaneous nods before they all walk off toward their houses. Seokjin watches them go for a few seconds before shutting the door and quietly walking over to the broken glass. He stares at the shards of glass before dropping to his knees to pick them up, his hands shaking as he reaches out. He picks one of the bigger pieces up and stares at it before it suddenly falls through his hand. 

Seokjin doesn’t understand; why can’t he pick it up? There are more broken cups around the area from all of the hustle and bustle to get up to Hoseok, and it seems as if Seokjin’s magic might have tipped the teapot over. Seokjin stares blankly at the broken cups before he feels something wet on his cheeks. He reaches up and touches his face. It makes him even more aware of how much his hands are shaking. He feels a little delirious, he’ll admit that much. 

Seokjin’s shoulders drop, and he watches as his tears splash on the ground and the pieces of broken glass. It feels a bit as if he’s staring at the shards of his broken heart. 

Slowly, he picks them up. The sharp edges of the pieces scrape against the delicate skin of his hands, dragging over the flesh until scarlet begins to drip from his hands and onto the ground. It’s in a fashion similar to his tears. 

There’s a loud crash when he puts the pieces in the trash. Seokjin goes and picks up the pieces of the teapot and the rest of the glass, the growing gashes on his hands beginning to sting the longer he ignores them. 

_ Maybe if I ignore them, the pain’ll go away, _ he thinks, now quite delirious. He shakes his head at his own antics, running a hand through his hair. The strands get caught in the cuts and they burn in protest. Seokjin yanks his hand from his hair and stares at the broken skin of his hands, already feeling sick. He doesn’t like this, not one bit. 

He turns the sink on and watches as the icy water hits his open palms. The water is quick to turn a washed-out red. It’s a few shades lighter than the blood, though Seokjin isn’t surprised. He turns the water off and shakes his hands to dry them, then reaches into their medicine cabinet. They keep one in the kitchen because of Namjoon’s renowned clumsiness. 

The bandages are white and soft. Seokjin wraps them around his hands, starting with the palms then moving onto each crooked finger. He feels . . . empty, really, though he can’t say it’s something he enjoys very much. It’s more like it’s there and he’s come to accept it. He supposes it’s better than drowning in depression, right?

When he finishes bandaging his hands, Seokjin goes upstairs to see Hueningkai and Hoseok. Unsurprisingly, they’re both out cold in Hoseok’s bed, arms wrapped around one another. Seokjin manages to muster a weak smile before closing the door and heading to his room. He curls up in bed and sighs, staring at the wall. His hands are throbbing but Seokjin can’t bring himself to care. He doesn’t feel anything enough right now to be passionate about anything. 

Maybe an hour or so later, the sound of the door opening can be heard. Seokjin is roused from his half-asleep state but he doesn’t sit up. Monnie must go downstairs to greet Namjoon because he can hear Namjoon cooing at the dog, though it sounds very half-hearted. But isn’t that how they’re all doing things now? Stumbling along, praying that they’ll make it through in one piece - everyone’s running on empty now, aren’t they?

[ _ Sea - Piano Cover _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpAcbyy14IA)

“Hey, are you awake?” Namjoon says softly when he comes into the bedroom. Seokjin can hear him put his things down and walk over, sitting on the bed. A gentle hand reaches out to rest on his shoulder. However, it seems to stop and hover over Seokjin. He tenses, waiting for Namjoon to place his hand on his arm and shake him awake, but it never comes. 

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon says hoarsely. “I’m so sorry, Jinnie dear, I’m so, so sorry.” He sighs heavily. “There’s nothing I can do. I just - the thought of causing you even more pain is too great.” Namjoon sighs again, and Seokjin guesses he’s putting his head in his hands or he’s running his fingers through his hair. Maybe he’s biting his lip while he does it. 

“It - I don’t know, why haven’t you left me already?” He laughs and sounds utterly breathless. “Gods, how did I ever convince myself I was enough?”

“It’s because you are,” Seokjin murmurs, his eyes still closed. “I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t.”

“Do you regret coming here?” 

Seokjin rolls onto his side. Namjoon lies down beside him, staring into his eyes. It’s bittersweet. 

“No,” Seokjin says. “Namjoonie, I’d never have come if I ever thought I would ever regret it.” He leans forward and kisses Namjoon’s nose. “Have some faith, hm? Don’t you know how many contenders there were for my hand in marriage? Joon-ah, why would I choose you if I ever thought I’d leave you?” 

Namjoon doesn’t answer, but Seokjin tracks the tear that rolls silently down his cheek. He wipes it away as it nears his lips, cupping Namjoon’s face and swiping the tear off of his face with his thumb. 

“I love you,” Namjoon says. 

“I love you too,” Seokjin whispers. “If there’s one thing I want you to remember about me, it’s that I love you more than anything in this world and the next.” 

“How could I ever forget you?” Namjoon whispers. He reaches up and touches Seokjin’s face, though his hands are shaking. It’s as if he thinks Seokjin is made of smoke and, with the slightest touch, he’ll disappear. “You’re so unforgettable it’s as if you’ve been ingrained into my mind.” He smiles sadly. “Jin, my darling, my dear - if there’s anything in my life that’s permanent, it’s that I love you.” 

The words are - well, to Seokjin, Namjoon said that in such a strange way. He wants to ask but he also doesn’t want to burst the bittersweet bubble they’ve found themselves in, so he keeps quiet. 

“Would you tell me if you stopped?” Seokjin says. Namjoon stares at him. He sighs, leaning forward and closing his eyes as their foreheads touch. 

“I’m afraid that’s never going to happen,” Namjoon says, his voice hoarse and thick with emotions. Seokjin can hear him exhale shakily. “I don’t - it doesn’t seem possible.” 

“For you to tell me if you stop?”

“For me to fall out of love with you.” 

“And if you did?” Seokjin says. Namjoon stares at him, his eyes unreadable but calculating. Seokjin wants to search through his head to find all of the things that have gone wrong so he can fix them. He just wants to be young and in love the way they were before. He remembers the feeling of adrenaline as he sent his letters, how his heart had thundered in his chest with every word written and read. Seokjin laces his and Namjoon’s fingers together, rubbing the ring. 

“I would tell you,” Namjoon says, “because even if I ever found a way to somehow un-love you, I would still be unable to see you suffering under the guise that whatever remained of our relationship was enough. And, let me tell you, it’d still hurt like fucking hell. But I don’t ever - it’s not even if I intend to or not, it’s simply that I can’t. But, something about loving people is that you have - is that you want, above everything else, for them to be happy. And if that happiness isn’t with me, then so be it. As long as you’re living your best life.” 

“Are you trying to tell me something, Namjoon?” Seokjin says softly. Namjoon stares back at him. Seokjin untangles their fingers and reaches up to cup his face. 

“Do you remember the day you told me you loved me?” Namjoon says. He plays with a lock of Seokjin’s hair, deft fingers twirling it around. “It was my last day; I had to go back to the island because a guard had seen me. Or, well, overheard me talking about it. I had a bouquet of flowers - do you remember what they were?” 

“Peonies and camellias,” Seokjin says. “Peonies for bashfulness but also good fortune, white camellias for someone who is well-liked, pink camellias for longing and someone who is missed, then red camellias for love and passion.” He sniffles. “I embroidered them on my second favorite handkerchief.” 

“Do you still have it?” 

“It’s in my bedside table drawer. It smells like you.” 

“Could I see it?” Seokjin hums, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He reaches for the drawer and tugs it out, picking up the piece of silk. He brings it over and Namjoon sits up, taking it into his hands. The sapphire on his ring catches in the midday sun, sparkling. Seokjin reaches out and runs his fingers over it. Namjoon doesn’t seem to notice as he rubs the colorful flowers blooming on the handkerchief, completely mesmerized by it. 

“It’s really pretty,” Namjoon says. He laughs, sounding rather breathless. “I still - I don’t think I’ll ever understand how you manage to do this. It’s as if you’re drawing. Or painting, I don’t know. Whatever it is, it’s beautiful.” 

“Thank you,” Seokjin says. Namjoon hands him the handkerchief and Seokjin tucks it back into his bedside table’s drawer, closing it with a soft noise. He and Namjoon sit next to each other, silent. 

“Do you remember our first kiss?” Seokjin says. 

“I do.” 

“What do you remember about it?” Seokjin says, drawing circles onto the blanket. Namjoon shrugs, looking up at the wall. 

“We were both crying,” he says, “so that’s why I could taste salt on your lips. But, under that, I could taste peaches. And, like, whipped cream or something. It was nice. And I could taste you. Your lips were soft - it was like kissing a flower petal. Except the flower petal kissed back, but it was still nice. And I remember that I never wanted to stop.” Namjoon smiles, looking up. His eyes are sparkling with unshed tears. “I asked myself ‘Is escaping really worth it when I can stay with him? Why should I leave?’ but then I remembered that I would lose far too many kisses and other things - I would miss waking up beside you, holding you, listening to you sing, giving you flowers - I would miss them all if I decided to stay. So I left because I thought a few days - though it turned out to be months on end - without you was better than never being with you again.” 

Seokjin stares at him. He’s surprised he never knew that - he himself certainly hadn’t wanted to pull away, but he’d thought Namjoon had pulled away because of his work in leading a rebellion. He’d been around twenty-two or twenty-three while Seokjin was twenty-four or twenty-five. All of the Alphas Seokjin knew wouldn’t put him over their own desires and, well, at that moment, Seokjin had believed it was true for all of them. And who knows, maybe Namjoon’s lying to him. Maybe he’s fallen out of love and he simply doesn’t know how to tell Seokjin in any way other than dropping the subtlest of hints. Seokjin wishes he would tell him. 

“Do you remember what I told you I’d become if I didn’t have this?” Namjoon says suddenly. 

Seokjin shakes his head. Namjoon’s never told him. 

“Did you ever tell me?” he says. Namjoon shrugs. 

“Do you think I could succeed if I became a poet?” he says wistfully. He sighs. “I wanted to be an artist, but money was tight - though I’m sure I told you that.”

_ No, _ Seokjin longs to say,  _ you haven’t. It feels as if you’ve never told me anything about yourself, and we’ve been together for years. Why am I only now discovering these things? _

“Did you write before you became a lawyer? Any poems or stories?” 

“I did,” Namjoon says. He shrugs, but there’s a deep sadness engraved in him as he does so. “I had to throw them away. We burned them during a particularly cold winter. I didn’t tell my mother what they were; she would’ve cried because she thought I was going down the wrong path.” 

“Do you regret not becoming a poet?” Seokjin says. Namjoon hums. 

“Of course I wish I could’ve had a chance,” he says, “but what I’m doing - this rebellion will outlast any poem I could ever come up with. And it helps far more people.” 

“Well, you can write when the war ends, can’t you? Even if you don’t sell them or publish them, I’ll read them.” Seokjin smiles and bumps Namjoon’s shoulder, pretending that things are back to normal in their relationship. Namjoon turns and smiles at him, but there’s something behind his eyes, and, though it’s a rather common occurrence, Seokjin is still extremely frustrated by it. 

“What would you do if you’d never grown up in the palace and there wasn’t a war?” Namjoon says. Seokjin notices that he changed the subject but ignores it. If Namjoon isn’t going to talk, Seokjin won’t force him. 

“I don’t know,” he says. “I’ve never been given a chance to think about it.” Namjoon hums, slowly lying back. Seokjin follows, staring up at the ceiling. Namjoon is looking at him, resting on his side. 

“I think . . . I think I’d become - I’d become a writer or a singer or an actor,” Seokjin finally says after a few moments to think about it. “I’d write - oh, gods, I don’t even know. And for the singing, I wouldn’t do it all of the time. It - I think it would be more of a job I did on the side, something to do in my free time. If I was an actor, though . . . oh, gods, I love plays. You know that, though. You know how much I love those plays. I’d love to be in one, though. That - I think if I ever had time to dream, that’s what I would’ve dreamt of.” 

“Look at us,” Namjoon says, lying down on his back. He turns to Seokjin and grins, though it’s bitter and maybe even a bit angry. “We’re just two guys who lost our childhoods to the problems forced upon us by society, aren’t we?” 

Seokjin snorts. “I’d say we deserve a little bit of time to be children. I want to run in a flower field, to ride a horse, to sing loudly - I want to do all of the things people do when they’re children without worries.” 

“I feel a bit as if the things we want should be easily reached,” Namjoon says. “It seems, though, that we’re asking for the impossible. It’s strange, isn’t it?” 

“Do you mean that we’re adults asking to be children or that we were children begging for childhoods?” 

Namjoon pauses to think, furrowing his brow before shrugging. 

“Both, I suppose,” he says. “Aren’t they both true?” Seokjin hums. 

“They are,” he says. He closes his eyes and tries to imagine a world Namjoon described; Namjoon as a happy, successful poet while Seokjin writes or acts or sings or whatever he wants. Maybe Seokjin would find his way to Inura and they’d meet or maybe they’d hear about one another through a friend. Perhaps they’d bump into each other at some sort of restaurant or something. Maybe they’d meet a marketplace or in a flower garden. Seokjin doesn’t know. 

“Do you think we’d meet if the world hadn’t been nearly as cruel to us as it was?” Seokjin says. 

Namjoon shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says. He shrugs. “Trading all of the trauma and pain just so I could have a normal life, but lowering the possibility of meeting you . . . I don’t know. Do you think it’d be worth it?”

“No,” Seokjin says. Namjoon looks over at him. 

“Really?” he says. Seokjin nods, scooting closer. Their lips are almost touching and Namjoon leans forward, kissing Seokjin softly. Like practically everything romantic in their relationship now, it feels bittersweet. Seokjin moves closer, trying to savor it before Namjoon inevitably leaves him again. 

He does, obviously, leave Seokjin. But it’s after Seokjin falls asleep while kissing him, and Namjoon simply happens to be quiet enough. Seokjin sits up, alone, looking around and sighing heavily. He’s been alone in their bed far too many times. 

_ I should go check on Huening and Hoseok, _ he thinks. Seokjin stretches and yawns, climbing out of bed. He sighs, walking slowly to the door. It creaks when it opens and Seokjin pads quietly out of the room and down the hall to Hoseok’s room. 

“Hoseok-ah?” he says, cracking the door open. “Ning, I’m opening-”

Holy shit. 

Hoseok is pressed against the back of the bed, his fingers combing through Hueningkai’s hair. His legs are wrapped around the boy’s middle and they’re making out in a way that makes Seokjin think they’ve been at it for a pretty long time. Hueningkai is backing Hoseok further into the cushions, holding himself up on his arms. 

“Hyung!” Hoseok cries when he sees Seokjin. He shoves Hueningkai away from him and the boy yelps, flailing before falling to the ground. Hoseok is a bright red and he runs a hand through his hair, patting it down. Hueningkai looks like he just stood in a windstorm for the past hour. His fluffy curls are tangled and sticking up at odd angles from Hoseok running his fingers through them, his lips bitten a dark hue of red. Hoseok isn’t much different from him as he bites his lip and wrings his hands. 

“Was I . . . interrupting something?” Seokjin says, already beginning to back out of the room. 

“Well, kind of,” Hueningkai says from the ground. He sits up and climbs onto the bed, shrugging. “It’s not like we were gonna, like, roll around in the sheets or anything. But we were making out I guess.” 

“Oh my gods,” Hoseok says, covering his face with his hands. Hueningkai shrugs. 

“Shameless, aren’t you?” Seokjin says to Hueningkai. He shrugs again. 

“I mean, come on, don’t act like you and Namjoon-Hyung are saints or anything,” he says. He scratches the back of his neck. “But, um, uh, just so you know, neither of us are really planning on having sex-”

“-We discussed it, don’t worry,” Hoseok says. Seokjin nods. 

“Does he - he knows, right?” he says to his younger brother. Hoseok shrugs. 

“Sort of,” he says. “I - well, I dunno, I - neither of us are super interested in having sex now or ever. I mean, it could happen in the distant future, but probably not for a long time.” 

“Is there something - I don’t mean to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong, but are you okay?” Hueningkai says. He wrings his hands. “I - um, I don’t know. It’s fine if we never have sex ‘cause I don’t - um, I’m just - when I - a doctor - when I was younger, a doctor said I was sick-”

“Are you okay?” Hoseok says. Hueningkai shakes his head, but he looks embarrassed. 

“I - um, when I went to boarding school we had something called, um, uh, ‘sex education’ and I just - oh, gods, this is embarrassing.” 

“Do you want me to go first for our awkward sex confessions?” Seokjin says. The other two males nod as he sits on the bed. Seokjin thinks back to his weirdest experiences. 

“Well, I didn’t know - or, well, did I? Actually, wait, no, there was a guy in the horse stables back at the palace. I left before we even did anything when he told me he didn’t shower. ‘Cause, like, I could smell the manure. And I asked him if he bathed and then he shrugged and said he’d never thought it was something important. So there. That’s the most awkward, technically almost-sexual experience I’ve ever had.” 

“Oh, gods, that’s terrible,” Hoseok says, laughing behind his hand. “He really said that? Why?” Seokjin shrugs. 

“Some people are shameless. For instance, you and I are both rather shameless. So is Hoseok, but in a way that’s more ‘I don’t care if you don’t like my laugh, I’ll be as loud as I possibly can be’ way. Some people, though, are shameless in ways that are . . . less than beneficial, per se.” 

Hoseok smiles weakly. Hueningkai’s laughter is loud and silence-filling. They’re both extremely nervous, but the tension in Hoseok’s shoulders has lessened somewhat and, instead of picking at his nails, Hueningkai is drawing circles on the blanket. 

“I - the doctor said I - they tried to send me to a, um, a brothel I suppose. Namjoon-Hyung stopped them, but it was because I didn’t - I, oh gods, I can’t say it.” 

“You don’t get aroused?” Seokjin says. Hueningkai nods, hiding his face behind his hands. 

“We never talk about it but, um, he - I’m-” Hueningkai sighs, then looks up “-yeah.”

“Huening-”

“But, like, you - I, um, I like kissing you! And I dunno, maybe we could try something someday? But, like, I can’t be a heat aid for multiple reasons, but, um, I dunno, maybe one day? You - I can kind of see myself trying things and I’d be willing to, but you’re - um, you’re like an exception, I guess, but-”

“Huening-ah,” Hoseok says. 

“Yeah?” 

“It’s okay,” Hoseok says softly. He places his hand on Hueningkai’s and laces their fingers together, squeezing it. “I was worried it would be something bad.”

“But that  _ is _ bad!”

“What if I told you I was like that?” Hueningkai’s eyes widen as he stares at Hoseok. 

“You - you’re like me? I’m not - I’m not sick or anything? There’s - there isn’t anything wrong with my body? I’m normal?” he says, his voice shaking as tears begin welling up in his eyes. He stares at Hoseok. “You mean it? It’s not a joke?” 

“Oh, Huening, you’re perfect,” Hoseok says. He cups his face and kisses his nose. “How could you ever - you’re so perfect, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s okay.” 

“It is?” 

Hoseok nods. They hug and Seokjin stares, biting his lip. He wonders if Hueningkai has spent his entire life convinced he’s some sort of defective person and if this is the first time he’s ever met anyone open about their aversion to sexual activities. The thought makes him tear up a little. No wonder Hueningkai is crying. 

‘ _ Thank you,’ _ Hoseok mouths at him as he gets up to leave. Seokjin smiles at his brother as he walks out, closing the door with a quiet click behind him. He wanders through the house, though he already knows the place like the back of his hand. His feet take him to Namjoon’s study, though, and Seokjin feels his heartbeat come to a screeching halt when he hears two voices from there. 

“ _ -going to happen. Please, I need your help, _ ” Namjoon says, his voice muffled. 

“ _ I’ve already told you all I can. It’s unclear what’s going to happen,” _ his accomplice or guest says. Seokjin smells coconuts. 

“ _ And if he finds out? We’ve- _ ”

“ _ Trust me, he won’t. There’s simply no way for it to happen. The gods won’t allow it. _ ”

Namjoon sighs. Seokjin can hear him pacing around, probably stopping to run his hand through his hair. There’s the sound of things being moved around. Namjoon must be shuffling his papers about, mumbling to himself. 

_ “Is this it? _ ” the other voice says. Namjoon doesn’t answer. Seokjin presses his ear closer to the door and prays his scent doesn’t get too obvious. 

The voice asks again, “ _ Namjoon, are these the letters?” _

“ _ Yes!” _ Namjoon says, raising his voice. Seokjin winces. Namjoon doesn’t raise his voice often, but he’s pretty scary when he gets pissed off. 

There’s another sigh from Namjoon.  _ “Do you swear not to say a word to anyone?” _ he says. 

_ “Why do you think you’re paying me so much?” _

Namjoon snorts.  _ “One word from Seokjin about any of this and you’d better flee the empire.” _

Whoever he’s with must be packing up his bags. The smell of coconut spikes in a happy way that has Seokjin biting back a growl. 

_ “Oh, Namjoonie, you like me too much to kill me, _ ” the person says. Namjoon huffs. 

“ _ Ah, that’s what you think,” _ Namjoon says. “ _ Get out.”  _ There’s a laugh and Seokjin stumbles away from the door, running up the stairs as fast as he can. He closes his bedroom door and sinks to the floor, pulling his knees close to his chest. 

_ What was that? _ he thinks. Seokjin furiously blinks his tears back, sniffling.  _ Is he really cheating? What - who was that? Why could I smell that Omega on the sheets? Is that whom he’s sleeping with? _

Seokjin frowns. He gets up and slowly walks over to the window, wondering if he can catch a glimpse of whoever was in the room with Namjoon. 

Unfortunately for all three parties involved, Seokjin does. A young man, tiny and petite, is walking rather quickly. He has soft, curly black hair and features similar to Yoongi’s; both Seokjin and Namjoon must be older than him. The papers clutched to his chest couldn't belong to anyone but Namjoon as they have his initials printed on the corners. Seokjin’s stomach curls as jealousy rears its ugly head and he seethes, digging his nails into his hand. However, the flame is quick to go out as he’s hit with the thought of the man probably having done very little. It’s really not his fault Namjoon decided to cheat on Seokjin. 

(He still doesn’t have any solid proof, but Seokjin thinks it’s probably the safest bet anyone could ever take if they were heartless enough to gamble whether Namjoon was cheating or not.)

_ Then again, _ Seokjin thinks as he watches the man,  _ everyone in this village or town or whatever is aware of my relationship with Namjoon. So maybe I’m cutting him  _ too _ much slack. I feel like we’ve made it obvious we’re dating through countless different ways.  _

Seokjin groans. He feels like crying and confronting Namjoon, but the cowardly voice in the back of his head kicks the idea of any sort of confrontation into Seokjin’s mental trash can. Sighing, Seokjin drags himself into bed and lies down, trying to pretend to be asleep. It’s a low blow to their relationship, that’s for sure. Seokjin wonders why he hasn’t left yet. 

_ Because there’s still a chance he isn’t cheating, _ an optimistic part of his mind says hopefully. Seokjin would glare at it if he could. Of course, since his thoughts have no physical manifestation other than his own body, he can’t. Seokjin grabs his pillow and hugs it to his chest, bringing his knees up to press it closer. He closes his eyes and tries not to cry, though even someone who doesn’t know Seokjin at all could see his very imminent and obvious failure. The tears are pouring far sooner than Seokjin thought they would. He’d hoped that he could maybe hold out for a little bit longer, but nope. Seokjin watches as his tears land on the pillow and mattress, leaving small dark spots on the fabric. He smothers himself by stuffing his face into the pillow, biting his lip to further keep any rebellious sobs from escaping. Seokjin’s chest aches with the knot in it and he feels a bit like he’s going to pass out. He’s getting that scary feeling when he feels as if he’s floating away from his body and whatever’s going on. It signals that a panic attack is gearing up to start and it isn’t long before Seokjin begins hyperventilating. 

The first time Seokjin had a panic attack was when his father cornered him in his bedroom and tore his clothes from his body before raping his young son. Seokjin had been shut up by a hand over his mouth and he hadn’t been able to do a thing as the panic froze his entire body. He’d lain limply on the ground, panting and staring with glassy eyes at the wall. It had ended and Seokjin had passed out. Then, he’d gotten up and dressed himself, limping out of the room. It was nice to hold his brothers after that.

This time, Hoseok opens the door and pulls Seokjin into his arms. Seokjin gasps and cries, rambling and floundering in his hold. Hueningkai joins in and Seokjin slowly calms down, though his breathing still feels labored after he manages to calm down. 

“Here, Hyung,” Hueningkai says, handing Seokjin a glass of water. Seokjin takes it and his hands are shaking so much that Hoseok holds it still for him. Seokjin feels as if all of his limbs have turned to jelly and he lies back, his chest heaving. 

“How’re you feeling?” Hoseok says. 

“Honestly? I’m feeling tired as fuck.” Hueningkai snorts and Hoseok cackles, though they’re both quick to stop. 

“Do you want us to stay? Do you want anyone or anything?” Hoseok says. Seokjin shrugs and looks back at the now-open bedroom door. 

“No,” he says. “I’m just gonna nap or something if that’s okay. Could you wake me up for dinner or something?”

Both Hoseok and Hueningkai look very worried about Seokjin. They look at each other and then back at Seokjin, clearly wondering what’s really going on. 

“Um, there’s - Namjoon-Hyung called a council meeting for dinner,” Hueningkai says, shifting his weight from foot to foot. Seokjin sits up, arching an eyebrow in surprise. 

“What?” he says. “Why? Why now of all times? Why not tomorrow? When?” 

“I don’t know,” Hueningkai says. He and Hoseok both look very distressed. “He just - we were with Beomgyu-Hyung and Taehyun-Hyung and then he walked in and said there was a meeting. He said dinner’s going to be served there, but we should dress nicely.” 

Seokjin frowns and gets up. 

“You guys should go and get ready, then,” he says. “I’m assuming it starts at sunset, right?” 

“Yeah,” Hoseok says. He still looks worried and unsure as Seokjin begins looking through his closet. “Hyung-”

“You don’t want to be late, do you?” Seokjin says. He can’t lose it, he won’t lose it, he swears he won’t. Not in front of his little brother and Hueningkai. It isn’t fair if he does. Seokjin refuses to break down in front of them. 

“Okay,” Hoseok finally says, though it’s clear how hesitant he is even without the silence before it. Seokjin swallows hard and nods, watching them out of the corner of his eye as they leave. When the door closes, Seokjin drops his clothes and heads into the bathroom. He draws himself a bath and climbs in not long after the tub is full of water. He doesn’t spend long bathing. He gets out and pulls on a simple dress that anyone could call formal if they wanted to. It’s pink and soft against his skin, thankfully without a corset. Even if it wasn’t, Seokjin could still wear it. He’s well-practiced in tying his own corset with only a mirror and his stubbornness. 

After he’s dressed, Seokjin combs his hair and puts in a pair of pretty gold earrings, applying a thin layer of makeup to his skin. He grabs a cloak on his way out and pulls on his shoes. Hoseok and Hueningkai come down the stairs, Hueningkai still buttoning his vest. Hoseok is laughing, their arms linked. They’re a cute couple. 

(Seokjin refuses to even wonder if he’s jealous.)

They walk together to the council building, heading inside. There’s a place to hang cloaks and Seokjin makes a beeline toward it. He takes Hoseok’s and Hueningkai’s and shoos them away, telling them to go and get seats before they’re snatched up by any of the other guests. Namjoon invited a lot of people. Seokjin is surprised that he managed to do so in such a short amount of time. Then again, it’s Namjoon. The man is capable of things few people have ever dreamed of. 

He makes his way over to the table and takes his usual seat at Namjoon’s left. Soobin sits on Namjoon’s right, then Yeonjun on Soobin’s left. Hoseok sits between Seokjin and Hueningkai. Across from Hueningkai and Hoseok, Taehyun and Beomgyu sit, both of them holding a baby. Taehyung sits next to Beomgyu and then comes Jeongguk. Yoongi and Jimin are across the table from them. After that, a bunch of other people Seokjin doesn’t know come along. 

Much to Seokjin’s relief, Namjoon waits until after dinner is served to start the meeting. People eat and chat with one another, laughing and talking. Seokjin’s eyes dart constantly to Namjoon as he eats quietly, not talking to many people. He responds when spoken to but never initiates conversations. It’s weird and Seokjin wonders what’s wrong. 

“All right,” Namjoon says when everyone’s finished with their food and drinks along with a few deserts are being passed around, “shall we commence now that everyone’s eaten?” 

After he receives the confirmation to begin, Namjoon reaches into a bag Seokjin hadn’t noticed until now. He pulls out plans for the boats, calendars, and other papers with what Seokjin assumes are calculated prices for the war. He begins talking about how well everything’s going, presumably to ease the crowd before he brings up the bad news. 

“We are, unfortunately, still dealing with several thousand untrained troops,” he says. The sound of clinking glasses and chopsticks stops abruptly as everyone stares at Namjoon. His expression is very, very grim. 

“Sir?” someone says. 

Namjoon sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Would you like me to repeat myself?” he says sarcastically. 

“No, sir. It’s just-” the person who spoke shifts in place “-how are we supposed to defeat the emperor if we still have thousands of troops who aren’t ready for battle?” 

“We train them,” Namjoon says. He looks over at Jeongguk. “I want you to oversee it. You’re excused from working on the ships. You may pick a team of people to assist you as well.” 

Jeongguk nods. “Would you like me to do it now or later?” he says. 

“Later. We have more urgent matters to discuss.” 

“Is there something wrong, sir?” 

Namjoon’s brow further furrows. Maybe at some point, Seokjin would’ve smoothed it out. 

“We need more armor and weapons to support all of the soldiers,” he says. Seokjin swears he hears several different people groan, all of them in different locations. 

“How do you plan on getting them, sir?” a new, older voice asks. 

“I have people - we have people in Ifan to smuggle supplies over, though I don’t know how easy it’ll be. I’ve given them my permit, though it’s soon to become useless. However, Soobin here has done a little work behind the curtain to bring some supplies in.” 

The table, for some reason, is thrown into pandemonium as they attempt to see Soobin. He looks ready to curl up in a hole and die, but Yeonjun gently nudges him to his feet. 

“I’ve been sending letters to an old friend of mine,” he says. He still looks awkward, but Yeonjun reaches up to squeeze his hand. Soobin looks down and Yeonjun smiles at him, then tilts his head toward the rest of Soobin’s audience. Soobin nods. 

He clears his throat, looking around. “He’s the prince of a kingdom which he asked to be left unnamed, though he’s in line for the throne. I’ve communicated with his parents and they’ll be sending us both weapons and armor, but only in exchange for anonymity and, should we win, an alliance and promise to stay out of their territory. We’ll be getting the shipments within a week.”

“Will you tell us where it is?” 

Soobin shakes his head. “I swore I would leave their names out of this and only reveal them after the war. It’s too risky. Should we lose and the emperor discovers their involvement, their kingdom would be crushed. While I trust you, I will comply with his terms. They are simple and I am a man of my word.” 

Everyone either nods or makes a noise of agreement. Yeonjun is looking up at Soobin and smiling proudly, his eyes sparkling as the Alpha sits down. He leans over and kisses Soobin’s cheek as the meeting continues. Namjoon takes reports and writes things down, looking constantly at the calendar to jot down dates and such. 

The meeting pulls to a close and everyone begins to filter out of the room. Seokjin stays behind, grabbing Soobin’s wrist. 

“Thank you,” he says. Soobin stares at him, tilting his head in question. 

“What do you mean?” he says. Seokjin shrugs, letting go of his wrist. 

“I - well, when I heard that we were short on weapons and armor, I was afraid I’d have to summon them,” he says. “So thank you for doing that. You don’t know how grateful I am.” 

Soobin smiles softly and Yeonjun grins, leaning his head on his shoulder. 

“That’s my Soobinnie!” he says. “Always thinking ahead, aren’t you?” Soobin snorts and shakes his head, but his eyes sparkle lovingly as Yeonjun brags about him. He turns to Seokjin, then, and bows his head a little. He still seems like the shy boy who greeted him last year or so. 

“Thank you, Hyung,” he says. “Good night and see you tomorrow!”

“Bye, Hyung!” Yeonjun says, waving as he and Soobin leave. Seokjin smiles fondly as he watches them go, then he gets up and grabs his cloak. Namjoon is standing by the door, waiting for him. Hoseok and Hueningkai left before them. 

Namjoon holds his arm out for Seokjin when he gets closer. Seokjin takes it but it isn’t as easy or fluid as usual. They walk out and their movements feel stiff and unnatural as if it’s their first time walking together. Seokjin swallows the lump in his throat and stares ahead, dead-set on avoiding Namjoon’s eyes. They walk in silence and it hangs heavily in the air, unspoken words teeming at Seokjin’s lips. He bites them to keep from opening his mouth and risking a hole in the dam he’s built to keep from betraying himself. 

Their silence continues as they get home and head upstairs to get ready for bed. Seokjin’s stomach churns as he lies down and Namjoon joins him, both of them facing opposite directions. Seokjin closes his eyes and steadies his breathing, pretending to be asleep. 

And then, just as Seokjin expected, Namjoon gets out of bed. He fumbles for his glasses for a few moments and Seokjin waits for a bit. When Namjoon gets up, Seokjin rolls over and grabs his wrist, staring at him. The moonlight is reflected in Namjoon’s eyes and Seokjin can see himself in them. Gods, he really is pathetic, isn’t he? No wonder Namjoon wants to leave. 

“What are you doing?” Seokjin says, his voice hoarse and quiet. Namjoon swallows and looks away, biting his lower lip. 

“I was going to go work on some things,” he says. Seokjin can see how he’s lying through his teeth. He hates how easily it comes and wonders if Namjoon feels the same. 

“Why don’t you stay?” he says weakly. “Please, Namjoon-ah. Stay for the night. One night can’t do any harm, can it?” Gods, he really is desperate? He’s begging now. 

Namjoon’s eyes dart around the room. To Seokjin, it looks as if they’re searching for an escape from him. 

“Jin . . .” Namjoon says. Seokjin widens his eyes and tugs him a little closer. 

“Please, Joonie,” he says. “Please, just stay the night. It’s not-” Seokjin chokes on a sob but he still doesn’t miss the pity in Namjoon’s eyes “-just let me pretend we’re okay. Please, do it for me? Didn’t you promise you’d do anything to make me happy?” 

Namjoon stares at him, his expression frustratingly unreadable. Seokjin stares back, trying not to cry as he does so. He has a white-knuckled grip around Namjoon’s wrist because he’s sure Namjoon will run the moment he lets go. He hates how sure he is of it, how he has so little faith in Namjoon sleeping in the same bed with him for one night. 

“ _ Please _ , Joonie,” Seokjin whispers hoarsely. “Just for tonight. Can’t we pretend, just for tonight? You can go back and do it once the sun rises, but stay for tonight.”

Namjoon continues to stare at him, and Seokjin feels the hope draining. His grip on Namjoon’s wrist loosens and he looks away, staring at a space on the blanket. The room is so quiet Seokjin swears he can hear Monnie’s snoring from the living room downstairs. 

“Please?” he whispers. Seokjin feels as if it’s all in vain, though, because Namjoon seems to be waiting in hopes that Seokjin will eventually fall asleep and he’ll be able to make his escape. Seokjin’s stomach twists uncomfortably at the thought and the knot in his chest tightens as his grip loosens even more. Seokjin licks his lips and then his hand slides off of Namjoon’s wrist. 

However, before it can hit the mattress, Namjoon grabs it. Seokjin looks up at him and Namjoon stares back, his eyes wide and full of tears. He uses it to tug Seokjin close as he uses his free hand to put his glasses on his bedside table, then he climbs into bed. Seokjin’s back is pressed against Namjoon’s chest and his arms wrap around Seokjin’s waist, holding him close. And then Seokjin falls asleep in Namjoon’s arms, somehow falling for the bittersweet illusion of domesticity they’ve created yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls don't hate joon he's trying his best and don't hate me especially after this is over lmao  
> (but y'all we have three chapters can you believe it?)


	10. Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seokjin wonders why he and Namjoon are so different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been listening to 'always' by rm it's so good i love it

Seokjin has missed Namjoon so much that he begins to cry when he wakes up next to him. He opens his eyes and Namjoon is fast asleep, snoring loudly and drooling on the pillow and even a bit of Seokjin’s back. Neither of them is wearing shirts and Seokjin rolls onto his side to stare at Namjoon. 

And then, before he knows what’s happening, tears are gliding smoothly down his cheeks. Seokjin watches as they land on the sheets and he furiously wipes them away. It’s embarrassing, really. How messed up does a relationship have to be for someone to start crying when they wake up beside their lover? 

Seokjin stifles a sob behind his hand. He blinks rapidly and only succeeds in releasing more tears that cascade down his cheeks in sad, tiny waterfalls. Seokjin stares at Namjoon and wonders what on earth is going on between them. What happened? Where did he go wrong? Why is Namjoon hiding so much from him?

He sniffles, wiping his tears away, though more keep coming. 

“Oh, Namjoonie,” Seokjin whispers hoarsely, “what happened to us?” 

Thankfully, Namjoon remains asleep. He needs it too. Even now, the circles under his eyes are obvious as the sun gently streams in through the windows. It’s warm on Seokjin’s back, though he doesn’t bother paying much if any attention to it. Namjoon’s face is peaceful and, like most people, he looks much younger while asleep. He looks like he’s twenty-five or twenty-six and he’s living a normal life. Not like he’s some sort of rebellion leader who’s about to go to war in a few months. He cries even more at that. It doesn’t feel fair that Namjoon, someone who’s never even been given the option of following his dreams, is in charge of something as big as the downfall of the most powerful empire of - well, the most powerful empire in the entire world. Yet he’s persisted against all odds and he’s somehow on his way to war with said empire. 

Seokjin finds it amazing and heartbreaking all at the same time. While yes, the things Namjoon has accomplished when practically all of the odds are against him are nothing short of amazing, he’s still horribly young. He started this when he was what, nineteen years old? That’s it, isn’t it? He started going to school to become a lawyer when he was fifteen years old, right? Seokjin thinks so. He was a formidable one too. Seokjin doesn’t know much about Namjoon’s past as it’s a touchy subject for him, but he knows more than almost everyone in the village. Geong-Min knows more and maybe Soobin and Hueningkai. But Hueningkai met Namjoon when Namjoon was eighteen. Seokjin doesn’t know when Namjoon and Soobin first met, though he’s quite sure that they’ve known each other for years and years. 

“You’re crying,” Namjoon says. Seokjin almost hits him. Big, brown eyes stare at him, little golden flecks catching in the sun. Namjoon reaches out and brushes away a tear from Seokjin’s cheek with his knuckles, his touch lighter than a feather. 

“I know,” Seokjin says. His words are weighted and they cause Namjoon’s eyes to flick down and for him to even flinch a tiny bit. Seokjin’s heart clenches as Namjoon looks back at him. 

“Why?” he says softly. 

_ You can’t possibly be serious about asking such a question, can you? _ Seokjin thinks. He searches Namjoon’s eyes and face for some sort of sign that he knows exactly what’s caused the tears on Seokjin’s cheeks, but there’s nothing but fear and heartbreak there. 

_ What are you afraid of? _ Seokjin’s eyes say as his mouth says, “I love you.” 

Namjoon looks at him. They hold each others’ gazes and Seokjin finds he’s unable to pull away. 

“I love you too,” Namjoon says. Seokjin, in all honesty, wants to laugh. It would be cruel and selfish to do so, but something about Namjoon saying such a thing at such a time is so strange. It’s like a small child denying they ate a pastry while they have the frosting coating the space around their lips. 

_ Do you? _ Seokjin thinks. He doesn’t want to say it, though. He’s happy here, though there’s a bitter twinge to the feeling. But Seokjin hasn’t felt this happy with Namjoon in ages, so he’s a bit desperate. It’s not that he’s greedy; months ago, maybe last year, Seokjin could call himself greedy. Now, however, he’s simply starving for it. 

“Kiss me,” he says instead. Namjoon leans forward and brushes his lips over Seokjin’s. It isn’t even a real kiss. Seokjin could barely call it one. When Namjoon pulls away, Seokjin feels as if they’ve lost yet another piece of their relationship. 

“Why?” Seokjin breathes, staring at Namjoon. He stares back. And then he leans forward as his eyes begin to close. Seokjin cups his face and kisses him as softly as he can. Namjoon’s lips are warm but Seokjin can feel how rough they are from Namjoon biting them so much. It makes him want to cry again. It would be the second time in less than an hour. 

They kiss until Seokjin feels his lips go numb. He wants to continue, though. He wants to kiss Namjoon as the world ends, then for just a little longer. It’s easier to pretend everything is still perfect in their relationship, the way it was when they were writing letters to each other before they received a response to the previous one. Seokjin misses kissing every letter written to Namjoon before sending it away with Jeongguk to be delivered. Or Seungjae. He really just wants life to go back to whatever it was before they started fighting. 

“We have - Jin, we have to get up,” Namjoon says. He’s all serious when he used to laugh and snicker while Seokjin begged him to get back in bed. Or, well, it would be the other way around. Seokjin would get up first and Namjoon would tug him back into bed, peppering him with kisses while Seokjin laughed and playfully attempted to shove him off. 

Now, however, he simply nods and pulls away, keeping his wistfulness to himself. They head to the bathroom and Namjoon brushes his teeth while Seokjin takes a quick bath, then they switch. Seokjin gets dressed and heads downstairs to heat up something for breakfast. He’s pleasantly surprised to see that Hoseok made tea while Seokjin and Namjoon were still upstairs. He and Hueningkai are sitting at the kitchen table, not quite doing anything other than playing with Monnie. Or, well,  _ Hoseok _ is sitting at the kitchen table that has two cups of tea on it while he watches Hueningkai play with Monnie. 

“Good morning,” Seokjin says as he pours himself a cup of tea. Hoseok hums in acknowledgment but he doesn’t look away. 

“Hi, Hyung!” Hueningkai says, looking over at Seokjin with a grin. Monnie licks his face and he laughs loudly. Hoseok turns and smiles at Seokjin, his eyes sparkling fondly. They’re asking Seokjin, ‘ _ Isn’t he the greatest?’ _

_ Why aren’t Namjoon and I like that? _

“Hey, Huening,” Seokjin says instead. He looks around and is thankful to see that there isn’t anything on the stove. “I’m both assuming and hoping you didn’t make breakfast?” 

“Nope,” Hueningkai says, popping the ‘p’. Seokjin hums as he walks over to the fridge and gets some eggs out. He cracks them in a bowl and grabs the salt, then beats them with a pair of chopsticks. He puts a pan on the stove and greases it, snapping his fingers as a fire ignites itself in the little fireplace. 

“Can we have toast?” Hoseok says. Seokjin looks over his shoulder. 

“Only if you make it yourself,” he says. Hueningkai groans, flopping onto the ground. Monnie chases after him. 

“Hyung,” he whines, “please? For your favorite dongsaeng?” 

“First of all,” Seokjin says over his shoulder, “I don’t pick favorites. And, if I did, it wouldn’t be you, but Soobin would instead be honored with the position. Second, you are fully capable of making a piece of toast without moving. It should come as easily as breathing.” 

“Yeah, but still,” Hueningkai says from the floor. Seokjin hums. 

“That’s a terrible argument,” Hoseok says as he drinks his tea. 

“Aw, Hoseokie-Hyungie, you don’t actually think that, do you?” Hueningkai says, raising his voice and making it all sugary-sweet. Hoseok snorts before he stops trying to control himself, beginning to cackle and coo at the same time. 

Then, Namjoon comes down. Monnie excitedly rushes over to him, tail wagging. He walks over to the table and sits down, pouring himself a cup of tea. 

“Good morning,” he says. 

“Morning, Hyung,” Hueningkai says. Seokjin looks over his shoulder and sees that Hoseok is squishing his cheeks together, leading to the boy puckering his lips and his speech coming out a little garbled. 

“Good morning, Namjoon,” Hoseok says, taking a moment from going crazy over Hueningkai. Namjoon hums as he drinks his tea. Seokjin doesn’t bother looking over his shoulder to acknowledge him. He just hopes his decision to do such a thing doesn’t ruin whatever Hueningkai and Hoseok are doing.

“Seok-ah, leave Huening alone, it’s time to eat,” Seokjin says as he walks over with breakfast. Some leftovers, scrambled eggs, and then Hoseok and Hueningkai’s requested toast. Seokjin passes out chopsticks and plates and then sits down beside Namjoon, letting everyone else eat first. It’s not that he isn’t hungry, he just wants to make sure everyone eats before he gets anything. 

“Did you hear whom Jeonggukkie-Hyung picked to assist him in training the soldiers?” Hueningkai says as he nibbles on a piece of toast. 

“I know he got Jimin to work with him,” Namjoon says as he eats. “I also heard he brought his friend, Yugyeom.” 

“Who’s that?” Hoseok says. Namjoon shrugs. 

“A friend of his. They’ve known each other since Jeongguk was . . . I dunno, maybe seventeen? I’m not sure. But they’re close. He’s a good guy as far as I know. Another Alpha, actually.”

“Huh,” Hoseok says. “Is that it?” 

Namjoon shrugs. “Probably not. Those are just the people I know of.” Hoseok hums. Everyone finishes breakfast and Seokjin packs lunch, then they all head out and pile into the waiting carts to get to the docks. Seokjin looks over at Hueningkai and feels an almost overwhelming sense of dread come over him. He doesn’t want to see Hueningkai on the verge of passing out. They’ve been doing more and more magic to help his body adjust to tackling bigger feats. But it’s still stressful. No one has ever trained a sorcerer and left a book on how to do it. Seokjin is stumbling along in the dark and hoping he can do things correctly. 

“I’ll be okay, Hyung,” Hueningkai says as they near the boat they’re working on. Actually, practically all of them are finished with magical repairs. Seokjin hasn’t been paying them much attention, but, as he and Hueningkai slowly trek to one of their last boats, he can’t help but notice how much progress they’ve made. 

No wonder he’s been so spacey. His soul is probably deteriorating. 

“-ung?” 

“Huh?” Hueningkai frowns at him. 

“Why don’t you sit this one out, Hyung?” he says. Seokjin opens his mouth to protest, but Hueningkai, before he can say anything, says, “It’s just so I can practice. If I need any help, I’ll ask you, okay? You can watch me judgementally and then yell at me for my recklessness.” 

“Ning-ah,” Seokjin says, “what if you get hurt and I’m not fast enough?”

Hueningkai laughs and he shrugs. “You’ll be fast enough, Hyung. Trust me. It’s okay to take a break sometimes, you know?” 

“But-”

“ _ Hyung _ ,” Hueningkai whines, “do you really think I can’t do it?” Seokjin scowls. That’s a sneaky move. 

“I do,” he says, “but I’m also worried about what could happen to you if I’m not there to watch you.” 

Hueningkai scoffs and crosses his arms playfully. “Hyung, you’re still going to be watching me,” he says. “I didn’t mean that you should go home - I just wanted you to sit down and take a break from using so much magic. So, um, you know, so I could do some stuff.” 

Seokjin sighs. 

“All right,” he says. He smiles at Hueningkai and sits on the deck of the ship. “Go ahead, kiddo.” 

“Ew,” Hueningkai makes a face, “don’t call me kiddo. It makes you sound like some weirdo teacher or whatever.” Seokjin snorts a laugh as he sits back, resting his weight on his arms. It’s pretty warm out, though they’re rapidly approaching September. August hasn’t been as warm as usual, though, and Seokjin wonders if it has anything to do with the rebellion or the sudden increase in magic being released into the world. 

“Get to work, kiddo,” Seokjin says, totally ignoring Hueningkai’s request. The boy snorts. 

“Hey, isn’t your birthday-”

“It passed,” Hueningkai says. He shrugs. “I’m nineteen now.” 

“What?!” Seokjin cries. “You’re an  _ adult _ ?” Hueningkai rolls his eyes as he sits down and puts his hands on the deck. 

“I mean,” a burst of purple light surrounds them and a gust of wind hits both of them as the deck is repaired, “I guess.” 

Seokjin gapes at him. He begins counting out everyone’s ages on his hands, mumbling under his breath. 

“It’s been  _ two  _ years?!” he cries. “Oh, gods, I’m almost thirty. What the hell. So is Yoongi. What the hell.” 

“Hyung, thirty really isn’t that old,” Hueningkai says. He sighs, suddenly seeming a lot older. “We’re just really young.” 

Seokjin stares at him. Hueningkai gets up and then continues repairing the ship, waving his hand. 

“Huening, come over here,” he says. Hueningkai looks up and then he walks over.

“What is it, Hyung?” he says, tilting his head. Seokjin has to tilt his head to look at the boy. 

“Huening-ah, you - promise me you won’t change?” he says. Hueningkai frowns. 

“But Hyung,” he says, “people have to change.” 

Seokjin frowns. “Huening-ah, I’m serious,” he says. “Don’t grow up too fast, okay? Hold onto your childhood as long as possible because one day you’re gonna wake up and you’re gonna realize that you’ve somehow become an adult and you’re going to hate it if you do it too fast, okay?” 

“I think it’s called a growth spurt, Hyung.” 

Seokjin rolls his eyes. “Okay, punk, I get it. You’re still immature and young, don’t worry, I know. Just . . . just remember that, okay?” 

Hueningkai’s eyes soften and he smiles. He hugs Seokjin. 

“Okay, Hyung,” he says softly before pulling away. Seokjin smiles as he skips away to go and continue working on the boat. He sits back down and looks up at the cloudless sky, shielding his eyes from the sun when it shines directly in his eyes. 

“Okay, asshole,” he says. He shifts around, keeping a close eye on Hueningkai. When he begins slowing down, going from a skip to a walk until he finally begins trudging around, Seokjin takes a few strides over. 

“That’s enough for today,” he says. Hueningkai nods and grins at him, giving him a thumbs-up. 

“We’re almost done with this one!” he says excitedly. Seokjin smiles fondly and reaches up to ruffle his hair as they get off of the boat. Already, people have begun to load cargo onto the finished vessels. Seokjin can see lots of food and weaponry. 

“Did Soobin’s friend deliver the armor and weapons already?” he says, his eyes wide. Hueningkai shrugs.

“I dunno. You should ask him. Have you seen any boats in any of the other ports?”

“Not that I can remember, no,” Seokjin says. He dodges around a cart tugged by some sort of reptilian creature. It looks like a giant, buff lizard. There’s a lot of bedding on the cart it carries. 

“What was that?” Hueningkai asks, still looking after the animal. Seokjin shrugs. 

“How would I know?” he says. “I failed biology when I had a tutor.” 

_ Namjoon would probably know, _ Seokjin thinks to himself.  _ He likes animals and plants so much - I’m surprised he didn’t want to become a zoologist or botanist. _

“Huening,” he says, “what would you do if you weren’t - well, I guess if there wasn’t any rebellion to fight?” 

Hueningkai looks over at him, tilting his head. And then he throws his head back and laughs. 

“Hyung,” he says, “I’m nineteen. I’d still be in school right now. And then I’d either go to college or I’d get some job for Betas, like a merchant or something boring. I’d be put into an arranged marriage just like everyone else and I’d never meet any of you. I’d spend my whole life thinking there was something wrong with me, and I probably wouldn’t be very happy. But yeah, that’s what would probably happen to me.” 

“Oh,” Seokjin says, “I’ve never really . . . I never realized how-”

“-Different things would be?”

Seokjin shakes his head. “I knew things - I know things would be different, but I never thought of how your situation would be so . . . well, bad, I guess. That’s not, like, mean or anything, right?”

Hueningkai shrugs. “It’s fair,” he says. “It’s not mean because, well, yeah, my situation . . . if I hadn’t met Namjoon-Hyung when I was ten, like, nine years ago, then my life would probably be pretty sucky. You can’t really sugarcoat it, I guess.” 

Seokjin hums. He wraps an arm around Hueningkai’s shoulders and tugs him close. 

“Well, I’m glad we’re here,” he says. “You might not think this, but Hoseokie is really grateful to have you here with him.” 

Hueningkai’s cheeks turn red and he looks away, mumbling something under his breath. Seokjin laughs and nudges his shoulder. Hoseok is coming up, his hair pushed back and somehow held in place, his sleeves rolled up as he helps to carry cargo onto the boats. The sails were repaired by Seokjin and the sewing citizens of the far islands. They’ve begun to invite people over, though people first started offering their services long before practically anyone knew of the boats’ existence. 

“Ready for lunch, Hyung?” Hoseok says when they get over. Seokjin snorts. 

“Ready? I’m always ready when there’s food involved,” he says as he links arms with his brother and Hueningkai. Then he ducks out of the way and lets them hold hands and do coupley stuff Seokjin and Namjoon have long since foregone. 

When they get to their little spot, Beomgyu is napping in the shade while Taehyun entertains Sarang and Byeol. The girls are babbling non-stop and distracted by anything that moves, so, for a wolf with many moving assets, it isn’t very difficult to keep them entertained. Beomgyu’s tail sits still on the ground as his daughters crawl about, stumbling and squealing happily. Taehyun pads around, bumping them with his snout and taking advantage of his tail. 

“Time for lunch, Taehyun-ah,” Yeonjun says as they all sit down. Namjoon is still busy while Jimin and Jeongguk are somewhere there’s lots of open space to work with the untrained soldiers. Hopefully, they can get it done fast enough. Seokjin doesn’t know how long it is before the emperor notices the giant ships in the docks and comes over to investigate. 

Taehyun shifts back, waking Beomgyu. He still looks like he’s trying to wake up as he undoes the little buttons that trail down until his stomach. Surprisingly, both Sarang and Byeol recognize the scent their father emanates when he does so, and they both crawl over. Beomgyu helps out by picking them up and then getting his own food to eat. 

“Yah, quit fussing,” he mumbles as he tiredly eats a piece of pork. He yelps and Taehyun’s head jerks over as he looks worriedly at his mate. Beomgyu waves his hand as he coughs on the piece of food that went down the wrong pipe. 

“Sorry,” he says, still a bit breathless, “Byeol bit my nipple. One bad thing about both of us being shifters is that they grow teeth faster. And those teeth are a little sharper.” To further prove his point, or maybe it’s an accident, Beomgyu runs his tongue over his extra-sharp fangs. Seokjin wonders if he knows how threatening it is to see. Both Beomgyu and Taehyun have teeth sharper and stronger than the average person’s. Their fangs are made for tearing through flesh, not just marking a mate. They both have ears that are pointier than what Seokjin would classify as ‘human’ as well. 

“That sounds painful,” Yeonjun says, shoving more rice into his mouth. Beomgyu shrugs. He reaches for his glass of water and chugs it. 

“It’s fine,” he says as he wipes his lips. Taehyun hums in disapproval and hands him a napkin. 

“Does anyone know how shifting is passed down, anyway?” Taehyung says. 

“They say both parents have to be shifters to make sure all children become them,” Yoongi says absent-mindedly. He eats a piece of spinach. Jabbing his chopsticks at Taehyun, he says, “For your parents, there are multiple circumstances. Both of them could’ve each had one shifter parent, then they passed the gene down to you, but not Yeonjun. Or one of them was a shifter and the other was only half. For Beomgyu, it’s either what Sarang and Byeol have going on or it’s the second option for Taehyun.” 

“That’s something from biology, right?” Taehyung says, scratching the side of his face. He shrugs, shoving a large chunk of food into his mouth. “I dunno,” he says, his speech garbled, “I never really cared.” 

Yoongi snorts into his food. Seokjin is pretty sure he mumbles something about none of them remembering anything from their classes. Seokjin bites back a laugh and he keeps eating, looking over his shoulder for Namjoon. 

They’re almost finished when he comes. It hurts, really, that he took so long. Namjoon sits down without a word and Seokjin looks away from him. He swears he can feel everyone else watching his every move as he hands Namjoon a pair of chopsticks. 

“Nice of you to join us,” he says before he can think better of it. 

Seokjin isn’t looking at him, but he knows Namjoon stops eating and he looks up at Seokjin. 

“Seokjin,” he says, sounding both tired and angry and sad all at the same time, “not here.” Seokjin refrains from rolling his eyes as he focuses as hard as possible on one of the larger wildflowers around them. It seems, at least to Seokjin, that they’re beginning to wilt as the seasons change. 

Unsurprisingly, the rest of their lunch is silent. Seokjin is tense and coiled like a spring as he cleans the food up and then walks down to finish working on the boat with Hueningkai. They have probably two or three more left, though Seokjin feels far too tired to remember. 

“Hyung, you - are you okay?” Hueningkai says. Seokjin shrugs, humming a half-hearted answer. 

“I’m fine, Ning-ah. Why don’t you keep working, yeah?” 

Hueningkai’s worries don’t seem to be assuaged by his answer. He walks over to Seokjin, boots making rather loud noises as they collide with the deck. 

“Is there something wrong, Hyung?” he says. 

Seokjin waves his hand, still trying to dismiss the issue. It’s kind of stupid, honestly, but, somehow, lying and running from his problems is a lot easier than facing them head-on. 

“No, it’s fine. C’mon, Huening, don’t you want to finish this? The sooner you do, the sooner we can go home. C’mon, kiddo, I’m tired.” 

Hueningkai stares at him. He really has matured. Sure, he’s still super shy around strangers, but he’s lost some of his baby fat. His jawline is sharper and the lines of his face are more pronounced. The look in his eyes is different too. 

“Hyung,” he says softly, “did something - or, well, did something - do you wanna talk about it?” 

“What is there to talk about?” Seokjin says. He sighs and pretends to shoo Hueningkai away. “Go and do your work, young grasshopper! Let me rest! I’ve barely been sleeping at all!”

Hueningkai rolls his eyes, but seeing Seokjin joke around must help him relax a little because he obeys. Then again, it isn’t without a worried look shot at Seokjin from over his shoulder. It makes him want to curl in on himself, though Seokjin is thankful he manages to refrain from doing so. He does, however, fail to meet Hueningkai’s eyes. 

The day slowly pulls to a close, and Seokjin is thankful for that. He’s not sure he wants to face Namjoon, though he’s assuming that they’ll both be too tired to argue when they get home. However, as everyone begins heading back toward Ilsan or wherever they’re from, Namjoon announces that he’ll be holding yet another council meeting. Of course, he’s aware that they had one rather recently, but he wants to do another check-in. Seokjin dreads going. He wonders if he can skip. 

When they get back home, as expected, Namjoon and Seokjin are too exhausted to do anything more than get ready for bed. A quick bath then he brushes his teeth and changes into his pajamas, and Seokjin can finally get beneath the covers. Namjoon is already lying down, his back to Seokjin. Which, of course, doesn’t matter. They’re not obligated to face each other while they’re asleep. That’s dumb. 

However, as he lies in bed, back-to-back with Namjoon, he can’t help missing the time when they would hold one another as they slept. 

Seokjin’s dreams that night are very, very strange. He doesn’t understand them, he won’t lie about it. But the violets that suddenly bloom around his feet as he stands amidst a field of them make him think of the hidden room in Soobin and Yeonjun’s house. He looks around, then notices something wet on the bottoms of his feet. Seokjin looks down at the pool of marbled white and purple with wide eyes. It’s getting onto the white dress he wears, coloring the ends. 

_ “Hello?” _ he attempts to say, but his voice dies in his throat. Seokjin looks around, frowning. He notices that the violets he steps on are crushed into the same purple and white liquid that fills the little creek and pond of sorts. 

_ “Hello? Is anyone there?” _ Seokjin says again. Just as the first time, his voice is stolen from him as he attempts to speak. Seokjin’s eyes catch on a person in a chair and he squints. There seems to be a beam of light over them. 

_ “Are you okay?” _ he yells at the top of his lungs, cupping his mouth. There’s no sound and it seems as if the person on the chair is unconscious. Seokjin begins walking forward, grabbing his skirts to make it easier. He can make out a large crown of varied purple flowers, from large petunias, anemones, and crocuses to blue-eyed grasses, pansies, rhododendrons, and more violets. Around it, spiked vines climb over the person, wrapped around their neck, head, and wrists. Getting closer, Seokjin can see a beautiful white dressed with both red and purple stains. His eyes are drawn to the beginning of the strangely colored stream and he slowly trails up the person’s body. On their neck, a large red gash has been cut, blood dripping slowly from the wound. Seokjin’s eyes trace plump pink lips, a soft nose, then a little further to closed eyes. It’s as if he’s been given tunnel vision because it isn’t until after he’s cataloged all of those features that he can see the shock of bright blue hair. 

“ **THE EMPRESS SITS UPON A THRONE OF VIOLETS. WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO?”** a voice thunders. 

And then, Seokjin wakes up. He clutches his chest, gasping for air and looking around. He finds the moon to be clouded over, leading to a bedroom cloaked in black. Seokjin looks over at Namjoon and he can hear him snoring. He puts his head in his hands and tries to process the images shown to him. 

_ What the hell was that? _ he thinks.  _ Do we win? But what happened to Yeonjun? It called him the ‘empress’ so I’m guessing Soobin becomes emperor and Yeonjun empress. That’s what happens, isn’t it? So what becomes of Yeonjun? _

Seokjin groans, falling back on the mattress. He stares up at the ceiling and goes through his memories of the dream. But, for some reason, it’s beginning to drift away from him. He reaches out for it, shutting his eyes and rapidly trying to recreate it. But, before Seokjin can even count to ten, the images are gone. All that remains is the echo of the voice, bouncing off of the walls of his skull. 

_ “The empress sits upon a throne of violets,” _ it says.  _ “What do you plan to do?” _

_ I don’t know! _ Seokjin thinks. If he wasn’t in bed beside Namjoon, he’d throw his hands into the air and yell.  _ I can’t even remember what else there was besides Yeonjun and the violets! _

As if it’s mocking him, the voice repeats itself. Seokjin groans, rubbing his eyes. He looks over at Namjoon and is half-tempted to reach out for him, to shake him awake and confess the worries swirling around his head. They used to do that all of the time. It helped Seokjin sleep, actually, even though they would often end up talking for hours without end. Seokjin is someone with an endless supply of words while Namjoon is someone who can listen without breaks while adding his own input. They were so fluent in each other that Seokjin could look at Namjoon and then he’d know exactly what he meant or wanted. 

Seokjin wonders, he really does, about what happened. They were so perfect yet now they hardly ever speak and it’s almost always to argue with one another when they do. Seokjin used to talk to Namjoon non-stop and they were practically joined at the hip. People said they were soulmates, that they were living proof of it. There wasn’t a single couple that was as close as they were. 

So what happened?

“Namjoon-ah,” Seokjin whispers despite himself. “Namjoon, wake up.” 

“What is it?” 

“Do you think broken things can be repaired?” Namjoon is silent for a bit, then Seokjin hears him shifting around. 

“Well, how broken are we talking about here?” he says, his voice raspy. Seokjin can hear him search blindly for his glasses. “I mean, like, I break things all of the time. If a chunk of glass from a cup comes off? Then yeah, it can be repaired. But if it shatters and becomes a bunch of tiny pieces? Not so much.”

“Do you think broken people can be fixed?” Seokjin says. He’s staring up at the ceiling while Namjoon’s back is to him. His hands are folded over his chest. 

“It depends on what you mean by broken, I guess,” Namjoon says. “Do you mean an old soldier who’s seen too much? Or an aging parent who has lost all of their children? Or a little boy whose innocence was ruined long before anyone else’s because of the soldiers who stormed his house and killed his parents before him? The young woman whose lover died in her arms? The child beat by his parents?” 

“Do you think any of those people can be repaired?” Seokjin says. “You don’t have to specify.” 

Namjoon doesn’t answer. Seokjin can hear him moving around, then he hears a match being scratched against the box. A candle lights up the room, casting a warm light over them. 

“I think,” Namjoon says softly, “that, in a sense, all people can be ‘fixed’. It . . . I guess it’s a difficult question to answer, isn’t it? Because no matter what happens, pain like that never truly goes away. It’s simply numbed to the point you almost forget it. But I think . . . I think if it’s utilized in the right way, it can make you stronger. Maybe - it doesn’t - it’s not necessarily going to be the same thing for everyone. But, like, I’m stronger from my pain. The empire didn’t supply us - or, well, the money we made wasn’t sufficient to keep our bills paid and buy enough food and medicine, so my mother died. Because of that, I switched from being a lawyer to kicking all of the imperial soldiers out of the far islands. And look at me now.” 

“Do you think the people who break others deserve to be fixed?” 

Namjoon hums. 

“Well,” he says, “it depends on how they break someone. If it’s an accident and there isn’t much harm done, then yes, I do think those people deserve to be fixed. But, just because they get better, it doesn’t mean the people they hurt are forced to forgive them for it. But for someone - would you mind if I used your father as an example?” 

Seokjin grunts an ‘ok’. 

“So yeah, I don’t think your father deserves a chance. I don’t think he deserves one from you. People who do things like that . . . they’re the scum of this earth. By giving them second chances, we’re allowing people to think it’s okay.” 

Seokjin hums. That’s a good point. He’s never really thought about that, has he? He’s just hated his father for years and years and years, even before he started forcing him into sex. Seokjin hated how quickly the man went through Omegas, making it seem as if they were dispensable. Seokjin wonders if he ever thought of them as actual people and not just vessels for his children. 

“Huh,” is his response. Namjoon hums. 

“Something on your mind?” he says, probably well-aware that Seokjin wouldn’t tell him unless it was life or death. 

Seokjin proves him right when he says, “No.” He pauses, thinking. “Sorry for waking you.” 

Namjoon shrugs. “I don’t mind,” he says. A bitter part of Seokjin, the one who’s always been angry with the way the world has treated him, wishes he hadn’t. He wishes Namjoon had been a total asshole about it. Why shouldn’t he be if he’s practically confirmed that he’s cheating on Seokjin?

“Good night,” Seokjin says instead of voicing any of those rather horrible thoughts. Namjoon hums, blowing out the candle and taking his glasses off. Seokjin turns onto his side, still facing away from Namjoon. 

“Seokjin,” Namjoon whispers. 

“Hm?” 

“Could I hold you?” 

His voice is hoarse. It sounds like he’s going to cry. 

“Okay,” Seokjin whispers. He moves until he feels his back hit Namjoon. Namjoon seems to be dissatisfied with this position but he doesn’t say anything. Seokjin, however, rolls over to face him, despite the aching in his heart. 

Namjoon’s crying. Seokjin feels the little teardrops against his skin when Namjoon leans close to press their foreheads together. He reaches up and brushes it away, though he doesn’t feel like there’s anything he can say. Instead of speaking, Seokjin presses his lips against the space where the tear was, kissing under Namjoon’s right eye. 

_ I love you, _ he thinks, hoping the softness of his lips can convey the message. Namjoon’s expression is barely visible in the dark, but Seokjin can make out the soft slope of his nose and his eyes. He stares at him, blinking a few times. 

_ What happened? _ Seokjin thinks. He wants to scream the question at the top of his lungs, to scream and cry and beg Namjoon what’s wrong with them. But what would he say? What would Namjoon say? And what would his answer or answers be? Would it do anything to help their relationship, or would it make it worse?

“I love you,” Namjoon chokes out. Seokjin can feel him shaking from his sobs. He pulls him closer and closes his eyes, hooking his chin over Namjoon’s shoulder. His skin is warm and soft, though Seokjin can also feel plenty of scars. 

“I love you too,” he whispers hoarsely. “I love you so, so much, Joonie.”

“Please,” Namjoon whispers. “Please, please, please.” 

“What is it?” 

“Please be happy, okay? Be selfish about it. If someone tries to take it away from you, promise me you won’t let them.”

Seokjin frowns. It’s a bit of a strange request, but it makes some sense he supposes. 

“Okay,” he says softly, kissing the side of Namjoon’s neck. “Okay, I promise.” 

Needless to say, the conversation sticks with Seokjin. So do the words from his dream, though he’s forgotten everything else about it. They fall back into their old dynamic of hardly ever speaking to one another. Seokjin is thankful for the distraction of the boats. Hueningkai’s gotten much better at controlling his powers and Seokjin is proud of him. Together, they’ve made plenty of progress. Seokjin can admit that they wouldn’t be nearly as far if Hueningkai wasn’t working on it too. 

The conference comes around and Seokjin dresses up. He thinks about waiting for Namjoon but the man is nowhere to be found so he ends up going with Hoseok and Hueningkai. When they arrive, Namjoon’s already at the table, writing on a piece of paper. 

“Namjoon?” Seokjin says. From the corner of his eye, he can see Hueningkai and Hoseok back out of the room and close the door. 

Namjoon looks up. Seokjin might be projecting, but the expression he wears looks like he’s guilty of something. It doesn’t help that he’s sweeping the parchment off of the table, never mind the still-wet ink. 

“What is it?” he says. 

“Done hiding the evidence?” Seokjin says despite knowing better. Namjoon stiffens. 

“What?” he says. Seokjin looks away and sighs. 

“Never mind,” he says. “It’s nothing.” 

“Seokjin,” Namjoon says, suspicion creeping into his tone, “is there something-”

“There are people here,” Seokjin hisses, praying that Hoseok and Hueningkai and whoever else has arrived isn’t listening. “If we’re going to have this conversation, we’re going to have it behind closed doors.”

Namjoon stares at him before sighing. 

“Fine,” he says. Seokjin takes his seat and doesn’t look at Namjoon as he invites the rest of the attendees in. He avoids everyone’s stares as they file in, probably whispering about his and Namjoon’s relationship. Which is fine. It’s totally fine because Seokjin became immune to those things long before he got to Inura and before he met Namjoon. 

Seokjin has also grown accustomed to being ignored. He’s treated like an annoying fly buzzing around the room whenever he offers his own judgment. Seokjin doesn’t totally understand why he comes to these council meetings if no one ever listens to him. It isn’t very fair in his opinion and he might as well be invisible. He kind of wants to yell and scream for someone to pay attention to what he’s saying. 

But, alas, the meeting ends and still no one has listened to Seokjin. They end up eating after it finishes and Seokjin is already itching to leave, even as the food is presented and served. Beomgyu and Taehyun left before dinner because of the girls and Seokjin’s already seen several people come up to Namjoon to bid him goodbye. A majority of the people attending are either older than them or close in age, but few people are still in their teens. Seokjin is surprised no one’s tried to overthrow Namjoon yet. Then again, everyone practically worships the ground he walks on because he kicked the emperor’s soldiers out. 

When they get back home, Seokjin and Namjoon are about to follow their usual routine, but Hoseok and Hueningkai stop them. Or, well, Hoseok does because Hueningkai has already gone upstairs. 

“Huening and I were going to go out on a night picnic,” he says, holding Seokjin and Namjoon by their wrists. “Wanna come?” 

And so, that’s how they end up heading out to a cliff by the sea while the moon shyly shows a bit of its face. Hueningkai proudly opens his hand and reveals a ball of purple light to bound ahead and light the way. It ends up floating above them when they get up the hill. Seokjin spreads the blanket out with the help of Namjoon and then sits down, getting the snacks out. Hueningkai and Hoseok get as close as they can get to one another, with Hueningkai’s arm slung around Hoseok’s waist and Hoseok’s arm hanging off of Hueningkai’s shoulder. They’re leaning their heads together and staring out at the ocean, uncharacteristically silent. 

Meanwhile, Seokjin and Namjoon sit beside each other, but there’s an obvious distance between them. Seokjin wants to stomp his feet and cry and scream, demanding where it came from and when it’s leaving and why it hasn’t already. But, instead of throwing a fit and ruining Hoseok and Hueningkai’s date of sorts, he stays silent and looks up at the small, twinkling stars. At some point, Hoseok and Hueningkai begin whispering to each other, though it’s indiscernible to Seokjin. He doesn’t mind nor does he care. It’s not like it’s any of his business anyway. 

When Hoseok and Hueningkai get too tired to stay out, they all head back. Seokjin nibbled on a cookie and Namjoon sat silently, neither of them bothering to communicate with each other. Which is fine and Seokjin totally isn’t being torn up from the inside out because of it. 

He just wants to know why they aren’t like Hoseok and Hueningkai anymore. Or even Yoongi and Jimin. They’re not all over each other all of the time 24/7, but their relationship is still healthy and happy. Seokjin and Namjoon were like that but, suddenly, they drifted apart. Why couldn’t they stay together? Was their love really so artificial that it almost  _ immediately _ began to deteriorate once they hit a bump in the road? But Seokjin loves Namjoon and, as far as Seokjin knows, Namjoon loves him back. So why are they falling apart so fast? Did something happen and Seokjin was oblivious to it? Or is Namjoon falling out of love with Seokjin? But what were the tears from the other night then? 

Gods, it’s so frustrating. Seokjin wishes he could simply open Namjoon’s head and look inside to figure out what’s going on to find out what he did wrong. Because Namjoon’s a smart guy, isn’t he? And maybe he struggles with expressing himself just as much as Seokjin does, but he also knows the dangers of hiding things. Right?

Seokjin really doesn’t know anymore. 

The next day, Seokjin has to push Hueningkai out of bed to wake him up. The boy whines in protest, grabbing at the blanket until he tugs it down to join him. 

“Yah, you’ll get your blankets dirty if you do that!” Seokjin scolds. Hueningkai grunts non-commitally. He doesn’t seem to care that much. 

Seokjin decides that he has to turn to drastic measures. So, he pulls his foot down and places a well-aimed kick in Hueningkai’s gut. 

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!” Hueningkai screeches, clutching his stomach. Seokjin snorts as Hueningkai rolls back. 

“Gods, what type of shoes are you wearing?” he groans. Seokjin holds his hand out and helps him to his feet. 

“Let’s just get going,” he says. “Don’t worry; I promise not to kick you again if you do.” Hueningkai grunts again, slowly getting to his feet. He pouts as he walks to the bathroom and Seokjin waves goodbye, heading downstairs to make breakfast. Hoseok is sitting there, reading one of the books. 

“Good morning,” Seokjin says. Hoseok hums in response. Seokjin doesn’t feel like figuring out what he’s reading as he lights a fire in the stove and begins getting food out. They’ve really just been eating a lot of leftovers. 

Namjoon comes down next. Seokjin doesn’t know why, but he stiffens. Hoseok notices and looks up from his book, then at Namjoon. 

“I, um, have to go to the bathroom,” Namjoon says when he notices Hoseok looking at him. He slowly leaves the room. Hoseok puts his book down once he’s gone. 

“What’s going on, Hyung?” he says, sounding exasperated. Seokjin digs his nails into the skin of his palms, staring at the rice he’s cooking. 

“Nothing,” he says, trying to keep both his voice and his breathing steady. “We’re fine.” 

“No, no, you’re not,” Hoseok says. He sounds angry. Even that can’t get Seokjin to look over his shoulder. 

“Hoseok, don’t worry about it. We’ll talk about it when this is over, okay? Really, we’re fine.” 

“You said that last time!” Hoseok cries. “And the time before that and then the time before that one! When are you going to talk about it?! Hyung, stop saying you’re fine when you’re so clearly not!” 

“I am!” Seokjin says, whipping around to look at his brother. Hoseok, much to Seokjin’s surprise, stands his ground and balls his fists. 

“You’re not!” he says. “Everyone can see it! You’re living - you’ve pulled the curtain right over your own eyes! You have to wake up, Hyung!” 

“Maybe I don’t want to!” Seokjin yells. “Maybe - maybe I want to keep living the illusion that everything - that everything is just - is totally fine and that we’ll- that we’re going to get better! Have you ever thought about that?” 

Hoseok stares at him as if he can’t believe the words coming from Seokjin’s mouth. Honestly, Seokjin can’t either. 

“Hyung,” Hoseok says brokenly, “please, talk to us. We want to help you.” 

“I’m not some broken, traumatized prince for everyone to save!” Seokjin says, slamming a plate onto the counter. It shatters in his hands. “I’m not as fucked up as you guys think! I’m fine, okay?! I don’t need your help! I don’t want it!” 

Hoseok stares at him, but it’s not the same as before. Instead of disbelief, his eyes are wide and sad and maybe even scared as he stares at his older brother. Then, for reasons Seokjin is desperate to know, he sighs and shakes his head. 

“Okay,” he says softly. “I know, Hyung. You’re  _ not _ messed up. No one . . . none of us think that, but - we just want to help. But - if you really don’t want to, I’ll stop pushing you, okay?” 

Seokjin has trouble paying attention to and understanding what Hoseok’s saying when he has the saddest expression in the world on his face. Seokjin wants to cup his face and say everything’s okay and he loves him, but, instead of doing that, he keeps his hands by his side and nods. Hoseok tries for a grin. 

“So, what’s for breakfast?” 

Seokjin ends up staying late at the docks after the day finishes. He wanders around for a bit before remembering the council Namjoon’s holding since tomorrow’s the final day. Then, they’re loading the boats. 

Seokjin ends up teleporting himself directly into the middle of the steady stream of people already trying to get in. However, as he begins to move, he’s hit with a thought. 

_ Why am I even going? _ he thinks.  _ No one’s going to listen to me and it’s not like I do anything important. Huening can probably do it on his own, right? _

Seokjin pauses, frowning then looking back out. He bites his lip. 

And then, with a strange feeling in his stomach, he pushes through the crowd and out into the streets. 

I f he’d just stayed a little longer, though, watched a little bit more, he would’ve seen how Namjoon’s eyes searched desperately for his face and landed on his retreating figure, and he would’ve seen how the light drained out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not that it should surprise anyone or that any of you guys wouldn't know, but soobin's getting his short after this and luv u


	11. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rain can be comforting. Namjoon smells like it. Namjoon's always liked the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao this just gets sadder and sadder luv u

[ _ Suffocate _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFHtdYfSENk)

Surprisingly, Seokjin ends up running into none other than Beomgyu. He’s pushing along a little stroller, and he breaks into a grin when he sees Seokjin. 

“Hey, Hyung!” he says, waving as if he’s making sure Seokjin can see him. Seokjin surprises himself when he manages to muster a smile, albeit a weak one. 

“Hey, Beomgyu,” he says as the younger Omega walks over. 

“What’re you up to?” Beomgyu says. Seokjin is surprised he isn’t asking why he’s not at the meeting, though Beomgyu has often proven himself to be smarter than he seems. Seokjin supposes he shouldn’t be too surprised. Then again, Beomgyu might not care. 

“Just wandering around really,” Seokjin says. “You?” 

Beomgyu smiles and gestures at his daughters. “I decided to go out and get them some things for the trip, you know? I was also thinking about looking for some shoes because babies tend to start crawling at nine months old. Also, Taehyun likes holding them up and then walking them around, so I just want to make sure nothing happens. Oh, and I wanted to get some more bottles. It feels like I’ve been losing things left and right.” 

Seokjin snorts. 

“Doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” he says. He looks around. “Is Taehyun at the meeting?” 

Beomgyu shakes his head. “No,” he says, “he went to the bathroom and he should be joining us right about . . .”

“Oh my gods, I can’t believe you left me,” Taehyun says. 

“. . . now,” Beomgyu says. He grins at Seokjin as Taehyun wraps an arm around his waist and kisses his cheek, then moves around to check on his daughters. 

“They’re asleep, Hyun-ah,” he says. Taehyun looks up. 

“Oh,” he says. He turns and smiles up at Seokjin. “How are you, Hyung? Would you like to grab dinner with us? We were thinking about going to get barbeque. Beomgyu’s great at cooking the meat.” 

Seokjin shrugs. “Sure, why not?” he says. He falls into step beside them, looking around. They’re all roughly the same height so no one really has to worry about falling behind or going ahead. 

“Gods, can you believe it?” Beomgyu says. He’s looking out at the silhouettes of the ships. “We’re almost done. In a few weeks or so, we’ll be headed back to Ifan.” 

“We will, won’t we?” Taehyun says. He shivers. “I just don’t want to see my parents again.” 

“Well, that makes two of us,” Beomgyu says, playfully bumping their shoulders together. Taehyun snorts. Seokjin smiles at them, but he can’t help the small twinge of jealousy mixed with the little bit of sadness that taints his mood. Or, well, they try to. Seokjin refuses to let them. Right now, he’s out with his friends and they’re looking for stuff for babies and then they’re going to go and eat barbeque. No negativity right now. That’s for at home. 

“Royal parents kinda suck,” Taehyun says as they continue. Beomgyu hums. 

“They do,” Seokjin says. He looks over at the couple beside him. “You guys are gonna break that stereotype though.” 

Beomgyu snorts loudly. “I’m far from royal, Hyung,” he says. Taehyun hums. 

“I’m happy you are,” he says. “You wouldn’t be nearly as interesting as you are if you had been born into some snotty noble family. But, like, I mean-”

Beomgyu grins at him. “I know what you mean, Hyun-ah,” he says. He suddenly looks to Seokjin’s left, his eyes wide. “There it is!” he cries, pointing at a shop. Seokjin looks over and notices a little store, the lights still on. He moves aside as Beomgyu pushes the little stroller over toward it. Taehyun and Seokjin are happy to follow. 

They get inside and a little old lady greets them. Beomgyu excitedly looks around, chattering loudly. Taehyun watches him with a look sweeter than sugar, his eyes soft and his smile fonder than anything Seokjin’s ever seen. He wonders if (read: hopes) Namjoon looked at him like that. A part of him wonders if he could. 

“He does, you know,” Taehyun says quietly. Seokjin hums in question and the boy looks over. “Namjoon-Hyung. He looks at you like you’re his entire world.” 

Seokjin shrugs. “You don’t need to comfort me. Technically, you weren’t even supposed to hear that. It was my depressed inner monologue.” 

Taehyun raises an eyebrow. He’s a very no-nonsense person when it comes to anyone who isn’t Beomgyu. 

“But I did,” he says, further frustrating Seokjin. 

“Okay.” 

“Hyung,” Taehyun says softly, “trust me, yeah?”

Seokjin shrugs. “It’s fine, Taehyun-ah. I don’t really care.” Taehyun stares at him. 

“You do,” he says carefully, “but you’re trying to convince yourself that you don’t so it hurts less. Which, I guess, is a coping mechanism, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Next time you get stressed out, though, come and hang out with us. The girls are getting better at being humans.” 

Seokjin snorts, thankful for the subject change. “What, do you mean that they’re, like, good wolves or something?” 

Taehyun, who is 100% dead-serious, nods. “Yeah.” He shrugs. “You get your teeth sooner, you can walk . . . it’s just easier. Human babies are really floppy and stuff. They’re more fragile than wolf pups.” 

Seokjin hums, turning his attention to Beomgyu. He’s happily walking around, chatting with the little old shopkeeper. Taehyun looks with him and he seems to melt when he does, a smile breaking out across his face. Beomgyu notices and grins. 

“Hyun-ah, come look at these little shoes!” he says excitedly. Taehyun walks over and Seokjin follows him, looking at the little pair of knitted shoes. 

_ I wonder if I’ll ever be doing this, _ he thinks. Namjoon had expressed once that he wanted desperately to become a father at some point in his lifetime, though he’d been rather intoxicated. He’d also said it in a way that was rather melancholy and even hopeless. It was as if he truly believed there was no way he’d become one. Which, back then, wouldn’t make sense. And, Seokjin supposes since they have yet to end their relationship (though Seokjin sees that as a possible future), it still wouldn’t. Even if they did break up (Seokjin hopes they don’t), though, Namjoon would still be able to have kids. 

“Did you want to become a dad?” Seokjin says later as he and Taehyun walk behind Beomgyu. Taehyun looks over. 

“Well, I mean, I’d never really thought about it,” he says, shrugging. “Beomgyu and I . . . both of us thought it was impossible to even have a public relationship. And then I got him pregnant before we went to the Dragon City-”

“That was when we first met, wasn’t it?” Seokjin says. Taehyun nods. 

“Yeah,” he says. “It’s been . . . what, how long has it been since then?” 

“You’re . . . how old are you?” 

“Nineteen.”

“Yeah, so something around two years, right? Huening is nineteen years old now.”

Taehyun looks taken aback. 

“What?” he says. Beomgyu looks over his shoulder and stops walking. 

“What is it?” 

“Huening is nineteen years old!” Taehyun says, waving his arms. Beomgyu mirrors the expression Taehyun wore when he discovered that little tidbit of information, his eyes wide and his mouth agape. 

“You’re nineteen too?!” Beomgyu cries. He points at himself. “I’m twenty?!” He looks at Seokjin. 

“No, Beomgyu,” Seokjin says, “my birthday is in December. I’m still twenty-eight.” 

“When did this happen?” Beomgyu says. Seokjin shrugs. 

“You were pregnant for a long time,” he says. It seems to calm them both down. 

“Oh,” Beomgyu says. He hums. “Well, it’s been . . . my kids were born on April 18th, right?” 

“Yeah. And I knocked you up in July. And it’s August now.”

Seokjin looks at his hands and begins counting the months. “April, May, June, July, August . . . um, that’s five months. So, if the average pregnancy is ten months, then we’ve been here for . . . um, fifteen months? Or, well, you guys have. But it’s been . . . well, Huening’s birthday is in August, and we’re on the second August or whatever. I don’t know. Huening turned eighteen last August and he turned nineteen a few days ago, but Namjoon and Jeongguk and Taehyung and Jimin and I still haven’t had our second birthday since we got here. So, I mean, it hasn’t really been two years since you left, but it feels like that?” 

“Thank you, but let’s never discuss this again because now I don’t think I’ll be thinking straight because I spent all of my intelligence points on this,” Beomgyu says. 

Taehyun scoffs. “Oh, gods, please no,” he says. Beomgyu grins cheekily as he keeps pushing Sarang and Byeol, though the girls are now awake despite the darkness around them. Taehyun races to catch up with him, crashing into Beomgyu and startling a burst of giggles from them both. Seokjin feels a brief flash of panic when the stroller almost rolls away, but Beomgyu reaches out and yanks it back. Taehyun’s got his hands on his hips and he’s dipping Beomgyu, kissing him. 

“Well,” Beomgyu says when Taehyun pulls away, looking dazed, “I can see that nothing’s changed since we had kids.” It’s Taehyun’s turn to smile cheekily as he prances away, Beomgyu watching and still looking dazed. Seokjin snorts as he nudges Beomgyu forward and they keep walking, chatting idly. 

When they get to the barbeque place, they get a pretty big table. Two of the chairs, of course, are replaced by highchairs. They chat as water is brought over and later some banchan, laughing as soju is poured. 

“Angel?” Taehyun says as he gets ready to pour Beomgyu a glass. The Omega shakes his head. 

“No, thanks,” he says. “I don’t want my kids to be alcoholics.” 

“What?” Seokjin says, raising an eyebrow. Beomgyu shrugs. 

“Breast milk is affected by what you drink,” he says, taking a sip of water. “That’s why I want apple juice so much now. It’s instinctive, though I’ve heard of other cravings.” 

“Dr. Yoon told you this?” Seokjin says. Beomgyu hums. Seokjin nods as he eats a piece of radish, chewing slowly. 

“Just so you know,” he says carefully, “if I get drunk, I’m very loose-lipped. So, to save my dignity, it’d be in both mine and your best interest if you found a way to shut me up. Knocking me out would work, just don’t leave any marks. Also, don’t believe a thing I say or just try and keep from listening to me.” 

“Why not just stay sober?” Taehyun says, taking a sip of water. A large platter of meat is brought over. 

Seokjin gestures at his currently-empty glass, then at his (most likely) flushed face. 

“I’m already halfway there,” he says, shrugging and taking a sip of water despite himself. “Might as well, right?” 

“You’re chugging your water,” Taehyun says. Beomgyu’s putting the neatly-cut pieces of beef onto the grill. He’s trying not to be obvious, but Seokjin can tell he’s listening to them. 

“Who are you, the imperial guards come to arrest me for saying one thing and then doing the opposite? No? Then let me make my bad decisions.” Beomgyu snorts then yelps when he almost drops the piece of meat between his chopsticks. Seokjin holds his hand out. “You, sit down and do young people stuff. I can take care of it.” 

“Thanks, ahjussi,” Beomgyu says cheekily. Seokjin shoots him a death glare and picks up a chunk of garlic, pretending to get ready to throw it. Beomgyu laughs and puts his hands up, squealing and closing his eyes. 

“You’d better watch your mouth,” Seokjin grumbles, pretending to be mad. Beomgyu giggles and points at Byeol. 

“It was her, it was her!” he says. He tries to drink some water and then he ends up choking. Taehyun hits his back, looking worried but not as worried as Seokjin would’ve thought when Beomgyu is actively choking. 

“He does stuff like this all the time,” Taehyun says, shrugging. Seokjin snorts and then cackles loudly. 

“Please, don’t elaborate,” he says, pretending to wipe a tear off of his cheek. Beomgyu stops choking and then he punches Taehyun’s arm. 

“Gods, are both you and your brother extreme over-sharers when it comes to what happens in the bedroom?!” he squawks. When he finishes talking, however, they all notice that the rest of the restaurant has gone quiet. 

“Oh my gods,” Beomgyu says, his voice small and quiet. He clears his throat, looking around at the other restaurant-goers. “Please pretend as if you didn’t hear any of that. Thank you.” He bows then turns back to the table. Surprisingly, everyone goes back to their own conversations.

“Wow,” Taehyun says, looking around. “I can’t believe that actually worked.” Beomgyu smiles, lifting his head into the air. 

“What can I say?” he asks, shrugging and holding his hands out. “I’m a very convincing person.” 

Taehyun hums, choosing not to say anything. Seokjin snorts as he cooks their food. Sarang begins to fuss in her chair and Taehyun helps her out while Beomgyu brings a baby bottle out of his bag. He hands it to Taehyun who then uses it to feed Sarang. Byeol makes grabby hands at Beomgyu and Seokjin helps to hand her over to her father. He notices some of the meat is done cooking and he begins serving it, not saying anything. It’s nice though. 

As Seokjin gets drunker, he begins to wish he didn’t have to go back home. They walk out of the restaurant and Seokjin manages to stay upright, though Taehyun isn’t subtle as he attempts to wrap an arm around his waist to help him back. 

“I can walk, I can walk,” he mumbles, tripping over his feet. Taehyun doesn’t believe him at all, but does Seokjin care? Hell no. He’ll walk whether Taehyun thinks he can or not. 

When the reach Seokjin’s house, he ends up clinging onto the young Alpha. 

“No, don’t leave,” he whines. “That house is so sad . . . I don’t wanna go.” 

“Do you want us to walk you in?” Taehyun says softly. Seokjin nods, still leaning on him. Taehyun has to pry himself out of Seokjin’s grasp to pick up a sleeping baby. Beomgyu does the same and together the three of them walk up to the house. Seokjin manages to unlock the door, surprising everyone including himself. He takes his shoes off and then waves goodbye to Taehyun, Beomgyu, Sarang, and Byeol. He shuffles down the hall to the kitchen so he can get a glass of water, but he notices that there’s a candle lit in Namjoon’s study. However, Seokjin isn’t going to be super happy when he wakes up hungover, so it’d be best if he got a glass of water first. 

Once that’s done, Seokjin walks to the study. Namjoon is there, snoring on the desk. Seokjin stares at him. As expected, there’s ink smudged on his face. He reaches out to try and wipe it off but only succeeds in further dirtying Namjoon’s skin. 

_ I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, _ he thinks, unable to stop the train of thought. He swallows hard then steps back, staring at Namjoon. 

_ I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. _

_ Where did you go? Are you coming back soon? I miss you, I love you. What happened to you? I love you and I miss you. Where did you go? Where did we go? Will we return? When? Please come back to me, I miss you. _

The sensation of a tear landing on his foot alerts Seokjin that he’s crying. He reaches up and touches his face, though he makes no movements to wipe the tears away. It’s easier to let them fall, sliding down his cheeks and off of his face and onto the ground. Some land on his feet, others on the floor. Seokjin isn’t paying much attention. 

“Namjoon,” he whispers hoarsely, “what’s happening to us?” He sniffles. “Joonie, my sweet Joonie, you used to tell me everything. Why did you stop? What did I do? Will you do it again? Were -” Seokjin chokes on a sob as he hugs himself, staring at the space between his feet. Even though he’s sleeping, it’s easier than looking at Namjoon. 

“Joonie,” he whispers, “are we truly meant to be?” 

Something inside of Seokjin breaks. He can hear it shatter and he half-expects Namjoon to awaken and take him into his arms, whispering soft reassurances in Seokjin’s ear as he holds him gently. But life is far from the fairytale Seokjin wishes it was, and Namjoon remains asleep. Which is - it’s good, that’s what Seokjin wants. He doesn’t want Namjoon to be awake for this. 

(Except he does. He really, really wants Namjoon to wake up. He wants Namjoon to be sitting there, listening to him and paying attention because he loves Seokjin just as much as Seokjin loves Namjoon. And then he wants Namjoon to get up and hold him and kiss him softly while he apologizes and cries with Seokjin and promises never to leave him again and tells him how much he loves him because of course, they’re meant to be. In what world are they not?)

Sighing, Seokjin shakes his head and blows out the candle. He trudges out of the room and up the stairs, then down the hall and to his bedroom. He changes and gets ready for bed, then climbs under the blankets. The bed is much colder than usual now that it’s without Namjoon’s warmth. Seokjin’s always had trouble sleeping alone. He either tosses and turns for hours and hours without getting a wink of sleep or he has terrible nightmares he’s never able to forget. With Namjoon, nights like those lessened immensely. First of all, Namjoon smells of lavender and rainstorms. It’s a relaxing combination that lulled Seokjin to sleep after a few deep inhales. Second, Namjoon is warm and his snores make his chest rumble. It always makes Seokjin think of some sort of sleeping dragon sitting in his lair, snoozing while happy and content. Namjoon had laughed when Seokjin told him that. 

Sighing, Seokjin rolls onto his back. He reaches out and feels around the bed, finding it just as empty as it was a few seconds ago. Which shouldn’t come as a surprise to him, but it is. Seokjin blames his drunkenness, but even he can admit he’s sobered up a bit. Seeing Namjoon asleep at his desk helped with it. 

Seokjin, in all honesty, isn’t sure if he prefers his somewhat sober state or his drunk state. When he was drunk, his thoughts were either too slow or too fast, not that Seokjin wanted to pursue them in any way. But it blurred all of his memories, made him feel freer. Seokjin, however, likes control. He loves the thrill of being able to pick and choose things. It makes his heart pound excitedly and he always gets a little high off of it. He thinks his obsession with such a thing stems from his childhood trauma, and his evidence to prove it is in Beomgyu and Jimin. Both of them, like Seokjin, are micro-managers with issues when it comes to having things done behind your back or having the control yanked from their fingers. 

_ Namjoon was good at reading my moods, _ Seokjin thinks. He remembers the first time they had sex. It had been in the castle, inside of Seokjin’s bedroom. Namjoon was gentle, asking Seokjin questions with his eyes, kissing him softly. He’d held him in a way that made Seokjin feel as if he was more valuable than all of his possessions. Seokjin remembers running his fingers through Namjoon’s hair as they’d kissed, slowly sinking back into the mattress. Their only source of light had been from the soft silver glow of the moon streaming through Seokjin’s window, a delicate breeze brushing over their heated skin. Seokjin hadn’t ever felt a feeling like he did that night and the morning after. When he’d woken up beside Namjoon, his heart had sung. Seungjae snuck in to warn them of Seokjin’s own nurse coming to wake him up, so Namjoon had hurriedly dressed and kissed Seokjin goodbye before climbing out the window. It’s still one of the best nights of Seokjin’s life. 

Sighing, Seokjin rolls onto his side and stares at the bedroom door. He keeps tricking himself into thinking that he can hear Namjoon’s slowly coming upstairs to join him, but the hallway lights remain off and the house is still bathed in darkness. Seokjin blinks, biting his lip. He just wants Namjoon to come back. 

After what feels like hours of waiting for Namjoon, Seokjin gets up and climbs out of bed. He rubs his eyes as he walks slowly down the hallway, wooden floorboards creaking beneath his feet. He reaches Hoseok’s door and slowly pushes it open, inhaling the comforting scent of butterfly bushes. He can see his brother curled up in bed, fast asleep. Seokjin closes the door behind him with his foot and then stands at the edge of the bed, wondering what to do.

He gives in after a single look over his shoulder. Namjoon isn’t coming and there’s pretty much no possible way for Seokjin to go to sleep without being beside someone. 

_ But what if he wakes up? _ Seokjin thinks. He bites his lip. Hoseok grunts and shifts in bed, rolling around, and then Seokjin notices a familiar head of curls beside him. Hueningkai’s got his arm around Hoseok whose head is tucked under his chin. Seokjin manages to smile weakly as he climbs in, wiggling into the space beside Hueningkai. He closes his eyes and inhales deeply, sighing softly. Hueningkai’s soap smells like flowers and fruits. It makes a pleasant mixture of scents when mixed with the smell of butterfly bushes, kudos to Hoseok. 

“Mm?” Hueningkai murmurs when Seokjin gets under the covers. 

“Go back to sleep, Huening,” Seokjin whispers hoarsely Hueningkai hums and rolls onto his side, cuddling closer to Hoseok. 

“Good night, Jin-Hyungie,” he mumbles. Seokjin hums, closing his eyes. He listens to the steady sound of Hueningkai and Hoseok’s breathing, the little whistle coming from Hoseok when he breathes out of his nose. Seokjin steadies his own breathing, slowly falling asleep. 

He doesn’t have any unpleasant dreams, but Seokjin does wake up once while it’s still dark out. He can’t see anyone else awake and it’s easy to go back to sleep, but, other than that one incident, Seokjin sleeps through the rest of the night pretty peacefully. It’s a relief. He hasn’t slept this in far too long. 

“G’morning, Hyung,” Hueningkai mumbles. Seokjin sits up, looking around and blinking slowly. He rubs his eyes and shakes his head, trying to maybe clean up his bedhead. 

“Morning,” Seokjin says. He gestures at Hoseok. “Is he still sleeping?”

Hueningkai frowns, squinting as he leans over to check. 

“Hyungie,” he whispers loudly into Hoseok’s ear, “are you awake?” 

There’s a grunt and then Hoseok slaps Hueningkai. 

“I am now,” he grumbles. He catches sight of Seokjin and blinks a few times as if he isn’t sure if his older brother is real or not. When he decides that it is, in fact, Seokjin in bed with them, he waves. 

“G’morning, Hyung,” he says sleepily. Seokjin waves back, looking around. 

“Do either of you guys know what time it is?” he asks. Hueningkai shrugs. Hoseok spaces out for a minute, getting a glassy look in his eyes, then he mumbles something. 

“Hm?” 

“Around eight,” he says. He yawns and stretches. “We should go get ready. It’s already pretty late.” Seokjin hums in agreement and Hueningkai nods, but not one of them get up. 

Finally, Seokjin decides to take initiative as the oldest. He swings his legs over the side of the bed and then gets up, stretching and yawning loudly. 

“All right, Hoseok was right and we probably should’ve gotten up earlier,” he says, still trying to wake himself up. “If we don’t hurry, though, I don’t think there’s going to be any time for breakfast.”

Unsurprisingly, that’s what gets everyone out of bed. Seokjin heads back to his room, scratching the side of his face. The door to his and Namjoon’s bedroom is ajar, revealing the bed to be untouched. The sheets look to be the same as when Seokjin left, still messy from his rolling and around and then getting up. Seokjin sighs, shaking his head before grabbing some clothes and heading into the bathroom. 

As per usual, not a word is spoken other than the usual ‘good morning’ between Seokjin and Namjoon. Except for a quiet greeting, the couple remains silent and they barely spare one another a glance. The knot inside of Seokjin’s chest tightens when they do but he ignores it, instead choosing to draw a bath and get in. Namjoon’s hair is wet and his glasses are a little fogged up from bathing before Seokjin came in. 

Namjoon leaves and Seokjin gets out, toweling himself off and then pulling his clothes on. He brushes his teeth and splashes his face a bit, then he runs a comb through his hair before heading out. Seokjin grumbles to himself as he stumbles down the stairs and into the kitchen, hoping to get something for breakfast. Namjoon somehow made tea and Seokjin notices he poured a cup for him. He takes it and bows his head in thanks, then heads to the fridge. There’s bread and probably some sort of preserves if he digs deeper. 

Sighing in annoyance, Seokjin toasts the bread and then comes to sit at the table. Namjoon’s eating the same thing but he’s reading a book as he does so. He looks like a very put-together mess in Seokjin’s opinion. His glasses are straight and his hair is combed but his eyes are tired and sad while the spots under his eyes beg for a decent night of sleep. His eyelids are drooping and there’s a furrow in his brow as he reads. Seokjin instinctively reaches out and smoothes it out with his hand. 

“You’ll get wrinkles,” he says, shrugging when Namjoon looks up from his book and at Seokjin. They stare at each other, both tired and sad and the air is full of far too many questions and Seokjin just wants answers. But he’s not sure if he’s ever going to get them. 

“Thanks,” Namjoon finally says. He puts his book down and picks up his piece of toast, taking a few half-hearted bites. Seokjin nibbles on his own breakfast, eyes darting around until they land on the streets beside the house. Unlike them, it seems as if the rest of Ilsan is already wide-awake and wandering around, greeting each other on the streets. Seokjin sighs and rubs his eyes. 

“How’d you sleep?” Namjoon says as he brings his cup of tea to his lips. Seokjkin shrugs. 

_ It would’ve been a lot better if you had been there, _ he thinks, though the words are shoved deep down his throat before he can even think of saying them. 

“It was fine,” he says. 

“Did you have trouble falling asleep?” 

Seokjin shrugs.

“Yeah,” he says. He shrugs again because he doesn’t know what else to do with himself. The conversation is so awkward. “I went to sleep with Hoseok and Huening, though. It was pretty much smooth sailing from then on out.” 

Namjoon hums, nodding as he takes another bite of toast. He looks out the window. 

“We’re finishing them today,” he says. “The boats. Can you believe it?” 

Seokjin shrugs. “Kind of. Not really, but yeah. I’m glad we don’t have to worry about building them in time to get out of the ports before winter.” Namjoon hums and nods. 

“It was July when you came here,” Namjoon says softly. “You came here last July.” His voice sounds wistful and nostalgic. Seokjin doesn’t blame him for wishing for a time when things were simpler. 

“Yeah.” Seokjin swallows hard and doesn’t look at Namjoon. “I was going to get married.” 

“Yeah. So was Yeonjun.” 

“How many weddings has this gotten in the way of?” Seokjin says, trying for a joking tone. Namjoon looks up and his expression remains stoic. 

“I don’t know,” he says. “Three? There was yours, then we crashed Yeonjun’s, then Jimin crashed Yoongi-Hyung’s. So three?”

Seokjin hums. He opens his mouth to say something as Huenningkai and Hoseok come downstairs. He decides against speaking and instead waves at them. 

“Good morning,” he says. 

“Morning, Hyung,” Hueningkai says. He snaps his fingers and two pieces of toast appear on a plate. Hoseok takes one and comes over to sit down. He might not be trying to be, but he’s pretty obvious as his eyes dart questioningly between Seokjin and Namjoon. Part of Seokjin wants to tell him to stop staring. 

“I’m gonna go and, uh, I’m going to go wait outside,” Namjoon says, standing up. “I’ll - uh, I’ll see you guys.”

“Bye, Hyung,” Hueningkai says. They all stare at Namjoon as he walks out, closing the door behind him. He walks down the path and to the waiting horse-drawn carts. Once he’s gone, Hoseok looks at Seokjin. 

“How did you sleep?” he says quietly. 

Seokjin shrugs, hoping to seem nonchalant. 

“It was fine,” he says. He finishes his tea and shoves the rest of his toast into his mouth in hopes of keeping Hoseok or even Hueningkai from asking any further questions. “Gotta go make lunch,” he says around his mouthful of bread. Seokjin grabs his cup and plate and then dumps them in the sink before grabbing whatever’s already been prepared in the fridge. He shoves it into the picnic basket and then tugs his shoes on as he heads out the door, head bowed. 

Hoseok and Hueningkai come out, joining them in the carts, then they’re off. Seokjin looks out at the surrounding town, biting his lip. He digs his nails into the not-so-delicate skin of his palms, surprising himself when no blood is drawn. Seokjin remembers days where small, reddened, crescent-moon marks decorated his palms from how much he restrained himself. It’s always the worst, though, when he first breaks the skin. There’s always a stinging sensation when his nails come in contact with the flesh beneath his skin, something that seems a bit impossible to recreate. Which, in Seokjin’s opinion, is fine because he hates that feeling. He still has scars on his hands and he’s seen them mirrored on all of his brothers’ hands as well. Yoongi’s, when they reunited back in the Deep Forest, had been fresh and pink, just like the long, thin scar over his left eye. Instinctively, Seokjin reaches up and touches his eye. He knows that it was something Jimin was forced to do by the westerners wandering the forest. He hopes they don’t run into any, though Seokjin knows very well that the action is futile. 

They reach the docks late into the morning. Seokjin and Hueningkai split away from the rest of the group and walk down the docks to the final ship. 

“There’s a hole in the hull,” Hueningkai says dubiously. Seokjin nods. 

“There is.” Hueningkai squeezes his hand as Seokjin closes his eyes and imagines the driftwood around them coming up to join together, forming planks that become part of the ship. When he opens them, it’s just as he’d invisioned. Hueningkai helps him along, copying Seokjin. Whenever the boy does magic, Seokjin ends up letting him rest his weight on him to make sure he doesn’t collapse. Even though he knows Hueningkai is capable of great feats, the fear of him losing control and passing out is deeply ingrained in Seokjin. He’ll never forget how pale and frail he’d been that day. 

Seokjin, however, doesn’t need the extra help to walk, but he thinks the action is cute. He ruffles Hueningkai’s hair as they head up and onto the deck, surveying the damage. Seokjin looks over at the oars and then he feels a rush of magic run through his veins as a pale purple light surrounds the ship. He looks over and sees Hueningkai’s hair flying up around his face as a breeze without any clear origin rushes up and pushes their faces. When the light disappears, the ship is fully repaired. Hueningkai leans on Seokjin and grins at him. His stomach growls and Seokjin punches his arm. He helps put the boy onto his back then he heads down, walking up to where Beomgyu sits. He lets Hueningkai fall softly to the ground before walking off. 

“Wait, Hyung, where are you going?” Hueningkai says. His hair is messy and tangled from the wind. 

“I’m going to go and help load cargo,” Seokjin says. He puts his hands on his hips and looks out at the glittering sea then at the boats and the people working on them. “We have to get out of here before the water freezes over, or else we’ll be waiting until next year to get out.” 

“Yeah, but don’t you think you should rest a little? And maybe you should eat something because we all know a piece of toast isn’t adequate for anyone, especially you?” 

“A piece of toast?!” Beomgyu says, startling Sarang. He hushes her before looking at Seokjin. “You need to eat more, Hyung. You’ll be useless if you don’t. I know you’re the strongest out of all of us, but, even with that, we need you to have some sort of energy to do anything, right?” 

“I’ll be fine,” Seokjin says, rolling his shoulders. 

“Hyukai-ya, give me that baby bottle. I’m going to throw it and then ask him to get it,” Beomgyu says. Seokjin turns around and raises both of his eyebrows. 

“Since when did you start acting like a worried mother hen?” he says as he sits down. He begins to eat one of the pastries. “I thought that was my job.” 

Beomgyu snorts. “To answer the first question, I had kids and now my instincts are every. And, even though the second thing wasn’t a question, you need to take care of yourself. And if that requires someone forcing you to do so, then so be it. But you’re as useful as a salted slug if you don’t.” 

“Never in my life have I been called a quote-unquote ‘salted slug’,” Seokjin says. 

Beomgyu shrugs. “Never in my life have I used the term,” he says, grabbing a grape. He chews it slowly as if he’s judging the taste, then his eyes widen. “These are good,” he says, nudging them toward Seokjin. 

“We have  _ grapes _ ?” Hueningkai says, rolling onto his stomach then pushing himself up. He grabs one of the green berries and shoves it into his mouth, sighing. He makes a big show of it, fluttering his eyes and smiling weirdly. Seokjin and Beomgyu stare at him with varying shades of disgust on their faces. 

“Please don’t,” Seokjin says. He eats another grape. “Some of us are trying to eat.” 

Hueningkai starts laughing then he chokes. Beomgyu and Seokjin don’t pay him any mind as they begin to chat while eating. Hueningkai ends up lying on the ground and laughing, his face still a little red. 

“All right,” Seokjin says, standing up after some time, “I’m going to go. See you.” He walks away before Beomgyu or Hueningkai can stop him, racing over to help. 

It isn’t easy nor is it hard to help load cargo. Mostly, it’s just a bunch of crates of things like preserves, camping supplies (i.e. bedrolls, blankets, waterproof fabric for tents, and then, in separate cases, carefully wrapped firestarters), and food for the animals. Seokjin helps move furniture, though the ship he, Namjoon, Yoongi, Jimin, Jeongguk, Taehyung, Hoseok, Hueningkai, Yeonjun, Soobin, and the Choi-Kangs (Seokjin doesn’t know if they decided on one last name or both) will be staying on is already loaded. The figureheads are being touched-up on and Seokjin can admire how pretty they are, but it’s best to stay focused while lifting heavy objects. It would be a shame if he broke a bone because he dropped a crate of dried fruit onto his toes while distracted. 

Eventually, the day ends. Seokjin is red-faced, panting, and sweaty. He smells awful, but so does everyone else around him. They’re all loaded into the carts to get dressed and changed for a celebratory dinner. Seokjin isn’t sure if he really wants to go. 

Following their little routine, neither Namjoon nor Seokjin speak to one another as they get ready. Seokjin ties his own corset as Namjoon takes a bath, then he pulls his dress on and ruffles the skirts a bit to make sure it’s okay. He combs his hair and does his makeup while Namjoon gets out and dries off, heading into the bedroom to grab a suit. Maybe, if things were different, Seokjin would’ve wolf-whistled or Namjoon would’ve cheered him on and sung his praises. But things are as they are and neither of them has tried to change it. So that’s how it is. 

Namjoon comes back into the bathroom and puts on eyeliner. Seokjin finishes with his earrings and then goes to wait for him downstairs, sitting quietly at the kitchen table. Hueningkai then comes down the stairs, his hair still wet and the buttons of his shirt undone. 

“Hyung, Hoseok-Hyung needs help with his corset,” he says, pointing up the stairs. Seokjin snorts as he follows him to Hoseok’s bedroom, finding his brother looking sheepish. Seokjin sits down behind him and begins to tug on the strings, grumbling. 

“Too tight, too tight!” Hoseok yelps. Seokjin stops and loosens it a bit, looking up. 

“Is that okay?” he says. 

“Yeah.” Hoseok wiggles around a bit then reaches for his dress. Seokjin helps him with the buttons, then moves around to look at it. It fits him well. “Thanks, Hyung.” 

Seokjin nods. Then he frowns, cupping his brother’s face. His lipstick is smudged. Seokjin turns to look at Hueningkai, narrowing his eyes. There’s lipstick on his mouth. 

“All right, clean it off,” Seokjin says. “Your lipstick’s smudged.” 

“Wait, really?” Hoseok reaches up and touches his lips. He pouts. 

“Don’t worry,” Seokjin says, “it’s on Huening too.” 

“Huh.” Hueningkai rubs his own lips then goes to scrutinize Hoseok’s. He nods. “Yeah, it’s pretty smudged.” 

“Whoops,” Hoseok says. Seokjin rolls his eyes and then heads into the bathroom to get something to wipe it off. He finds a wet cloth and then he walks back out, taking Hoseok’s chin into his hands as he gently scrubs the makeup off. He does Hueningkai next. Hoseok goes and re-applies his lipstick, probably checking the rest of his makeup as well. 

“Could you bring a comb in here, Hoseok-ah?” Seokjin calls over his shoulder. 

“‘Kay!” Hoseok comes in and Seokjin takes the comb, running it through Hueningkai’s hair a few times. He sighs and snaps his fingers, drying it and then fluffing the curls a bit. 

“There,” he says, stepping back to admire his handiwork. “All right, let’s get going, yeah?” 

It’s raining heavily when they all finish getting dressed. Seokjin looks out and then at everyone else then back at the storm. He sighs. 

“Here,” Hueningkai says. He waves his hand and a purple forcefield appears above their heads. “Let’s go!” 

They’re not the only ones who use magic. Jimin and Yoongi are walking peacefully under a forcefield, though theirs is smaller than the one above Seokjin’s, Namjoon’s, Hoseok’s, and Hueningkai’s heads. Seokjin yelps when Taehyung and Jeongguk run by, laughing gleefully despite their only protection from the violent downpour being a cloak held up by Jeongguk. Two wolves, both carrying a pup in their mouths, pad by, slowing down to walk beside the rest of the group. 

“Where’re Yeonjun-Hyung and Soobin-Hyung?” Hueningkai yells over the rain, squinting and looking around. Seokjin frowns and squints, looking for them as well. Then, before any of them can blink, a screaming Soobin runs by while carrying an also screaming Yeonjun on his back. Hueningkai begins to cackle and Seokjin shakes his head, snapping his fingers and allowing a forcefield to come over them and dry them off. Soobin doesn’t put Yeonjun down, though, and Seokjin decides some things can’t be fixed.

They get the large building and head inside, drying their feet off on the large woven rug near the door. Seokjin and Namjoon walk beside each other but, unlike practically every other couple in the room, they don’t touch each other. Pretty much every other pair of people in a relationship are linking arms or something, though Taehyun and Beomgyu are carrying Sarang and Byeol. They all go and sit down, chatting idly as they wait for the food to be brought over. Seokjin’s eyes, for some reason, keep darting over to Namjoon. He’s animated as he talks, using his hands as a smile teases at the corners of his lips. Seokjin looks away, biting his lip. He doesn’t want to see how happy Namjoon is while talking to someone who isn’t him. It hurts too much. 

(But if he’d looked for just a few seconds more, maybe he would’ve seen the longing glance sent in Seokjin’s direction. Maybe he would’ve seen how Namjoon looked at him like he was about to lose Seokjin the moment he was forced to look away.)

Dinner is a pleasant affair. Namjoon gets up before everyone begins to eat and proudly thanks everyone for the work done on the boats. He says how happy he is that everyone’s here and how sure he is in their victory. Seokjin sits silently, taking sips from his glass of soju. It’s bitter and burns his throat. Taehyung has a glass of water as does Jeongguk. Neither of them likes bitter things. Seokjin used to, but the alcohol doesn’t hit the same way it used to. He wishes he knew why. 

When dinner finishes, everyone chats for a little while longer. Seokjin wishes they didn’t, but he supposes that’s the way life is. When he finally can leave, he does so without Namjoon. The man’s still talking with other guests and Seokjin is fully capable of walking himself home. He leaves quickly, holding his skirts and walking through the pretty much empty halls. It’s still raining and Seokjin decides against making himself a forcefield to keep from getting wet. 

Holding his skirts, Seokjin fast-walks into the downpour. The rain soaks his dress and skin, smearing his makeup and ruining his hair. Seokjin doesn’t really care. He ends up slowing down and simply trudging through the streets of Ilsan, not caring or maybe even not noticing the mud and dirtied rainwater seeping into his dress. 

When he gets to the door of his house, Seokjin contemplates going in or not. There’s a little awning of sorts keeping him from getting any wetter than he already is, though it’s not like it makes any difference. Seokjin looks out over his shoulder then at the dark house. He sighs, shaking his head at his own antics. The door unlocks with a soft click and Seokjin heads in. He goes upstairs and dries off then changes into some more comfortable clothes. He grabs a cloak sure to keep him from getting very wet and then a pair of waterproof boots. 

As he stands in the doorway, Seokjin asks himself whether or not to write a note. There’s a blank piece of parchment resting on the little table near the door and it wouldn’t be hard if he wanted to write one. He’s sure the action would be appreciated to keep from the others from worrying about him. 

Biting his lip, Seokjin sighs and turns away, slowly walking out of the house and into the rain, leaving no note and no notice about him safely arriving home other than his wet clothes in the laundry room.


	12. Maybe.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe if things were different, Seokjin wouldn't feel this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the good news is that this is finished and published a day early. as for the bad news . . . well, i'll let you figure that out on your own lmao

[_Drama (Remixed Version)_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-F6O2mO_O8) and [_To Each His Own_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ric3yCCe6c)

The forest, for reasons unknown, has always been comforting to Seokjin. And it’s not just Ilsan’s forest. Seokjin simply enjoys being surrounded by trees and the smell of nature. He’s always preferred the forest at night, though, especially after it rains. 

(Seokjin knows it’s because of Namjoon. Before, he’d never paid the smell of the earth after it rained. Now the smell seems to follow him like a shadow, looming over Seokjin’s every move.)

He gets deeper into the forest and the trees grow bigger. They tower over him, creating a sort of canopy above his head. It doesn’t do much to stop the rain, of course, but Seokjin doesn’t mind. He’ll be fine if he gets a little wet, won’t he?

Slowly, he gets to his little spot by the creek. Well, due to the rain, the creek has grown much bigger, but, to Seokjin, it’s still a creek. Of course, part of that is because he doesn’t know what else to call it, but that’s whatever. He doesn’t really care about the little details like that. He’s just . . . he’s just tired. He’s exhausted, actually. Life is draining. 

_ Well, maybe not  _ life _ ,  _ Seokjin thinks as he sits down. His hands itch to take his hood off.  _ Maybe it’s just Namjoon. Maybe I’m just tired of feeling like I’ve lost the greatest thing in my life. Maybe I’m just tired of wandering around in the dark, searching for answers that might never come. Maybe I just want Namjoon to come back. _

Seokjin sighs, putting his head in his hands. The last thought is making his stomach churn. Why should he deserve Namjoon if he doesn’t flow with his changes?

_ But it was so  _ sudden _ ,  _ a self-pitying part bemoans.  _ One day he just started . . . he just got so distant and it wasn’t - and I wasn’t prepared. _

_ But is anyone when it comes to love? _ Seokjin thinks.  _ I wasn’t prepared to fall for Namjoon, but I did anyway. So what is this? Do I really love him? _

_ Of course!  _ is Seokjin’s immediate thought. And, strangely enough, he means it. He means it so much his entire chest aches and he chokes on a sudden sob that jumps at him. He curls in on himself, resting his head on his knees and breathing heavily. His hood fell when he suddenly lurched forward to get into his current position, so the rain falls onto his head. The icy droplets slide down the skin of his neck and under his dress, drawing cold trails down his back. Seokjin pants, closing his eyes and letting the rain run down over his face. His hair was already wet and the rain doesn’t make it any better, but Seokjin doesn’t mind. He’s too tired of caring about everything to pay anything any mind. 

The tears truly begin to pour after several minutes of Seokjin sitting quietly beneath the rain. It slows down as time passes and it isn’t too long before Seokjin finds himself facing his tears. The only rain comes when the wind blows too harshly through the trees, shaking droplets of water out and onto everything else. Seokjin lets it, not bothering to create any sort of shield to protect himself from the rain. He’s sad and he’s tired and he really just wants to sleep. 

Unfortunately, even a request as simple as that is difficult for Seokjin’s emotionally-exhausted brain. He sits, tears still streaming down his cheeks, with his mouth open as loud pants and sobs escape. He licks his lips even though they aren’t dry and blinks a few times. There are pretty raindrops ensnared in his eyelashes, though Seokjin can’t see them very well. It doesn’t help that his eyes are clouded over by a thick layer of seemingly endless tears. He wonders where they come from. 

Seokjin sighs, closing his eyes and swallowing hard. He wonders, in the more conscious and aware part of his mind, if the others have returned home. He hopes that Namjoon doesn’t notice he’s gone. But then he does because it would mean Namjoon had at least noticed  _ something _ about Seokjin. Because these past few months he really hasn’t. And it’s strange because Namjoon was so, so attuned to Seokjin’s emotions and vice versa. It’s so weird and Seokjin just wants to know what happened. He wants to know why they’ve suddenly ended up on these two separate islands when they used to be on the same ground. They were so close. What on earth happened?

Seokjin sobs again. It’s a pathetic thing, really. Everything about him and what he’s doing is pathetic though. Seokjin is soaked to the bone, sitting on top of a moss-covered rock, crying his eyes out. The sounds leaving his mouth are loud, breathy, and weak. Broken would be a good way to describe them. He sounds like he’s grieving and maybe he is. Maybe Seokjin’s grieving the past and everything that’s happened because he doesn’t know what else to do. 

He hates how that sums up practically everything happening right now. Seokjin never knows what to do, he doesn’t know what to do, there’s nothing else to do but cry and cry and cry until he can’t cry anymore. And when that’s true, Seokjin simply sits and breathes heavily, whimpering every so often because he doesn’t want to be forgotten. But the world is running too far ahead and Seokjin feels as if he’s always trying to catch up, yet nothing’s slowing down and no one’s reaching out for him. And, while Seokjin struggles pathetically, the world keeps spinning, taking them all into war. 

Seokjin sniffles loudly and rests his head on his arms. He just wants answers, is it really that much to ask? Seokjin doesn’t think so. He thinks that he deserves an explanation or two to answer the countless questions he’s drowning rather rapidly in. Yet Namjoon and everyone else remains silent, ignoring his desperate pleading. Seokjin really just wants life to make sense, for things to fall into place as easily as they did before. 

It’s really the most frustrating thing. Seokjin hates falling behind and wandering in the dark, trying to find the supposed light at the end of the tunnel. What’s worse is that he doesn’t even know if there actually  _ is _ one and he’s simply praying that whatever he’s told is true. He prays that Namjoon’s promises that they’ll get through this together are true, that everything will make sense, and that life gets easier. Because he really, really needs it to. Just a sign like some sort of fairy coming to talk to him and promise him or maybe his mother’s ghost. 

The thought makes Seokjin laugh out loud at himself. A ghost? Really? How old is Seokjin, five? Is he still the little boy who hid beneath the covers and hoped for the mother he’ll never have to come? Kim Eun-Jung died practically twenty-nine years ago; there’s no way she’d return. Seokjin knows what he was told when he asked. His mother died of an incurable illness. The doctors tried their hardest to save her, they really did. 

Seokjin, however, knows the truth. His mother was far smarter than she ever let on. The diary tucked behind a brick in Seokjin’s room was proof of that. Just as the hurried writing about Seokjin’s father was proof of what Dong-Hyeok did to his first wife. 

Seokjin knows his mother was murdered. Really, it’s a bit obvious and a little shameful how messily Seokjin’s father covered up any traces of evidence. Seokjin honestly doesn’t care. His father murdered his mother for reasons unclear to even Eun-Jung herself, but Seokjin can’t say he cares that much about it. It happened a long time ago. There’s no point in ever investigating it, right?

(Of course, Seokjin’s not saying he isn’t curious. He’s just saying that they’ll never really find out unless they ask Dong-Hyeok himself and Seokjin doubts he'll answer such questions. Seokjin’s hunch is that he did it to get her out of the way to bring Yoongi’s mother into the picture. He does find it strange that all of his spouses died very early.)

He sighs again. 

_ There will be no signs, Jin, _ he scolds himself.  _ Grow up. _

A whiny part of him wants to argue and scream about how he’s been forced to grow up far too fast and that he deserves time to be a child again. 

Seokjin stops crying. He closes his eyes, feeling totally and utterly drained by life and everything included in that topic. He just wants things to make sense again, is it  _ really _ too much to ask? Everyone else seems to be fine. No one seems to be floundering desperately for help, suffering in silence as the rest of the world races ahead. 

_ But that’s how it is, isn’t it? _ Seokjin asks himself. He’s a little delirious, he can admit that.  _ Everyone else always seems to have everything under control when, in reality, they’re probably just as lost as I am. We all show the world the sides of us that we want it to see, don’t we? _

Another sigh and Seokjin sits up, putting his head in his hands. He rubs his eyes, shaking his head. 

_ Namjoon really has rubbed off on me, hasn’t he? _ he thinks tiredly. Seokjin sighs again, looking around. The sky is still dark and he’s guessing he’s been here for a little more than an hour. No one has come looking for him and Seokjin’s sobered up enough to know he should probably go back. But he wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t want to go back to a house of sadness. If not for Hoseok and Hueningkai, Seokjin and Namjoon probably wouldn’t be sleeping in the same room. There would be no words exchanged and a heavy silence would hang over the building as they ignored each other and pretended it was normal. 

_ We’re really grasping at straws, aren’t we? _ he thinks He puts his head in his hands and a sudden sob rips through his body. Seokjin hugs himself as he snivels and cries, shutting his eyes as tears roll down his cheeks and onto the forest floor. 

Eventually, Seokjin manages to cry himself to sleep. He slides off of his rock and curls up beside it, bringing his knees to his chest and holding them there with his arms. He pulls his hood back on as a makeshift sort of cushion, then he leans his head against the rock. His eyes fall shut as he focuses on steadying his breathing while tears stream down his cheeks. They’re salty when they get on his lips. 

“Jin-Hyung! There you are!” Seokjin yelps as he’s shaken awake, his eyes wide with fear. Jeongguk is holding a torch in his hand and he’s got his hair tied up, his sword strapped to his side. 

“What’s going on?” Seokjin says. 

“No one knew where you were,” Jeongguk says. He offers a hand to Seokjin. “Namjoon-Hyung sent search parties out for you.” Seokjin frowns, craning his neck and looking around. The sun’s rising. 

Seokjin stands up without help. 

“Shit,” he says, stumbling a bit as he’s still a little disoriented. “Shit, shit, shit.” 

“What is it?” Jeongguk says, worry creeping into his tone. Seokjin ignores him as he begins to make his way out of the forest, holding his arms out for balance. “Hyung, what is it?” 

Seokjin ignores him. He has to get back because he just wants to get this stupid, inescable fight with Namjoon out of the way. There’s no possible timeline where they don’t end up screaming at each other because of Seokjin needing time alone and then scaring Namjoon into thinking something bad happened. He groans, walking quickly through the forest. 

He gets out and sees crowds of people that all attempt to grab his attention to take him back. Seokjin ignores them and he ends up breaking into a run, up the path and to the house. The door is unlocked and he heads inside, quietly taking his shoes off and hanging his soaking cloak up on one of the hooks. 

“Where were you?” Namjoon says from behind him. Seokjin turns around. 

“I was in the woods,” he says, though it sounds more like he’s snapping. He ignores how tired and distressed Namjoon looks. Besides, the anger that sharpens his features is louder than all of that. “I fell asleep, Namjoon. It’s not like anyone came to kidnap me or anything. You can call the stupid search parties off.” 

_ Why weren’t you looking for me? _

“Why didn’t you write a note?” Namjoon says. Seokjin scowls as he goes to head up the stairs. 

“Are Hoseok and Hueningkai here?” he says instead of answering. 

“Yeah. Seokjin-”

“Let me get changed, okay? I’m gonna get sick.” Without waiting for any further words from Namjoon, Seokjin stomps up the stairs and into his bedroom. He slams the door behind him and tugs his sopping-wet clothes off, chucking them at the ground as he dries off and gets changed. He’s assuming Hoseok and Hueningkai are in one of their rooms so it’s best to keep the arguing to Namjoon’s study. 

“Okay, what is it?” Seokjin says as he gets downstairs. His voice is a low and angry hiss as he attempts to usher Namjoon into his study. However, much to Seokjin’s frustration, the man remains still and stubborn, his feet planted. 

“Why didn’t you write a note?” Namjoon says. “There’s parchment right by the door. It’s not like it requires a huge amount of effort.” 

Seokjin rolls his eyes. 

“Can we take this somewhere else?” he says through gritted teeth. “I don’t want the others to hear us screaming at each other.” 

“What are you hiding from me, Seokjin?” Namjoon says. He seems to loom over Seokjin, his brown eyes harsh and angry and sad and worried all at the same time. Seokjin, who’s afraid of breaking down, shoves Namjoon back. 

“What are  _ you _ hiding?” he demands. He knows he’s hit a tough subject when Namjoon looks away. “Gods, Namjoon, what the hell is going on with you?! You’re not telling me anything, you’re ignoring me, you’re acting like this is something only you can do! I want to help you, for the sake of the gods, let me help!” 

“I’m not hiding anything!” Namjoon cries. He’s a terrible liar. “Seokjin-”

“There!” Seokjin cries, jabbing a finger at him. “You’re only ever calling me ‘Seokjin’! You never call me Seokjin! You didn’t even when we weren’t in a relationship!” 

Namjoon tenses, then he storms upstairs. Seokjin chases after him and they end up in the bedroom. Seokjin slams the door. 

“What’s going on, Namjoon?” he yells. He might as well have left the door open. “What happened? What is so terrible that you can’t tell me?!” 

“Nothing! Nothing happened!” Namjoon says, waving his arms. 

Seokjin scoffs, rolling his eyes and fighting his tears. “Namjoon,” he says quietly, “you can tell me anything. You know I don’t care. I don’t care if you’ve had an affair, if you don’t love me - gods, Namjoon, just fucking talk to me!” 

“Oh, don’t bring up that bullshit!” Namjoon spits. “You’re one to talk when it comes to healthy communication skills!” 

“As if you can?!” Seokjin wipes his eyes. He won’t cry, he’s not going to cry, not now, not now - “Don’t act all high and mighty! You’re just as bad as I am! Hell, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation if you would just  _ talk _ to me!” 

“There’s nothing to talk about!” 

Seokjin laughs loudly. It’s a hollow sound. “You are one terrible liar, Kim Namjoon,” he sneers. 

“Oh, so now you don’t even trust me?” 

Seokjin rolls his eyes. “You know that’s not true,” he says, praying Namjoon really does know. “However, I’ve known you long enough to pick out when you’re lying. That and you really  _ are _ a terrible liar.”

“Am I?” Namjoon says, arching an eyebrow. He’s getting defensive, quickly building up walls to match Seokjin’s. He laughs and kicks at the ground. “Seokjin, part of my entire  _ job _ is lying.”

Seokjin rolls his eyes. “Great for you. I don’t care, I know what your job is. Just - gods, Namjoon, what’s  _ wrong _ ? Why are you pushing me away?” 

“I’m - I’m not pushing you away!” Namjoon says though he continues to  refuse to meet Seokjin’s eyes. His stutter betrays him. 

“Yes, yes, you are,” Seokjin says. He takes a few tentative steps toward Namjoon and reaches out to touch his face. His hand, however, stops mid-way and retreats back to his side. “Namjoon,” he whispers, “ _ talk _ to me.” He steps forward a bit more and then cups Namjoon’s face, though his hands are unable to stop shaking. “I know it seems as if the entire world is against you, but please, just - I won’t hurt you. Don’t you remember? You have proof of my promises on your hand, in your memory, in my words, in  _ me _ \- please, Namjoon.” 

“Seokjin, there’s nothing to tell,” Namjoon says again. It feels like a slap to the face as he steps away and refuses to meet Seokjin’s eyes. “You have to  _ trust _ me. Please, Seokjin-”

“I’m trying - Namjoon, stop lying!” Seokjin cries, his anger re-igniting itself. “Stop lying to me, for the sake of the gods! For  _ us _ ! Don’t you care? At least give me some sort of explanation as to why you’re hiding things from me! I can’t - gods, Namjoon, I can’t keep going like this! It feels like you’re always skirting around me if you aren’t pushing me away! Just - it was like you suddenly - gods, Namjoonie, please, please-”

_ Do you love me? _

“I think we need a break,” Namjoon says. He’s doing that stupid, stupid thing where he avoids Seokjin’s eyes like the plague. Seokjin’s stomach twists and he thinks he hears a gasp. It may or may not be his own, but he’s not totally sure. 

“What?” he says, his throat dry and his tongue a heavy, useless lump of flesh in his mouth. He stares at Namjoon with wide eyes, silently pleading with him to just  _ fucking look at him because it can’t be that painful _ . 

“I think we - as a couple, I think we should . . . that we should take a break from being a couple. It-” Namjoon swallows hard, sighing heavily “-we need a break from one another. It - we’re both struggling in this relationship and I think-”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Seokjin says, his voice cracking. It’s so quiet it can’t even be qualified as a whisper. “Because I swear to the gods, Kim Namjoon, there is too much - there are too many answers I need for you to leave me like that.” 

Namjoon finally, finally looks up at him, but he still doesn’t meet Seokjin’s eyes. Instead of offering Seokjin something as simple as eye contact, his eyes dart to his hands as he twists the ring on his finger. He seems to notice because Seokjin’s own eyes are trained on the movement. Namjoon stops, but his fingers twitch every so often. 

“No,” Namjoon says, but, for some reason, it sounds like a lie to Seokjin. “No, I’m not breaking up with you. I - I’m just saying it might be better-” 

“-If we were to stop being a couple for some unknown amount of time,” Seokjin says. The words are bitter and foreign in his mouth. He doesn’t like them as he swallows and wipes his eyes with his forearm. Maybe Namjoon would’ve wiped them away if things were different. Seokjin bites his lip. 

“Namjoon,” he says quietly, “do you love me?” 

Namjoon stares at him, but he doesn’t seem as baffled by the question as Seokjin envisioned him to be. Instead, his eyes look sad and hurt as he walks forward and cups Seokjin’s face in his hands, pressing a soft kiss to the older’s forehead. 

“Always,” he says softly. His voice is shaking and cracking. “I love you more than life itself.”

“Then why?” Namjoon pulls away and brushes a strand of hair away from Seokjin’s face. His eyes sparkle, full of tears that reflect the light and shine with little stars. 

“Because you’re my entire world,” Namjoon says softly. “My sun, my moon, and my stars - and even more than that. You’re my galaxy, my universe - gods, Seokjin, I love you so much it physically pains me to say these things.”

“Then  _ talk _ to me,” Seokjin begs. “Talk to me, Joonie. Please, I-”

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon says. He shakes his head and steps away. Seokjin’s hands fall to his sides as Namjoon looks away. “It’s for the best, love.” 

Seokjin hugs himself and stares at the ground. 

_ You know it’s not, _ he thinks bitterly as he sighs and sits down. 

“Fine,” he says. “I’m too tired of fighting with you. Just - just go. I’m too tired. If you’re not going to talk to me then leave me alone.” 

Namjoon retreats like a wounded animal. Seokjin sits on the bed and puts his head in his hands, sobbing loudly after Namjoon leaves. His chest heaves and he shakes like a leaf in the wind, tears rolling down his cheeks. 

“Hyung?” a soft voice says. Seokjin only cries louder. The door creaks when it’s opened and Seokjin knows Hoseok and Hueningkai are standing in the bedroom, staring at the man. 

“How much did you hear?” Seokjin says. His voice is thick with tears and snot. 

When he receives no answer other than silence, Seokjin looks up and wipes his eyes with his forearm. 

“All of it, then?” he says. They both nod and Seokjin sighs, putting his head back in his hands. 

“I’m sorry.” His voice is cracking on every word. 

“It’s okay,” Hoseok says. Seokjin doesn’t look up as the bed dips beside him and his brother rests a hand on his back. However, he breaks yet again and curls into Hoseok’s embrace, crying loudly. It’s as if he and Namjoon broke up. 

Eventually, Seokjin does get himself together. He’s rather surprised by it as he stands up and heads to the bathroom, Hoseok trailing after him worriedly. He splashes his face with water and tries to get rid of the ugly swelling in his face. His eyes are, as expected, red-rimmed and puffy, the veins prominent. There are still stubborn tear stains on his cheeks and his lips are swelling from being bitten so much. Seokjin sighs. 

“Do you want to go get something to eat?” Hoseok says softly. “We’ll be headed for the docks soon to help load cargo, but we’ll be going back early to start packing.” Seokjin nods. 

“How do you already know this?” he says. Hoseok shrugs. 

“I asked around,” he says. “Also I did some guesswork. Do you want me to help you pack?” Seokjin shakes his head as he dries his face off. 

“No,” he says, “I’ll be fine. How much do you think we should bring?” 

“As much underwear as possible,” Hoseok says, “then a few pairs of pants, some shirts, several cloaks, and then multiple pairs of shoes. Oh, and we can’t forget socks.” Seokjin nods and sighs. 

“Gods, this - I already feel exhausted,” he says. Thankfully, Hoseok doesn’t bring Namjoon up. Or the fight, but that’s a given. 

“You’ll feel better if you eat something,” Hoseok says gently as he guides Seokjin out of the room. It shouldn’t be needed but Seokjin feels a bit as if he’s going to collapse or begin to bawl the moment his thin defenses are brushed. So yes, it is needed. 

When they get downstairs, Hueningkai is sitting at the table and eating more toast. He nudges a plate toward Seokjin and then gets up to pour them all some tea. Seokjin nibbles on the piece of bread and picks a slice of apple from his plate. The bread tastes like sandpaper and Seokjin shoves the piece of fruit in to add some sort of flavor. It doesn’t do anything. 

“Hyung?” Hueningkai says. “Can I show you something?” 

Seokjin swallows and tries for a smile. It feels like it’s more of a wince. “Sure,” he says. 

Hueningkai holds his hand out and a small flower blooms in his palm. Seokjin smiles at him, his expression softening. 

“It’s pretty, Ning-ah,” he says, reaching over the table to ruffle the boy’s hair. It’s still tangled and it has yet to be combed. “You should brush your hair, though.” 

Hueningkai giggles. He turns to Hoseok and tucks the flower behind his ear, then grins cheekily at Seokjin. 

“Nah,” he says. He eats another bite of toast. There’s a golden layer of honey on it. “It’ll get messed up again anyway.”

“ _ It’ll get messed up anyway, _ ” Seokjin mocks. He looks up from his toast. “Why feed you if you’re gonna die anyway, you little shit?” Hueningkai pretends to be offended for less than a second before failing miserably and bursting into laughter. Seokjin shakes his head as he keeps eating, stopping when Namjoon comes down. 

“Good morning,” Namjoon says, avoiding Seokjin’s eyes. 

“Good morning,” Hoseok says. 

“Morning, Hyung,” Hueningkai says. Seokjin looks at Namjoon and then looks away as the other man looks up. 

“Good morning,” Seokjin says hoarsely. He stares at the tea in his cup then at the piece of toast on his plate. Gingerly, Seokjin reaches for another slice of fruit and he takes a few tentative bites, chewing slowly to keep himself distracted. 

When breakfast is finished, they all head out and go down to the docks. Seokjin sits as far away from Namjoon as he possibly can, squishing himself into a corner. Taehyung and Jeongguk are cuddling but they come to an abrupt halt when Seokjin sits beside them. 

“Hyung?” Taehyung says, frowning and sniffing the air. “Are you okay?” 

Seokjin scoffs and shakes his head, waving away his brother’s concerns. 

“Of course!” he says. Namjoon looks over at him, arching a surprised eyebrow. Seokjin looks away. 

“You’re scent’s off,” Jeongguk says, nose scrunched up. Seokjin waves his hands and laughs awkwardly. Everyone else in the cart has gone silent. 

“It - it’s nothing!” he says. 

“Jeongguk-ah,” Yoongi says, “it’s nothing. Also, why are you headed to the docks?” 

Jeongguk shrugs, kissing the top of Taehyung’s head. Seokjin shoots Yoongi a grateful look. 

“Much to my relief and surprise, we’ve made some rather astounding progress in the past few months,” he says. 

“You think they’re ready?” 

“Almost,” Jimin says. He looks around and shrugs. “We all agreed that we’d need as much help as we could get to load the ships. There’s still plenty of cargo and furniture that needs to be moved. We also want to make sure they’re all packed. We’re dividing up to cover more ground, aren’t we?” Jimin says, leaning out to look at Namjoon. 

“Hm? Oh, yeah,” Namjoon says, nodding. Seokjin looks away. It’s too hard to look at him directly right now. 

“What’s our game plan from there?” Jeongguk says. Namjoon is silent for a few moments before he realizes he’s being spoken to. Then he looks over. 

“What?” he says. Gods, he’s really spacey, isn’t he?

Seokjin hates the part of him that feels a burst of triumph. 

“What are our plans when we land?” Jeongguk says. Namjoon waves his hand. 

“We’ll unload all of our essentials before heading toward the nearest fortress,” Namjoon says. “Whoever’s taking care of the other side - I’ll decide at the council - will be leading their group of ships down south or something. So the capital will be cornered-ish. But we’ll probably rest for the first night and then attack the nearest fortress to send a message to the emperor.” 

“Okay,” someone says. But Seokjin’s too spaced out to notice because Namjoon looks so blank and empty right now. Maybe if they weren’t on a break and if it didn’t feel as if their relationship was falling apart right before Seokjin’s eyes, he would’ve crawled over and cuddled him until he smiled. 

(But things aren’t different. And they’re on a break and their relationship is falling apart and everything hurts and Seokjin really wants to cry but he can’t stand the thought of humiliating himself in front of all of these people because he can’t keep it together for more than an hour.)

They get to the docks and almost immediately are handed large crates to help carry. Seokjin appreciates the distraction, though. He doesn’t have to look at Namjoon as he walks over to the main ship and begins discussing plans with a bunch of older adults. Seokjin stops Soobin as he’s walking by. 

“Why aren’t you up there?” he says, frowning as he wipes sweat off of his brow. He points to where Namjoon is. 

Soobin shrugs. 

“I’m of more help here,” he says. Seokjin’s frown deepens as he takes the crate Soobin’s carrying and stacks it on top of his own. He grabs the boy by the arm and tugs him off of the ship and then down the port until they reach the boat Namjoon’s on. Seokjin herds him up and shoulders his way through the other people swarming the table, Soobin trailing along behind him. 

“He should be here too,” Seokjin says gruffly when he arrives at the table. He tugs Soobin forward. “He’s your emperor-to-be. Let him do his job.” 

Namjoon studies him with guarded eyes. Seokjin forces himself to meet his eyes as he juts his chin out and raises a challenging eyebrow. Namjoon is the first to look away and Seokjin takes that as his cue to leave. He pushes past the other people without another word and he doesn’t look back. Honestly, though, he doesn’t really want to. 

During lunch, both Seokjin and Namjoon are silent. They’re really bad at this break thing, aren’t they? They’ve been acting the same as usual. But, for some reason, Namjoon doing that break thing or whatever makes it hurt more. It’s the sheer officialness of it that makes it hurt. Which doesn’t really make sense, but feelings and emotions, love especially, hardly ever do. 

Later that day, Seokjin pulls Jimin aside and asks him to explain what it means when two people in a relationship take a ‘break’. 

“I thought you and Namjoon were already on one?” he says, thankfully whispering. 

“Well,” Seokjin says, scratching the back of his neck, “we weren’t. Or maybe we were but it just hadn’t been made official yet. I don’t know. Just - could you please explain this to me? You’ve been in relationships before, haven’t you?” 

Jimin nods slowly. “Yeah,” he says. “What makes you think I’ve had a relationship where we went on a ‘break’, though?” Seokjin raises an eyebrow. 

“Jimin, please,” he says.

“What?” 

“Just help me. I don’t know! Jeongguk is like a socially awkward potato, that’s why! I don’t know! You just seemed like the best - why are you laughing?” 

Jimin snorts, covering his mouth with his hand. 

“It’s nothing, it’s nothing,” he says. “Just - I’ve never heard anyone call Jeongguk a ‘socially awkward potato’ before.” 

“I mean . . .” Seokjin says, grimacing, “he kind of is. I don’t mean it in, like - I don’t mean to insult him, I just didn’t know any better way to describe it.” 

Jimin shrugs. “It’s true,” he says. 

“So, will you explain it to me?” Seokjin says. Jimin, helpful as ever, shrugs again. 

“Well,” he says, drawing the word out, “when I was on breaks, I usually went out and hooked up with other people.” He notices Seokjin’s expression and shrugs again. “Look, Hyung - it’s usually ‘cause you’re both stressed out and no amount of sex with your significant other is gonna help that. Unwinding with someone else is nice and all and it gives you a chance to think about things. But, um, uh - some people still call that cheating. I don’t think Joon-Hyung would, but - um, it’s just - it isn’t for everybody. But really it’s . . . I dunno. Just act like you aren’t in a relationship, I guess?” 

“So we basically act the same way as before?” Seokjin says, raising an eyebrow. Jimin shrugs. 

“I mean, yeah, I guess. Just . . . I mean, with you guys, no offense, but maybe you . . . shouldn’t talk to each other? Like, at all?” 

Seokjin shrugs. “It’s both offensive and true,” he says. He sighs heavily and runs a hand through his hair. “I mean, it’s not like I don’t know there’s something very obviously wrong with our relationship. It’s not subtle.” 

Jimin stares at him. He’s studying him in a similar fashion to Namjoon, but it’s less stoic and more pitying. Seokjin can’t hold his stare for long, though, just like with Namjoon. 

“You don’t like it,” he says. 

Seokjin shrugs, beginning to pick at his nails to keep his eyes away from Jimin’s own. 

“Well, duh,” he says. “Why would I? Should I like being on a break?” 

Jimin shrugs in return. “I mean,” he pauses, pouting as he thinks about what to say, “depending on the person, I guess you could. But you’re more of a relationships guy, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean, I’m not. I just . . . well, if viewed a certain way, you could be happy with it, but it’s more like you’re seeing it for what it is.” 

Seokjin laughs bitterly as he draws blood from his nail scratching his skin too hard. 

“Is there some other way to look at it?” he says. He sighs and his shoulders slump. “I mean, we’re on a break because we’re emotionally constipated or whatever and neither of us know how to solve our problems. And, chances are, things aren’t going to be okay for a long time, even after this stupid break.”

The words ‘if ever’ hang heavily between them. Seokjin doesn’t like it at all. 

“You could look at it as a way to make things better,” Jimin says, though he winces almost immediately after the words escape from between his lips. “Sorry,” he says, “that was super insensitive.” 

Seokjin shrugs. “I mean, it’s fine, it was fine. I don’t really care. I’m - I know - yeah. It’s whatever.” 

“Are you okay, Hyung?” he says. “Like, wait - I mean, you’re probably not, but will you be? Okay, I mean.” 

Seokjin purses his lips. Well, Jimin was right about him not being okay right now, but will he be later? After he and Namjoon make up, sure, but will he be at all before that? Is there any way for that to happen?

_ No, _ whispers the little voice in the back of his head.  _ No, you won’t be okay because Namjoon promised you’d make it out and he can’t break his promise because you love him more than anything in the world and what’s the point if you don’t make it? _

“I don’t know,” Seokjin says weakly. He swallows down a sob and wipes his eyes though he doesn’t find any tears. But there’s still a pricking sensation signaling at him to get ready for them to come because the dam’s a few seconds away from breaking and spilling all over the place. “I really don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.” Jimin walks over and hugs him, tucking his face into the crook of Seokjin’s neck. 

“I’m here, we’re all here, Hyung,” he says soothingly. Seokjin begins to cry, knees wobbling as he suddenly flops and Jimin catches him. He helps Seokjin sit down but they’re still hugging each other. Jimin gives good hugs. 

(So does Namjoon. Namjoon’s hugs are the best in the entire world. He smells so nice and comforting and he’s so warm and he makes Seokjin feel small but not in a bad way. It’s as if Seokjin is treasured and fragile and precious and Namjoon will do anything to protect him.)

“Jimin-ah,” Seokjin whispers hoarsely, “please take care of my brother. Please, please, please succeed where I could not.” 

“What?” Jimin says. He pulls away and stares at Seokjin. His eyes are sad and shocked. 

“Please,” Seokjin begs. Jimin clicks his tongue, shaking his head and wiping Seokjin’s tears away. 

“Oh, Hyung,” he says softly, “you haven’t failed. Gi is so happy - you guys have such a good relationship because you talked to each other and I’m - we’re all so proud of you for overcoming so much. You saw what you were doing wrong and you’ve worked so hard to overcome it and he loves you so much. Hyung, we all love you so much. Just because you have yet to see yourself succeed with your main goal doesn’t mean you’ve failed.” 

“Jimin-ah, promise me to take care of him no matter what happens, all right? Through thick and thin, promise me you’ll be there for him. He can’t - I can’t - just promise me, okay?” Seokjin lifts his hand and his pinky pops out. Jimin links their fingers together and smiles softly at Seokjin, still wiping his tears away. 

“Oh, Hyung,” he says. 

Seokjin sniffles and then he stands up, wiping his eyes away. He smiles at Jimin and, for the first time in a long while, it doesn’t feel fake. 

“Thank you,” he says, his voice hoarse from crying. Jimin’s smile broadens as he stands up and hugs Seokjin. 

“Hyung, thank  _ you _ ,” he says. “You’re so strong, Hyung - you’ve been through so much and we’re all so proud of you for continuing to be happy. You’re so, so strong, you don’t even see it but you really are. And you’ve touched so many lives and you’ve made so many people happy and we all want you to be happy. It’s okay to sit out to find something for yourself though, okay? There’s no need to fight everyone else’s battles and leave your own unattended. There’s really no point in fighting everyone else’s battles just to leave your own untouched, okay? Make sure you’re happy before helping others, all right? It’s like the advice you gave Soobin and me and Jeongguk and Namjoon-Hyung and Yoongi-Hyung and probably everyone else. It’s the best advice I’ve ever gotten, you know? But you should listen to yourself too, okay? Do you promise to try?” 

Seokjin sniffles and wipes his eyes. 

“Okay,” he says. Jimin grins at him, his eyes turning to crescents. 

“Okay!” he chirps. He links their arms together and they walk off to join the rest of the group. They’re having an actual picnic and Seokjin laughs as he and Jimin are welcomed back. It’s nice. Life is good. 

Seokjin really wishes he could stay optimistic. Alas, no such thing is possible, even for people like Hoseok and Jimin and Beomgyu. Seokjin, however, wilts the moment he gets home and has to start packing. He stares at the empty trunk and then looks to the closet before sitting down on the ground and bringing his knees to his chest. He rests his chin on top of them and stares longingly at the door, hoping for  _ someone _ to come in. He doesn’t care who, he just wants someone. If there’s anything Seokjin hates, it’s being alone with his thoughts. As if it isn’t bad enough, he’s far too aware of the fact that an escape is a few doors down, though it’s deaf to Seokjin’s struggling. He’s not even sure he could call it struggling, though, what with how he’d so easily let it overcome him. 

(He started to act like that after his thirteenth birthday. His father kept coming, kept attacking and leaving Seokjin wherever he’d been cornered. He cursed his own life every day and his father  _ knew _ . He kept the blades and the poisons and all of the other dangerous things far from Seokjin. Someone always trailed after him to make sure the emperor’s favorite son had no escape.)

Seokjin shuts his eyes and tries to push the memories back to the darkness that lurks in the back of his psyche. He doesn’t want to go there, he doesn’t want to go there. It’s sickening to be drowned slowly beneath the icy currents of his own thoughts as they rush in, dragging him away from his small island of peace. Gods, Seokjin just wants to be okay. Is it really that much to ask?

Seokjin rocks in place, his eyes welling up with tears that he quickly attempts to blink away. They’re stubborn, though, and many end up escaping, trailing shining paths down the soft skin of his cheeks. Seokjin shakes and bites back a sob that threatens to bubble up and out of his throat. He shuts his eyes tight and prays for it all to end. 

At some point, Hoseok comes into the room. He gently helps Seokjin to his feet and then begins to pack for him, folding clothes and holding a lengthy and rather one-sided conversation the entire time he does so. Seokjin remains in his knees-to-chest position, lips bitten red and his eyes ruddy with tears. He sniffles every so often but makes no other noises besides a few stray hums of acknowledgment to show some sort of appreciation for Hoseok’s persistent efforts to cheer him up. 

“Ready for dinner, Hyung?” Hoseok says after he packs quite a few things into the trunk. Seokjin nods weakly and takes the hand offered to him. Hoseok tugs him to his feet and then walks down the hall, dragging Seokjin behind. Hueningkai joins him and begins chatting with Hoseok, quick to make up for Seokjin’s silence. But both of them turn to him and include him even though Seokjin hasn’t said a single word the entire time. It makes a smile tease the corners of his lips, but Seokjin’s stoic expression is otherwise untouched. 

They get downstairs and the house is already full. Seokjin can see everyone but Namjoon there, all of them talking with each other happily. The room is full of laughter and happy chatter, with everyone grinning and giggling and teasing one another. It makes Seokjin crack a tiny, tiny smile, but it’s a smile. He can see how Hoseok’s eyes seem to light up even more when he notices before he tugs Seokjin into the living room. No one’s cooking but Yeonjun claims he can, though Seokjin and Yoongi share a knowing look as they quietly plan to cook dinner together. 

However, much to everyone’s surprise, Yeonjun pulls through. It’s nothing crazy, just some fried rice and warmed-up leftovers, but it’s edible and Seokjin supposes that’s better than nothing. His kitchen is still intact, which is nice. 

Halfway through dinner, the door bangs open and Namjoon enters. Everyone stops eating as he slowly walks in, going straight past the dining room and into his study. 

“Hyung-” Soobin tries. 

“Not now,” Namjoon grumbles. It’s raining outside. He slams the door when he gets to his study. Seokjin smiles warmly at his guests, though he knows they’re all well-aware of how fake it is. 

“I’ll go talk to him,” he says, standing up. “Don’t wait, all right? It’s fine.” Seokjin takes his own advice and he doesn’t wait for anyone as he strides down the hall. Maybe he and Namjoon are on a break, but if Namjoon’s going to be an asshole to Soobin for trying to help him, then Seokjin isn’t going to stand for it. 

[ _ when the party’s over _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6WNdcZpDhQ)

He opens the door and Namjoon doesn’t even look up. Seokjin closes the door with his foot. He can at least try to keep some sort of calm before the storm. 

“What’s up with you?” he demands, crossing his arms over his chest and jutting his hip out. Namjoon looks up. His eyes are stormy and dangerous. 

“What are you doing here, Seokjin?” he says. His patience is worn thin.

“Look, I know  _ we’re _ arguing, but there’s no need to be a total asshole to  _ Soobin _ of all people. If you’re gonna be a pissy little bitch then at least leave those innocent out of it!” 

“I’m not being a pissy little bitch!” Namjoon snaps. He stands up and sweeps his papers off of his desk before Seokjin can read them. He does, however, catch a glimpse of his own name. 

Seokjin scoffs and rolls his eyes. “You’re a fucking  _ liar _ , Kim Namjoon,” he hisses. “You  _ know _ you’re being an asshole. You know! So what the hell are you doing behind my back?” 

Namjoon groans. “Oh my gods, we’ve talked about this! Nothing! I’m not doing anything, you’re just paranoid!” 

“Uh-huh,” Seokjin says. He scoffs again and rolls his eyes. “What are you doing, Namjoon?”

“Literally nothing! How many times do I have to tell you?!” Seokjin snorts. 

And then he really doesn’t think about the words that come out of his mouth next. 

“You’re such a fucking cheater, aren’t you?” he spits. Namjoon stares at him, his eyes wide before they narrow into angry slits. He’s fuming just as Seokjin is. It’s too late to back down now. 

“A fucking cheater, you say?” he snarls. “You think  _ I’m _ cheating on you?” He laughs, then. It’s a loud, hollow sound. Angry and betrayed. Seokjin tells himself he’s delusional when he thinks he hears something like heartbreak. 

“What else am I supposed to think?” Seokjin says. He feels himself curling up and away from the look in Namjoon’s eyes. 

Namjoon sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. When he looks up, his face is the definition of the word ‘betrayal’. ’“Maybe you could  _ talk _ to me?” 

That, however, does it for Seokjin. 

He feels all of the anger, all of the sadness, the heartbreak, the betrayal, the hopelessness bubble up. 

“You know what?” he says, furiously wiping his eyes. “I’m breaking up with you. We’re done. This is dumb because  _ you _ keep telling  _ me _ to fucking talk when you’re the one who’s silent. So yeah, we’re done. Whatever we had is long since dead and we’ve been trying to reanimate the stupid corpse.”

It feels horrible to make Namjoon cry. Seokjin was stupid to think he’d feel good about it because he’d forgotten one tiny factor. 

He’s still so, so in love with Namjoon. He still loves more than anything and anyone in the entire world. 

“Really?” Namjoon says hoarsely. His eyes are rimmed with red. “Is this it?” he says. 

Seokjin sniffles. 

“Namjoon,” he says, “we’ve been over for a long time.” His voice has gone soft from Namjoon’s tears. “We - we’re only hurting ourselves by - we’re only making it worse.” 

Namjoon stares at him. Seokjin is unable to hold his gaze. 

“Is this what you really want?” he says weakly. His voice is heavy and thick with tears. 

_ No, please. Please stay with me, please don’t leave me, please, we have so many promises that we’re breaking with this, we can work it out together, just don’t say- _

“Yes.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if it makes you feel better, i cried writing the last scene


End file.
